Chapter 15-Sakura
He was strong. He is strong and he always will be. Struggling and still never reaching his limit. Dimly I remember the old play of Shakespeare " King Lear". Who was the guy that had his eyes gouged out? Gloucestor? Hai, that was his name. He had suffered so much pain, and so did King Lear. But Syaoran was more like King Lear than Gloucestor. For Gloucestor had given up, reaching his limit, and King Lear had died never reaching his.
My Jingxi is not going to give up. I'm not letting him. And I'm the Card Mistress. There's got to be something those cards are good for.
I was so not letting him go. He's going to fight this all the way into the end. For himself. For all of us.
One would expect that I would be worried, and afraid, perhaps. Perhaps I would be if I was ten years old. Perhaps I would be sniffling every night, praying that I would be able to see Syaoran the next day. But I am twelve years old, and have been for four months. I did not plan to weaken myself with tears. Because Syaoran's not crying. Yue's not crying. No one is crying.
Because hope is important. Faith is important. To lose it would mean to abandon him. And after we had left him once, all of us, including me, although I left him differently, Syaoran had been torn. We had won him back. We're not losing him again.
So I wasn't despairing over his theoretical death. I wasn't making any plans either. Living for the moment, as Eriol described. It was the only thing I could do and I did it willingly. Right now what is important is not what will happen in the future. Syaoran needs all our strength, support, and love, and I was not going to hinder him from getting every part from me from some despair. I created the Hope Card. I am Hope. I will help him every step of the way.
We went over to Tomoyo-chan's mansion one time while it was raining. Our
group, the little conspiracy we've made, hardly ever left Syaoran and Yukito alone.
We stuck together like a true family.
Syaoran seemed a little better that day.
" I slept until you came." He replied as a reason.
" Really? You slept that long? Gee, I thought they hibernate in winter." Tomoyo
chan laughed. Syaoran swatted at her.
" Sorry, Eriol-san. I knew you had wanted to go to Canada. I got you stuck here."
" It's alright." Eriol smiled at Syaoran. " Anyway I probably wouldn't have enjoyed
it."
" Canada? You wanted to go to Canada?" Tomoyo asked. " But don't they speak
French?"
" Half half." Eriol waved his hand. " At least that's how they had told me."
" Really?" I asked. " I didn't listen too much about Canada. I heard about the US."
" Of course. With the companies exporting their goods, no doubt. Sooner or later
that country will fall to depression. It happens all the time."
" By the way guys," Syaoran suddenly spoke up, " Xuyan sent us mail today. Oh,
Yukito-san, what was it he sent us?"
" A card." Yukito took out the envelope. " A strange card. The magic does not feel
right."
" Count on Xuyan. He's the ruler of the dead."
" Or rather, he controls the magic forces." Eriol corrected. " Come along. Show us
the card."
Yukito held it out and passed it to me. He was right. The card was different from anything I was use to. It had the same shape as my cards and was of the same size. There was the same border, but this time there was more than one object in the picture.
A two eyes opened in the middle of the picture. Their shape was the type that the Chinese might of called " Phoenix Eyes", because they were the shape of the Chinese Phoenix head. The eyes had a large doelike texture with a huge pupil, and a bright glint to it. There was a hand below the eyes-it was impossible to tell which hand it was because it was black and dark. Above the eye, three staffs, small and thin, each with a stone on the top, one red, one green, and one blue. They crossed each other. Light emitted out of the staff, casting the shadows across the eyes and hand. The background was pure black, the hand blacker, outlined in silver. Below were the words " The Eye that Sees".
" Any idea what that is, Sakura-chan?" Tomoyo asked.
" The Eye that Sees." I read out loud to everyone. " Strange. This isn't a normal
card, that's for sure. Do the Dead Realm have cards of their own?"
" Not that I know of." Syaoran replied, for my question was directed at him. " If
they do, they had no reason to use it. No one would be so stupid as to disturb them.
And then again, there never were a lot of people who were able."
" Alright...but here did Xuyan get this card?"
" How come Yukito didn't show me." Syaoran grumbled next to me. " What did he
say?"
" He said that...the elders of the clan...gave him instructions to make a card-since
you weren't there they couldn't teach you-but somehow the card didn't turn out as
it's supposed to...and Xuyan thought it might be helpful in some way."
" Smart child." Nakuru murmured.
" We'll see about that later." Syaoran yawned. " I'm so tired..."
" Come, I'll take you up. You can take a nap for a while." I said to him.
