I'm on a roll, eh? I'm writing only because you guys are giving me the feedback (and telling me to write, basically). Thank you so much for your continued support. Now… let's see where our little bunnies will go.
Kissing In the Rain
Brenda looked upon her fully furnished cottage, restored as though she were there yesterday. Jax had done all of it and she thanked him profusely, asking if she could repay him in some way. He had told her seeing her happy again was enough.
And he had gazed down at her as he always had, lovingly and tender, and she remembered why she fell in love with such a generous man. But before he could move an inch, she had avoided him again and said she was exhausted. He asked if he could stay, to help her because she was only using one arm, but she insisted he didn't. It wasn't even about him, completely; she wanted the time alone.
And now as she stood in the silent cottage by herself, she thought back only hours ago when she left the penthouse.
He hadn't said anything. When he finally returned from Sonny's, she was finished packing and walking to the elevator. She had quietly told him "thank you" for taking care of her. He nodded, accepting the appreciation, then heading inside without a word.
Brenda sighed as she sat carefully at her desk. She wouldn't be able to dwell on how she felt about Jason. She would have to keep moving. She had a life to think about now. Not that that was not what she was thinking about when she was with Jason; it was all she had thought about – what they would do or where they would go. It was why she hadn't thought of her "illness". She was too busy thinking about her life with him. And now that the possibility of a life was possible, the harsh reality that he didn't want her washed over her like a cold wave.
She blinked absently as tears slid down her calm face. She had never felt so rejected. It was a horrible, numbing feeling. And it felt there to stay.
"Jason, you have to take me out," Carly insisted, turning him to the direction upstairs. "Go change; we're going to my old club."
"I thought you had a new club," he retorted, just learning everything recently of that which had gone on in his and Brenda's absence.
"Yeah, well, it's not finished yet. So Sonny is out on business and I am dying to go out tonight so you have to take me."
"Carly, I really don't feel like it," he muttered.
"You don't feel like doing much of anything these days, do you?" she replied, setting her hands on her hips.
He didn't want to ask because Carly could go on and on but she was standing there, waiting to be asked.
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about how you've been since you got back. You never leave your penthouse; you're always holed up in here unless Sonny specifically asks you to go do something. You used to like riding your bike. Or at least going out for a walk or something. But now you don't want to do anything. So what is it? What's wrong?"
Jason took a deep breath. He honestly didn't think anyone had noticed. It had been weeks since Brenda left and Carly was right, he didn't leave his house much. He worked as much as he could. And when he couldn't do that, he'd use his gym room or anything to make the time go by faster. It was at night that it was worst. The first few days, he could still smell her in his bed sheets and it drove him crazy. He did everything he could not to think about her.
"Come on, Jason. A night out will do you good – it will make you feel better."
"No, it won't," he said, reminding her of the fact that he hated things like nightclubs.
"Then go for me! We haven't spent any time together at all. I just want to go out. Please!"
He looked at her begging and knew she wouldn't stop until she got her way.
"Are you sure I don't look ridiculous?" Brenda asked as she and Jax sat at the small table, referring to the nude colored bandage on her shoulder. She was wearing a dress that showed some of the bandage and she was self-conscious about it.
"You look beautiful," Jax replied. "I can hardly see it."
She gave him a grateful smile then read through the menu. She didn't really want to come out tonight but Jax had made her. He had been helping her around her cottage and she had successfully avoided his romantic inclinations to her. She felt tonight she would have to tell him, though, since this was, essentially, a date. She had naturally gravitated to him because he accepted her. In place of the cold rejection she had felt, he gave unapologetic love. It was only natural to want that kind of acceptance. So she had let him stay near her in the past few weeks and she was getting slightly better about not thinking of Him every other minute.
"I need a drink," Brenda murmured.
"You can't drink because of your meds," he reminded.
"I know, that's why I said it."
Jax smiled sympathetically at her then his eyes flashed to the door, which he faced. "Great," he sarcastically said and she turned.
Jason and Carly had just entered and saw Brenda and Jax looking at them. Carly sneered at the two but Jason's eyes froze on Brenda. He hadn't seen her in weeks and she had on some evening gown that revealed her back and his mind instantly remembered his hand trailing down that soft back.
