A/N: Sorry this is so late, but the upgrades to ff.net have left something screwy with my computer and I couldn't figure out how to log in for the longest time. Note to SVZ: I tried that Chinese fortune you forwarded to me, it really did work, though my wish won't come true for a long while. Thanks to all the wonderful reviewers; you have no idea what you people are doing to my confidence ;___; Enjoy!
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Chapter 5: Paso Doble
I was in the middle of the best dream in my life. I was surrounded by colours and, strangely enough, music. It was a soft, lilting melody, soothing me into an even deeper slumber. I saw something gloriously radiant move in front of me and ran up to touch it, to feel its beauty.
That was when I was jolted into the conscious world by a harsh sound. I sat for a while in my bed, too disorientated to figure out what was happening and too drowsy to figure out the next step. I was fully prepared to close my eyes and fall into blissful slumber when the pounding increased in vigour. After a while, I realized that the sound was coming from the front door; somebody must have been knocking for the past half hour or so.
"I'm coming already!" I yelled, even though there was a fair chance that the visitor would not hear it from all that wall space.
As much as I loathed leaving the warm comforts of my sheets, I shifted my body and nearly crawled out of bed and out into the parlour, ignoring Spinel Sun and the return-from-Hell state I was in. Who could have possibly been in their right mind to actually be up at - what? - six a.m.? Whoever they were, they would get fried faster than in a marshmallow in 390 Fahrenheit. I hollered out to the unwelcome visitor once again and grudgingly threw open the door.
"What do you -- ?!"
Outside my apartment door stood Tomoyo, nicely donned in a warm-looking coat and crimson muffler and appearing somewhat surprised.
"-- want . . . "
I gaped at her for what seemed like a very long time but was most likely only a couple of minutes. My mind must have been to sleep fogged to register any of my well-bred manners, and so, I just stood in my doorway and stared at Tomoyo. I could tell that she was beginning to squirm under my scrutiny.
"Would it trouble you too much if you let me in?" She nearly squeaked out, timidly pointing behind me.
Still a little shaken and not too awake, I moved aside and let her in. "Make yourself at home." She followed me into the living room, taking a nice position on the couch while I went to the kitchen to have my first cup of coffee.
"What brings you here?" I called out to her, balancing a frying pan and eggs in one hand and a coffee cup in the other.
"I just wanted to drop in and say 'hi'."
"Don't you think you outdid yourself a bit?"
"Why would you think so?" Her voice came from right behind me and I nearly jumped out of my skin when her hand seized one of mine, the one with the cooking pan. I shivered at the feel of her warm, soft skin against my own, but chose to ignore the sudden lurch of my heart straight to my bowls. Seriously, what is wrong with me these days? I can't even hold a normal conversation without my stomach doing pirouettes.
"It's a bit early, for one thing."
"I always get up early; I find I can concentrate better when the world is fresh and not quite awake yet."
"Why come here, then?"
She shrugged nonchalantly and moved over to my stove. "I thought you could use some company." She gave me a once-over and smirked furtively. "Can you do me a favour?"
I thought that one over. What could she possibly want from me that she couldn't get from anyone else? Attention, perhaps? Some company? "What kind of favour did you have in mind?"
She smiled sweetly, something I have grown to appreciate seeing as to how so few of her smiles were real and intended my way. "You could put something presentable on. I doubt pyjama bottoms are the perfect attire for accepting guests."
I was caught off guard momentarily. I blinked, then blinked again and looked down. I flushed with embarrassment when I realized that I was, indeed, wearing my pyjama bottoms. And when I say pyjama bottoms, I mean nothing else. I was beyond humiliated, a fact that I was sure stood out plain and clear on my face. I'm not a person who is comfortable with exposing too much of themselves, wether emotion or physically wise. I have to admit, I was very uncomfortable with her eyes travelling the expanse of my chest. I excused myself to change, mumbling something about being too sleepy to realize my state of undress.
"Don't worry, Bon," her voice rang after me, "the pants weren't that bad, I've seen worse. It's the expanse of chest that I'm worried about. Tsk, tsk. They should make shirts illegal. You go on, put something presentable on while I make you breakfast."
I could tell that she was trying to lessen my humiliation, but I fear it only made it worse. She had actually seen me, exposed, half-naked seen me! What does she think of me now? That I'm trying to be all Don-Juan, macho in front of her? Ha! That'll happen when pigs grow pink and purple wings and decide that migrating south is a very tempting idea! Maybe she really did see enough male bodies to last her a life time, most of which were much better sculpted than I. Maybe she finds the sight of me appalling. Oh, I wish I had a device that with a press of a button would tell me what females thought!
Walking into the kitchen a couple of minutes and several layers of cloth later, I espied Tomoyo sitting at the kitchen counter dangling a string above Spinel Sun. I braced myself against the wall, using it to support me while I just looked on the scene. "I hope you don't mind, but I fed your cat," she said without glancing up.
"You're going to spoil him," I warned her, moving off the wall and joining her at the table. Tomoyo made bacon and eggs, and even if that wasn't my favourite food to have in the mornings, the grumbling of my stomach forced me to eat anyway.
"Spoil him? Why look at the poor thing, he's skin and bones!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands into the air, dropping the string while doing so. "I wonder if you ever feed the poor creature!"
