Thanks for your feedback. :) It's been very nice! I usually name the chapters of my stories after songs that are either A. Lyrically applicable to the content of that chapter or B. What I'm listening to when writing it so it influences the mood of the chapter. This one would be the latter. The song "Breakable" is by Fisher and is very mellow and sad so it fits with the end of the chapter. :) Read on and tell me what you think; I'm a feedback junkie.
Breakable
The morning guard nodded a greeting to Jason as he stepped off the elevator, bag in hand, and headed to his door. He hadn't gone back last night; he needed to just let her cool down. And himself, apparently. He didn't know what had happened but it disturbed him. Thinking of Brenda in any way like that was stupid and dangerous - she would be able to smell that kind of affect she had on him in a heartbeat if he had stayed any longer. She had that talent, he'd give her that: to know when she was affecting someone. Especially men.
Jason had spent the night trying to rationalize what had happened. How could his mind even fathom of thinking of her in that way? He hadn't meant to; it just happened. Eventually, he reasoned it was a side effect of the intense hatred he had for her. Something just went askew for a moment but it definitely wouldn't happen again.
He entered, somewhat cautiously, and saw Brenda lying on the couch, still in the gown from last night. She woke with the sound of the door opening and after seeing it was him, she sat up, ignoring him as she tried to slowly wake.
"Are you okay now, Brenda?" he started. He didn't want to sound so harsh; he wasn't sure if this was something to do with her illness or not. But she now looked terrible; as if she hadn't slept much; her hair was messed, makeup gone and gown wrinkled. She was probably throwing a fit most of the night.
She didn't look at him, gazing aimlessly forward instead.
As he took a step closer, he went on, "Do you need medication? I can get it for you."
Still, she remained silent, obviously not wanting any medication. He could see she would keep up the silent treatment for a long time.
Taking a deep breath, he said finally, "I'm sorry for locking you in." She didn't respond. "I shouldn't have and I won't just because we're fighting again."
When she still remained in her quiet, he resolved he had done all he could. He set the bag and container he had been holding on the coffee table in front of her with a light thump. As he started off, she spoke. "What is that?"
"That's breakfast," he reported, shrugging off his jacket.
Brenda glanced at the bag and saw the logo from her favorite restaurant. She knew that hadn't been a coincidence.
She was starving and she also knew she didn't want to live in constant fighting with Jason. It was too draining and there were more important things in life than bickering with him.
At least he realized he had done wrong by her and apologized. That was enough for now.
She reached into the bag, finding the pastries she loved and took a bite, forgetting how much she had missed it.
Jason carefully took a seat next to her, saying, "Can I have some?"
"I don't know," she remarked behind a full mouth. "You better hurry up."
He snickered, grabbing for his own piece when she looked at him.
"You have to let me go out, you know," she said then, in all seriousness.
He stared aimlessly at the food and nodded. "Yeah." Facing her, he said, "I'll take you wherever you need to go."
"You going to take me to beauty salon?" she retorted.
"You don't need to go there," he noted.
She waited, giving him an expectant look but he wouldn't back down either.
"Where you need to go," he repeated and she sighed, taking another bite of her pastry. He was wearing down, she could tell. It would only take a little more time.
Brenda quietly tapped her foot as a distraction as she waited for her food order to come out from the restaurant. The waiters moved swiftly to deliver the plates to the tables and there was a hum of activity throughout.
Jason had loosened the guards enough to let her convince one of them that he gave her "permission" to take a walk. It was ridiculous that she had to even convince the lugs that she needed permission to leave the house but, unfortunately, that was the situation at the moment. She wasn't with Jason by force; she chose him. And he was helping her, even if his methods were frustrating most of the time.
A sudden crash of dishes exploded through the restaurant and Brenda jolted as others froze. The workers began to clear the mess and the customers went back to their meals.
Brenda forced herself to take a slow, deep breath. She didn't have any reason to be afraid any more; Luis was gone. Jason had taken care of him and she had faith that he knew how to do his job well.
Her heart was still pounding and the waiter that had been helping her came over to tell her the order was nearly ready.
She smiled politely but felt her insides still shaking a little. It would only be a little while longer then she could get back to the penthouse, where it was safe.
Jason entered the restaurant and recognized Brenda immediately, even if it was her back that faced him. When he had gotten home, she wasn't there. He had questioned Marco who had said she told him she was allowed to go out. On his way out of the penthouse, he called the hospital and was told she was not there, with Jax. He also called the Quartermaines which was, by far, the most dreadful. He got through it quickly enough but had to deal with the maid who answered the phone. When he asked "Is Brenda there? This is Jason Morgan", the maid replied, "You mean Mrs.Morgan?" The Quartermaines, and even their help, were always sly with slipping in certain remarks like that whenever they could.
