Disclaimer: No, I still haven't willed Rumiko Takahashi to give me Inu Yasha and co. Jeez, I'm running out of death threats!

Ready, Set, SHAVE!

Parody, Part II: New (Disturbing) Loves!

Author's Note:

Thank you for all the reviews! I loved them to death! I got over 110 reviews! Yay! *Does happy dance* So happy! Wants to go crazy! Bad news, this story is going to end in two parodies. Meaning this is the second to last chapter for this story. However, don't worry! I have a new story coming out, just as funny! If you want a warning on how scary it is, go read my super long bio. Okay? Okay. Now, for to story! Don't you forget to review!

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(A/N: This all takes place right at the end of chapter 5, just when the final showdown began.)

Kikyo and Kagome shaved with amazing grace and speed.

The judges intently stared at their working process. The hairy and disgusting legs almost immediately turned beautifully white and amazing.

"Sugio!" everyone murmured.

"This is incredible, folks!" Shippo yelled, looking and sounding like the reporter for the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade. "The speed, accuracy, and doesn't seem just to be us! Look at the judges! Why don't we step over to talk to them personally!"

Shippo briskly walked towards our beloved judges. He stopped, deciding to talk to our favorite pervert, Miroku. He seemed to have the most experience anyway!

"So, Judge Miroku, what do you think of these two lady's work?" he asked brightly.

Miroku, eyes not leaving the two women, said, "In all my years of painful, but exhilarating groping, these are some of the most luscious booties I have ever seen!"

Sango, Inu Yasha, and Naraku all instantly had a vein pop (several, in fact!). They walked over to Miroku, who didn't notice and kept on staring, and smacked him soundly on the head. Miroku fell over and died. (Miroku jumps up and smacks authoress on the head. OWWIEEE!!!!!) Change mind, Miroku was just very, very fainted.

Meanwhile, Kagome was in the middle of shaving when Kikyo suddenly drew out a bottle of acid and 'spilled' it all over Kagome's leg, making burns and holes.

"AHH! Kikyo, what did you do that for?" Kagome screamed.

Kikyo put the bottle away, and calmly continued shaving her leg. "What do you mean, my dear reincarnation?"

"The holes! The acid! The unfairness of you bribing the authoress into writing this!"

"I did NOT bribe the writer. I just gave her some money and a promise to share Inu Yasha once I won!" Kikyo said stiffly.

"So you did!"

"Did not!"

"You did, too!"

"No, I didn't!

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

Kouga gets impatient. "Can't you guys just continue?!"

"Okay!" the girls both say.

Kagome continued to try to shave her damaged legs, while Kikyo smirked.

Finally, both of the girls finished.

"Surely you can see that my leg is so much better than my pathetic reincarnations!" Kikyo gloated. "Besides, my leg was also made better than hers! Look at those holes!"

"You mean Naraku's involved?" Kagome shrieked.

"No…!" was her 'serious' reply. "How could you think such a thing!"

"But Kikyo, you did bribe me!" Naraku whined.

"Shut up!" Kikyo hissed.

"Why. Didn't your mommy ever tell you that lying, cheating, and killing was bad for you?" Naraku asked innocently.

Sango rolled her eyes. "Yeah. And coming from a guy like him, too."

Naraku continued his speech. "But of course, I never listened to her because Mommy was a real annoying person sometime. And when I was 5, I put a spider on the table for her to see, but all she did was scream and squish it. She looked mad and started screaming at me-"

"Naraku, continue your life story some other time," Kikyo said, looking bored.

"But-"

"No 'buts'. Well, come on you hot bishonens! Start judging!" Kikyo yelled.

Naraku and Miroku looked joyous.

"I meant everyone but Naraku and Miroku," Kikyo said, correcting herself.

Naraku and Miroku drooped in sadness.

"Maybe I should become a woman like Sesshoumaru, or at least get in touch with feminine side. I mean, women seem to hate me!" Naraku said.

