"House Party: a Screwed-Up Fanfic", by the mighty Iatrogene. This fic features the following characters. Joe Higashi, Dan Hibiki, Saji Keisuke, Akira Koizumi, Mai Shiranui, Shingo Yabuki, Terry Bogard, Andy Bogard, Rugal, Ryuji Yamazaki, and Whip. Most of these characters are from SNK's truly awesome 2d fighting games, the "King of Fighters" series.
Others, namely, would be the products of Capcom and an anime that I truly adore. The one Capcom character I did place in this fic would be Dan Hibiki, from the "Street Fighter Alpha" series. The two characters from my favorite anime, "Iketeru Futari", are Saji Keisuke, and Akira Koizumi.
It is early morning. The warm rays of the sun reflect off dewy blades of grass, and furry woodland creatures hop, scamper, and roam a lawn that is five hundred square feet in nature. The temperature outside is a perfect sixty-five degrees, and the morning is so immaculate that it seems nothing could penetrate its beauty.
A mansion sits in the middle of the lawn. The mansion is mountainous six stories, and bears a dark shade of red. There are pillars on the front of the estate, to the left and right of the door. Up one story is a grand outlook, a deck of such ornate decoration and craftsmanship as to deserve a place in the annals of history. The next story has two, but they are separate-- one on the far left and one on the far right. The succeeding three stories are plain, and in spots the paint is worn off to show the brick underneath. Although hard to distinguish, the shade on the brick is somewhat different than the paint on the house. On the sides of the mansion, ivy is growing to a length measuring three-fourths of the way up.
Almost instantly, a shadowy figure steps up to the window facing the lawn on the first floor. He squints to see through the glare on the glass, and as the sunlight enthralls him, inch by inch; his face is revealed to be stoic in nature, with firm cheekbones and a tight jaw. He has a thin moustache on his upper lip, which twitches periodically. His mind whirring, he almost radiates anger, as he looks outward. He is suddenly roused from his daydream by the noise of his visitors, who are awakening.
The man called Rugal walks down his hallway, looking down each open doorway, through the foul stench of alcohol, as if to find something there to ease his mind. Perhaps he is looking for a single room that has not been trashed by his visitors. He stops, looks through one open door; and finds that which he is looking for. One room has not been ruined; it is the one that was not occupied. This room was his own. Rugal could not sleep at all; he was trying to keep his visitors in line. As he passes his study, he sees all the books he had spent years collecting, strewn here and there, pages floating downward from the top of a bookshelf, which has a drunken woman on top of it. When he sees this, his jaw clenches, and he barks a command at the person to get down from there and explain themselves. The visitor, a woozy Mai Shiranui, loses her balance, and falls off of the shelf. She lands with a sickening thud-CRACK! This seems to have cheered Rugal up quite a bit, and he smiles; says a few words under his breath, chuckles, and walks on.
He walks into his living room, and finds the TV on, looks around, and sees a few intoxicated fools asleep on his carpet. He does not bother them, he only sits on his couch, and runs his fingers along the gold-embroidered upholstery; and he thinks. What does a man whom has everything think about? He thinks of better days, when he still had his dignity. These memories jar him awake, and he looks upward at his ceiling. How long had it been since he had admired the paintings on his walls? They had sure cost enough, he should admire them. He looks up at his ceiling again, the concave design he had paid thousands for, and the paintings which he had paid tens of thousands for... and which now have pizza stains all over them.
He sighs, and decides it's time to rouse the visitors. But not two seconds after he had decided that, they start to awaken themselves. Rugal then gets up, strolls over to the middle of the floor, and waits patiently. He thinks to himself what havoc he can wreak on them for this, and this cheers him up even more... almost to a point that he forgets his plight. Although, such atrocities are not very well forgotten.
As Joe Higashi and Dan Hibiki awaken, they become aware of each other's presence. On any other day, this is not a good thing. But, however, both of them are hung over, and thus rendered unable to fight for the moment.
The setting is that of an illustriously decorated (well, at least it was...) mansion which belongs to none other than Rugal.
Rugal: Ah, good morning, ladies-- gentlemen... I trust you enjoyed yourselves last night?
An extremely wary Whip, perched atop an extravagantly upholstered recliner; fingers her pistol cautiously... and as she does this, the attention is drawn to her; and the fact that she sits across the room is made known.
Rugal: Ah, yes... the spy. Won't you join us?
The room seems to heat up to a searing, psychological burner as the two conflicting personalities stare each other down. One question goes through each warrior's mind... "What is he/she thinking?". During this piercing silence, a rather drunken and foul-smelling Saji stumbles through an open hallway, and falls face first on the plush carpet.
Saji: Anyone get the number of that bus? HA HA HA HA HAAAA!!!
If this weren't such a serious matter, it would have been funny. But since Whip was trained to be an assassin her entire life, she takes advantage of this situation. As she lunges forward, she reaches for her knapsack, which is draped over her back; and which she carries with her always. But as she is gliding over the carpet, she is shocked at the realization that her pistol is no longer there. As she turns to find out what happened; she realizes the fatal flaw which she has just committed. Rugal then lunges behind her and launches a Kaiser Wave of mammoth proportions at her. Needless to say, she is knocked backwards onto a rather unconscious Shingo Yabuki.
