Author's note: hey, everyone~~~ hehe I know I said I wasn't gonna post in fanfiction.net n/e more but I just wanted to inform all lotr writers that my site a heart's scribbles is hosting a monthly fanfiction contest and our contest for march is the lord of the rings. U can win 1 free cd if yur story wins! Please go to our site for more info and I hope everyone participates! Thx!
Our site url is hrtscribbles.cjb.net
Btw, if yur gonna read this fanfic, it's kinda A/L so…just a warning… it's kinda a one-sided love though so yah. *^^* ………and it's unbetaed.
What I Desire
Legolas walked through the woods of Lothlorien. He looked around at the beauty that he was allowed to witness and was glad for it. He had been subject to brutal death and pain ever since the moment he had departed from Rivendell. The Elven realm of Lothlorien had become a place not only of retreat but also of cleansing. He could wash away the impurities of battle now.
As Legolas silently approached the clearing his companions had been given to set camp in, he noticed two figures sitting upon a fallen log, talking quietly with one another. He recognized the two figures as the Men of the Fellowship, Boromir and Aragorn.
Aragorn. Legolas could remember the first time he had seen the stern-faced Ranger. It had been when Aragorn had briefly stayed in Mirkwood during his search for Gollum. Though Legolas had not had the chance to speak much with the Man, he had found himself intrigued by him. Who was this Man and what was it about him that could cause such a fair Elven lady as Arwen Undomiel to fall in love? Legolas regretted his curiosity. It had caused him to delve far too deeply into Aragorn's life. He had fallen in love with the Man even before he had realized it. Everything about the Man deserved praise and love. When Legolas had been introduced to Aragorn again at the Council of Elrond, he had felt his heart pounding in his chest. When Boromir had scoffed at Aragorn, Legolas had lost no time to defend the Ranger. How dare such a simple Man as Boromir dare condescend upon Aragorn? To Legolas, Aragorn was nothing less than a god, worthy of recognition, worthy of all grace he was given. Legolas knew he could not dream of ever winning the affection of the great Man.
He had been walking through the streets of Rivendell when he had noticed Aragorn and Arwen standing on the bridge over the waterfall. He had cursed himself that day for the sharp eyesight he had been gifted with for he had seen the love in Aragorn's eyes. He had seen Arwen's lips form the words of love. He could read the pledge to give up her Immortality all too well. The necklace Arwen had given Aragorn still hung around the Man's neck. It was another bitter reminder to Legolas that he could never approach the Man with his feelings.
Could he give up his Immortality for Aragorn? Was his love for the Man so great that he, too, could vow to spend the rest of his life with Aragorn as Arwen had done? Even now, the calling of the Sea had begun for him. Though it was still quite faint, Legolas could not pretend that it was not there. Someday, the call would become so great that he knew he would succumb to it and sail over to the West. But then, if he had the love of Aragorn, perhaps he could withstand the call.
Legolas smiled bitterly to himself as he went to stand beside a tree. He leaned against it gently, feeling the rough bark against his cheek. Who was he to even hope for Aragorn to love him? Aragorn was such a great Man. He was the destined heir of Isildur; fate had chosen him for prominence. And he held the heart of the Lady of the Elves. Surely Aragorn would not desire anything more. Most definitely, he would not desire anything from Legolas.
Legolas knew Aragorn saw him only as a friend. Every glance, every smile they shared was purely platonic. Whenever Legolas felt Aragorn's hand on his shoulder, he knew it was only with comfort and friendship the Man touched him. And yet, Legolas still yearned for more. Even when he knew there was no hope of his love being requited, he still looked at Aragorn when the Man was unaware with deep longing in his eyes. Only when no one was unaware of Legolas' furtive glances did the Elf dare to let out what emotions he could not when the others had their eyes upon him. If anyone ever learned of his affection for Aragorn, the effect would surely be disastrous. Legolas could only imagine what would happen. Aragorn would approach him with a sad smile and apologize for his effect on the Elf. That what Legolas felt for him would surely pass and that he would learn to love someone else with time. And then Aragorn would walk away, feeling he had made his point when in reality, he hadn't. It had become so that Legolas could not see past his blind love for the Man. No matter what anyone might say, Legolas would never love anyone else with the magnitude of his love for Aragorn. Even if he ever felt he could love again, Legolas knew he would never forget Aragorn for the pain in his heart would never fully heal.