Seeing Sesshoumaru's glare, he mentally slapped himself. "OW!" he yelled.

"WHAT?!" everyone else yelled back.

"I mentally slapped myself and it HURRRRT!" he bawled.

Everyone slaps Naraku again. (A/N: Can anyone tell? I'm pissed at Naraku just right now.)

"Look, if you guys aren't going to judge, I'm going to my ballet rehearsal. We're doing 'Sleeping Beauty' this year!" Sesshoumaru said, tapping his foot impatiently.

"What part did you get, Sesshoumaru? Prince Phillip?" Naraku asked.

"NO! I'm playing Aurora! Or Briar Rose, whatever!" Sesshoumaru said, looking very pissed.

"Um, you guys. Those names came out of the Disney version of 'Sleeping Beauty'," Kagome said.

"No! Briar Rose was the original name!" Sesshoumaru argued.

"Look, my voice is hoarse, can we just get this over with?" Kagome asked.

"Uh, okay!" Sesshoumaru said.

"Um, so what do you guys think?" she asked hopefully.

"Yeah! Wasn't I telling the truth?" Kikyo said, bragging to her hearts content.

"Hmmmmmmmmm…" Inu Yasha said, looking it over. "They're both really good…"

"Whadya mean, both? Can't you tell that mine's so much better?" Kikyo screeched.

"Kikyo, shut up! We've had a long day!" Kouga yelled at her.

Kikyo stared at him with her eyes wide open. "D-did you just yell at me?" She sounded disbelieving.

Kouga fidgeted. "Well, yeah?"

Kikyo went all dreamy. "I've never had a guy yell at me so angrily at me before…" she said, reaching over to him and stroking his cheek seductively.

Kagome's eyes narrowed. 'Okay, this has gone too long! First she takes Inu Yasha, well he was her's before, but no one know that, and now Kouga! That bi*ch!'

Kouga looked a bit surprised. 'Wow. I didn't realize how much she looks like Kagome! What should I do?' (A/N: You idiot! You're going to change out of your kilt. NOW! And the furry leggings!)

Kikyo purred in his ear.

Inu Yasha and Naraku threw up.

Sesshoumaru was thinking (A/N: OMG! Naw, really?). 'Is is just me, or is Naraku looking at me with loving eyes?'

The voice in his head went, 'No duh. YES, he's looking at you with lovey-dovey eyes.'

'Can someone really love me?'

'Yes. Pookey the Teddy Bear did. Then he ran off with your half brother, Inu Yasha!'

'Not this time, Inu Yasha! This time, I get to be gay!'

He stomped over to Inu Yasha and poked his chest.

"What?" Inu Yasha asked, still looking a bit sick from Kikyo and Kouga.

"You can't have him!" Sesshoumaru said bluntly.

"I can't have who?" Inu Yasha asked, looking confused. "If you're talking about Pookey, you cut his legs off."

"That was Pookey? I killed Pookey! Oh, someone kill me! I killed the only one I loved at the age of 7!" Sesshoumaru said, the despair in his voice was so thick you could cut it with a butter knife.

"Sesshoumaru, shut up with the dramatics!" Inu Yasha snarled. "Who aren't I getting?"

"Naraku! I'm in love with him and you can't take him away from me!" he ran to Naraku and threw himself onto him.

Naraku looked dazed. "What?" he asked.

"You, you hot sexy man, oh, take me!"

Naraku screamed. "Wait… Didn't I diss you and you got mad at me?"

"Yes, but money skins turn me on."

"Oh. Do you want to run off into the sunset like all strange people do?"

"Yeah!"

So the two 'villains' ran off into the sunset (even though it was noon, but no one knows that) and lived happily ever after.

"Um, that was strange," Kouga said dumbly.

"Yeah. Let's get back to getting to snog," Kikyo said.

"Alright!" Kouga cheered.

And Kikyo and Kouga happily snogged (kissed, but I like making it sound semi-English) away, and never bothered anyone (but the innocent people that were in their way) for the rest of their fused-to-the-lips lives.

