Disclaimer: I don't *sniff* own Inu Yasha and co. *sob* I do own *snivel* this story and the plot. Oh, and I also don't own Victoria's Secrets.
Ready, Set, SHAVE!
Parody, Part III: Victoria's Secret!
Author's Note:
I'm SAD! This is the last chapter and I wanna keep writing! All good things must come to an end, but does it have to happen to me? Oh! Over the summer or spring break and if I get inspiration, I just might write a little more 'cuz I just LOVE writing this story! Thank you all for the reviews! I loved them to pieces! Now, on to the story!
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(A/N: This is just when Sesshoumaru says that he's going to compete!)
Jaken gawked at his master. "B-but M'Lord Sesshoumaru! What are you talking about? Isn't it enough that you are playing the part of a woman in a play?" he stuttered out.
"Jaken, what are you, my mother?"
"No, M'Lord, b-but you just can't-"
"Why not?"
"B-because!"
"Try and stop me then!" Sesshoumaru said, sounding like a teenager.
'I'm doing this for you, M'Lord Sesshoumaru!' Jaken thought. "I'll take your place!"
Everyone was silent. Sesshoumaru's mouth dropped like a brick falling from the 100th floor of some tall, tall building.
Then, when the shock of it was over, everyone started laughing.
"What's the point then? We'll know who won't win!" Inu Yasha said, laughing in between breaths.
Jaken (tried to) glare at Inu Yasha dangerously.
Sesshoumaru, for once, was agreeing with his younger brother. "Yeah Jaken! Do you expect me to let you do this? You're more insane than ugly!"
Jaken soberly frowned. "Please, M'Lord! Give me a chance!"
Sesshoumaru's expression was thoughtful for a moment. He then waved everyone over. They went into a huddle.
"Here's the deal: I'm bored and I want to see someone other than my brother act stupid, so let's let him do it. In the end, no one will vote for him anyway!" Sesshoumaru whispered.
Kagome nodded. "You're right. We need some serious entertainment around here. I mean, it's just so boring!"
"Whadja mean, boring?" Inu Yasha asked, insulted.
"I mean, here's my life: Wake up, get chased by demons, killing demons, getting shards, arguing with you, sleep."
"That's not true!" Inu Yasha protested.
"Yeah? Well, what else do we do then?"
"Err… We…"
"What?"
"We um… we…"
"A-HA! You don't know! Which means that I'm smarter than you!"
"You are NOT!"
By this time, both of them were yelling and waving their arms around.
"SHUT UP!" Sesshoumaru yelled.
Kagome and Inu Yasha both quickly shut up but still grumbled quietly.
"Stupid wench."
"Idiot hanyou."
"Spoiled brat."
"Ungrateful jerk."
"I though I told you guys to SHUT UP!" Sesshoumaru yelled the last part.
"Oh, yeah!" they both innocently said. (A/N: My, aren't we SLOW today!)
"Right. So, do you guys agree with me or not?" Sesshoumaru asked, now whispering.
A chorus of yes, sure, and let's do it was heard.
Sesshoumaru got up and walked to the waiting Jaken.
"Jaken, we," he gestured to everyone. "We agreed to let to compete, but on one condition."
"What?" he asked anxiously.
"Let me have your bottle of lavender Herbal Essences shampoo."
"Hey! Is that mine?" Kagome yelled out.
Jaken looked uncomfortable. "Err… No!"
"Okay!"
"So can I have it?" Sesshoumaru asked again.
"Anything for you, M'Lord!" Jaken answered.
"Show me the shampoo!" Sesshoumaru demanded.
Jaken reached into the inside of his robes and drew out a bottle of shampoo. Sniffing passionately, he handed it to his lord. "Be careful with her… she was my one and only love!"
"Yeah, yeah, I will," Sesshoumaru said carelessly, grabbing the 'treasured' object. "So does he compete now?" he asked his brother.
"Yeah, sure, whatever." Inu Yasha was still glaring at Kagome, who glared right back.
"Okay!" Jaken giggled like a demented schoolgirl. "Just give me a moment to change and shave, okay?"
"Err… Okay…?" Sango said, looking sick.
Jaken skipped to a huge tree. Ripping sounds were heard, along with his shrieks of, "Oh, *BEEP*! That hurt like hell!"
Kagome giggled, while Sesshoumaru grinned. This was going to be a good show.
"IIIIIIIIIIIIIII'M DONE!" Jaken said, walking out.
Everyone's jaws dropped. Jaken looked STUNNING! Black hair with green streaks, shoulder length. His eyes were also green, and his skin was fair. He was tall, with great legs.
Miroku walked over and grasped his hands. "If I didn't know you were a toad-looking freak, I would ask you to bear my child!"
Sango looked pissed that her 'meant to be' was choosing an ugly toad over her. She got out her boomerang and bopped him on the head.
Miroku was very thickheaded… literally! He wasn't knocked out! Sango bopped him again. This time he fell over unconscious.
"Oh good! I was worried that I was losing my touch for a minute!" Sango said, looking relieved.