" I'm not sleepy, I'm tired." Syaoran glared. I giggled.
" Just go up." I dragged him to his feet. " You're tired because everyone's here and
chatting about that card Xuyan gave you. Get up here. Which room is available,
Tomoyo-chan?"
" Give him the room to the right of the staircase."
" I've never been there!" I protested to Tomoyo. " How come you never gave me
that room?"
" It's just been set up." Tomoyo answered. " But it's actually the best of the guest
rooms."
I must have made quite an impression, dragging a weaker boy up the stairs. I didn't care really. He is just too stubborn for his own good.
" Ugh, the bed never looked so nice. But haven't I been in bed long enough?"
" Enough, Mr. Kung fu." I giggled. " You get into bed like a good boy."
" Sure, Mistress." He saluted. I swatted his arm and we laughed.
He lied on top of the covers and just stared up at the ceiling. I was about to
leave when he suddenly called.
" Sakura?"
" Hai?"
" Can you stay for a while?"
" Ano...sure." I pulled up a chair and sat at the bedside.
" Strange." He observed. " The bed is a lot softer. Maybe because the blanket is."
" Oh?" I blinked. " How soft can it be?"
" Try it." He scooted over to the side. I blinked, confused, then I sat down on the
bed.
" Gosh, it's softer than I remember Tomoyo-chan's beds being." I lied down beside
him.
" Whoa,"
" Comfy?"
" Hai. You can easily fall asleep once you get under the covers, I'll bet."
" I'm not willing to sleep just yet."
" Me neither."
We lied like that for a while, staring up at the ceiling.
" Sakura?"
" Hai?"
" Do you think I'll ever make it through?"
" Through what?"
" Everything."
I hesitated. " Syaoran, I have faith in you. If you don't make it, it wouldn't be
a fault of yours."
" I'm scared Sakura." He said after a while.
" Why?"
" I don't know how dying really...feels like. I'm scared of the pain. And Otou
san...what would he do if I left him Sakura? He's been killing himself trying to keep
me alive. If I die I would...betray him. And all of you had devoted so much of your
time for me..."
" Hush. Aishiteru. We all do. As long as you try your best, we don't care what the
outcome is." I fought back the tears. " Have courage, Syaoran-kun. We'll be there
for you."
Syaoran smiled, a sad smile, but he was tired. He was scared. I reached over and held his hand.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to love someone like you? I thought to myself. Because it is no longer the question of whether you love me or not. It has been the question of whether you would live long enough to love me.
" Syaoran?"
" Hai?"
" Do you want me to leave you now?"
" This bed is so soft. I think I'd really take a nap."
" Then I'll leave you alone." I rolled around and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "
Sleep well Syaoran. You need the strength."
He just turned over and soon his body relaxed. I smiled and softly closed the
door.
" Is he alright?"
It was the first question Yukito asked me.
" Of course. Why?"
" You were in there for so long." Eriol replied.
" Oh. We just rested and talked."
" Oh." Yukito relaxed.
I suddenly realized what Syaoran had done to all of us. We would never be able to enjoy life as we had, so carefree and liberated. I realized what I told him was wrong. His death could destroy us.
Especially Yue.
How long has it been that we had struggled to keep him alive by now? A
year. It has been a year. But it felt so much longer. Half a century, maybe. Perhaps
more. For Syaoran it probably was longer, each of those twelve years, fighting and
drinking the bitter broth. What about the year he came? Did he feel tired, weak, and
alone?
August twentieth. The air was alive with the sounds of cicadas calling to each
other. It was a rather bright morning, slightly cloudy but with some sun. The air was
hot but not humid. It was a beautiful day.
I was rollarblading. No reason. There are just times when you have to go out and do something. We've been cooped up because of Syaoran, trying to keep him company because even with soccer he couldn't last doing outdoor exercises for more than ten minutes. Now he just told us to do what we will, and since we had nothing else to do...
By now the trees had no more fruit. Of course-mostly because people ate them. But the cherry blossom trees stopped producing cherries. They had either been picked or had rotted down on the soil. I sighed and pushed with my legs to get myself moving. Birds hopped out of the way as I rolled past. Sighing again, I turned at the corner.
The park was filled with people today. I glided downhill and on level ground. Children swung from swings, there was laughter everywhere. It seems so long ago since I had laughed like that, because although I did laugh these days they were not as free. They were burdened with the knowledge of the dark.
I glided down further. I decided I really wanted Syaoran to survive this too. Perhaps when he does we can enjoy the swings...