A Nice Talk With You
By Songwind
Notes- Yep, it's another Chichiri fic by yours truly! ^_^ In this one, Kouran gets sick and tired of Chichiri blaming himself and temporarily returns to tell him to cut it out, move on, and fall in love or something because his life is really boring to watch. I hope you all enjoy this- I'm not exactly sure what Kouran's personality is, so please don't hold it against me if she isn't exactly like you'd expect me to portray her.
Disclaimer- I don't own Fushigi Yugi. But I got a couple of the manga! See!? (Holds up manga) ^_^ (Clutches them tightly) MINE!
~*~
Wandering again. It seemed to be one of his die-hard habits, now. Every few days, he'd find himself looking longingly out at the road, and an hour later he would be on his way to the next town.
Chichiri took in a deep breath as he looked around himself. Then he shook his head and chuckled softly. On the road again.
There was something calming about being able to get up and walk away from wherever he was, anytime he wished. It was equally calming to be the only person for miles, to be in the middle of nowhere. Perhaps that was why he wandered so much; the quiet of the forests and the sounds of untouched, flowing rivers...
"Who knew I'd become a poet, no da?" he questioned, smiling a little. "Chichiri the wandering poet. That has an interesting ring to it, no da. Perhaps I could give it a try."
The monk gave another soft chuckle before moving on down the dirt path. "Nah. You need a place for everyone to find you if you plan on being something like that, no da. And I've no intention of staying in one place long enough to publish poetry."
A bird flew out of its tree overhead, causing a small shadow to cross the monk's path. Chichiri glanced up at said bird for a moment. It gave a little chirp or two of annoyance at having a person disturbing its peace before disappearing into the brush on the other side of the road.
Chichiri couldn't help but let another smile cross his face. "Sorry for bothering you, no da," he called after the bird.
Then he turned his head back to the road. "Da. I could have sworn a village would be coming up in the past hour or so no da. Did I take a wrong turn...?" He glanced around himself, then shrugged. "No matter, it's not like I have to be somewhere right now na no da."
He continued to walk, now in silence. Every few minutes he would pause to close his eye and just listen to the quiet around him. The only possible sounds he could discern from this part of the world would be his own breathing, the soft clinking of his staff, and the chattering of the animals in the trees and brush surrounding the path.
However, at one point he paused and listened intently, searching for a sound he thought he'd heard but wasn't certain. Then he smiled broadly. "A stream no da!" he exclaimed, and pulled out his fishing pole. "I could use a short break for my legs anyway! What great timing no da!" With the thought of a few hours of fishing on his mind, the monk cheerfully made his way off the path into the woods.
Chichiri paused to admire the scene before approaching the river- for it was a river, not a stream like he'd guessed. The water was just deep enough for decent fish to be swimming around, and the place seemed completely untouched by humans. "Perfect," he sighed, and sat down at the edge of the river.
He surveyed the river for just another moment before casting his line into the water. A few fish were swimming around in a deeper pocket of the river, slightly hidden by a few fallen branches.
"Aha, found you no da," he said to the fish, and cast his line. He then settled back for a few hours of relaxation.
"Oh!"
Chichiri jumped and quickly yanked out his mask, for he'd had it off, and pulled it over his face. Then he turned to see who had entered his small clearing.
A little girl, no more than six or seven years old, stood at the edge of the woods carrying a bucket that was almost too big for her to carry. Her long hair was done up in a braid to keep it out of the way. She wore nothing more than a huge tunic that went past her knees- probably her father's- and some shoes.
"Hello there no da!" Chichiri said, smiling.
"Hi," the girl said shyly. "Gomen, I didn't realize someone was here..."
"That's alright, no da! Are you lost?" Chichiri questioned.
"No." She glanced back over her shoulder. "My village's just back there a little."
"Ah." So he'd been on the right path after all. "Need water na no da?"
She nodded, a small smile playing on her lips.
"Well come on and take your fill no da!" Chichiri gestured to the river. "I don't mind and I'm sure the fish will be fine with it no da!"
The little girl giggled at this and walked over to where he was sitting. "Any luck?" she asked.
"Actually I just got here no da."
"Oh." She gave another giggle. "You've got a funny face, mister."
"Da..." Chichiri sweat-dropped.
The girl put a hand to her mouth, suddenly looking horrified. "Oh, gomen! I didn't mean to insult you mister! Really I didn't!"
