Floating

By Diana Caporaso

I think my heart is broken.

It must be, right? How else can it hurt so much? Too bad Madame Pomfrey can't do anything for a broken heart…

It's weird, but I keep expecting to see him in the hallways between classes or eating his dinner over at the Hufflepuff table. Then I remember that he's… dead. It's too much for my heart to take.

A lot of people don't know this, but on the night before the final task, Cedric told me that he loved me for the first time. It was on the tip of my tongue to say it back, but I just wasn't ready. Not that I didn't have feelings for him… I did… I still do. Really strong ones. I was this close to being head over heels in love with Cedric Diggory and in an instant he's taken away from me.

Sometimes, when I'm about to cross the line between almost-sleep and dreamland, I think I hear his voice: "I love you, Cho." It jerks me awake and I can't even close my eyes. I don't sleep much anymore.

It's moments like those when my eyes start to tear and I think, how will I ever love again?

Cho Chang looked up from her paper and sighed. Why had she just written that? It wasn't like she kept a diary. She was always too busy, she wasn't the writing type anyway. But a few minutes ago she had sat down to do her homework and that's what came out.

Cho stared down at her writing with a slight daze, reading the words over and over. When she came to here senses, she realized that she was late for a meeting with Professor Higgins, Hogwarts' version of a psychological counselor. Cho hadn't even known there was such a person working at Hogwarts until she got an owl requesting that she go see him. She knew exactly why too… her grades had gone down drastically, she was losing weight, and lately she couldn't catch a snitch to save her life.

Finding her way to his office, she wondered what, if anything, Professor Higgins could do to help her. Unless he was an expert at mending broken hearts, there didn't seem to be much at all.

She found the room almost immediately and went inside. The room was empty except for a thin blond-haired boy sitting on a chair. She knew who he was; his name was Draco Malfoy and he was the Slytherin Seeker, but she didn't know him personally. He was a year younger than she was, being his fifth year, but Cho noted that he had grown quite a bit over the summer. His face and body had filled out quite nicely, and he had a rather attractive face marked only by the dark circles directly beneath his eyes.

Wait a minute, she froze. Did I just check other guy out? What am I doing? She felt immediately guilty, as if Cedric was looking down at her at that moment and could read her mind. She sat down reluctantly in the chair next to Draco, wondering why a guy like him would be sent to see Professor Higgins. Neither of them spoke, and the silence in the room was broken suddenly when Professor Higgins bounded into his office. "So sorry that I'm late," he apologized profusely. "See, there was an incident with one of the house elves in the hallway- never mind that. I'm glad to see that you both decided to come. Do you two know each other?"

Cho and Draco glanced at each other quickly. "A little bit," Draco replied. "Hey, Cho."

"Hello, Draco."

"I suppose you already know why I called you two here. In similar situations, you two are. Both have lost someone recently and your schoolwork is suffering greatly from it, as well as other aspects of your lives. I'm here to help you past this troubled time."

Cho looked at Draco suddenly. "You… lost someone?" she said quietly, this being news to her.

Draco frowned. Cho could tell he wasn't too happy to talk about it. "Yeah. Pansy… she was in an accident over the summer. She…" Cho couldn't believe it, but she could hear his voice catch a little bit. "I'm sorry," he said, not continuing.

Cho could hardly believe this was the same boy that prided in making fun of Harry Potter and his gang the year before. Perhaps the death in his life had changed him the way it had changed her. Last year Cho had been popular and outgoing, with lots of friends and excellent grades. This year that kind of stuff didn't seem to matter anymore and she kind of secluded herself from her friends, who couldn't possibly understand how she was feeling.

"Well," Professor Higgins spoke, "Due to the situation with the house elf in the hallway, I'm afraid that I'm going to have to cut this meeting short. I'll contact you again for one-on-ones shortly. In the meantime, I believe that talking to each other is perhaps one of the best things you can do." He escorted them out of his office and headed quickly down the hallway, forgetting even to say goodbye.