"What are we going to do with the contest, then?" Kagome asked.

"I dunno!" Inu Yasha said. "You shouldn't depend on me all the time, wench!"

"What are you talking about? I never depended on you!" Kagome retorted.

"Yes, you did!"

"Like when?"

"Like when you were about to die!"

"What time was I about to die?"

"Um, when Sesshoumaru tried to kill you… when Naraku tried to kill you… when Kikyo tried to kill you… when-"

"Oh yeah? What about the times when Sesshoumaru tried to kill you? What about the times when Naraku tried to kill you? And that time when Kikyo tied to drag you into hell? What about that? Huh? Well, Mr. Macho, huh?"

"Er, well… that was different!"

"Yeah, hell right!"

"Of course!" he scoffed.

"How?"

"I don't know."

"But you're all smart, right?"

"Ye-NO!"

"Of course you're smart!"

"Yeah, but- OH LOOK! A FLYING RAT!"

"Inu Yasha, that's a pigeon."

"Well- OH LOOK! IT'S KIKYO TRYING TO STAB YOU!"

"That… dead thing! Doesn't she ever stop?" Kagome turned around. Inu Yasha ran. Kagome turns back. Kagome gets maad and races after them.

Sango and Miroku stand alone together.

"So… you want to grab something to eat?" Miroku asked Sango.

"Er… sure!"

They walk away… until: "YOU ENCHII! DON'T YOU EVER STOP?"

"But Miroku! Your butt is so nice and firm looking!

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How did you like this parody chapter? I want 5 reviews! A bit much, but nothing you guys can't handle! Beware of the newest chapter! It might bring nightmares to all your happy dreams… I mean, who wants to see- WAIT! If I tell you guys, it won't be fun! Heh heh heh! *^_^*! Oh yeah, and if any of you *cough*Chibi-chan*cough* hate Kouga, read his claim to fame on ArtemisMoon's response. LOL! Also, if you have read 'Camp of the Chaotics', you already know Pookey the Teddy Bear. LotsOfLaughs! Haha!

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Responses to Reviews:

Snowgirl: OMG!!!!!!! One of my favorite authors read my fic! *Runs in circles* OMG! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'm so inspired now! I'm going off to write more! I love your stories soooo much! They are soooo good, but I get lazy so I don't review… Ick. Well, please continue your stories, too!

Nikki-chan: I hope you didn't break any ribs laughing! LOL! Hope you liked this chapter, too!

Julia-Tears: You'll love the next chapter! I know it! I can feel it in my bones! Gosh, how long is the first chapter of your fic? Well, hurry and thanks for the review!

ArtemisMoon: I know nobody is supposed to know this, but I'm telling you anyway. You see, a long time ago, Kouga wasn't a prince. He was a prostitute living in a cardboard box. And he didn't even own the box! He was rooming with a hobo named Harry! Anyway, after he slept his way to a prince, he couldn't break his habits, so he continued his job. Now you know. However, the reason this story isn't told a lot is because Kouga fans want to kill me when I tell it… LOL! Thanks for the review!

Ari Sky: I know you won't be seeing this any time soon, but hey! Who cares! Thanks for the review, Kay-chan!

Edom: *shoves your friend Tojo over a bridge* I can tell you know, even without meeting your friend, that I AM the BIGGEST Fluffy-chama fan in the world. I'm also a priestess to his shrine! I love him… He's soooo cool! Anyway, the only reason I made Fluffy a homo is because he's funnier that way. Oh well! I'm glad you still liked this story!

ChibiNeko: Oh NO! Crazy Chibi-chan on a rampage! What can we do? Run for your lives! LOL. HAHA! Anyway, remember how I love Miroku, too! It pained me to do that to him! I'll e-mail, too after this!

Cooldas: Oh! You just wait for my next story… The world will never know what hit them. For a summary, go to my bio page. It's really long.