"It's alright no da." Chichiri waved a hand. "Don't worry about it. Just help yourself to the water and don't give it another thought, na no da."
"Kay!" The girl smiled and put the bucket into the water, filling it entirely. Then, with a face set in concentration, she started to struggle to pull the thing out of the water.
"Here, let me help you no da!" Chichiri dropped his fishing pole to reach over and help pull the bucket out of the water. "There you go!"
"Arigatou!" the girl chirped.
"No problem no da."
"So what are you doing out here? You're not from my village..." The girl suddenly gave Chichiri a stern look. "Are you lost?"
Chichiri smiled. "No, I'm not no da."
"Are you sure? Sometimes I don't think I'm lost but I really am and no one can find me." The girl crossed her arms and continued to give him the stern look. "If you're worrying anyone you can get into a lot of trouble."
Chichiri had a hard time holding back a chuckle at this girl's seriousness. "Don't worry no da. I'm right where I want to be. Honestly, no da."
"Well, okay, if you're sure..."
"Actually, I was looking for what I believe is your village no da. For a place to spend the night."
"Really!" The girl clapped her hands. "You can come back to the village with me! I'm sure my parents won't mind!"
/I wouldn't know about THAT, / Chichiri thought. "Well..." he looked longingly at the water.
"Come on, please? Please, please? You can stay with us, you helped me and you're nice!" the girl said. "My mama cooks really good," she coaxed.
Chichiri couldn't help but smile back at the little girl. "Alright, alright, I'll come no da!" he said, picking up his fishing pole. He made it disappear.
The girl stared, then clapped her hands and laughed. "Wow, that was cool! How'd you do that?"
"I'm... a magician no da."
"Wai! Can you do another trick for me?"
"Trick no da?" Chichiri sweat-dropped.
"Like, can you make something appear out of your hat or make lights or pull something outta my ear?" the girl asked eagerly.
"Ano..." Chichiri scratched his head. "I'm not that sort of magician no da... How about we get to your village first no da?"
"Kay!" The girl turned away to pick up her bucket.
Chichiri chuckled and shook his head. /I'm getting way too soft, / he thought with amusement.
Then his head snapped up in alarm. /Ki... Two ki's... one is the girl's, and.. That other one's not mine.../ He frowned. /Where is it? Whose is it? An animal's? It's too weak to be another person's... but I don't ever sense an animal's.../
"Houjun?"
Chichiri froze, and looked around. /Who?!/ He turned around, and his gaze only fell on the little girl. "N-nani?" he whispered.
The girl's face had changed. Instead of cheerful and bright with youth, the face was mature- that of a young woman's. The girl was giving him a sad, wistful smile.
"Houjun, is that really you?" she asked.
"Who are you?" he asked, his 'no da's' forgotten.
The girl lowered her head and shook it, still smiling sadly. "Of course. It's been so long..." She lifted her head. "Don't you recognize my voice, Houjun? We were friends, then fiancés too long for you to forget so easily..."
/Fiance?!/ "K... Kouran?" he asked, his eye widening. "But..."
"Yes. Oh, I'm not reincarnated Houjun. I'm merely borrowing this girl's body for a while. We're very distant cousins you see. One of my cousins escaped that flood and made it out here, and had children." The girl, now known as Kouran, smiled a little more broadly. "How you've changed, Houjun. A sorcerer... everyone would be proud of you if they saw you..."
"Kouran," was all Chichiri could whisper. He sank to his knees, staring at the girl incredulously.
"No, please," the girl said, reaching up to touch his face. "Don't be in pain because of me, Houjun. I didn't mean to hurt you."
"Why...?" Chichiri said softly. "Suzaku..." he put a hand on his face. "Are you really...?"
"Yes, I'm really Kouran." The girl smiled up at him. "Remember when we were little? Your father always teased me, saying I was so ugly that my parents would have to pay someone to marry me..."
Chichiri jerked slightly at that. "I remember..."
"I'm so glad. You believe me? Good! I wanted to talk to you. Gods, Houjun..." The girl's face now twisted with pain. "I'm so sorry for everything! If I hadn't... you wouldn't be hurting yourself like this..."
