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*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Three days later, the case is closed, and she felt no comfort from it. Her brother was gone, and she felt horribly alone. Han was beside her at all times, comforting her when she needed it, but she still felt alone, especially in her own mind, a place where she had never been alone before. She had always been aware of him, even before she knew him. She had always felt that happy or sad presence, even when she did not realize it. Now that place in her soul was empty, and she felt so cold. It scared her more then anything.
She did not believe she was dressing for her brother's funeral. Her twin's cremation, in the Jedi fashion. Could he be called that, after how he had killed himself? No, don't think about it, Leia, separate yourself. She just had to keep repeating it. That was all, just keep thinking that.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
He watched her try to turn herself cold, and knew it was killing her inside. His best friend's funeral. He thought he would never see it. He always thought that he would go before Luke. Luke was always getting out from underneath death's blade, but this time, he had applied it to himself. It seemed almost a sense of irony. No one could kill Luke, except himself. But why? That still raced in Han's mind as he thought. Luke hadn't of been acting strange the days before. It seemed that it had just come up, and happened. It scared him to think that it just happened without warning. He couldn't lose anyone else like that, losing Luke was bad enough. He looked back at Leia, seeing her shack slightly as she tried to steady her hand while she brushed her hair. He couldn't lose her, most of all. He had to remain by her side for as long as she needed him, or he feared he would lose her as well.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Emotions were high as they entered the room. Almost everyone was there, except those of Luke's friends that were out in the galaxy and could not return in time.
She could sense the different emotions. Anger, betrayal, lose, sorrow, grief, all in the same room. It almost was enough to drive her from the room, but she held onto her control, and walked forward, to stand at the head of the pyre. She looked down and studied the body. He seemed so pale, so small, so cold upon that stone and wood. He was dressed in his black uniform, for no one could decide if he was truly considered a Jedi any longer. But he had been one of their own, no matter what.
Her eyes were unwillingly drawn to the barely visible slits in the wrists. So fine, so delicate, it was hard to believe he died by loss of blood from such wounds when he had suffered worse. The thin dagger that he had taken his life with was at his side, not cleaned of the blood upon it. It seemed to serve as a reminder.
She finally came to bring the image together in her mind. He looked to be asleep, but she knew better. No longer would breath kiss his sweet lips, nor light shine in his delicate eyes. No more would he stir, for his spirit had passed, leaving grief and sorrow behind. He looked to be a great warrior laid out in burial. He seemed to be a shadow and an angel all at once. Fallen but not. It hurt her deeply to see him as such, when before he had been her twin, of her blood, of her soul, mortal, powerful, yes, but mortal. Now he seemed so different in death.
She tore her thoughts away from him and looked at those gathered.
"I thank you all for coming. It is a sad occasion that brings us here. The death of Luke Skywalker is a deep emotionally loss for all of us, for he was our own, our friend, our brother, our commander, our comrade. He was all that and more. There is no answer to why he did what he did. Maybe it was the will of the Force," she stopped herself, she felt so cold saying this, "But I do not believe so. I believe it was because he was mortal, and his madness claimed him at last. We all know Luke had more stress then many of us. He supported the Rebellion and all in it, even when it failed him. He saved all of our lives time and time again, when he didn't even know us, at a time when we cared little if he lived or died. He became our symbol of hope when he took on the Jedi training. He suffered by becoming the last and first, for he was alone, and no one can understand that loneliness that he felt. He suffered our wrath when we found out whose son he was, though it didn't matter. Luke Skywalker was different then his Father, and he always was. We cursed his name time and time again, and yet he loved and helped us, defended us and never betrayed us, even when darkness threatened his very soul. I only wish he had finally admitted it, instead of taking his life. I only hope now that he has reached the peace he wanted," she finished softly.
The others stood in silent shock, and there was not a sound among them. She knew she probably insulted and hurt many of them, but she did not have the heart to care. She took the torch from the one holding it. Leaning down to the cold ear of her dead brother, she whispered one final saying to him.
"Walk among the stars, Luke, its what you always dreamed of."
And then pulling back, she set the torch upon the wood, and it ignited, leaving only ashes where flesh once was.
*~*~*~*~*~*
It was over, and everyone was leaving. The body was nothing but ashes now, but his memory would live on. He watched as the others left, and when the room was empty, he approached his wife.
"Leia, lets go," he said softly.
She didn't seem to hear him, but kept looking down at the ashes, as if waiting for some sign, or for him to rise like a Phoenix from them. He placed a hand upon her shoulder.