Watching Aragorn comforting Boromir made Legolas envious though he knew only friendship existed between the two Men. Boromir was so lucky; he could receive Aragorn's comfort. Legolas did not dare ask for Aragorn to ease his grief. It would only make the pain that much greater for Legolas when the quest finally ended and he truly lost Aragorn forever. For now, Legolas only wished to spend what time he could with the Man and relish in what friendship they had.
Legolas sighed and leaned into the tree, resting his hand on his chest. He could feel the pain slowly eating away at his heart. Perhaps someday it would consume him whole and he would have to wither away in his grief. Strangely, the thought did not scare him. Legolas had been witness to so much death; he did not fear it anymore. If death was what fate had chosen to be his destiny, so be it. Death would not keep him from loving.
His father would disapprove if he knew. The whole Elven race would disapprove if it knew. For an Elf to love a Mortal was to love doom itself. The Firstborn and the Edain were not destined to love one another. Even Beren and Luthien had been doomed in their love for each other. Legolas knew a similar fate awaited Aragorn and Arwen. But he could not help but envy Arwen. At least she had the opportunity to love Aragorn. And when the time came, she would be doomed with her love. They would be taken away to spend eternity together while he would go on to the Undying Lands with only the memories of his unrequited love to cherish.
Legolas shut his eyes in despair. His hand clenched into a fist and gripped his silken shirt tightly. He lowered his head and his hair covered his face. He breathed deeply, praying for the pain to leave his heart. It only intensified and Legolas bit his lip.
"Why do you grieve?"
Legolas stared up in surprise as the pain ebbed away. Without his knowing it, Aragorn had found him in his hiding spot. Yes, only the smooth voice of that one Man could cure his grief and make the pain in his heart diminish. And yet, the Man did not know, could not know, the effect he had on Legolas…
Legolas smiled forcefully. "Do you not grieve the passing of Mithrandir?" he asked softly in Elvish.
"Indeed I grieve his passing but I am not such a fool that I am blind to your emotions, Legolas." Aragorn answered. "You do not grieve only Gandalf's passing. There is something else on your mind. It is eating away at you. Would you not open your heart to me?"
'I cannot!' Legolas thought despairingly to himself. He turned away from Aragorn and then looked back at the Man. "Mithrandir was a dear friend to me, Aragorn." Legolas answered. "His passing is like a stab to my heart. I grieve only for him." Even as Legolas spoke these words, he knew Aragorn did not believe him. The Man was perceptive. He could detect a lie even when it was the smallest white lie. As Legolas had suspected, Aragorn shook his head in sorrow.
"Very well then, Legolas." The Man replied. He stared so deeply into Legolas' eyes that Legolas was afraid he could read his mind. It was all Legolas could do to keep from looking away. "I hope our stay here can lighten your grief if my words cannot."
Legolas smiled to reassure Aragorn. "I am sure it will, Aragorn." Legolas glanced up at the sky. The stars were looming above, shining brightly. Legolas could see Earendil glittering brightly like a flawless diamond. "You should sleep, Aragorn." He said as he turned his attention back to Aragorn. "You have had little rest since we have arrived."
"Will you not come with me?" Aragorn asked.
"I wish to stay here a while longer." Legolas answered.
Aragorn nodded and put his hand on Legolas' shoulder. "I am glad you came with us, Legolas." He pulled away and turned. Legolas continued to stare after the Man even when he was no longer visible as he lied down to sleep. Legolas sighed again and after staring wistfully back up at the stars, he followed Aragorn's path. When he reached the campsite, he found all of his friends sleeping. He looked at Aragorn and he could feel the pain slowly return to his heart when he saw the Man clutching the Evenstar necklace as he slept.
It is for her his heart sings. It is for her he lives on. It is because of her he still smiles everyday. It is because of her he sleeps so peacefully.
It is because of her I can never have what I desire.