Draco and Cho looked at each other once again awkwardly. "Hi," they both said again at exactly the same time. Now what? Cho thought. I just met this kid for real two minutes ago and now I'm supposed to spill my guts to him? Cho attempted a friendly smile but it didn't quite work.

"Well," Draco said. "Do you want to talk or what?"

* * *

Hogwarts was not lacking in empty rooms. Draco and Cho quickly found one of these and closed the door behind them.

"So tell me," Cho spoke up. "You know all about what happened with Cedric. What happened with Pansy?"

"It's hard to say, really," Draco said. "Her family's keeping it quiet. All I know is that I stopped receiving owls from her halfway through the summer and a few weeks later her father set me my letters back, unopened, and a letter saying that she was dead."

"I'm sorry," Cho responded, for lack of anything better to say.

"I don't know if you know, but Pansy and I were sort of seeing each other for awhile last year. I didn't even think I liked her that much. I mean, sure I liked her… but once she was gone, that's when I realized how much she really meant to me. We had some good times together, Pansy and I."

"I know what you mean," Cho said honestly. "I always just assumed I didn't have to get too serious with Cedric yet because we had all the time in the world. Boy, was I wrong."

"I was in such a shock when I found out. My father told me to take it like a man because people die all the time. I hate my father sometimes." Draco paused. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't mention that to anybody."

"I won't," Cho promised. "As long as you don't tell anyone anything that I tell you."

Draco nodded. "It's a deal."

"I almost didn't come back to Hogwarts this year," Cho admitted out loud for the first time. "I thought it would be too painful. And it has been extremely hard. But my parents… they didn't think that a girl my age could actually have been in love. They thought I'd get over his death before I knew it and have a new boyfriend by October. They literally forbid me from not going back." Cho sighed. "Sometimes I hate my parents too." The two smiled softly at the newest common bond they shared.

"Do you have trouble sleeping at night?" Draco asked her next.

"Of course."

"I guess it's easy to tell that I do, too." Draco replied, pointing to the dark circles under her eyes. "I can't help it. It's these… dreams I have about her. They wake me up almost immediately after I fall asleep and then I can't even think about going back to sleep."

"How's quidditch going for you?" Cho wanted to know. "I'm seriously thinking about quitting. My captain's getting so frustrated with me because I haven't been playing well at all."

"I haven't been doing so hot either," Draco said. "I just don't get all hyped up for quidditch practice anymore, not even games. But if I drop it now then I know they won't let me back on the team for the rest of my time at Hogwarts. And I figure that I can't grieve this bad for that long… at least, I hope not." Draco frowned, obviously contemplating how horrible it would be to be in the state he was in for the next three years.

"Professor Higgins said that your grades are suffering as well," Cho said. "You know how it's like, then, to look down on your schoolwork and see…"

"Blurs," Draco finished for her. "The writing is just all blurs. Doesn't mean anything. Can't register in my mind." He swallowed back a lump in his throat. "You want to know the really amazing thing? At this time last year my favorite past time was figuring out ways to make Harry Potter look bad. Sad, isn't it? Now I couldn't care less what that loser was doing. What's even sadder is that if Pansy hadn't… I'd probably be at the same place I was last year, trying to get Ron Weasley in trouble."

"I'd probably be surrounded by a group of girls who only wanted to be friends with me because I was popular chatting about the stupidest things."

"Guess we're in the same boat here, huh?" Draco said.

"Yeah," Cho agreed. "And sometimes I feel as though my mind is just floating and I'm going through the motions."

Draco knew exactly what she meant but didn't even have to say it. She knew.

"It's dinner time," Draco announced. "We're going to be missed if we don't go soon."

Cho nodded, almost disappointed. She hadn't had a real conversation with someone for so long. "I'll see you later, Draco," she said without even thinking. She blushed a little bit, realizing that he may not even plan on talking to her ever again.

But how could she think that? "Definitely," Draco replied.