"Leia," he said again, a bit more loudly.
"I am okay, Han. I must do something first before I can go. Wait for me outside the door?" Leia asked softly.
He was reluctant to do so, but knew he couldn't pressure her or she would push him away. He couldn't deal with that now, for he needed her as much as she needed him.
He nodded, and walked out to the great doors, opened them and went out. There he waited, and hoped she would not do anything foolish.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
She stared at the ashes for a moment longer, and then she shifted through them with her hands, until she came in contact with what she was searching for. She pulled the burnt but whole blade from the pyre, and held it in her hands. It was still sharp, and she could see the barest traces of blood upon its blacken blade.
[i]It would be so easy,[/i] she thought as she ran a hand over the blade and then looked at her wrists.
She then looked again at the pyre.
"Why? The only question I ever wanted an answer to, and yet I shall never get it from you. Why? You never complained, you never cried out for help, you never broke down. Why? Why did you have to be the strong, the infallible? Was it because we asked it of you? If we did, oh Force, Luke, I am sorry. We shouldn't have done that to you. But I don't believe we piled it all upon your shoulders. We gave you everything we could to show that we supported you. But you never wanted anything from us. You wanted to give, but did you give too much? Perhaps you did, and you went mad. But who was this he? Was he you? Was it you that was haunting you? Your faults, your lies, your broken dreams, your broken heart? Why didn't you say anything?" she whispered, the barest traces of tears running down her cheeks.
She placed the blade back into the ashes, and recovered it. She then gently ran a hand over the stone of the pyre, which was still warm. Her hand then went to the cold metal vase that would be the vessel for her brother's ashes. She would not be the person to place them within it, but another. It seemed like such a cold and impersonal thing to place her brother's remains in. But that was how it was, and it would only be for a little while, until they released his remains into hyperspace, where they could spread among the stars.
She turned form the pyre then and one last thing came to her lips. It hurt her to say those words, but it felt right to finally vent some of the anger and betrayal she felt. She turned back to the pyre.
"You were the greatest hero our galaxy ever had, but now, you are the greatest of cowards, Luke. And I shall not follow you this time into the grave. Rest in the Force, brother, but never forget the shame of how you left this world the easy way," she said.
She then turned, and joined her husband at the doorway, never turning back.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Three days later, the case is closed, and she felt no comfort from it. Her brother was gone, and she felt horribly alone. Han was beside her at all times, comforting her when she needed it, but she still felt alone, especially in her own mind, a place where she had never been alone before. She had always been aware of him, even before she knew him. She had always felt that happy or sad presence, even when she did not realize it. Now that place in her soul was empty, and she felt so cold. It scared her more then anything.
She did not believe she was dressing for her brother's funeral. Her twin's cremation, in the Jedi fashion. Could he be called that, after how he had killed himself? No, don't think about it, Leia, separate yourself. She just had to keep repeating it. That was all, just keep thinking that.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
He watched her try to turn herself cold, and knew it was killing her inside. His best friend's funeral. He thought he would never see it. He always thought that he would go before Luke. Luke was always getting out from underneath death's blade, but this time, he had applied it to himself. It seemed almost a sense of irony. No one could kill Luke, except himself. But why? That still raced in Han's mind as he thought. Luke hadn't of been acting strange the days before. It seemed that it had just come up, and happened. It scared him to think that it just happened without warning. He couldn't lose anyone else like that, losing Luke was bad enough. He looked back at Leia, seeing her shack slightly as she tried to steady her hand while she brushed her hair. He couldn't lose her, most of all. He had to remain by her side for as long as she needed him, or he feared he would lose her as well.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Emotions were high as they entered the room. Almost everyone was there, except those of Luke's friends that were out in the galaxy and could not return in time.
She could sense the different emotions. Anger, betrayal, lose, sorrow, grief, all in the same room. It almost was enough to drive her from the room, but she held onto her control, and walked forward, to stand at the head of the pyre. She looked down and studied the body. He seemed so pale, so small, so cold upon that stone and wood. He was dressed in his black uniform, for no one could decide if he was truly considered a Jedi any longer. But he had been one of their own, no matter what.
Her eyes were unwillingly drawn to the barely visible slits in the wrists. So fine, so delicate, it was hard to believe he died by loss of blood from such wounds when he had suffered worse. The thin dagger that he had taken his life with was at his side, not cleaned of the blood upon it. It seemed to serve as a reminder.
