Disclaimer: I don't own anything but a couple hundred books, a lacrosse stick, and a pair of these really fabulous black heels. I don't think I own anything but the plot of this story, which I might someday steal to write a story of my own. Meladria of Kendilean and her love/hate Georien of Essem. Perhaps. I think I'll change the names, though…..J

A/N: Ugh, I have to write this upstairs, at the stupid computer without internet access. Gah, I hate doing this. It's annoying, and kinda defeats the purpose of not having to use floppy disks, which I despise, cos I can never find them again. Pure evilness.

This is going to be longer than I thought, but there is a plot, and a pretty complicated one, if I may say so, even if it really is just an excuse for me to make the two snog. What can I say, I'm thirteen years old. I think I'm allowed to be a bit of a hopeless (but realistic, I highly doubt that I'm ever going to have contests of who loves the other more, or that my future significant other will speak to me in flowery language) romantic. Besides, I think it would be soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo funny. Imagine the scene:

The entire court of Tortall is out to see Cleon marry his moronic heiress, and Joren isn't dead. All of a sudden, a teenage girl pops out of no where, and starts critiquing everyone on their love lifes, being particularly evil to Alanna and Kel by going into (embarrassing) detail, and to Jon by telling him that he's a toffee-nosed git. (I can't help it, I like that phrase, I stole it from one of my friend's fathers…….) And then, she proceeds to make a hyper idiot of herself by telling Joren and Kel that they should fall in love……

Oh my gosh! HOW CAN YOU NOT FIND THAT FUNNY?!? Seriously. You have no sense of humor, or perhaps you just aren't as high on sugar as I am. Whatever; Same difference. Okay, on to the story. Here we go……

Chapter Eight

I was clad only in a thin nightgown, with my hair tightly braided, and as I walked down the deserted hallway, I shivered, from fear or cold, both equally plausible, I was not certain. It was the dead of night, two or three in the morning, and while I could faintly hear few deep rumbles of laughter echoing through the building, they were few and far between, and quite the exception. Everyone but the hard cores and me are asleep. Gosh, that's a surprise!

I held a small, lit candle, the torches having extinguished themselves long ago, and stepping forward, I rapped sharply on a wooden door, twice.

There was no reply from within, so I knocked again. Still nothing. I knocked louder, and then tried the door; it was locked. Gods, he's paranoid! I yanked at the door; it did not give. Propping my foot against the door, I once more tightly grasped the handle, and pulled with all my strength.

The lock gave way, and I stumbled to the floor. "Dammit!" I whispered, sharply. That used to be my backside. Used. As in, past tense.

A slumbering figure lay reclined on the couch, asleep and oblivious to the little 'locked door drama' I had just performed. I gathered myself up and watched him, quietly closing the door, with an expressed that I would never admit to by the light of day. He looks so…innocent.

Joren of Stone Mountain looked younger than he was while sleeping. He was seventeen, and quite a good specimen, but as I gazed at him, I could easily have mistaken him for thirteen or fourteen, a mere boy.

Even though you are roughly that age, I reminded myself, self-mocking.

He slept with a slightly often mouth, I realized with strange delight, an endearing quality, with a half smile on his face and little child snores. His long blond hair had fallen into his face, and he lay curled on his side, like a cat. I've always been partial to cats……Oh goddess, Kel, stop it. You're starting to sound all lovesick-idiot-y. Stop it or I'm going to have to hurt you.

I touched his warm, bare arm, and shook him. "Mithros, S.M.," I said, in a voice I didn't quite recognize, "wake up, darling, will ya?"

"Go away!" he muttered incoherently, and hid his head beneath a pillow.

I pulled his arm. "Come on! Dammit, Stone Mountain! Wake up!"

"Shut up."

He had a glass of water on the small table by his bed. Being nothing if not an opportunist, I decided that –hey, this is the only time I'll ever get to do this—it was the perfect chance to wreak revenge on him for breathing. I need someone with an evil, villainous laugh, come on, get with the program here!

Thirty seconds later, after Joren had attempted to strangle me, we were on the floor, me expertly pinned once more, his long hair barely touching my face. It was an odd sensation, and more than a little attractive, to me, anyway. Well, he is a better wrestler… I smiled cheekily at him.

"It worked," I informed him, in a lightly evil tone. "Am I allowed to laugh at you?"

