Disclaimer-I don't own Passions, Diflucan, the quote from Will and Grace, or the quote from Sir Duke
Sam, Grace, Ivy, and David
Sailor J-chan: Welcome back! *Accepts applause* Now, before we move on to our next troubled troupe, *giggles at stupid pun* let's see how Beth, Luis, Sheridan, and Antonio are doing! *Pops in the tape*
Sheridan and Luis: *At their wedding reception* Thank you, Sailor J-chan! Diflucan worked for us!
Luis: Wait…wrong thing!
Sheridan and Luis: Well, anyway, thank you, Sailor J-chan!
*Scene cuts to a dark room*
Beth: Come on, Fox, throw me on the bed have your beastly way with me!
Sailor J-chan: AAAAHHHH! *Hastily fast-forwards*
*Scene changes to back stage*
Antonio: (Singing) You can feel it all over…huh? *Sees camera, stops singing* Oh, hi, J-chan! *Blushes*
Random Audience Member: Hey, how'd you cure Antonio's blindness?
Sailor J-chan: Author Power. And now, our next guests. Sam Bennett, Grace Bennett, Ivy Crane, and David Hastings!
*Sam, Grace, Ivy, and David walk out and take seats*
Sailor J-chan: Now, let's see…*Flips through cue cards* Sam and Grace are together, Ivy is divorced from Julian, and David is unattached. Now, Grace has amnesia and can't remember 20 years of her life. Apparently, during the time she forgot, she married David and had his baby, John. But after her amnesia she married Sam. Now, before Sam met Grace he was with Ivy and had a son, Ethan. But they separated: Ivy married Julian, and Sam married Grace. Then David shows up demanding Grace back. Is that right?
Sam, Grace, Ivy, and David: Yeah.
Sailor J-chan: Okay then…Sam, let's hear from you!
Sam: I'm in love with Grace. We have two girls, Jessica and Kay. I plan on staying with Grace. And I want David out of our lives!
Grace: And what about Ivy? You want her out of our lives, too, right?
Sam: Ivy can't be out of my life…Ethan is her son as well as mine!
Ivy: You see, Grace? Sam will never be completely yours!
Grace: *Attacks Ivy*
Sailor J-chan: KILL! KILL! *Sees audience staring at her* Huh? Oh, I mean, break it up, guys!
*Security guards pull Grace and Ivy apart*
Sailor J-chan: Now, for Grace…
Grace: Look, all I want is for Ivy to get out of our lives. I am proud to be Grace Bennet! Besides, 'Grace Bennett' sounds better than 'Ivy Bennett' does.
Sailor J-chan: Too true, too true. Ivy?
Ivy: Listen…Sam was mine before Grace. He is the father of my son and my one true love. And anyway, Grace is married to David!
Sailor J-chan: Well, David?
David: Um…well…
Ivy: Don't you dare!
Eve: *Stands up in audience* DAVID ISN'T GRACE'S HUSBAND!!!!! THE DNA TESTS FOR JOHN AND GRACE WERE FAKE!!!!
Voice of God: And now Ivy must pay! *Strikes Ivy with a lightning bolt, burning her to a crisp*
Sam: *Picks up David and rams him into the wall*
Audience: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Sailor J-chan: *Pulls Sam off David* All right, no killing on my show! Sorry, David, but you'll have to be arrested for fraud.
*Police people arrest David and lead him away*
Sailor J-chan: AND Ivy, for conspiracy!
*More police come and arrest Ivy*
Sailor J-chan: WAIT!! *Runs after police and hands them money* Here's David's bail!
*Police let David go*
David: Gee, thanks! Why'd you pay for my bail?
Sailor J-chan: 'Cause I like you! You're kinda cute! *Pinches his cheek*
Hank: *Stands in audience* Hey!
Sailor J-chan: Don't worry, Hank, you're still number one! *Blows him a kiss*
*Ethan and John pop in*
Sailor J-chan: Will you ever forgive your parents?
Ethan and John: No!
Sailor J-chan: Oh, John, you have to forgive David! David's too cool not to be forgiven!
Ethan: And my mother?
Sailor J-chan: No, that 'Insert your own bad words here' deserves to burn in Hell.
John: I'll consider it…
Sailor J-chan: Yay! *Pats John's head, then checks watch* Oopsie! Outta time! Bye! *Waves*