Brenda saw him look directly to the ground, his expression blank, and Carly led him into the club. When Brenda turned to face forward, Jax leaned in.
"Do you want to leave?"
"No. Why would I?"
"I'm not much of a fan of Carly either, you know."
"It's fine."
Jax glanced at the two taking a table across the club. "Have you gotten that bogus marriage from Jason annulled yet?"
"Not yet," she murmured, still keeping her eyes glued to the menu.
"I can have my lawyers draw up the papers for you."
"I should probably tell Jason if I was going to do something like that," she replied.
"Then tell him," he shrugged. She looked up to see him waiting.
"Right now?"
"Why not?"
Brenda paused then replied, "Okay." She stood, and headed over to their table. When Carly caught sight of her, she sneered at the petite brunette again.
"What do you want?"
"Jason, could I talk to you for a second?" she ignored Carly and Jason stood.
They moved to a quiet hall of the club as she fidgeted with her small purse. "Listen, we might as well get the whole 'marriage' thing over with. Jax said he could get one of his lawyers to organize an annulment so we can just do it that way." She got through it all quickly because it was awkward and looking into his eyes, she felt like she shouldn't be saying she wanted to cut the only connection she had with him.
Jason gazed at the ever-astonishing floor again as he carefully spoke. "We actually couldn't get an annulment."
"What do you mean?"
"Annulments are only granted if the marriage hasn't been… consummated."
He had said it to the ground and she knew why. There was no way he could have brought that up, looking into her eyes. Not how things were now. Her stomach flipped over from the nervousness – he seemed so disturbed by that night.
"So it would have to be a divorce," she concluded then made the next step in her mind: then people would know they slept together. That would never have bothered her if it weren't quite so obvious that he still despised her. She couldn't have people know that; it was too humiliating.
"You know what? Why don't we just forget about it. It's a stupid piece of paper; if it doesn't mean anything to you, then it doesn't mean anything to me."
Jason finally met her eyes and carefully nodded. She silently agreed and started to go before he spoke.
"So you're back with Jax."
"No," she honestly replied. "He's just been helping me out. A little."
He nodded and she went on.
"I'm not with him. I mean, I'm obviously with him here tonight but I-…" she stopped, realizing she was rambling and none of it would concern him. "I didn't expect you to be somewhere like this; you would never take me out when I lived with you."
"Yeah, because you had people shooting up the joints," he remarked.
"Are you saying that was my fault? Because it wasn't and you know it."
"I'm saying you were too dangerous to take out."
"Yeah, that's me. Too dangerous to be around," she sarcastically replied. He thought of how she had affected him and knew immediately that she was right. She was too dangerous.
He glanced at the slight bandage he could see on her shoulder and it reminded him of that morning in the jungle. And how she saved his life.
Brenda noticed him eyeing her bandages. "You can see them, can't you?"
"Is it healing okay?"
"It's fine," she dismissed, not telling him about the terrible pain she woke up with every morning. Or the fact that it was that much worse that she was alone in her suffering.
"You're letting an actual doctor look at it – not just taking Jax's word," he nearly scolded.
"I said it's fine!"
"Fine," he muttered, turning to leave.
"Thank you. Don't pretend, now, that you care," she retorted. Jason turned on heel to face her.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"What did it sound like the first time you heard it?"
"You know what; forget it. Just go back to your darling Jax."
"Don't do that. Don't act like you know anything about what is going on-"
"I don't want to know!" he snapped.
"Good!"
"Fine!"
Brenda stormed past him as best she could without moving her shoulder. When Jax saw her approaching, upset, he stood. "What's wrong?"
"I don't want to stay. Let's go."
She started out and he grabbed his coat. Casting one glance back to see Jason step out of the hallway, closely watching her leave, Jax turned to exit as well.
"Are you sure you don't need me to stay?" Jax asked as Brenda gently shook her head no. They lounged on her couch before the warm fire, safe at her cottage, and had been talking all evening. She missed having a friend to talk to.