"Kouran." Chichiri couldn't look up. He couldn't open his eye and look at her. Even though she was in the body of a girl, he could still hear her voice, still remember her touch... Suzaku... "Why are you blaming yourself? I lost control, I tried to kill Hikou..." He choked, feeling the familiar loss descend on him. "Tried to... and he died when I tried to save him. I killed him. I-"
"You didn't," Kouran said. She used the child's body to embrace the man she'd loved when she was alive; the man she still loved. "Gods, Houjun, all this pain. Stop hurting yourself. You didn't kill Hikou. It was my fault. I brought you both such pain."
Chichiri slowly reached out an arm and rested it on her shoulders. He still couldn't open his eye.
"Houjun..." He wouldn't look. "Please, Houjun, look at me... Take that mask off..."
Chichiri blinked and found himself looking at the girl's face despite his determination to look away. Kouran reached out and touched his face again.
"This paper mask... it's so horrid. I want to see my former fiancé's face before I go on," Kouran said.
Fighting back tears and the pain, Chichiri gave one nod before pulling off the mask. Then he opened his good eye and looked at her.
Kouran's eyes widened in shock at the scar, and she stared at him incredulously. "Houjun!"
"This is the face you wanted to see," Chichiri suddenly said, giving her a sneer. "Isn't it what you wanted? Lovely, isn't it?" He turned away. "A scar to show how I killed my friend. I let go because of a rock. A damned ROCK!"
"No, Houjun-"
"Yes, Houjun! Houjun is dead, Kouran. He died when Hikou died, died when you died!" Chichiri shook his head. He was on the verge of hysterical laughter. "Houjun's nothing but a murderer-"
SLAP!
Chichiri flinched and lifted his hand to touch a burning cheek.
"Don't say that!" Kouran said sharply. "Houjun was- IS! - not a murderer! He's a kind soul. He's only fought in his friend's defense and his own defense!" Then she smiled. "But Houjun is being a little selfish. He's been selfish since his friends left him due to horrible accidents..."
"Kouran-"
"I'm not finished, Houjun." Kouran placed a tiny finger on his mouth. "You have been far too selfish, distancing yourself from everyone! You left the remains of your village refused healing for your scar for MONTHS! Then you refused the training of your teacher for even longer, until she finally threatened you with locking you up in a room full of Nyan-nyans!"
Chichiri flinched again.
"After THAT, you refused to get close to any of your fellow Seishi! You know how that hurt them? Oh, they didn't show it Houjun, they never did. Even your priestess was good at hiding it. They wanted to give you true friendship, and you kept them away. You distanced yourself! You didn't want to get hurt again! What happened to you travelling around with that guy Tasuki?"
"He had to take care of his gang," Chichiri muttered.
"He got tired of you moping and keeping him away. Even tough bandits have good friends, Houjun. Other monks have best friends, some lovers! And you? What do you have? Nothing but painful memories."
"Because I don't deserve anything more."
"You do too! You helped save the world! You deserve girls crawling all over you, as much as I'd want to kill them for doing so! You deserve wine and rich food and best friends for all that you've given to the world. And you don't accept anything. That's selfish."
"I don't see how," Chichiri said.
Kouran gave him a poke in the ribs. "Don't interrupt me."
"I didn't interrupt you, I was pointing something out."
"There! You did it again!" She poked him again.
"I did not, no da!" Chichiri said, taking hold of her hand.
"Did too!"
"Did not no da!"
"DID TOO!"
"DID NOT NA NO DA!"
Kouran smiled. "There, you feel better already, don't you? You're talking normally again."
Chichiri shook his head. "Kouran... It doesn't matter what you say to me, no da." He looked away. "I let myself lose control. I've never lost control in my life other than that one time... Because of that, I lost both of you."
"...You know... I saw you. When you were first with your mentor," Kouran said suddenly in a quiet voice.
Chichiri raised his head to look at her again.
"When you were so filled with pain. How you would sit with a knife hovering over your wrists for hours, and how your mentor would just watch quietly. How you'd always end up just dropping the knife and falling asleep exhausted. Do you know," she said, her voice quivering in anger now, "how much it hurt? How I wanted to comfort you, to make you stop it, and not be able to?"
"I... I never meant to hurt you," Chichiri said.
"We never meant to hurt each other. Gods, Houjun. It was all over a stupid kiss. I see that now." Kouran smiled. "I have a chance to be reincarnated, you know. That's..." She blushed. "Kind of why I'm so mad at you for distancing yourself with others."