"One more question, Draco," Cho said quickly. "Does your… well, does it ever seem like your heart hurts?" she said, feeling a little silly since her question sounded so stupid.

He didn't seem to think her question was weird at all. "All the time, Cho. All the time."

They left the classroom and walked to the dining hall. Nobody noticed them walking in together.

* * *

During the next few weeks talking to Draco became somewhat an obsession for Cho. She couldn't wait for her classes to get out so she could ask him something such as whether Draco saw Pansy sometimes in the oddest places. She herself thought that she had seen Cedric at Honeydukes one weekend, and twice she could have sworn she saw his reflection behind her in the girl's bathroom mirror. If she had mentioned this to any of her so-called friends, they'd think she was crazy. But Draco understood. He always understood.

Eventually they started doing their homework together. Since they were in different years they had different assignments, but somehow just being in the same room helped them get their work done.

Cho realized that her appetite was even starting to come back a little bit. And as the weeks went by she noticed the dark circles underneath Draco's eyes fading a little bit.

"So, I heard you actually caught the snitch at practice today," Professor Higgins said to Cho that day during one of their sessions.

Cho smiled. "Yup. My quidditch captain looked like he was going to cry."

"And your teachers tell me that you've been improving in their classes, slowly but surely. I'm very glad to hear all this, Cho. I glad I've been a help to you."

"You have helped," Cho said, "by having me talk to Draco. It's so good to be able to talk to someone who understands what you are going through. I never thought anyone would be able to relate to me, but he can."

"Good to hear it," Professor Higgins said. The door to his office suddenly swung open, and a woman teacher that Cho didn't know entered looking slightly out of breath. "Professor, if you could help me, that house elf is causing a problem again-"

"I'm coming," Professor Higgins sighed. "Cho, will you be okay if I leave now?"

"Sure," Cho responded. "I'll be okay." And for the first time in months, she realized that she actually meant it.

"So long, then," Professor Higgins said, leaving the office. Cho could hear him grumbling to himself, "I hate house elves…"

Cho got up and went into the hallway. To her surprise Draco was standing next to the door, waiting for her. "How'd it go?" he asked her.

She shrugged. "The usual."

"C'mon," he said. "I'll walk you to your common room."

They began walking and Cho began to speak. "I caught the snitch in practice today, did you hear that? Maybe Ravenclaw even has a shot in defeating Gryffindor on Saturday."

"Probably," Draco said. "Their seeker Harry Potter will be too busy drooling over you to even see the snitch."

Cho giggled. "Drooling over me? Why would he drool over me?" she asked innocently.

"He always does, don't you see it?" Draco said.

"But why?"

"Well, you are very pretty," Draco said quietly. Suddenly they were both absolutely silent. Cho had heard the compliment before from several different people, but it felt kind of weird coming from Draco.

"It's this way," Cho showed him, and pretty soon they were by the entrance of the Ravenclaw common room. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow," Cho said to him quickly.

"See you," Draco said, and before either of them could do anything else he was leaning forward to kiss her goodbye. It was a nice kiss; almost hungry in a way, and Cho was so tempted to kiss him back.

She pushed him away instead. "Don't," she pleaded.

"Why not?" Draco said, leaning forward again, his eyes still closed.

"Cedric," she stated. "It's too soon."

"No it isn't," Draco protested. "Okay, maybe it is. But honestly, tell me you don't feel what I'm feeling."

She felt it, she really did. It felt like she was floating but in a different way from she had been before. And the fact that she could feel it made her full of immense guilt.

"But… Cedric… I just feel so guilty." All at once her eyes became wet with tears.

"Hey," Draco said softly, touching her face. "Don't cry. Just think about it. Don't you think Cedric would want you to be happy?"

She hadn't thought of it that way. She remained completely still for a moment. "I guess so," she nodded.

He didn't try to kiss her again that night. Instead he gave her a hug and said goodnight. At the same time they were both surrendering to the fact that there would be many more kisses to come, and that not only were they both lucky enough to have a future, but they'd be spending it together as well.