A/N: Chapter three, at last. I don't really like this chapter, it's not
written very well, and people are kinda OOC, methinks... And i ran out of
synonyms for "chocolate". Sigh. This was difficult to write, because i've
never actually stood on the outside and looked in when it comes to eating
disorders. I mean, i've looked out at normal people, and i've looked
through at other e.d. people, but i've never known someone with one when i
didn't have one... which may be because i've had some kind of e.d. ever
since fifth grade. Err, i think i've got a serious case of T.M.I. right
now, so i'll just stop babbling. My room smells like yogurt. Ooh, and
thanks to more reviews!!
WildfireFriendship: Yeah, i love ff.net to pieces, but sometimes it just plain pisses the hell outta me. I'm really happy you liked it, it makes me feel all squishy and fuzzly inside! And Draco is SO the uke. XD
hyalite: Thanks much, i'm glad! :)
HugeTolkeinFan: Err, was that a good review or not? Or am i just being an airhead, as usual? Bah. Well thanks for the honesty (i'm paranoid about people being overly nice to make me feel better, etc.). I'll take your review as a compliment, so muchas gracias! ^_^
KT the Shimmer Skank: Yay! Again, i stress about OOC-ness, so i'm really happy you think everyone's IC. The anemic thing is actually something i added in to avoid suspision from other Hogwartsians about the.... well, you'll see. ;)
Absinthe Sythe: Thank you so much! I love that kind of Draco too. And you guessed right, muahaha!
Lacey: Merci, chere! Suspense is my favourite writing tool, mweehehe.
Bronz: I think all reviewers ought to be thanked! But these long, personal responses may have to stop if i start getting like, more than a dozen reviews per chapter. Which won't happen anyway, but.... you know. I'm so happy you like it so far! And i was trying to describe Draco normally, but i just CANNOT see Draco having blonde eyelashes, but dark ones make no biological sense with his hair colour. Add that to how feminine he is and how unusual his hair colour is.... well, yeah. Heh.
Aloh Dark: Whee, your review put me in a really nice mood after my dad yelled at me, so thank you ever so!! ^___^ You're making sense to meeee, but mebbe that's cuz i'm just wierd.... I don't quote Billy Shakey-spear often, but i love that particular quote, and i've memorized almost the entire balcony scene from R&J as well as the "Double double, toil and trouble" thing from Macbeth. Muahahahahaa!!
*****
Ron stepped through the portrait hole considerably more cheerful than he was a half hour ago, the chocolate broken into smaller chunks and netsling safely in three of his pockets. A foot-long piece was clutched in his hands, and he was, literally, biting off more than he could chew.
"Where've you been?" Hermione demanded, leaping up from the table at which she and Harry were studying.
"Where'd you get that from?" Harry asked at the same time, also rising to greet his friend, though more slowly. "You're going to share, right?" He reached out, intending to snap off a corner of the giant candybar.
"Malfoy gave it to me," Ron informed them once he'd chewed enough to speak. Harry jerked his hand away as though Ron were holding a cobra and not a second dessert.
"Why?" Harry sounded suspicious to the point of being paranoid. Ron didn't really seem to notice as he languidly made his way to an armchair.
"Didn't want it," the Weasley son stated simply, shrugging. Harry's eyes narrowed while Hermione darted forward and snatched the chocolate from freckled fingers. "Hey!"
"What's wrong with you?" she scolded. "He's done something to it, hasn't he? It's hexed, or it's got some potion on it, I just know it! I could find out, I just need to check..." Hermione continued mumbling to herself as she paced up to her dorm room, candy in hand. Ron shrugged and pulled another, smaller piece from his pocket.
"He didn't do anything to it, Madam Pomfrey gave it to him and he didn't want it."
Harry's eye's narrowed further. "But how do you KNOW?"
Ron sent him a bored look. "Because I was there when she gave it to him, stupid." He returned to the sugared joy in his hands. When he had chocolate, everything was right in the world.
Harry made a face. "There? Why were you in the hospital wing?"
"He fainted in the hall, 'cause he's anemic. I took him there."
"Why didn't he want the chocolate?"