"...Da?" Chichiri finally questioned.
"Well..." Kouran scuffed her toe against the ground, now profusely blushing. "I wanted to be reborn as your first child. Then we could at least share the love of family, if not partners... And we'd be together again..."
Now Chichiri was blushing. "Kouran. I don't deserve it-"
"Yes you do!" She poked him again. "Stop saying that! It was all just a stupid mistake, nothing more. And we all overreacted. Hikou should have controlled himself. I shouldn't have killed myself over something so trivial. You shouldn't have gotten so mad. That log shouldn't have hit you. It was all just one big mess, wasn't it Houjun?"
Chichiri looked away and sighed. "It was ****** up, Kouran," he said solemnly, using one of Tasuki's favorite sayings. "All of it, no da."
"Anyway... I don't want you to go and share a bed with the next good-looking woman you see... or man, or whatever! All I want is for you to find your friends and make them your REAL friends. Let them tie themselves into your heart, Houjun. They're what make a heart strong. If you'd have let your friends back in the village comfort you, then you'd have ended up better."
Kouran reached up and touched the cheek she had slapped and ran her fingers over it longingly. Chichiri closed his eye, remembering her touch from years before. Gently, she let her fingers drift over his cheek, his lips, onto his nose, and then finally touched his scar.
Chichiri shuddered at that.
She started to pull away her hand when Chichiri placed his hand over her tiny one, pressing it against his cheek again.
"I've missed you," Chichiri whispered, opening his eye again.
"You've no idea," Kouran replied.
"Kouran... You've really been with me all this time?" Chichiri asked.
With a shy smile, Kouran nodded. "The entire time," she said, putting an emphasis on 'entire'.
Chichiri watched her for a moment, then his eye widened. "You didn't."
"I did too. The dead have quite a few advantages, Houjun, and I was your fiance." Kouran sniffed. "I had every right to watch you taking baths."
Chichiri blushed deeply at that.
Kouran laughed and pulled her hand away. "Houjun... or do you prefer Chichiri now? Anyway, yes, I was always with you. And when you finally make your friends your TRUE friends, then I'll become either your child or your best friend's child. I want to be near you, Houjun, even if we can't be together like we were before." Kouran's smile faded. "And for what it's worth, I'm sorry for everything. I shouldn't have been so quick to kill myself like that."
"You didn't-"
"I have to go. I wasn't supposed to control this girl's body for so long." Kouran wrapped her tiny arms around her body, hugging herself. "It feels so good to be solid, though. You've no idea..."
Chichiri suddenly wrapped his arms around her. "Kouran... I still love you," he whispered.
"I know. I love you too, Houjun. Go and have a few children. I'll be there when you do..." Kouran whispered, and fell silent.
Chichiri held onto the girl's body for a moment longer, feeling Kouran's weak ki leave her body and hover over him for a short while before disappearing completely. Then, he let her go, and quickly pulled on his mask.
His mask was put in place just as the girl woke herself up and looked around curiously. Her eyes fell on Chichiri a moment later. "Oh, Mister! What happened?" she asked.
"You... were out of it for a while," Chichiri said, staring up into the sky.
"Funny, I've never fainted before..." The girl scratched her head, then smiled at him. "Well! Let's go to the village and you can spend the night!"
"Arigatou, no da. I appreciate it, na no da," Chichiri said. He turned back to smile at her.
Yes, Kouran was definitely gone again. The girl had the same cheerful look on her face as she had when he'd met her in the first place.
With his smile widening, Chichiri ruffled the girl's hair. "Shall we?" he asked her.
"Hey!" the girl giggled and straightened her hair before picking up the heavy bucket and trotting towards her village.
Chichiri paused for one more moment to stare back at the river. For a moment, he was expressionless. Then one eyebrow rose.
"Children, huh no da..."
Then he turned and followed the girl, leaving behind the quiet fishing spot.
A few moments after he left, a transparent figure appeared sitting by the river, watching the path Chichiri had taken. The figure had her head tilted to one side with a small smile on her face. She stood, and waved.
"Yes, children Houjun. I'll be expecting at least two from you," she said, and disappeared.
