Disclaimer: I do not own The Lord of the Rings. It belongs to J.R.R.
Tolkien. SIGNS ain't mine, either.
SIGNS
"What?" snapped Arwen, instantly breaking out of her soothing tone to answer the shiny black phone that sat on the table next to the couch. Aragorn fell back into a chair as he watched his wife launch into a feminine chatter with the friend that was calling. He reached over to the coffee table and popped open a can of ... Pepsi... no, it was diet 7up. He reminded himself to tell Arwen to purchase something interesting next time she went marketing, like Sprite, or Coca-cola. Maybe even Root Beer. Yes, Root Beer. Lovely, precious, tasty Root Beer.
But then, there was Vanilla Coke.
"We interrupt this boring and nonexistent news report to bring another boring and nonexistent new report!" boomed an important voice from the television. Aragorn coughed out his soda as Arwen accidentally dropped the phone back onto the receiver. On the television, aerial camera shots of crop circles were being shown. They were in the most unusual shapes: stars, LOTR, arrows, and a sword... but most of all, there were---
"Hearts!" shrieked every member of the Fellowship at whatever point they were in Middle-earth.
~*~
Gimli was banging his head so hard on the cave wall that Thranduil himself attempted to restrain him from bringing the cave down. Legolas was sitting cross-legged on the forest-green couch, his jaw hanging in utter horror, arm still outstretched with the remote control in hand. His starlight pale features went paper white as the news reporter continued blabbing about whatever he thought seemed important.
"Legolas... Leggy..." grumbled a little girl that sat beside the elf-prince who was reaching for the remote control, yet pointing outside the window simultaneously. We have absolutely no idea where she came from, but she was Legolas'... er... five-hundred year old little sister! "Legolas..."
The elf shuddered suddenly. Noticing his sibling, he turned. "Huh?"
"There's a Mary-Sue outside that window. Can I have a glass of water?"
"Mary-Sue?"
The elfling pointed. There was the same silhouette again. Gimli turned his attention from the wall for a minute to look out the window. After a moment's glance, he returned to banging his head, cursing in his dwarvish language. Legolas' jaw dropped even further, but the little girl pushed a finger up to his chin and shut his mouth.
"Here..." whispered Legolas, his eyes still concentrated on the shadow. He opened a can of Sprite and handed it to his sister.
"Y'might attract your bashing fans if you keep gaping out the window like an idiot," she replied softly. Legolas blinked. "People think you're stupid.... Sometimes I agree with them." Silently, yet very gracefully, she slid off the couch and headed off to her room with her soda.
Thranduil sighed and slumped his shoulders, watching his mysterious daughter exit the room. As he plopped down on the couch beside his son, he pulled open a bag of potato chips and inquired, "Who was that little girl, and how did that window get there?"
~*~
"Truth be told, Sir," muttered Samwise as he and Frodo walked the streets of Hobbiton. They were heading over to the pizza restraint to meet up with Master Brandybuck and Master Took. "...I think an Oliphaunt did it."
"An oliphaunt?" asked Frodo, rubbing an ear with his finger.
"Yes, a very dainty oliphaunt of some sort," continued the gardener-hobbit. "It... tiptoed across the Elanor... pranced on the Niphredil. Hey!" A brighter look filled his eyes. "What if the other legends are true?" He stopped in his tracks and put a hand on his master's shoulder. "What if there really is an Oliphaunt Fairy? You know, the one that comes after your rotten mushrooms if you leave them under your pillow."
Frodo paused in his breath for a moment. He had stopped believing in the Oliphaunt Fairy as a child when he had placed a dozen or so mushrooms under his feather-sack one midsummer's eve. The next morn, he had a piece of stinking fungi making its way up his nose. He still had the same nightmares....
"Hey, Merry! Look! It's Frodo Baggins!"
"Knock it off, Pip. We know it's him."
Merry and Pippin made their way through the crowd of hobbits bunching near the vegetable canestoga. Pippin looked very excited and kept glancing at a thick, black volume in Merry's right hand. Sam noticed this, and also seemed curious as to what the Brandybuck had purchased in the shops.
"Extra Terestrial stuff!" exclaimed Pippin, jabbing a finger at Merry's book. "It's about aliens and things called Mary-Sues!"
There was a loud gasp from around them. The crowd of hobbits fell completely silent. Their accusing gazes trailed for a while before landing on Peregrin.
"What?"
Merry leaned over to his fellow and whispered, "I don't think they like the name, Pip."
"What?" repeated Pippin loudly. "Mary-Sue?"
Someone in the crowd screamed. Merry shook his head and led the fool of a Took out of the market square. There were a few lectures he needed to give the poor lad... "We'll see you later!" called the Brandybuck as his farewell, still keeping a firm lead on Pippin. Sam turned to Frodo and shrugged. As for Frodo, he still looked quite uncomfortable, recalling what the Oliphaunt Fairy had done to him...
~*~
"We couldn't save him," said the ranger, tilting his wide brimmed hat up to gaze upon Estel's clearly.
"What happened?" asked Aragorn, his tone urgent and determined. "What happened to Boromir?"
"See..." the ranger tried to explain, but it did not come out in the most comfortable tone. "The arrows... pinned him to the tree."
"Pinned him?"
"He's talking almost normally. Says he doesn't feel much. But the way the arrows are in him... part of his body his still alive when it's not supposed to be. We can't save him. Do you understand what I am saying to you?"