I mock-glared at her from the plate, mumbling, "He nearly won the title of 'the king of heavyweight felines' last time I let him roam outside."
"Stop murmuring into your food; it's bad manners, you know," she said in a know-it-all voice, an arbitrary finger raised in the air. "C'mon, hurry up and finish eating, I want to go for a walk."
I was wondering why she was so eager to go outside after staying for such a short while. A part of me that had a very annoying tendency to peek out at the most inappropriate moments decided to jab its finger into my side, proclaiming that maybe I was scaring Tomoyo away. I brushed off the thought, and continued with my breakfast, which wasn't as bad as I expected it to be.
Sometime later, my apartment locked and warm coats donned, Tomoyo and I were strolling past the snowy Arles streets. The crisp air was calming, soothing almost, and I was beginning to understand why Tomoyo would bother to wake up at such an ungodly hour to go outside. The snow was sparkling from the rays of sunlight peeking through the breaks in-between buildings, and the air seemed more fresh and delightful. I smiled softly at the crunching of the snow beneath my feet, liking at how nothing else disturbed that sound, no cars or noisy pedestrians.
"This is what life is all about, don't you think?" she asked me after a long while.
"What?"
"This. Just breathing, being, is what life is all about, I think. There is no need for anything, not money nor power, just walking along and being."
"I don't think I understand." I murmured in return.
She sighed, exasperated. "I mean that right now, at this moment, there is nothing else besides us walking along the street, taking in the cool air. We don't have to worry about what is going to happen today or tomorrow, just right now, at this point in space and time."
"But, if we do not consider what comes with tomorrow - or the next instance, in fact - how will we be prepared? How do we know that our actions right now are not going to have a negative effect later? How do we know that we are doing the right thing so that in future we won't blame ourselves for the mistake?"
I could feel the ire level rising in Tomoyo and secretly I enjoyed the knowledge that I was the one who caused that anger. I liked the look on her face, I decided. Her cheeks were flushed both from the cold and from the build-up of furore. Her eyes were a brilliant purple, the depths of which almost left me breathless. I could tell that a verbal spar was to happen if things were allowed to run their course, and the debating sprite in me wanted to show his cunning self.
"Can't you just stop looking on the outside of things and consider them just as they are?" She exclaimed, coming to an abrupt halt."You all ways do this! You always manage to turn the simplest of things into mountains! 'Yes' becomes a 'maybe' and 'perhaps', later turning into 'should I?' and 'what if?'.Can't you for once look at something and say 'Hey, that's what I see, and we'll leave it at that'? It's not that hard, you know."
"What right do you have to assume how I think and act without even getting to know me? Why, you are no better than the stereotypical, judgmental modernist!" This was a bit too much, I must admit, but what she said struck a chord in me and I couldn't help but hurt her as much as her words hurt me.
She sighed and looked away, her face scrunching up in sadness before it was shielded by her dark hair. "You are right. I shouldn't have snapped at you; I shouldn't have been making silly assumptions about you. I'm sorry. I was just trying to prove my point."
Wait a second. I am the one who nearly woke the entire neighbourhood with all my yelling, I am the one who called her venomous names. Then how come she is the one to apologize? She did nothing wrong, just what is expected of a normal human being. Judging people based on their physical appearance is normal, not necessarily right, but it is normal.
"No, it is not your fault. It's mine," I said resignedly, hanging my head in shame. "I shouldn't have snapped at you."
She looked up, relief beginning to blossom on her visage. Minutes passed us by with her just looking into my eyes. After a while, a sunny smile broke out on Tomoyo's face. "Then we're even then. We're both sorry, and we'll both never do that again. Agreed?"
"Agreed," I confirmed. We pinky shook on our deal - completely Tomoyo's idea - and were soon on our way back to my apartment building so I could get some scant hours of sleep before getting ready for school and before Tomoyo was late for her dance recital.
"Adieu, Monsieur Eriol, till next we meet," she said at the entrance to the building, doing a fancy bow.
I smirked and captured her hand, placing a kiss on the inside of the palm. "Farewell, my Lady, the hour until next I see you is an eternity and a day away; too long I fear."
She laughed and, waving, went down the street. I stood outside, looking at her distant form, until it became an almost indistinguishable dot against the horizon. Inside my apartment, curled on my couch and clicker at hand, I thought about how glad I was that Tomoyo and I were still on speaking terms.
The scary thing was that she was right. I do tend to look at the future more than the present. Things were never as simple as she put it. It was more that mere yes or no, there were all the consequences to think about. Should I say yes, then that would lead to other things, eventually ending up in commitments I was too busy to commit to and relationships I didn't want to form, and then I would be blaming myself for making the stupidest mistakes. But wasn't that what she was trying to tell me? That I should just let things run their course and see where that takes me? Just let go of all precautions and be?
Another scary thought crossed my mind and I realised that I was just as hideous as the thing I accused Tomoyo of. I was the one who judged her by her appearance, I was the one who assumed things about her. It's funny how things always manage to turn themselves on me . . .
(tbc)
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Somehow, I get the impression that this chapter is not quite complete . . . maybe because I changed it halfway through writing it . . . I'm stalling, I know . . .