~*~
Wai! I'm done! What did everyone think? I hope I didn't make Chichiri too out of it or anything. Please review! Thanks! (Waves)
By Songwind
Notes- Yep, it's another Chichiri fic by yours truly! ^_^ In this one, Kouran gets sick and tired of Chichiri blaming himself and temporarily returns to tell him to cut it out, move on, and fall in love or something because his life is really boring to watch. I hope you all enjoy this- I'm not exactly sure what Kouran's personality is, so please don't hold it against me if she isn't exactly like you'd expect me to portray her.
Disclaimer- I don't own Fushigi Yugi. But I got a couple of the manga! See!? (Holds up manga) ^_^ (Clutches them tightly) MINE!
~*~
Wandering again. It seemed to be one of his die-hard habits, now. Every few days, he'd find himself looking longingly out at the road, and an hour later he would be on his way to the next town.
Chichiri took in a deep breath as he looked around himself. Then he shook his head and chuckled softly. On the road again.
There was something calming about being able to get up and walk away from wherever he was, anytime he wished. It was equally calming to be the only person for miles, to be in the middle of nowhere. Perhaps that was why he wandered so much; the quiet of the forests and the sounds of untouched, flowing rivers...
"Who knew I'd become a poet, no da?" he questioned, smiling a little. "Chichiri the wandering poet. That has an interesting ring to it, no da. Perhaps I could give it a try."
The monk gave another soft chuckle before moving on down the dirt path. "Nah. You need a place for everyone to find you if you plan on being something like that, no da. And I've no intention of staying in one place long enough to publish poetry."
A bird flew out of its tree overhead, causing a small shadow to cross the monk's path. Chichiri glanced up at said bird for a moment. It gave a little chirp or two of annoyance at having a person disturbing its peace before disappearing into the brush on the other side of the road.
Chichiri couldn't help but let another smile cross his face. "Sorry for bothering you, no da," he called after the bird.
Then he turned his head back to the road. "Da. I could have sworn a village would be coming up in the past hour or so no da. Did I take a wrong turn...?" He glanced around himself, then shrugged. "No matter, it's not like I have to be somewhere right now na no da."
He continued to walk, now in silence. Every few minutes he would pause to close his eye and just listen to the quiet around him. The only possible sounds he could discern from this part of the world would be his own breathing, the soft clinking of his staff, and the chattering of the animals in the trees and brush surrounding the path.
However, at one point he paused and listened intently, searching for a sound he thought he'd heard but wasn't certain. Then he smiled broadly. "A stream no da!" he exclaimed, and pulled out his fishing pole. "I could use a short break for my legs anyway! What great timing no da!" With the thought of a few hours of fishing on his mind, the monk cheerfully made his way off the path into the woods.
Chichiri paused to admire the scene before approaching the river- for it was a river, not a stream like he'd guessed. The water was just deep enough for decent fish to be swimming around, and the place seemed completely untouched by humans. "Perfect," he sighed, and sat down at the edge of the river.
He surveyed the river for just another moment before casting his line into the water. A few fish were swimming around in a deeper pocket of the river, slightly hidden by a few fallen branches.
"Aha, found you no da," he said to the fish, and cast his line. He then settled back for a few hours of relaxation.
"Oh!"
Chichiri jumped and quickly yanked out his mask, for he'd had it off, and pulled it over his face. Then he turned to see who had entered his small clearing.
A little girl, no more than six or seven years old, stood at the edge of the woods carrying a bucket that was almost too big for her to carry. Her long hair was done up in a braid to keep it out of the way. She wore nothing more than a huge tunic that went past her knees- probably her father's- and some shoes.
"Hello there no da!" Chichiri said, smiling.
"Hi," the girl said shyly. "Gomen, I didn't realize someone was here..."
"That's alright, no da! Are you lost?" Chichiri questioned.
"No." She glanced back over her shoulder. "My village's just back there a little."
"Ah." So he'd been on the right path after all. "Need water na no da?"
She nodded, a small smile playing on her lips.
"Well come on and take your fill no da!" Chichiri gestured to the river. "I don't mind and I'm sure the fish will be fine with it no da!"
The little girl giggled at this and walked over to where he was sitting. "Any luck?" she asked.
"Actually I just got here no da."
"Oh." She gave another giggle. "You've got a funny face, mister."
"Da..." Chichiri sweat-dropped.
The girl put a hand to her mouth, suddenly looking horrified. "Oh, gomen! I didn't mean to insult you mister! Really I didn't!"
