Chapter 18-Kero
We rushed towards the commotion and found Syaoran sobbing on his knees,
with Sakura trying desperately to soothe him.
" I think Xuyan sent him another card." Sakura said softly. " Through magic." She
handed the card to Yukito.
We read it in silence.
" Syaoran." Yue bent down and gathered his son into his arms. Syaoran just buried
his head into his shoulder.
" Syaoran, we'll end it all, alright? Whenever you want. Just hang on for a little
longer, onegai. Maybe this was just a phase. You have so many odds going with
you. Just try to live through this, for yourself, for all of us. Live for the hope of
having a future. And when you're certain you don't, well...we can end it all."
I stared at Yue. I knew it was difficult for him to say it. But I know that he was a responsible father and knew what he was doing. Syaoran had suffered enough and if he was doomed to suffer for the rest of his life then death would be a better choice. We just don't know that yet.
Please don't let it end like this...
School began after February in a frenzy of snow. There was snow
everywhere, a blazing land of whiteness. Sakura put on her new rollarblades since
her old ones got too small, and her new kneepads and elbowpads since the old ones
don't stick anymore, and new wristguards because her hands got bigger.
She doesn't get up late anymore; Sakura has gotten more responsible through the years. In two months she would be thirteen.
Tomoyo usually went with Sakura like the old times before Syaoran ever came to Tomoeda. The only difference was they weren't as carefree as they used to. Something about everything that has happened made them lose the appetite to go shopping or buying ice cream or pizza.
The curious thing was I did not hear about the kid for a long while. Sakura usually comes home late but she never told me where she went. I sometimes guessed that she was with Tomoyo, that she was with Syaoran, that she was with the wizards, but she never told me anything.
So it was a long time before I saw Syaoran again.
He looked paler than ever, if that was possible, and he bled at the mouth
more often, pink, gooey blood. His eyes were blazing white and uncomfortable to
look at, and he was thin to the bones. The boy was so weak he could not walk
properly and needed his father to support him.
It wasn't Yue's fault and everyone knew it. Syaoran lost his appetite. Yue had a panicked look in his eyes and also a look of pity and guilt whenever he looked at his child. Syaoran stayed close to his father and spoke very little. He was always trembling.
Trembling! The child was always cold and there was no possible way to keep him warm. It was in February and everything was white and blazing.
We got him hurriedly into the house and Touya wrapped him up in blankets on the couch. Yue wrapped his arms around his child and told us in a quiet voice what had happened.
" It was actually Sakura." He began, when Syaoran fell asleep with his eyes open. "
She made a mistake of leaving. One day in school Sakura was helping him across
the hall when she saw a garden. She asked Syaoran if he wanted to go there. Of
course Syaoran would do anything for her, so he nodded yes. They went and
Sakura left Syaoran all alone because she thought he would sit still on the bench
where she left him so she could look at the flowers. It was a new garden they had
set up, out on the other side of Tomoeda."
" What happened?" Touya asked solemnly. Sakura was upstairs. She knew Yue was
going to tell us and didn't want to hear it.
Yue was reluctant to blame Sakura for anything. She was his mistress after all. But we asked to know and we had to know. Syaoran was dying before our eyes and we need to see if we could stop it.
" Syaoran got frightened." Yue answered. " He had no idea where he was or where Sakura was. He only knew that Sakura somehow left him and that he was alone. He didn't know if there was anyone who might attack him. So he started to cry. That drew everyone's attention and he panicked even more, and then-"
There was a long pause before Yue continued.
" He was taken to be interrogated because he drew out his sword. Syaoran ran
away. It took me days to find him."
He rubbed his son's head fondly and sadly, and sighed.
" Afterwards he was afraid to go to school. He was afraid to leave me. He asked me
to stay with him everynight and would only go to sleep if he felt my hand. If I hold
him. He's afraid to eat because he didn't know what he's eating. He's afraid to speak
because he's afraid to draw attention."
At this point Syaoran woke up and yawned. It was a poor yawn, showing his state, so thin and pitiful. It made me feel pain.
The first thing the child did was feel for Yue. Yue took his hand. The boy felt
his way up his arm and found Yue's shoulder, and then moved forward. He felt
down his chest and leaned his head against his father's heart.
" Oh, you're awake." I stated the obvious. Syaoran simply lifted his head.
" Kero?" He blinked, although it didn't really serve any purpose.
" Elgh." Eriol appeared. " Lunch is ready. Here! Let me help."
We helped Syaoran to his feet and he slowly made his way over to the kitchen table. There he sat, in front of a bowl of soup, and chopsticks.
He couldn't find the chopsticks for a while, and when he did didn't know where to snatch. Yue had to help him and he ate so slowly we were restless. Watching him eat made all of us lose our appetite.
After lunch we sat around as we had done so long ago and just chatted. But the conversations stopped because Syaoran never answered. He fell asleep again and none of us wanted to wake him, so Yue carried him up into the guestroom. When he came down again none of us were in the mood to talk anymore.
So passed the first day we were all together in a long time. But it just wasn't the same.
I guess we sort of took it into our heads that the times of togetherness and hope would simply last forever, and that we would stick with each other as long as Syaoran was still alive. It was a harsh blow, like a splash of ice cold water to flame, when Syaoran lost his sight like that. It was a blow that not even Sakura could soothe.
One time I asked Yue if he wanted to go to the wizards.
" The wizards?" Yue asked. " I did already."
" What did they say about this?" I asked.
Yue answered quite simply. " They said it's hopeless."
" Nani?!"
" In a way it's very logical." The father answered. " Syaoran lost hope and they lost
hope too. I mean, after so long, he still lost his sight like that. He'll never be able to
see me again, or see you, or see Sakura, or Touya or Eriol, and will never wave at
us if we wave at him."
The scary thing was, he said it so pleasantly it was almost as if he was joking.
One night Sakura started having dreams.
She dreamed that Syaoran was glowing in bright white light. His eyes were
flashing gold, and his skin was crystal clear. His pale, translucent hand stretched out
towards her and his mouth moved, though no sound was heard. When she cringed
back the hand retreated and his eyes saddened. He turned around and then clear
words were heard:
" Help me Sakura. Please help me..."
Sakura was terrified after that dream and wouldn't leave Syaoran alone, and
when Yue got it out of her he wouldn't either. Syaoran remained quiet with his
father and Sakura and spoke very little. Often we visited over at Yukito's. We would
try to talk to Syaoran.
One morning Syaoran tried to play the cello.
He no longer was surprised at the fact that he had weakened greatly and had very low endurance. He could not press on the strings. He could not bow right. He didn't seem to care though. His notes were random, unfocused. We asked Yue what was going on.
Yue didn't say anything. Instead he skillfully dodged the question.
Later during that same week Yukito received a call from his college schoolmate, and with great sorrow and unwillingness he parted from his son.
From that day onward, Syaoran cried every single night.