Chapter 3

Awakening

"Are you sure we should leave them alone?" Reeve asked.

It was late in the evening and AVALANCHE, minus Tifa and Cloud, were preparing for bed.

"They'll be fine," Barret said.

"Cloud will recover soon," Vincent added.

"Shouldn't someone spell Tifa so she can get some sleep?" Yuffie asked.

Barret glanced at the closed door of Cloud's room. "No. She'll want to stay with him, just fer her own peace o' mind. Better leave 'em."

"Do you think Cloud will be able to talk to us tomorrow?" Nanaki asked Vincent. Aside from his concern, Nanaki had his own history with Hojo.

"He should be," came the answer. "But I think that it would be better not to ask. Let him talk about it when he's ready."

In Cloud's room, Tifa made up a place for herself on a divan. Cloud's back was healing nicely, and she guessed the wounds would be gone by morning.

Sitting down on a chair beside the bed, Tifa leaned back and studied her childhood friend. He had hardly changed at all since she had last seen him. Golden sunlight hair, glowing ocean-blue eyes, rock steady hands, and a quiet low voice that reminded her of breezes and rain, as radiant and reassuring as the Lifestream.

Odd, she thought, to look at him and see the planet. Is this what it is to see your entire world in someone? For a long time Tifa had always thought of him as the reserved boy who lived next door. Even when they had met again in Midgar, though he had changed during their separation, she could always see that boy in the warrior he had become. Was this what people who didn't know him saw? Was this what Aeris had seen when she looked at him?

Is the boy I knew still there? She leaned forward to smooth a few strands of unruly hair away from his face. Or have the years and trials he's faced carried that child away forever?

A sick wave of anger washed through her at the thought of Cloud's imprisonment. Trying not to think about it, she got up abruptly and went to turn on the radio, tuning it to a quieter station and setting the volume low. A soft piano introduction began to play as she sat down on the window seat, gazing out over the moonlit grasslands outside Nibelheim. She drew her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them as the song began.

When he passes me by, he's a ray of light

Like the first drop of sun from the sky

And I know he's a king who deserves a queen

But I am not a queen

And he doesn't see me

Tifa glanced at the radio. The words mirrored what had often been her own thoughts about Cloud during their fight for the planet.

When he dances he moves me to a smile

And I see everything near him shine

There's a grace in his ways that I can't contain

I haven't that grace

Oh I haven't that grace

Those words brought other images to mind, recollections of the two of them fighting together, the ease with which they had done it, the smiles and teasing glances, so that battles sometimes seemed like flirtatious dances

And the closer he gets I can't help but hide

So ashamed of my body and voice

There are boundaries we pass in spite of the war

But out own we can't seem to cross

She had tried before he had gone, they both had, to talk about things, to make them clear, Sephiroth, Aeris, themselves. But while they had managed to come to an understanding about some issues, Cloud had left with many things unsaid.

She has a way that surrounds her so delicate

With a glory that reigns in her life

She is also so much that she is not

These things I can't see

Because he doesn't see me

Aeris had had a sort of delicate air about her. And certainly being the last of the Cetra had given her a kind of distinction. Tifa had been unable to stop herself from being a little jealous of the flower girl, especially with her closeness to Cloud. But once they had gotten to know each other a little better, Tifa had liked her a lot. If they could have met under circumstances, she knew she would have loved to have a friend like Aeris. They had talked once, away from the others, and Tifa had learned that while Aeris did indeed have special powers and was much sought after because of them, she herself really only wanted to be a simple girl with a normal life.

There are things we can change if we just choose to fight

But the walls of injustice are high

Together they had saved the world, but inside, Tifa still railed against the unfairness of it all, that Aeris and Jesse and so many others had had to give their lives thanklessly and that those of AVALANCHE who remained had had to sacrifice so much.

When he passes me by he's a ray of light

Like the first drop of sum from the sky

And I know he's a king who deserves a queen

Someone other than me

So different from me

The song drew to its close and another began.

I see a shadow every day and night

I walk a hundred streets of neon lights

Only when I'm crying

Oh can you hear me crying

Tifa wondered when the radio station had hired a mind-reading deejay. The words of the second song put her in mind thoughts of the ghosts that had clung to her through the years of Cloud's absence, ghosts of what might have been. She had tried to remain cheerful and optimistic, but that shadow never left her.

So many times you always wanted more

Chasing illusions that you're longing for

Wish I wasn't crying

Oh can you hear me crying

Cloud had left Nibelheim the first time because he had wanted more; to see more, to be more. Neither of them had any inkling of what lay behind the SOLDIER façade. All she had known then was that he was going, and that he probably felt no one but his mother would miss him.

There's an ocean between us

You know where to find me

You reach out and touch me

I feel you in my own heart

More than a lifetime

Still goes on forever

Bout it helps to remember

You're only an ocean away

Tifa had known a certain desperation the night he told her that he was leaving for Midgar. Sitting at the well in the middle of town, they were as close and as far apart as they had ever been. Summer had been fading away, and she had heard earlier that day that the first of the year's new snow had fallen atop the peaks of Mount Nibel. She had been imagining what the first snowflakes looked like when she had gone to meet him. Once he had told her of his eminent departure, she had seen them in her mind's eyes again, falling into her hand and vanishing just as she touched them. As Cloud was right then. Realizing that, she had demanded the promise of him as a way of binding him to her.