"It's alright no da." Chichiri waved a hand. "Don't worry about it. Just help yourself to the water and don't give it another thought, na no da."
"Kay!" The girl smiled and put the bucket into the water, filling it entirely. Then, with a face set in concentration, she started to struggle to pull the thing out of the water.
"Here, let me help you no da!" Chichiri dropped his fishing pole to reach over and help pull the bucket out of the water. "There you go!"
"Arigatou!" the girl chirped.
"No problem no da."
"So what are you doing out here? You're not from my village..." The girl suddenly gave Chichiri a stern look. "Are you lost?"
Chichiri smiled. "No, I'm not no da."
"Are you sure? Sometimes I don't think I'm lost but I really am and no one can find me." The girl crossed her arms and continued to give him the stern look. "If you're worrying anyone you can get into a lot of trouble."
Chichiri had a hard time holding back a chuckle at this girl's seriousness. "Don't worry no da. I'm right where I want to be. Honestly, no da."
"Well, okay, if you're sure..."
"Actually, I was looking for what I believe is your village no da. For a place to spend the night."
"Really!" The girl clapped her hands. "You can come back to the village with me! I'm sure my parents won't mind!"
/I wouldn't know about THAT, / Chichiri thought. "Well..." he looked longingly at the water.
"Come on, please? Please, please? You can stay with us, you helped me and you're nice!" the girl said. "My mama cooks really good," she coaxed.
Chichiri couldn't help but smile back at the little girl. "Alright, alright, I'll come no da!" he said, picking up his fishing pole. He made it disappear.
The girl stared, then clapped her hands and laughed. "Wow, that was cool! How'd you do that?"
"I'm... a magician no da."
"Wai! Can you do another trick for me?"
"Trick no da?" Chichiri sweat-dropped.
"Like, can you make something appear out of your hat or make lights or pull something outta my ear?" the girl asked eagerly.
"Ano..." Chichiri scratched his head. "I'm not that sort of magician no da... How about we get to your village first no da?"
"Kay!" The girl turned away to pick up her bucket.
Chichiri chuckled and shook his head. /I'm getting way too soft, / he thought with amusement.
Then his head snapped up in alarm. /Ki... Two ki's... one is the girl's, and.. That other one's not mine.../ He frowned. /Where is it? Whose is it? An animal's? It's too weak to be another person's... but I don't ever sense an animal's.../
"Houjun?"
Chichiri froze, and looked around. /Who?!/ He turned around, and his gaze only fell on the little girl. "N-nani?" he whispered.
The girl's face had changed. Instead of cheerful and bright with youth, the face was mature- that of a young woman's. The girl was giving him a sad, wistful smile.
"Houjun, is that really you?" she asked.
"Who are you?" he asked, his 'no da's' forgotten.
The girl lowered her head and shook it, still smiling sadly. "Of course. It's been so long..." She lifted her head. "Don't you recognize my voice, Houjun? We were friends, then fiancés too long for you to forget so easily..."
/Fiance?!/ "K... Kouran?" he asked, his eye widening. "But..."
"Yes. Oh, I'm not reincarnated Houjun. I'm merely borrowing this girl's body for a while. We're very distant cousins you see. One of my cousins escaped that flood and made it out here, and had children." The girl, now known as Kouran, smiled a little more broadly. "How you've changed, Houjun. A sorcerer... everyone would be proud of you if they saw you..."
"Kouran," was all Chichiri could whisper. He sank to his knees, staring at the girl incredulously.
"No, please," the girl said, reaching up to touch his face. "Don't be in pain because of me, Houjun. I didn't mean to hurt you."
"Why...?" Chichiri said softly. "Suzaku..." he put a hand on his face. "Are you really...?"
"Yes, I'm really Kouran." The girl smiled up at him. "Remember when we were little? Your father always teased me, saying I was so ugly that my parents would have to pay someone to marry me..."
Chichiri jerked slightly at that. "I remember..."
"I'm so glad. You believe me? Good! I wanted to talk to you. Gods, Houjun..." The girl's face now twisted with pain. "I'm so sorry for everything! If I hadn't... you wouldn't be hurting yourself like this..."