He was glowered, and then pulled himself off of me. "What…the…fuck…was…that…for?" he asked, slowly, patiently, as he offered a hand.

"Well, you wouldn't wake up….." I trailed off, finally noticing the fact that he was not annoyed, but angry, that in fact, he was more than angry, he was furious. I hadn't seen him this mad in, well, forever. And Joren is very scary when he is angry...

"Has it ever occurred to you," he continued, in that strained voice, his ice blue eyes burning with that cold ancient fury, so beautiful, so breathtakingly beautiful, "that you are being incredibly stupid."

"Joren," I interrupted, "S.M., stop it! Stop it right now." I gazed back at him, losing myself in the depths of his eyes. If I let myself, I could never get out of them... "Stop it," I whispered, helplessly. The situation was out of my control.

He leaned forward, closer to me, and I thought for a moment that he is going to kiss me. He was so close, everything else seemed to disappear, the room, the inn, the world. I couldn't concentrate on anything, anything but him, and the fact that the one thing I couldn't control was him. Joren was only a centimeter away. "Don't do that again, Mindelan," he whispered softly, his left hand gently cupping my face, his right encircled behind my back, pulling me closer. I couldn't breathe. "If you like your head where it is, on your neck. Do you understand?"

I nodded mutely, my expression unreadable. Dammit, S.M., you scare me. "Sure. Whatever," I replied.

"So what was it?" he asked after a long silence, calmed down considerably, "That you were all excited skipping-ly about."

"The word is 'trippy,' Stone Mountain. Trippy. And I could tell you if you'd take your hand off of my face I could answer you," I said tartly. He seemed rather embarrassed, blushing even, rather cute when he blushes, no, stop it, bad thoughts, chill with the whole handsome thing, and muttered under his breath, "Sorry."

"It's okay," I replied, swallowing. It would be nice if he'd keep his hand there. Oh well. "Well, um, see, when I was serving stuff, I overheard some of the Scanrans? Saying that they, well…."


"They, well…." He mimicked. "Yes?"

"That their peasants, ack, what am I saying? That the peasants are really unhappy with Rathhausak, that they're revolting. Or trying to revolt. That kind of thing, y'know?"

He looked confused. "And we care because?…" he trailed off. "Oh, shit," he breathed, staring at the floor, then looking up at me openmouthed. "Damn. That-that, that could, it could, y'know—"

We were totally silent again. I toyed with the leather cord around my wrist for a few moments, then looked up at him. He was biting his lip, slumped over, gazing at the ground, when he laughed suddenly. "Oh Mithros!" he said, and his eyes sparkled. I'm learning a lot of new things about Joren, aren't I? "Gods, Mindelan, don't you get it? All we have to do is get the peasants to support us, and then, and then…"

"—and then it's as good as won," I replied. "If the peasants support us, once Ryer offs him, we're safe. Guaranteed safe passage home. All we have to do is get them to support us, although we might be a little crunched for time. Say, when is the mission, anyw….ay……." I trailed off, my gaze dropped.

"It's in two weeks……." he said, and then realized what that meant. We turned to face each other, his mouth open, my nose wrinkled. "That means…."

"Oh, crap!" we said together, and I kept going.

"That means in just ten days, we have to—"

"—Mindelan," he interrupted, "go get Melka. Now!"

Okay, the boy's getting delusional, now. "Fine," I stressed, "I'll get her."

"Just shut up and move! I am your knightmaster, I can make you do anything—"

"As bloody if!" I retorted. "I'll get her. Try to be a little less of a jerk when I come back," I called, and slammed the door. The still empty hallway echoed.

***

Five minutes later, Ryer Melka was in Joren's room, lounging on his bed as if she belonged there. Okay, Mindelan, stop being jealous. She's just Ryer, she just is that way. Alright? Calm down. She looked down upon us, from her more experienced vantagepoint of—how old was she, anyway? Thirty something, but…--and raised her eyebrows.

"So, my loved and loving children," she said sardonically, "what is it that causes you to drag me out of my much desired beauty sleep at this time of night?"

"Well, it wouldn't help, anyway," Joren muttered, inaudibly. Ryer cocked a disparaging glance at him, and sniffed, then destroyed the moment by ruffling his hair.

"You're a cute kid," she told him, and he blushed. Gods that is a sickening sight. I sighed loudly, emphatically.

