There was something cleansing about working out. The sweat wasn't a
literal clean, of course, but she felt better when she was moving and
putting a little effort into keeping up her abilities. One day she would
get out and she wanted to be able to redeem herself, or at least try to do
so. A fat, slovenly Slayer was good for no one.
Working out was difficult sometimes though. There were constraints placed upon her. Some were her own rules because of her nature; she didn't want to appear too strong, too fit, and appear unusual to the other women. She didn't want to seem weak either though. The weak were preyed upon in this place, just as they were on the outside. One moment of weakness could lead to years of being some fat gang leaders "girlfriend" and Faith wasn't that desperate.
The other difficulty was in holding back the desires the physical activity awoke in her. She had vivid daydreams about taking one of the weights and beating someone's skull in when she was frustrated. Usually she pictured a guard, one of the younger men who leered at her in the corridors, who watched her cell a little too closely. They disgusted her and that was the main reason she wouldn't do as some of the other women were doing; sex wasn't that important. She had learned, since coming to this place, that her dignity was something she really valued.
There was something in the movement that kept her dignity close to her, a pride that was reawakening in her body and her self. She liked that feeling; it was addictive. It led to better things; it even led to a friendship. Another woman, someone who had a lot of the same issues she had been dealing with. They weren't really close or anything, but they worked out together. They didn't talk a lot either, but there was a feeling between them that was kind of nice and unusual for her to have with anyone. It was so low-key it was almost non-existent, but sometimes their eyes would meet and they would both smile and there was just a moment of clarity that passed between both. It was calming and exciting and it gave her hope that she would survive and find someone to trust outside.
She was going to survive. Faith would never give up, but she knew that she needed help to get through this and find her way. She would cleanse herself though activity and in time learn to love herself.
Working out was difficult sometimes though. There were constraints placed upon her. Some were her own rules because of her nature; she didn't want to appear too strong, too fit, and appear unusual to the other women. She didn't want to seem weak either though. The weak were preyed upon in this place, just as they were on the outside. One moment of weakness could lead to years of being some fat gang leaders "girlfriend" and Faith wasn't that desperate.
The other difficulty was in holding back the desires the physical activity awoke in her. She had vivid daydreams about taking one of the weights and beating someone's skull in when she was frustrated. Usually she pictured a guard, one of the younger men who leered at her in the corridors, who watched her cell a little too closely. They disgusted her and that was the main reason she wouldn't do as some of the other women were doing; sex wasn't that important. She had learned, since coming to this place, that her dignity was something she really valued.
There was something in the movement that kept her dignity close to her, a pride that was reawakening in her body and her self. She liked that feeling; it was addictive. It led to better things; it even led to a friendship. Another woman, someone who had a lot of the same issues she had been dealing with. They weren't really close or anything, but they worked out together. They didn't talk a lot either, but there was a feeling between them that was kind of nice and unusual for her to have with anyone. It was so low-key it was almost non-existent, but sometimes their eyes would meet and they would both smile and there was just a moment of clarity that passed between both. It was calming and exciting and it gave her hope that she would survive and find someone to trust outside.
She was going to survive. Faith would never give up, but she knew that she needed help to get through this and find her way. She would cleanse herself though activity and in time learn to love herself.