Ron shrugged again. "Said he doesn't like chocolate. He was real insistant about not eating it, said that Pomfrey's had to force-feed it to him a couple times."
Harry looked confused. "Force-feed? Why would she have to force-feed..." He trailed off, a look of realization and something near horror going unnoticed as it crossed his features. He looked up at Ron, who continued innocently nibbling at his favourite treat.
"Ron," Harry said, swallowing, "did he seem... scared? Of the chocolate?"
Ron looked at him oddly. Harry thought, for a fleeting moment, that it was because the question sounded so strange, but Ron responded as Harry hoped he wouldn't. "Yeah, how'd you know? It was the wierdest thing, really..."
"And he didn't eat any dinner..." Harry muttered, eyes darting back and forth in deep thought.
"He seemed almost grateful when I said I wanted it." Ron babbled on, ignoring his friend.
"He's anemic... But they almost always are, I mean it makes sense..."
"Real specific about making sure it was broken off just the right way, so they'd think he ate it all."
"And the fainting... he probably hasn't eaten all day..."
"What d'you think's going on, Harry?"
"And he's so SKINNY, it all makes so much sense..."
"Harry, hello!" Ron waved a messy hand in front of his best friend's face trying to get his attention. Harry jumped.
"Huh?"
"What's up with Malfoy?" Harry suddenly looked excrutiatingly serious. He leaned forward and looked at Ron as directly as possible.
"Ron... I think that Malfoy is... I think he's anorexic."
Ron looked at him blankly, as though waiting for him to continue. Harry blinked. He knew that there were differences between the Wizarding world and that of muggles, but... Harry shook his head. "You don't know what that is, do you?"
"Um... no... But I think you'll probably tell me."
Harry stood, running a hand nervously through his hair and searching for the best way to explain this. He'd read about it in a parenting book that Aunt Petunia had thrown out, but couldn't remember precisely what it had said. "It's... an eating disorder. See, when people think they're fat--"
"Draco isn't fat," Ron said defensively.
"I know," Harry continued, unfazed, "that's the problem. He thinks he's fat."
Ron looked Harry like he might be insane. "How could he possibly think something like that? He's... he's a bloody toothpick! He's got bones sticking out all over!"
"I know that!" Harry sounded angry, frustrated, as though he were speaking of a brother and not an enemy. "It's a problem, inside his head. He thinks he's fat, so he starves himself to get rid of something that's not there. But he'll never be thin enough to satisfy himself, and he'll keep feeling more and more ugly and worthless. It's just and endless depression... I wouldn't be suprised if he's considered killing himself."
Silence spanned between them like an icy lake. Ron stared at Harry, who stared into the crackling fire.
"But... he's not going to, right?" Ron sounded terrified at the prospect. "He... he wouldn't do that!" Harry looked up at him, his eyes as solemn as death itself.
"If he doesn't get help, this'll kill him. He'll starve himself to death."
Ron's eyes were the size of saucers. The chocolate lay abandoned on the floor. He felt like he was going to throw up-- how could he have taken it from Draco? He should have stayed there, talked to him, ORDERED him to eat it... He glared at the wicked sweet thing on the floor.
Harry could read the look on Ron's face. "It's not your fault," he said reassuringly. "There's nothing you could have done. You didn't know."
Ron looked up at him, still horrified but slightly comforted. "This thing, eating disorder... how does it start?"
Harry shrugged. "Maybe he used to be fat, and decided to lose weight and it got out of hand. Or he could be a perfectionist, or he might have abusive parents and wanted to be good enough for them... There's a million possibilities, and none of them really explain anything."
Ron stood up. "I've got to go talk to him! I mean, if I could figure out the reason for all this--"
"There isn't a reason, Ron. Don't go looking for one. Giving something a reason just makes it okay. Draco is NOT okay. He needs help."
Ron continued to stand there. He vaguely wondered when Harry had gotten so deep and wise and philosophical. Why was Harry so worried about Draco, anyhow? And when had they started talking about him on a first-name basis? Ron shook his head and turned toward the stairs to the dormitory. Tomorrow. He'd talk to Draco tomorrow. Tomorrow was always good-- no matter how much you worry or hope that it won't come, it always does.