She finally came to bring the image together in her mind. He looked to be asleep, but she knew better. No longer would breath kiss his sweet lips, nor light shine in his delicate eyes. No more would he stir, for his spirit had passed, leaving grief and sorrow behind. He looked to be a great warrior laid out in burial. He seemed to be a shadow and an angel all at once. Fallen but not. It hurt her deeply to see him as such, when before he had been her twin, of her blood, of her soul, mortal, powerful, yes, but mortal. Now he seemed so different in death.
She tore her thoughts away from him and looked at those gathered.
"I thank you all for coming. It is a sad occasion that brings us here. The death of Luke Skywalker is a deep emotionally loss for all of us, for he was our own, our friend, our brother, our commander, our comrade. He was all that and more. There is no answer to why he did what he did. Maybe it was the will of the Force," she stopped herself, she felt so cold saying this, "But I do not believe so. I believe it was because he was mortal, and his madness claimed him at last. We all know Luke had more stress then many of us. He supported the Rebellion and all in it, even when it failed him. He saved all of our lives time and time again, when he didn't even know us, at a time when we cared little if he lived or died. He became our symbol of hope when he took on the Jedi training. He suffered by becoming the last and first, for he was alone, and no one can understand that loneliness that he felt. He suffered our wrath when we found out whose son he was, though it didn't matter. Luke Skywalker was different then his Father, and he always was. We cursed his name time and time again, and yet he loved and helped us, defended us and never betrayed us, even when darkness threatened his very soul. I only wish he had finally admitted it, instead of taking his life. I only hope now that he has reached the peace he wanted," she finished softly.
The others stood in silent shock, and there was not a sound among them. She knew she probably insulted and hurt many of them, but she did not have the heart to care. She took the torch from the one holding it. Leaning down to the cold ear of her dead brother, she whispered one final saying to him.
"Walk among the stars, Luke, its what you always dreamed of."
And then pulling back, she set the torch upon the wood, and it ignited, leaving only ashes where flesh once was.
*~*~*~*~*~*
It was over, and everyone was leaving. The body was nothing but ashes now, but his memory would live on. He watched as the others left, and when the room was empty, he approached his wife.
"Leia, lets go," he said softly.
She didn't seem to hear him, but kept looking down at the ashes, as if waiting for some sign, or for him to rise like a Phoenix from them. He placed a hand upon her shoulder.
"Leia," he said again, a bit more loudly.
"I am okay, Han. I must do something first before I can go. Wait for me outside the door?" Leia asked softly.
He was reluctant to do so, but knew he couldn't pressure her or she would push him away. He couldn't deal with that now, for he needed her as much as she needed him.
He nodded, and walked out to the great doors, opened them and went out. There he waited, and hoped she would not do anything foolish.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
She stared at the ashes for a moment longer, and then she shifted through them with her hands, until she came in contact with what she was searching for. She pulled the burnt but whole blade from the pyre, and held it in her hands. It was still sharp, and she could see the barest traces of blood upon its blacken blade.
[i]It would be so easy,[/i] she thought as she ran a hand over the blade and then looked at her wrists.
She then looked again at the pyre.
"Why? The only question I ever wanted an answer to, and yet I shall never get it from you. Why? You never complained, you never cried out for help, you never broke down. Why? Why did you have to be the strong, the infallible? Was it because we asked it of you? If we did, oh Force, Luke, I am sorry. We shouldn't have done that to you. But I don't believe we piled it all upon your shoulders. We gave you everything we could to show that we supported you. But you never wanted anything from us. You wanted to give, but did you give too much? Perhaps you did, and you went mad. But who was this he? Was he you? Was it you that was haunting you? Your faults, your lies, your broken dreams, your broken heart? Why didn't you say anything?" she whispered, the barest traces of tears running down her cheeks.
She placed the blade back into the ashes, and recovered it. She then gently ran a hand over the stone of the pyre, which was still warm. Her hand then went to the cold metal vase that would be the vessel for her brother's ashes. She would not be the person to place them within it, but another. It seemed like such a cold and impersonal thing to place her brother's remains in. But that was how it was, and it would only be for a little while, until they released his remains into hyperspace, where they could spread among the stars.
She turned form the pyre then and one last thing came to her lips. It hurt her to say those words, but it felt right to finally vent some of the anger and betrayal she felt. She turned back to the pyre.
"You were the greatest hero our galaxy ever had, but now, you are the greatest of cowards, Luke. And I shall not follow you this time into the grave. Rest in the Force, brother, but never forget the shame of how you left this world the easy way," she said.
She then turned, and joined her husband at the doorway, never turning back.