"Can we get back to the original point?" I asked, annoyed. "Not to be rude or anything, but I have better things to do than to sit around and watch you two flirt. All right?"

"Gods, Kel," Joren murmured, "calm down." I gave him a mutinous glare, and he laughed. "You're so funny when you're mad. But yeah, I agree. Ryer, even though we all know you find me terribly attractive—"

I lost it, and snorted. They're both giving me the most incredibly amusing looks…I thought, and smiled artlessly at them, and winked audaciously at Joren, who looked startled. Ryer sniggered.

"Now who's flirting horribly with Stone Mountain?" she countered, delight in her face. "Although you are more understandable than I am….I still say that y'all would make the more deliciously adorable couple—"

"Ryer," Joren interrupted, his face flushed. "That is—"

"Possibly the most moronic idea you've come up with," I finished.

"Yet," he added. "That's rather hard, don't you think? You've had some pretty ridiculous ideas, but me and Mindelan? You are totally insane."

"And I agree," I said. "As soon as we're done with this, I am so going to get you put away somewhere. But can we get back to the original topic, no discussions of how cute you think we'd be together?"

Ryer shrugged, not at all ashamed. "Sure, go 'head."

"Okay," Joren said, trying to sound in charge, and failing pretty miserably. "Well, Mindelan was off, and anyway, she—"

"Oh, gods, Joren, let me say it! I overheard the Scanrans saying that the peasants are about to revolt. There. Got it?"

Ryer looked perturbed, but not particularly interested. "And the point of this would be?…."

I sighed, exasperated. "You are so dense sometimes, y'know that, Ryer, don't cha? It means that if we convince them to support us, then we'll have—"

"A free ticket out of Scanra," she finished. "Yeah, I see what you mean. I feel very smart at the moment, thanks." She twisted her mouth up for a moment, as if debating where to go with whatever sudden revelation she'd had. "Then you two have to go, don't you?"

"Um, excuse me?" I inquired, "why us? Why not you? You don't even exist, remember, officially, anyway, S.M. and I both do. We have jobs, remember? If we skip out on them, they'll—"

Ryer looked offended. "Yes, you two have jobs, but I'm sure it wouldn't blow your cover if you suddenly became ill. I, on the other hand, am an assassin, and as such, I can't just go running around the countryside of Scanra, bribing peasants. Be reasonable."

"Ryer—"

"Besides," she continued, "it wouldn't be that helpful, anyway. I haven't missed in years, and I won't miss this time. Therefore, we won't need anyone to back us if I miss. Once Rathhausak is wasted, we'll just calmly proceed out of Scanra. Not that hard. It's a pretty moronic excuse for an evil, regicidal plot, y'know. I think we're fine."

Joren and I both glowered at her, his chin jutting out, my fists clenched. Watch as we whack Ryer to death with heavy blunt objects if she doesn't get with the program. Now.

"Ryer," Joren started, "I don't care about your….accuracy. We are going to do—"

"That," I continued, "and I personally care less than he does. We are—"

Ryer sighed, raised her hands in a gesture of supplication and clasped them. "Fine, fine. All right? You are being really stupid, you know that. One condition."

"Yes?" Joren asked.

"You two do it."

***

Freaking change of plans, I thought morosely, smiling mechanically as I served Rathhausak—I seemed to be serving him more and more often these days, just about every one in fact—and curtsying. Joren and Ryer just had to go off and leave me hear all alone. 'He wouldn't be missed as much as you,' my ass. If I wasn't so kind and non-judgemental, I'd suspect them of running off to sleep with each other, or something. Okay, I need to stop being all jealous. Stop being jealous, Kel, stop being jealous… "Gods all bless, milord."

He smiled back at me. He has the most hideous smile I've ever seen, I thought as I walked away, back to the kitchens. Yellow teeth are very unattractive, as a general rule. And I could do without the beard. Ugly man, isn't he.

Zeira, the kitchenmaid who passed trays to me winked. "I see you've gained an admirer, Syrne," she teased, grinning.

I looked at her in confusion. "Pardon?" I asked. What the hell is she talking about?

She giggled, as did Schala, the cooks helper, who was bringing food for Zeira to pass out. "Come on," Schala replied, "you can't possibly be that oblivious to it all."

"No!" I protested. "I honestly don't know what you're talking about!"