"Kouran." Chichiri couldn't look up. He couldn't open his eye and look at her. Even though she was in the body of a girl, he could still hear her voice, still remember her touch... Suzaku... "Why are you blaming yourself? I lost control, I tried to kill Hikou..." He choked, feeling the familiar loss descend on him. "Tried to... and he died when I tried to save him. I killed him. I-"
"You didn't," Kouran said. She used the child's body to embrace the man she'd loved when she was alive; the man she still loved. "Gods, Houjun, all this pain. Stop hurting yourself. You didn't kill Hikou. It was my fault. I brought you both such pain."
Chichiri slowly reached out an arm and rested it on her shoulders. He still couldn't open his eye.
"Houjun..." He wouldn't look. "Please, Houjun, look at me... Take that mask off..."
Chichiri blinked and found himself looking at the girl's face despite his determination to look away. Kouran reached out and touched his face again.
"This paper mask... it's so horrid. I want to see my former fiancé's face before I go on," Kouran said.
Fighting back tears and the pain, Chichiri gave one nod before pulling off the mask. Then he opened his good eye and looked at her.
Kouran's eyes widened in shock at the scar, and she stared at him incredulously. "Houjun!"
"This is the face you wanted to see," Chichiri suddenly said, giving her a sneer. "Isn't it what you wanted? Lovely, isn't it?" He turned away. "A scar to show how I killed my friend. I let go because of a rock. A damned ROCK!"
"No, Houjun-"
"Yes, Houjun! Houjun is dead, Kouran. He died when Hikou died, died when you died!" Chichiri shook his head. He was on the verge of hysterical laughter. "Houjun's nothing but a murderer-"
SLAP!
Chichiri flinched and lifted his hand to touch a burning cheek.
"Don't say that!" Kouran said sharply. "Houjun was- IS! - not a murderer! He's a kind soul. He's only fought in his friend's defense and his own defense!" Then she smiled. "But Houjun is being a little selfish. He's been selfish since his friends left him due to horrible accidents..."
"Kouran-"
"I'm not finished, Houjun." Kouran placed a tiny finger on his mouth. "You have been far too selfish, distancing yourself from everyone! You left the remains of your village refused healing for your scar for MONTHS! Then you refused the training of your teacher for even longer, until she finally threatened you with locking you up in a room full of Nyan-nyans!"
Chichiri flinched again.
"After THAT, you refused to get close to any of your fellow Seishi! You know how that hurt them? Oh, they didn't show it Houjun, they never did. Even your priestess was good at hiding it. They wanted to give you true friendship, and you kept them away. You distanced yourself! You didn't want to get hurt again! What happened to you travelling around with that guy Tasuki?"
"He had to take care of his gang," Chichiri muttered.
"He got tired of you moping and keeping him away. Even tough bandits have good friends, Houjun. Other monks have best friends, some lovers! And you? What do you have? Nothing but painful memories."
"Because I don't deserve anything more."
"You do too! You helped save the world! You deserve girls crawling all over you, as much as I'd want to kill them for doing so! You deserve wine and rich food and best friends for all that you've given to the world. And you don't accept anything. That's selfish."
"I don't see how," Chichiri said.
Kouran gave him a poke in the ribs. "Don't interrupt me."
"I didn't interrupt you, I was pointing something out."
"There! You did it again!" She poked him again.
"I did not, no da!" Chichiri said, taking hold of her hand.
"Did too!"
"Did not no da!"
"DID TOO!"
"DID NOT NA NO DA!"
Kouran smiled. "There, you feel better already, don't you? You're talking normally again."
Chichiri shook his head. "Kouran... It doesn't matter what you say to me, no da." He looked away. "I let myself lose control. I've never lost control in my life other than that one time... Because of that, I lost both of you."
"...You know... I saw you. When you were first with your mentor," Kouran said suddenly in a quiet voice.
Chichiri raised his head to look at her again.
"When you were so filled with pain. How you would sit with a knife hovering over your wrists for hours, and how your mentor would just watch quietly. How you'd always end up just dropping the knife and falling asleep exhausted. Do you know," she said, her voice quivering in anger now, "how much it hurt? How I wanted to comfort you, to make you stop it, and not be able to?"
"I... I never meant to hurt you," Chichiri said.
"We never meant to hurt each other. Gods, Houjun. It was all over a stupid kiss. I see that now." Kouran smiled. "I have a chance to be reincarnated, you know. That's..." She blushed. "Kind of why I'm so mad at you for distancing yourself with others."