Jax gave her a slow smile then carefully said, "Brenda, why don't you want me around?"
"I do, Jax-"
"No, you know what I mean." He paused and added for the first time since she had come back into his life, "I love you."
Brenda didn't know what to say to him. She felt the nagging doubt in her stomach at his declaration and knew she had to tell him the truth but couldn't tell him the whole truth.
"I love you too, Jax. You're a huge part of my life."
"Then what's the problem?"
"I can't… I can't really be with anyone right now."
"What is stopping you?" She glanced off, thinking of Jason and his stupid fights with her. "Or who, I should ask," Jax threw in with an edge of anger upon his tone.
Her head shot over to him. "What are you talking about?"
"Is it Sonny still?"
She sighed, "No."
"Then why don't you want to be with me? I can see you're not happy. I would do anything to make you happy. I want to give you everything; do anything you want. I'll take you away from Port Charles. We can go to Europe, Australia, wherever you want to go. I can see you're unhappy here, Brenda. I can take you away from whatever is making you unhappy."
His words hypnotized her and the thought of releasing the pain she had carried for the past few weeks appealed to her in a very deep way. Jax took her hands in his - his warm, safe hands.
"Let me take you away from your unhappiness."
Slowly, she nodded. He grinned and said, "When your arm heals, we'll be out of Port Charles."
"When my arm heals," she repeated in agreement. Jax trailed a hand down the side of her face and stood, kissing her temple, before heading out to make the plans for their departure.
Three Weeks Later
Brenda entered Kelly's Diner with a purpose – she was dying for some kind of drink and a coffee would be a Godsend. Her arm was finally free of sling and all heavy bandaging. The doctor said she had healed very well and he gave her the green light to go back to normal life (just not to do any cartwheels anytime soon).
A girl at the counter looked up at her when she approached and asked for a cup of coffee.
"Sure," the girl answered, getting a to-go cup to pour. "You're Brenda Barrett."
"Yep," she nodded.
"Or I guess it's Brenda Barrett-Morgan."
Brenda didn't respond. She had successfully not thought of Jason for the last twenty minutes, which was a record for her. The waitress had ruined it.
"I'm sorry," the girl went on for her intrusiveness. "I know Jason. We used to be friends."
"Okay."
"What's it like being married to him?"
"I wouldn't recommend it," Brenda remarked and the girl snickered.
"You don't have to tell me."
Brenda glanced at the name tag and saw 'Liz' written on it. Her eyes were then drawn to a man coming down the stairs. He approached the counter and Liz went to meet him as he leaned over and kissed her cheek, sweetly.
"I'll be back in a while. Sonny and I have meetings all day."
Liz smiled, wiping the slight color her lipstick had put on his cheek away. "Be good, Mr.Lansing."
He smiled and left. Liz seemed to remember she had a customer and she blushed slightly when she saw Brenda waiting.
"I'm so sorry. That'll be a dollar for the coffee."
Brenda fished in her pockets as she asked, "Husband?"
"No," Liz laughed, blushing even more.
She handed the money over with a smile then took her coffee. "Well. Good luck." With a business associate of Sonny's, that girl would need it.
Brenda knew she had to hurry home and pack. Her flight was in only a few hours. Jax promised to take her to Sydney first and from there it was anywhere.
She left the diner only to freeze directly outside of it. Jason was coming from near the docks and he stopped as well.
She started to walk away without a word and he sighed until she turned abruptly to speak. "I don't know if this will affect you or anything because of the marriage but I'm leaving tonight."
"Where are you going."
"Sydney. Then probably Europe."
"Jax is taking you."
She held her ground as she nodded briskly under his watchful eyes.
"I guess you finally got everything you wanted," he said. She looked up at him, finding she couldn't read the blankness he was so good at showing. "So how long is the trip going to be?"
Brenda heard the words coming out of her mouth even before she had thought of it. "I'm not coming back."
His reaction was subtle but real. His brow furrowed with confusion – as though wondering why she would leave forever – and curiosity.
"It sounds like you're running."
"What's wrong with that." She didn't see the problem with leaving behind a heartache and running from it.