Sesshoumaru was gawking at his servant. "J-jaken! How… What… When?"
Jaken laughed. "You mean when I was like this?"
"Yeah!"
"Well, I was a lingerie model, you know!"
"W-what?"
Kagome suddenly jumped up. "OH! I KNEW you looked familiar! Weren't you that model for Victoria's Secrets?"
"Well, yeah! But then I found out her secret!" Jaken looked stricken.
"Who's?" Kagome asked. The rest of the crew also looked confused.
"VICTORIA'S!"
"Oh. Well, what is it?"
Jaken looked worried for a second. His eyes darted from side to side, as if expecting an attack. "Well, don't tell anyone, but the secret is-"
"WHAT?"
"Well, you know, women over 30 can't wear anything from it!"
"OH! So that's why Mom always glares at Victoria's Secrets when we pass it in the mall!" Kagome said.
"Yeah."
"Err… Jaken? Shouldn't you compete now?" Sesshoumaru asked.
"Sure!"
He walked out in front of the judges, strutting like a rooster.
The other competing woman looked jealous and glared at him.
Miroku, who had awoken, made cat calls. Sango knocked him dead again.
Suddenly, Kikyo had had enough! She grabbed a broken arrowhead and threw it at Jaken.
SURPRISE! The skin fell off! There stood a surprised looking Jaken.
Sesshoumaru gasped and almost fainted. "J-jaken! You l-lied to me?"
"Er… No! I mean-"
"Don't lie to me, Jaken!" Sesshoumaru said, sounding more like himself.
"I'm sorry, M'lord! I didn't think-"
"That what? That I wouldn't find out? Do you think me a fool?"
"Hell yeah," Inu Yasha muttered.
Sesshoumaru pivoted and death glared his half-brother. He then turned back to look at Jaken. "Jaken? What do you have to say for yourself?"
Jaken broke down. "I-I'm sorry! I'm really, really s-sorry M'Lord! I just wanted to make you happy! Please don't h-hurt me!"
Sesshoumaru did something that surprised them all. He started laughing his head off. "HAHA! You actually believed me? HAHAHA! You should have seen your expression! It was so hilarious!"
Jaken took his hands away from his face. Then you aren't mad at me?"
"No! Why would I be?"
Kagome, who had a passionate hate for the toad thing, spoke up. "He lied to you, remember?"
"Oh yeah! Jaken, Rin, we're going!"
"Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama!" Rin said joyfully.
"Yes, M'Lord!"
The trio left together, leaving no sign of their presence, other than the skin of 'Jaken'.
"You know, Kikyo… For once, I'm glad that you're a cheater!" Kagome said happily.
"So you mean you'll let me win?" Kikyo asked hopefully.
"Um, no."
The two started cat fighting. Soon, everything seemed normal… Until…
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Hey everyone! It's me, totally-wicked! I'll miss you all in this story! Fortunately, I have a 'good' idea for some future stories. But no telling! HAHA! You'll have to suffer! BWAHAAHA! Err… Sorry about that… I was ranting. Anyway, can anyone write me a review? I'm really trying to reach 140… Thanks everyone for all your support and everything! I love you all! Ja matte ne!
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Responses to Reviews:
Lady BlackDragonFire: It's weird, right! Well, if Sesshoumaru is indeed a girl, it would explain a lot! The makeup, the girly face, etc!
FluffyWolfy: Wow! I loved your reviews! They made me feel so… good and like a talented writer! I feel inspired to write! And yes, you are now one of the special people at the bottom of the pages! I think your little wolf minions are cute! I thought Miroku and Sango need a little 'change', so I did what I did!
Snowgirl: Are your parents still alive? I hope so! I LOVE your work, especially the one, I think it's called, 'Life of a Devil' or something? I love it! Please continue it! Thanks for your support1
Jiji: Are you confused? Why? Because it started totally different or something? Please tell me; I can probably clear it up for you!
Edom: Uh-oh! Looks like someone has murder on the mind! Everyone, duck, cover, and make sure you're protecting me! LOL!
Someone: I wanted to make someone go to the insane asylum… too bad! I was close, right? LOL! I hoped it wasn't too freaky!
Seraph: Was it cute? I hope it was funny, too! Thanks for the review!
Julia-Tears: IT'S STILL NOT UP YET! I want to read your story NOW! Oh well! Take your time; I want to read something good! The mind works I strange ways, and my mind is just one of the strangest!
KFPC: What's up Juli-chan? Loved the review (as always!)! It was cute! Man, all that Akane killing is hard work! Hey! We forgot someone! DD, of course! How could you? I going to e-mail you! The Pringles guy is EVIL I say, EVIL!
Fangirl: Be afraid, be very afraid! The legs are very, very scary. I have to ask, though: Are you more afraid about this chapter? LOL!
That one girl-no, not her, me: Out of breath? Pooky rocks! I have a miniature one of him at home! Yay for me!
Cullura: Er… I'm not sure if you can get in this story, since it just ended, but I think you can be in my future fic, 'When Sugar Is Your Enemy'. Why don't you e-mail me for details?