"...Da?" Chichiri finally questioned.
"Well..." Kouran scuffed her toe against the ground, now profusely blushing. "I wanted to be reborn as your first child. Then we could at least share the love of family, if not partners... And we'd be together again..."
Now Chichiri was blushing. "Kouran. I don't deserve it-"
"Yes you do!" She poked him again. "Stop saying that! It was all just a stupid mistake, nothing more. And we all overreacted. Hikou should have controlled himself. I shouldn't have killed myself over something so trivial. You shouldn't have gotten so mad. That log shouldn't have hit you. It was all just one big mess, wasn't it Houjun?"
Chichiri looked away and sighed. "It was ****** up, Kouran," he said solemnly, using one of Tasuki's favorite sayings. "All of it, no da."
"Anyway... I don't want you to go and share a bed with the next good-looking woman you see... or man, or whatever! All I want is for you to find your friends and make them your REAL friends. Let them tie themselves into your heart, Houjun. They're what make a heart strong. If you'd have let your friends back in the village comfort you, then you'd have ended up better."
Kouran reached up and touched the cheek she had slapped and ran her fingers over it longingly. Chichiri closed his eye, remembering her touch from years before. Gently, she let her fingers drift over his cheek, his lips, onto his nose, and then finally touched his scar.
Chichiri shuddered at that.
She started to pull away her hand when Chichiri placed his hand over her tiny one, pressing it against his cheek again.
"I've missed you," Chichiri whispered, opening his eye again.
"You've no idea," Kouran replied.
"Kouran... You've really been with me all this time?" Chichiri asked.
With a shy smile, Kouran nodded. "The entire time," she said, putting an emphasis on 'entire'.
Chichiri watched her for a moment, then his eye widened. "You didn't."
"I did too. The dead have quite a few advantages, Houjun, and I was your fiance." Kouran sniffed. "I had every right to watch you taking baths."
Chichiri blushed deeply at that.
Kouran laughed and pulled her hand away. "Houjun... or do you prefer Chichiri now? Anyway, yes, I was always with you. And when you finally make your friends your TRUE friends, then I'll become either your child or your best friend's child. I want to be near you, Houjun, even if we can't be together like we were before." Kouran's smile faded. "And for what it's worth, I'm sorry for everything. I shouldn't have been so quick to kill myself like that."
"You didn't-"
"I have to go. I wasn't supposed to control this girl's body for so long." Kouran wrapped her tiny arms around her body, hugging herself. "It feels so good to be solid, though. You've no idea..."
Chichiri suddenly wrapped his arms around her. "Kouran... I still love you," he whispered.
"I know. I love you too, Houjun. Go and have a few children. I'll be there when you do..." Kouran whispered, and fell silent.
Chichiri held onto the girl's body for a moment longer, feeling Kouran's weak ki leave her body and hover over him for a short while before disappearing completely. Then, he let her go, and quickly pulled on his mask.
His mask was put in place just as the girl woke herself up and looked around curiously. Her eyes fell on Chichiri a moment later. "Oh, Mister! What happened?" she asked.
"You... were out of it for a while," Chichiri said, staring up into the sky.
"Funny, I've never fainted before..." The girl scratched her head, then smiled at him. "Well! Let's go to the village and you can spend the night!"
"Arigatou, no da. I appreciate it, na no da," Chichiri said. He turned back to smile at her.
Yes, Kouran was definitely gone again. The girl had the same cheerful look on her face as she had when he'd met her in the first place.
With his smile widening, Chichiri ruffled the girl's hair. "Shall we?" he asked her.
"Hey!" the girl giggled and straightened her hair before picking up the heavy bucket and trotting towards her village.
Chichiri paused for one more moment to stare back at the river. For a moment, he was expressionless. Then one eyebrow rose.
"Children, huh no da..."
Then he turned and followed the girl, leaving behind the quiet fishing spot.
A few moments after he left, a transparent figure appeared sitting by the river, watching the path Chichiri had taken. The figure had her head tilted to one side with a small smile on her face. She stood, and waved.
"Yes, children Houjun. I'll be expecting at least two from you," she said, and disappeared.
~*~
Wai! I'm done! What did everyone think? I hope I didn't make Chichiri too out of it or anything. Please review! Thanks! (Waves)