But she had not been there and he began simply searching nearby businesses. Stores, restaurants, the docks, wherever.
He found her at the restaurant he had just entered and headed to her.
"Brenda," he growled, moments before his hand grabbed her own. He knew her arms were still bruised from Alcazar's man-handling.
She would have been frightened when the hand enveloped hers but it was only Jason and she was getting used to his grasp.
"What?"
"What are you doing?" he said with subdued anger. They were in public and didn't need to draw attention to themselves.
"Getting lunch. Is that okay?" she remarked.
"No, that is not okay," he retorted.
"It's something I need."
Jason shook his head at her rationalization and pulled her towards the door.
She wanted to fight him; he was always hauling her wherever he wanted; but it was a nice restaurant and to the public, they were "married". For appearances sake, she let his tight grip on her hand pull her outside.
When they were a fair distance from any others, he stopped to face her.
"You seemed to have missed the most important part of that clause: that I go with you," he snapped and she opened her mouth to respond but he interrupted. "Do you know anything about protecting yourself? No, Brenda; you don't. That's why I'm here. There are dozens of people out there who will want revenge for Alcazar. There are people who want to hurt us just because of who we are. You've been targeted before; you know that there are people like that out there."
"I know! But what am I supposed to do, sit in the penthouse, locked up all day for the rest of my life?" she exclaimed.
"You're supposed to let me help you! Tell me where you want to go and I will take you!"
"Yeah, I don't need a baby-sitter to go down two blocks to pick up my order, okay?"
"You need something," he retorted.
"I need my lunch so can I please go get it?"
"Do not leave the penthouse without telling me where you are going," he stated firmly. She watched him, bored expression upon her face.
"Is that all?"
"Did you hear me?"
"I'm not deaf."
"Are you sure?"
"You know what, Jason-"
"Brenda," he stopped her, setting his hands on her arms and silencing her with the seriousness of his tone. "I'm not doing this just to piss you off."
She stopped the cursing she was about to go into after he said that. He was being honest- of course he wasn't just picking fights. He was trying to protect her and she was yelling at him for it.
She calmed instantly and nodded, allowing a slight roll of the eyes. He let her go and she quietly went to the restaurant for her food while he waited to take her back.
Brenda came down the hall, heading for Jax's hospital room. It had been days since she had seen him last. Things had just started happening and he didn't know about Luis taking her. She wanted to tell him; she wanted to hear the real concern in his voice. Unlike Jason or Sonny who were both like brick walls and didn't show any emotion towards her at all. She needed Jax to give her that comfort that he always did. When she heard voices within, she slowed. Instead of interrupting them, she recognized Jax and Skye's voices and she stopped outside the door.
"Skye, you know you're the most important thing in my life," Jax said to his wife.
Brenda remembered when she was that to him; when she was the center of his universe. It pained her not to have that kind of love anymore. It saddened her heart to hear that her time with him had past as he so readily repeated his devotion to his new wife.
"I know," Skye breathed. "I just... need to hear that sometimes."
There was a silence and Brenda knew they had kissed. What she didn't realize were tears had formed in her eyes, unshed. She turned away, leaving them, and quickly blinked away the tears to keep up appearances.
She pulled her cell from her purse and cleared her throat after hitting the speed dial.
"Yeah, I'm ready to go," she reported then hung up before her voice could give her away.
Brenda pushed the elevator button and paused for a moment as she waited. She couldn't stop hearing Jax's voice in her head over and over again. 'I love Skye.' He never broke his promises and she would never have that love again.
Jason saw Brenda seated on part of the hospital edge near the street when he approached. She hadn't been visited with Jax long, that was for sure.
"Brenda, you're supposed to wait inside," he reminded. She slowly came out of her dazed-like trance and finally noticed him.
"Okay."
He stopped at that reply - Brenda had never been so quick to listen to him or take his advice. He noticed she looked tired or beaten. Or incredibly sad.
"What happened?"
"Nothing," she stated and he knew she would never tell him anyway.
"You remember I have that meeting to go to with Sonny tonight, right?" he reminded and she nodded absently. "Are you going to be okay by yourself? Carly is going with us too so it will just be you and Marco."
"You know what, actually, I think I'm just going to walk," she said then, as if she hadn't heard him.
"To the penthouse?"
"Yeah, it'll be good for me," she nodded, still gazing at the pavement.
"No," he answered easily. It took her a moment to realize he had said that and that was another thing that disturbed him. She was extremely distant.
"Jason, Luis is gone. No one even knows he's gone; not his associates or anyone. So no one is out looking for revenge for him yet." She glanced at the sky and went on, "It's still daytime. It's hours until sunset. Nothing will happen."