Zeira looked at me kindly. "Really, Syrne, it's all right," she said, comfortingly. "It's all right. I know, since you're married and everything, and Georyn is so handsome, that you might not be willing to admit it, but you do know, don't you?"

"I do know what?" I asked. What are they talking about?

Zeira sighed heavily. "Oh, you poor little duck," she said, fondly, "you really don't know, do you. How old are you, anyway? Sixteen?"

I shook my head. "Fifteen."

"You're only fifteen?" Schala said in surprise, as she came back with a platter of glasses. "Really." She and Zeira exchanged glances. "Rather like robbing the cradle, don't you think?"

Zeira made an odd little noise, and then proceeded. "I didn't know that you were that young, dearie. Oh well."

"Will you just hurry up with it?" I begged.

"Okay," she said, "alright then. Well, it's that the gossip around is, well…"

"Yes?"

"That his Majesty and you are…are…"

"Are? Are?"

"Well," she said, bluntly, "that you are most likely his next mistress." Recognizing my look of distress, she continued, kindly, "Don't worry, darling, that's wonderful, don't you know? If you are, why, he's very kind to his mistresses. And, if you are the next….have you seen the young woman, the one with the red hair, around court?"

"Yes."

"Well, she's his current one, but not for much longer, I hear. Too temperamental. But have you seen those jewels?" Zeira suddenly embraced me, giving me a few pats on the back. "It's a wonderful opportunity," she whispered, "wonderful, if you know what I mean….."

A/N: Once again, I'm back! La la la la la la la la la la la la. I have this planned, perfectly plotted out, through the middle of the next chapter, but I have a lot more planned, because I mean, honestly, even I am getting annoyed by the fact that they aren't snogging. I mean, come on. And besides, I suddenly have a desperate urge to write a sex scene between the two….J (!)

Thank yous to: Henna, cytosine, Stacey, Blade Griffin, Free2BMe, Lady Sandrilene, Angel of the Storms, The Blind Assassin, Xelena, and Evilstrawberry. But in particular, notes for everybody! They're short this time, though.

Henna: thanks! I got my name cos when I was little, I invented this language, I think it was Tirwindl, or maybe it was Marenethan, I'm not sure, either Tirwindl was the place and Marenethan was the language, or Marenetha was the place, and Tirwindl was the language, I'm not sure, and arimel meant 'grace of spirit' or something like that. You can tell I read too many fairy tales when I was little. :-D

Blade Griffin: I can never reveal my secrets. But if he's going to make out with her, eventually he's going to have to fall, whether before or after, who knows? (Hint: Meaning I have no idea. I'm kinda making this up as I go along.) Thanx!

Angel of the Storms: yo. Thanx! I think I should make some even eviler cliffies, though…..what say you?

Cytosine: well, I didn't say that I wasn't going to incorporate the rest of the stuff…..along with someone else's idea, too….. awesome! I need to read that.

Stacey: lol! Speaking of wanting them just to have sex now, and get it over with, you aren't the only one. I swear, if those annoying fictional characters don't agree with me and stop acting so moronic and start with kissing/full frontal snogging/making out/sex right now, I am SO going to….

Evilstrawberry: obeying orders as commanded, sir! (I need to stop watching all of those

bad war movies...

Lady Sandrilene: Evil fictional characters. I think I should just put them in a cage somewhere, and be done with it, give them the third degree until they agree with my plots. Grr.... Yes, major slip-uppage. It wouldn't be fair if only Kel was doing that.....

The Blind Assassin: thanks! Well, she had to say something. I'm so glad you thought it was funny! * preens * Yeah, and I want to write some major -!--but I can't do that now, evil characters. The attempted kiss was as close as I could get, dammit. Oh well. C'est la vie.

Xelena: new person! New person! Watch as I form a conga line! And two LONG reviews….ahh……I'm so thrilled. (!) Anyway……Thanx! So glad u like Kel! Of course we have something developing, though, I'm a hopeless enemy romantic. I.e. I think all enemies should fall madly in love. Its always such a funny concept…Yeah, this is definitely going to be K/J, once I manage to make the stupid characters go a little farther than they want 2 at the moment. Your review actuacly gah! I can't spell! Actually made me laugh. I kinda need one right now…..really long depressing story. Thanx!

Love y'all!

Ahr

(Oh my god, I think I'm turning into a Southerner. Eek!)