He stared at her a good long time. He hadn't expected that answer. He didn't know why he even said it. If she were in love with Jax, why would she need to run from Port Charles? He would have thought 'Sonny' if she hadn't been looking at him like she was: so wounded and angry.
Brenda exhaled with finality and murmured only, "Bye", then left him standing alone.
Jason couldn't stop pacing in his apartment. He had some people keep tabs on the airport and Jax's private jet was being prepared. He was sure they would be gone in an hour.
She would leave; she really would run away. He knew Brenda and she avoided her problems. And Jax would keep her pacified for the rest of their lives with his money and gifts and whatever else if he had the chance.
Jason was so angry at her for doing this to him. He clenched his head between his hands, cursing himself and her for this mess. But he had a feeling of dread at the thought of her being gone forever. He hated himself for needing her and he hated her for making him feel this way. He knew he would never be all right if she left him that night, though.
He stopped his pacing and grabbed his jacket, heading straight out the door.
Brenda zipped up her carry-on bag and looked at her suitcases, lined up near the door. She looked over her perfect cottage, which she had just gotten settled into, and that which she would be forced to leave. Jax had promised he would find her another one just like it, anywhere in the world. But there would never be one just like it.
She glanced at her watch, hearing the rain begin to pour outside. Jax would be by soon to pick her up. Then she would be gone. And Port Charles – and everyone in it would be a memory.
She snickered to herself. She didn't know whom she was fooling; she had tried to run from her feelings and the people she loved once and it only took a few years before the need to see them had overwhelmed her. Why wouldn't it be the same with Jason? It would probably even be sooner. But it is different this time, she told herself. This time I have someone I love dearly, albeit, not in love with as a companion. I never loved Luis and therefore could only think about the ones that I did love while I was away. She knew her heart would never let her forget about the one that was actually in love with. But she had to at least try.
Brenda slowly strolled through the house, nearing the back when a knock came at the door. She started to get it then heard the voice calling through.
"Brenda!" Jason said, pounding again at the door.
She pasted herself against the side wall so she could not be seen by the windows next to the door. He was so upset and angry; she could hear it in his voice. But she was afraid of what he might say – would he tell her he hated her as a parting gift? She had no idea why he would be pounding on her door at that hour, in the pouring rain.
"Brenda, the lights are on. I know you're there," he called through. "Open the door!"
She stood silently, waiting on egg shells to hear more from him, but unable to face him.
Jason felt the freezing rain coating him as he stood pounding at her door (which, as he had already tried, was locked). He was leaning against it, the closest he could get. "Brenda, listen to me: Don't run away. Don't leave."
There was silence from inside and he hit the door again, backing away. "You can't just leave! You can't run away because whatever it is you're running from will catch up to you."
Still there was no response and his fury was so near the surface he could barely see straight. "Don't you remember what you told me?? You said I was the only one! How could you say that and then drop me the first chance you got?? And you can move on to whomever you like without blinking an eye while I have to live with what you said. I hate that you said that to me! I hate how you look at me. And I hate that I love you!"
Jason grabbed the first thing he could find which was a potted plant and smashed it to the ground.
The front door opened just as suddenly and he turned to see her staring at him in amazement. She was away from the door in an instant and rushing into him, her arms wrapping around him fully. He felt like a wave of warmth had been blessed onto him and he held her tightly back.
He couldn't let go of her. He didn't know if he ever would be able to because it was the most remarkable feeling to have her so openly holding onto him.
"You kicked me out of your penthouse," she said as she faced him.
"I didn't kick you out – you left."
"You didn't stop me."
"I thought you wanted to go with Jax."
"I never said I did; what, you just assumed-"
"Shut up," he murmured, taking her face in his hands and pulling her forward to him, as he had been dreaming of doing for so long. Through the cold rain that now drenched them both, their warm mouths met. It warmed her completely through to be kissed by him. She wanted more and kissed back just as heavily as was given.
The sound of a car approaching suddenly jolted her back to reality and they looked to see Jax stepping out of his car, his face painted in pain and shock at the sight of the two together.
…