*****
A/N: Ahh, that shitty excuse for a chapter is over...! Now remember: the more reviews i get, the more encouraged i will be. And the more encouraged i be, the better the chapter is.
WildfireFriendship: Yeah, i love ff.net to pieces, but sometimes it just plain pisses the hell outta me. I'm really happy you liked it, it makes me feel all squishy and fuzzly inside! And Draco is SO the uke. XD
hyalite: Thanks much, i'm glad! :)
HugeTolkeinFan: Err, was that a good review or not? Or am i just being an airhead, as usual? Bah. Well thanks for the honesty (i'm paranoid about people being overly nice to make me feel better, etc.). I'll take your review as a compliment, so muchas gracias! ^_^
KT the Shimmer Skank: Yay! Again, i stress about OOC-ness, so i'm really happy you think everyone's IC. The anemic thing is actually something i added in to avoid suspision from other Hogwartsians about the.... well, you'll see. ;)
Absinthe Sythe: Thank you so much! I love that kind of Draco too. And you guessed right, muahaha!
Lacey: Merci, chere! Suspense is my favourite writing tool, mweehehe.
Bronz: I think all reviewers ought to be thanked! But these long, personal responses may have to stop if i start getting like, more than a dozen reviews per chapter. Which won't happen anyway, but.... you know. I'm so happy you like it so far! And i was trying to describe Draco normally, but i just CANNOT see Draco having blonde eyelashes, but dark ones make no biological sense with his hair colour. Add that to how feminine he is and how unusual his hair colour is.... well, yeah. Heh.
Aloh Dark: Whee, your review put me in a really nice mood after my dad yelled at me, so thank you ever so!! ^___^ You're making sense to meeee, but mebbe that's cuz i'm just wierd.... I don't quote Billy Shakey-spear often, but i love that particular quote, and i've memorized almost the entire balcony scene from R&J as well as the "Double double, toil and trouble" thing from Macbeth. Muahahahahaa!!
*****
Ron stepped through the portrait hole considerably more cheerful than he was a half hour ago, the chocolate broken into smaller chunks and netsling safely in three of his pockets. A foot-long piece was clutched in his hands, and he was, literally, biting off more than he could chew.
"Where've you been?" Hermione demanded, leaping up from the table at which she and Harry were studying.
"Where'd you get that from?" Harry asked at the same time, also rising to greet his friend, though more slowly. "You're going to share, right?" He reached out, intending to snap off a corner of the giant candybar.
"Malfoy gave it to me," Ron informed them once he'd chewed enough to speak. Harry jerked his hand away as though Ron were holding a cobra and not a second dessert.
"Why?" Harry sounded suspicious to the point of being paranoid. Ron didn't really seem to notice as he languidly made his way to an armchair.
"Didn't want it," the Weasley son stated simply, shrugging. Harry's eyes narrowed while Hermione darted forward and snatched the chocolate from freckled fingers. "Hey!"
"What's wrong with you?" she scolded. "He's done something to it, hasn't he? It's hexed, or it's got some potion on it, I just know it! I could find out, I just need to check..." Hermione continued mumbling to herself as she paced up to her dorm room, candy in hand. Ron shrugged and pulled another, smaller piece from his pocket.
"He didn't do anything to it, Madam Pomfrey gave it to him and he didn't want it."
Harry's eye's narrowed further. "But how do you KNOW?"
Ron sent him a bored look. "Because I was there when she gave it to him, stupid." He returned to the sugared joy in his hands. When he had chocolate, everything was right in the world.
Harry made a face. "There? Why were you in the hospital wing?"
"He fainted in the hall, 'cause he's anemic. I took him there."
"Why didn't he want the chocolate?"
Ron shrugged again. "Said he doesn't like chocolate. He was real insistant about not eating it, said that Pomfrey's had to force-feed it to him a couple times."
Harry looked confused. "Force-feed? Why would she have to force-feed..." He trailed off, a look of realization and something near horror going unnoticed as it crossed his features. He looked up at Ron, who continued innocently nibbling at his favourite treat.