Shingo is awakened by a blood-curdling crunch, and sees the semi-conscious spy atop him. Then Shingo looks down, and sees that his knee had been inserted into the space formerly occupied by Whip's spine. After this, a rather excited blue blur is seen to zoom across the open hallway and hide behind the collapsed form of a drunken and sleeping Saji. As Shingo catches Whip's murderous glare, he erects Saji up onto his knees and hides behind him.
Saji awakens just in time to catch a genocide cutter to the jaw, and is flung up, several feet into the air. When his face is just about two seconds from the ceiling, he starts screaming like a schoolgirl. After the impact, the bottom half of Saji is seen to be dangling from a hole in the ceiling. Then, Akira is heard verbally abusing Saji from the bedroom that she had been trying to sleep in.
Amidst the ruckus caused by this event, a hitherto preoccupied Shingo looks down and catches a flailing whip in the face. Both of these pestilences being taken care of, Whip retires to the bathroom to clean up her wounds, and change clothes. Rugal, being the gentleman that he is, allows her to do so.
When this has all taken place, the matter of the missing gun is brought to the attention of the group; whose glazed-over eyes trail it to the couch, where it should have been. Instead, they find a mysterious newcomer there. He is clad in all black, and has a murderous smile on his face, and of such grotesque intensity that it would frighten his own mother. His hair is blonde on the top, and combed back, uniformly, into a rear-facing spike. His gigantic, sinewy arms are tossing the gun up and down, whilst staring at the ground. He removes his black sunglasses, and looks up. He says to the extremely horrified group: "Sen-neh, hai yen-dai-yuu!". At the conclusion of his last pronounced syllable, he crushes the gun into a white, metallic powder, and an explosion briefly ensues.
Amidst the coughing, and the rich, black, blinding smoke, he stands up and strolls over next to Rugal. As the group struggles to regain breathing and vision, they are shocked to see that Rugal and the newcomer are seemingly on the same side.
Yamazaki: Now... which of you maggots will lick my shoes clean?
Rugal: HA HA HA... there will be plenty of time for that later, Ryuji. Sit tight for now.
Yamazaki: Well THAT'S no fun, Rugal. You should learn to have excitement in your life... I mean, LOOK at you. You're wearing a BATHROBE, for crying out loud.
As our drunken group strewn across Rugal's living room stares on; a hiccup of laughter wells up in their throats and is released. The results of which resemble a belch, a sneeze, and a giggle, all in one. Altogether it is quite a funny sound. But a certain person seems not to think so. This person would be the extremely mad Rugal, who is glaring at Ryuji and making a fist.
Rugal: Shut UP, you insolent WHELP!! I ought to have you GUTTED like a FISH for this... this-- SHUT UP!!!
Ryuji (slightly taken aback): Sorry, boss. I won't let it happen again.
Rugal: Just sit down, Ryuji.
Ryuji: You got it.
Dan (pointing at Joe): HEY, I KNOW YOU!!!
Joe: Huh?
Dan: You're the guy that Capcom pitted me against in CVS!
Joe: Oh, not this again... For the last time, Dan--
Dan (interrupting): I WILL PUT THE BIG HURT ON YOU!!
Rugal (stomps across the room and interjects): WILL YOU POSTURING IDIOTS SHUT UP!!
Ryuji (leans over to them): Just stay on his good side... he's really scary when he's angry.
Terry: Yeah, we kind of noticed that.
Andy: I second that.
Ryuji: Well, I gotta admit this much... you're fun, for a bunch of good guys. That was one heck of a Karaoke show you put on.
Terry: Actually, that was Shingo and Saji. Then Mai had to join in. Good thing whip had her scissors. Man, if she hadn't cut that cord, I don't know what I'd have done.
Andy: Yeah, Mai's voice is kind of annoying sometimes.
Terry: Thank you, CAPTAIN OBVIOUS!
Andy: Hey, you're the one who thought that Whip was Mary, remember?
Terry: Well, they do look alike... and I'm not the one who urinated in the punchbowl, mister nice guest!
Shortly after this argument breaks out, and certain comments are made about one another, the Bogard brothers get into a fistfight. This is stopped by a screeching wail heard from the study.
Mai: OW! MY BACK!
Andy: Mai! Are you hurt?
Terry: OH, BE QUIET MAI! YOUR BACK ALWAYS HURTS! (sarcastically) Gee, I wonder why...
Andy: Hang on, I'm coming!
Terry (laughing hysterically): He peed in the punchbowl... (gasp for breath) and she drank it! HA HA HA HA HA!
Shingo: Hey, I drank that too y' know!
At this point, everyone is laughing hysterically, with the exception of Rugal. He stands there solemnly, asking himself how he ever let them stay the night in his house. His gaze comes across an empty beer bottle, and he decides that he will break it over the head of the next dolt who decides to exhibit their glee. This dolt is found in the form of Terry, who erupts into laughter again... briefly.
As Terry tries to get a breath, he closes his eyes once. Then twice, as the bottle collides with his cranium. He goes down, and stays there for the next ten minutes.
Rugal: Now, do I have your attention? I take it that by your lack of laughter and gaiety, hitherto unforeseen, that I do indeed... Am I correct in this assumption? Good, then.
A slight pause, as Rugal scans the room, and finds none to be laughing, smiling, giggling, or even drooling happily. This surprises him, which may be a good thing.
Rugal: If you'll all remember, you had quite the fun time here last night. You will pay for it. Begin cleaning! Immediately!!
Shingo(still rubbing his wound): Aw man, that SUCKS!