"Yeah, you've told me that before," he noted.
He could see the sadness in her eyes now and knew she just wanted the time alone.
"No one is after me," she reasoned. "Please."
He really hated the idea of letting her wander around by herself. But she was looking through him with the loneliest eyes he'd ever seen. His gut was still telling him not to leave her alone, though.
"Brenda..."
"I'll be fine," she automatically replied.
Taking a deep breath, he knew he wouldn't try to keep her caged - not with those eyes. He nodded slightly then turned and left her to find her own way home.
"He's on his way," Carly replied as Sonny asked where Jason was. "Don't worry; he won't be late."
Sonny was calmly pacing his living room and she cast a perplexed look at him as the door opened and Jason entered.
"Hey," Sonny greeted, noticing Jason was alone. "Where's Brenda?"
"She's out," he started and Carly could tell in his tone that he was bothered by it. "I was actually going to ask if I could get out of going to the dinner."
"What for?" Sonny asked.
"I was going to go find Brenda."
"You don't know where she is?"
Carly glanced at her husband and had also picked up on the accusing tone in his comments as Jason had.
"She's at the park, taking a walk," Jason replied, easily enough.
Sonny was instantly at ease again. "What's the problem then?"
Jason paused a moment. What was the problem? She had calmed his worries by calling in and letting him know she was nearby but decided to stay out a little longer. But he had been waiting at the penthouse for her to get there and when it was time for him to go to the dinner, he wanted to go get her much worse. He let himself conclude that it was simply the fact that she was out, wandering around by herself, that made it dangerous. With her condition, it wasn't safe for Brenda to be alone - especially in public - for long.
"I just wanted to go pick her up," Jason answered.
"She'll be fine," Sonny discarded with assurance but Jason didn't move.
"I think I should go get her all the same," he stated and Sonny then looked at him.
His bodyguard, confidant and closest friend stood as he always did; at attention before him. But Sonny had known him too long and he could read the slight differences in Jason's expression. He knew that determined look was one running on the protective instincts Sonny had come to depend on in his trusted friend. But now it was different. Now he was protecting Brenda and it wasn't in Sonny's name; Jason wanted to do it himself.
Sonny shrugged the slightest bit; an okay; as his watchful expression never faltered and Jason turned and left without a word. The door shut and Carly looked to her husband. He was angry and she knew why. Something had shifted in the last few seconds and it was nearly palpable.
She waited until he met her eyes briefly and ordered her to finish getting ready as he headed upstairs to do the same. Carly sighed, knowing this anger was rooted in the same thing that all of Sonny's moods revolved around now: Brenda.
Jason made his way through the park which was already darkening with the setting sun. He saw Brenda sitting on a bench, silently alone and he quietly approached. She was staring at the ground, frozen in thought when the sound of his footsteps on the grass made her turn to see it was him then face forward again.
"You know what, Jason; if you could just not hassle me for five minutes, that would be great," she remarked.
Jason set his hands upon his hips as he told himself not to be led into another pointless fight with her.
"I'm not here to hassle you," he stated, a bit more harsh than he intended.
She waited for the rest but he was silent. "Why are you here then?"
"Can I just sit down?" he snapped. "Is that okay with you?"
She shrugged tiredly as she muttered, "It's a free country."
Jason took a seat on the bench and settled into the back. A long silence stretched between them as she resumed her mind wandering and he enjoyed the peace.
"What are you going to do with me, Jason?" she murmured after the period of quiet passed. He looked over at her and she glanced at him, her eyes filled with tears. "When I- ...When I'm not myself anymore. Are you going to take me to a clinic?"
Jason watched the fear in her eyes; the fear of the unknown future.
"I'll do whatever I have to."
Brenda nodded as she stared at the ground again. A pause floated around them before she murmured, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I did this to you."
Jason folded his hands before him as he leaned forward and she went on.
"It was really stupid and I'm sorry. We should just get an annulment and-"
"Brenda," he stopped her with that one word and their eyes met. "I don't want out."
"Why not?" she asked with disbelief.
"Because I made a promise," he stated simply.
"Jason, this is your life-"
"You don't think I thought of that?" he interrupted. "I didn't have to marry you, Brenda. You suggested it but you're not that persuasive; I could have said no." She watched him; so sure and calm about everything while she was so lost as to what would happen to her life. He finished, "I made a decision. I didn't ask you to make it for me. And I don't need you to make it for me now."
Her eyes fell back to the grass before her and after awhile she snickered to herself. "Think of it this way: I won't be around too long so you'll only have to go through this for a little while."
He didn't respond to that comment, but instead sat back into the bench without another word. They sat silently while the sun went down and softly cloaked them in night.
…