"Ron," Harry said, swallowing, "did he seem... scared? Of the chocolate?"
Ron looked at him oddly. Harry thought, for a fleeting moment, that it was because the question sounded so strange, but Ron responded as Harry hoped he wouldn't. "Yeah, how'd you know? It was the wierdest thing, really..."
"And he didn't eat any dinner..." Harry muttered, eyes darting back and forth in deep thought.
"He seemed almost grateful when I said I wanted it." Ron babbled on, ignoring his friend.
"He's anemic... But they almost always are, I mean it makes sense..."
"Real specific about making sure it was broken off just the right way, so they'd think he ate it all."
"And the fainting... he probably hasn't eaten all day..."
"What d'you think's going on, Harry?"
"And he's so SKINNY, it all makes so much sense..."
"Harry, hello!" Ron waved a messy hand in front of his best friend's face trying to get his attention. Harry jumped.
"Huh?"
"What's up with Malfoy?" Harry suddenly looked excrutiatingly serious. He leaned forward and looked at Ron as directly as possible.
"Ron... I think that Malfoy is... I think he's anorexic."
Ron looked at him blankly, as though waiting for him to continue. Harry blinked. He knew that there were differences between the Wizarding world and that of muggles, but... Harry shook his head. "You don't know what that is, do you?"
"Um... no... But I think you'll probably tell me."
Harry stood, running a hand nervously through his hair and searching for the best way to explain this. He'd read about it in a parenting book that Aunt Petunia had thrown out, but couldn't remember precisely what it had said. "It's... an eating disorder. See, when people think they're fat--"
"Draco isn't fat," Ron said defensively.
"I know," Harry continued, unfazed, "that's the problem. He thinks he's fat."
Ron looked Harry like he might be insane. "How could he possibly think something like that? He's... he's a bloody toothpick! He's got bones sticking out all over!"
"I know that!" Harry sounded angry, frustrated, as though he were speaking of a brother and not an enemy. "It's a problem, inside his head. He thinks he's fat, so he starves himself to get rid of something that's not there. But he'll never be thin enough to satisfy himself, and he'll keep feeling more and more ugly and worthless. It's just and endless depression... I wouldn't be suprised if he's considered killing himself."
Silence spanned between them like an icy lake. Ron stared at Harry, who stared into the crackling fire.
"But... he's not going to, right?" Ron sounded terrified at the prospect. "He... he wouldn't do that!" Harry looked up at him, his eyes as solemn as death itself.
"If he doesn't get help, this'll kill him. He'll starve himself to death."
Ron's eyes were the size of saucers. The chocolate lay abandoned on the floor. He felt like he was going to throw up-- how could he have taken it from Draco? He should have stayed there, talked to him, ORDERED him to eat it... He glared at the wicked sweet thing on the floor.
Harry could read the look on Ron's face. "It's not your fault," he said reassuringly. "There's nothing you could have done. You didn't know."
Ron looked up at him, still horrified but slightly comforted. "This thing, eating disorder... how does it start?"
Harry shrugged. "Maybe he used to be fat, and decided to lose weight and it got out of hand. Or he could be a perfectionist, or he might have abusive parents and wanted to be good enough for them... There's a million possibilities, and none of them really explain anything."
Ron stood up. "I've got to go talk to him! I mean, if I could figure out the reason for all this--"
"There isn't a reason, Ron. Don't go looking for one. Giving something a reason just makes it okay. Draco is NOT okay. He needs help."
Ron continued to stand there. He vaguely wondered when Harry had gotten so deep and wise and philosophical. Why was Harry so worried about Draco, anyhow? And when had they started talking about him on a first-name basis? Ron shook his head and turned toward the stairs to the dormitory. Tomorrow. He'd talk to Draco tomorrow. Tomorrow was always good-- no matter how much you worry or hope that it won't come, it always does.
*****
A/N: Ahh, that shitty excuse for a chapter is over...! Now remember: the more reviews i get, the more encouraged i will be. And the more encouraged i be, the better the chapter is.