Aragorn's face faltered to a deep frown. "...This is the last time I will talk to the Steward of Gondor."
"Yes."
SIGNS
"What?" snapped Arwen, instantly breaking out of her soothing tone to answer the shiny black phone that sat on the table next to the couch. Aragorn fell back into a chair as he watched his wife launch into a feminine chatter with the friend that was calling. He reached over to the coffee table and popped open a can of ... Pepsi... no, it was diet 7up. He reminded himself to tell Arwen to purchase something interesting next time she went marketing, like Sprite, or Coca-cola. Maybe even Root Beer. Yes, Root Beer. Lovely, precious, tasty Root Beer.
But then, there was Vanilla Coke.
"We interrupt this boring and nonexistent news report to bring another boring and nonexistent new report!" boomed an important voice from the television. Aragorn coughed out his soda as Arwen accidentally dropped the phone back onto the receiver. On the television, aerial camera shots of crop circles were being shown. They were in the most unusual shapes: stars, LOTR, arrows, and a sword... but most of all, there were---
"Hearts!" shrieked every member of the Fellowship at whatever point they were in Middle-earth.
~*~
Gimli was banging his head so hard on the cave wall that Thranduil himself attempted to restrain him from bringing the cave down. Legolas was sitting cross-legged on the forest-green couch, his jaw hanging in utter horror, arm still outstretched with the remote control in hand. His starlight pale features went paper white as the news reporter continued blabbing about whatever he thought seemed important.
"Legolas... Leggy..." grumbled a little girl that sat beside the elf-prince who was reaching for the remote control, yet pointing outside the window simultaneously. We have absolutely no idea where she came from, but she was Legolas'... er... five-hundred year old little sister! "Legolas..."
The elf shuddered suddenly. Noticing his sibling, he turned. "Huh?"
"There's a Mary-Sue outside that window. Can I have a glass of water?"
"Mary-Sue?"
The elfling pointed. There was the same silhouette again. Gimli turned his attention from the wall for a minute to look out the window. After a moment's glance, he returned to banging his head, cursing in his dwarvish language. Legolas' jaw dropped even further, but the little girl pushed a finger up to his chin and shut his mouth.
"Here..." whispered Legolas, his eyes still concentrated on the shadow. He opened a can of Sprite and handed it to his sister.
"Y'might attract your bashing fans if you keep gaping out the window like an idiot," she replied softly. Legolas blinked. "People think you're stupid.... Sometimes I agree with them." Silently, yet very gracefully, she slid off the couch and headed off to her room with her soda.
Thranduil sighed and slumped his shoulders, watching his mysterious daughter exit the room. As he plopped down on the couch beside his son, he pulled open a bag of potato chips and inquired, "Who was that little girl, and how did that window get there?"
~*~
"Truth be told, Sir," muttered Samwise as he and Frodo walked the streets of Hobbiton. They were heading over to the pizza restraint to meet up with Master Brandybuck and Master Took. "...I think an Oliphaunt did it."
"An oliphaunt?" asked Frodo, rubbing an ear with his finger.
"Yes, a very dainty oliphaunt of some sort," continued the gardener-hobbit. "It... tiptoed across the Elanor... pranced on the Niphredil. Hey!" A brighter look filled his eyes. "What if the other legends are true?" He stopped in his tracks and put a hand on his master's shoulder. "What if there really is an Oliphaunt Fairy? You know, the one that comes after your rotten mushrooms if you leave them under your pillow."
Frodo paused in his breath for a moment. He had stopped believing in the Oliphaunt Fairy as a child when he had placed a dozen or so mushrooms under his feather-sack one midsummer's eve. The next morn, he had a piece of stinking fungi making its way up his nose. He still had the same nightmares....
"Hey, Merry! Look! It's Frodo Baggins!"
"Knock it off, Pip. We know it's him."
Merry and Pippin made their way through the crowd of hobbits bunching near the vegetable canestoga. Pippin looked very excited and kept glancing at a thick, black volume in Merry's right hand. Sam noticed this, and also seemed curious as to what the Brandybuck had purchased in the shops.
"Extra Terestrial stuff!" exclaimed Pippin, jabbing a finger at Merry's book. "It's about aliens and things called Mary-Sues!"
There was a loud gasp from around them. The crowd of hobbits fell completely silent. Their accusing gazes trailed for a while before landing on Peregrin.
"What?"
Merry leaned over to his fellow and whispered, "I don't think they like the name, Pip."
"What?" repeated Pippin loudly. "Mary-Sue?"
Someone in the crowd screamed. Merry shook his head and led the fool of a Took out of the market square. There were a few lectures he needed to give the poor lad... "We'll see you later!" called the Brandybuck as his farewell, still keeping a firm lead on Pippin. Sam turned to Frodo and shrugged. As for Frodo, he still looked quite uncomfortable, recalling what the Oliphaunt Fairy had done to him...
~*~
"We couldn't save him," said the ranger, tilting his wide brimmed hat up to gaze upon Estel's clearly.
"What happened?" asked Aragorn, his tone urgent and determined. "What happened to Boromir?"
"See..." the ranger tried to explain, but it did not come out in the most comfortable tone. "The arrows... pinned him to the tree."
"Pinned him?"
"He's talking almost normally. Says he doesn't feel much. But the way the arrows are in him... part of his body his still alive when it's not supposed to be. We can't save him. Do you understand what I am saying to you?"
Aragorn's face faltered to a deep frown. "...This is the last time I will talk to the Steward of Gondor."
"Yes."