What there a moment when I felt no pain

I want to feel it in my life again

Let it be over now

Oh over now

That night had been the beginning of the emptiness. Things were okay at first, but after a few years, it had all been taken in a burst of flame and the slash of a sword. The hole in her life left by him was suddenly ripped wider until she had found AVALANCHE and finally, him, once more. She had hoped the emptiness would end then, but the world and the past hadn't allowed it to.

'Cause I remember all the days and the nights

We used to walk the streets of neon lights

Oh I want you here with me

Oh be here with me.

Since then she had achieved every happy dream she'd had, except getting him back.

So many times you always wanted more

Chasing illusion that you're longing for

Wish I wasn't crying

Oh can you hear me crying

She had often wondered if Cloud knew the effect that his leaving would have on her, but she knew that Barret was probably right. The entire ordeal with Sephiroth and Meteor had hit Cloud harder and deeper than any of them. She understand that he needed to work things out, but it still did not stop her from wishing he had stayed or that she had gone with him.

There's an ocean between us

You know where to find me

You reach out and touch me

I feel you in my own heart

More than a lifetime

It seems like forever

But it helps to remember

You're only an ocean away

But he had come back, after all. He was with them again and things would be fine. Looking at him lying asleep, she felt again the nervousness of the well, but hoped that would soon change.

She got up to check on him one more time, smoothed his hair again, then settled down on the divan to sleep.

Coming to wakefulness was like rising gently to the surface of deep water. He floated on the edge of consciousness, slowly becoming aware of cool air moving over his back and the flowery scent of the unfamiliar mattress beneath him. The scent was familiar, but his groggy mind did not at first recognize it.

Cloud opened his eyes cautiously. Darkness was just beginning to lift, pale light spreading through the window, turning everything a watery grey. He carefully turned onto his side and sat up, gazing around the room in confusion for several moments before the previous day's events recalled themselves to him. His back felt fine, and he guessed that someone had used a cure spell on him to mend the injury. Still unsure of where he was, Cloud gathered the bed sheet around his shoulders and got up, padding softly to the window to look out.

It was the silent, mystical time between night and morning, no longer the one, but not yet the other. Outside he saw a slight mist veiling the wide grassy plains he had known in his youth, shimmering slightly with dew in the half-light.

Mom's favorite time of day, he thought. As a boy, he would sometimes rise early to find her sitting outside, gazing at the fields as he was now, enjoying the quiet and solitude. There had been a song she had sung sometimes when he came out to join her, some ancient Cetra poem his archaeologist father had taught his music teacher wife that she had set to a melody of her own making. He remembered her explaining the foreign words to his younger self:

It's so nice here

Look, over there in the distance

A river is sparkling with fire

Meadows stretch out like multicolored carpet

And clouds are white

There are no people here…

There is silence…

There is only God and I

There are flowers and

An old pine

And you, the soul of my dream!

She had sung like an opera singer, though few people in Nibelheim had known that. There had been a violinist on the boat he had caught from Mideel. Cloud hadn't heard any music during his captivity, and the musician's playing had seemed like a song from heaven. After nine years, being outside was like rediscovering the world. If it weren't for the fact that he knew what it was like to have his memory rewritten, he would have wondered how it was possible to forget what so many things were like.

There was a radio playing very softly in the room somewhere, and the soprano's words drifted to him. He sat very still, listening

And so many things I'd forgotten

In world that we shared

With so many things for the asking

Never asked for the madness there.

Strange how I find myself so often on a distant shore

There's only one thing that's confusing

Was it you, was it me?

With so many questions unanswered

Or was that part of your mystery

Strange how I find myself so often on a distant shore

How I find myself so often on a distant shore.

How like his mother's voice it was, and how fitting to his mood. In this place at this time, it was almost like being near her again, hearing her repeating his thoughts. She'd always had the uncanny ability to know what he was thinking by looking at him. He felt a pang of emptiness.

There was a soft rustling sound from the other side of the room. His eyes snapped away from the window to land on a divan against the far wall that he had not noticed earlier. Peeking out of a pile of blankets on top of it was a head of long brown hair. Cloud's heart skipped.

Tifa turned over in her sleep, her heart-shaped face partly obscured by her long hair. Cloud suddenly found that he could not move, so caught was he by the sight of her. Since he had left ten years ago, he had imagined her, dreamed of her, carefully archived every memory of her in the library of his mind. That had been the only thing that had kept him alive on many occasions. And now that he was looking at her again, she was even more beautiful.

She stirred and her eyes blinked open. Warm burgundy rose to meet radiant blue, and she was on her feet and running toward him.

The embrace was so hard and heartfelt that neither of them could speak for several moments. Tifa buried her face in his shoulder while he stroked her hair, and when she finally pulled back slightly, the sheet was wet where her head had been resting. Her hands rose to cup his face as she spoke.

"You're back, you're finally back," she whispered.

He nodded, and on his face bloomed the first true smile that anyone had seen on it in years. "It's wonderful to see you, Ti. You look incredible."

Tifa blushed slightly at the compliment, realizing that she was only wearing a tank top and pajama pants, but his use of the nickname warmed her, and she clasped him close again.

"Is your back okay?" she asked.

"It's fine."

They stood that way for several more minutes before releasing each other again.

"I brought up some of your things," said Tifa. "Barret brought all your stuff from Midgar with him. They're over there by the bed if you want to get cleaned up. The bathroom's the door next to this room."

"Thanks." Cloud then did something he had never done before and placed a lingering kiss on her cheek before pulling away reluctantly to take the clothes and head for the bathroom.

Once he was out of the room, Tifa touched her cheek where he had kissed her and beamed. She then performed an exuberant cartwheel as she bounced across the room to clear up the bed and divan.