Summary: AU. Obi-Wan Kenobi has been Qui-Gon's padawan for a few years now. He loves his master dearly, but when will he feel the same about his padawan? When a startling incident takes place, what will become of Obi-Wan's future as a Jedi? Would his master be so mad at him that he will be forced to 'ship off' Obi-Wan as far as he could be from him? And what happens when someone terrible from Obi-Wan's past tempts him with a terrible fate that he knows he can't escape from?! Why am I asking so many questions like you'll know the answers to them!? Huh!? Huh!?
A/N: This takes place before any of the Star Wars movies. I would also say it's a sort of alternative universe. I'm trying not to use the ideas in other fanfics/stories—such as Xanatos. All in all, this story takes place with a completely different past. I hope you enjoy. ^^ — Andrea
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"Succumb Intoxication"
by ; andrea
x . c h a p t e r o n e
; listen
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Young Obi-Wan Kenobi sat at his desk in his own room. He stared blankly down at his homework he was supposedly doing. He had trouble concentrating nowadays. Was it Qui-Gon Jinn that made him feel so melancholy or was it himself? This feeling stalked him always when he had been around Qui-Gon. He really wanted to blame it on someone else... anyone else but his master. He loved his master with all his heart, but, apparently, was the utter adverse for Qui-Gon. What were a master and a padawan if they could only talk about training, school, and nothing else but their job together? He still didn't know one thing about the Jedi: were they allowed to love their padawan—not even as a son, but as an apprentice?
Obi-Wan closed his eyes, trying to reach into the bond that him and his master presumably shared. He could feel nothing radiating from Qui-Gon—no feeling whatsoever.
As he opened his eyes slowly, reluctantly, and he let out a quiet sigh. His master had never told him anything about his life, while Obi-Wan had babbled on and on about everything, expecting his master to answer with something like "Oh, I know the feeling, young Obi-Wan. Let me tell you about it." But that had never happened—not even once.
Now Obi-Wan was beginning to think that it was his presence that caused his master to be so distant. He had known Qui-Gon had talked rather friendly and open towards Mace Windu. But Obi-Wan was his padawan! Talking about anything besides training would be a reward Obi-Wan would die for.
But it never happened.
Obi-Wan's eyes traced down to his homework. He couldn't concentrate anymore. He couldn't concentrate when these thoughts of his master kept nagging at him, and on an empty stomach.
His master hadn't noticed Obi-Wan hadn't been eating. His appetite was lost every time he watched his master look away from him. That happened every single day at the table. If someone had not eaten the food in front of them, you'd notice. So that meant Qui-Gon had not cared...?
Obi-Wan stood up, opening his door quietly. He didn't want to bother Qui-Gon with his eating habits. Maybe he would just have something little to eat... and then go back and attempt to do his homework. He passed the living room. Qui-Gon had been seated, most likely meditating, in the middle of the room. Obi-Wan forced a smile, but it seemed to hint his glum.
He sat down at the table, alone. He didn't stand up to get food. He just sat there, as if he were waiting for someone to join him. But he knew no one would.
He had been with Qui-Gon for a while now. He was fifteen years old. He didn't know how old Qui-Gon was, or how young he was. Obi-Wan wondered if his master would ever talk to him about himself.
Obi-Wan lost track of the time. He hadn't noticed the sun had set long hours before. He just sat at the table, thinking, wanting, and hoping...
"Padawan," a voice muttered in the doorway of the kitchen. Snapping Obi-Wan out of his thoughts, he turned to see Qui-Gon leaning against the doorframe. Obi-Wan tried to smile warmly, but it came out crooked. "You have not finished your paperwork?" It was more of a statement then a question.
"I..." He paused, beginning to realize what the time was. "I'm sorry, Master. I got... distracted." He lowered his eyes, his half-smile fading. He felt his stomach lurching, but he ignored it. It wasn't like Qui-Gon cared about his malnutrition, so why should he?
"Obi-Wan, you must learn to focus more." With those words, he turned and left, most likely to his room—like always.
"I'm... sorry... Master..."
But he didn't hear, since he was gone. Obi-Wan stood up from the seat at the table and began walking down the hall to his room. His steps were slow. He sat on the edge of his bed, staring at the paperwork on his desk. But then his eyes began to wander towards Qui-Gon's room across the hall.
He was foolish to think he'd be important in his master's life...
Obi-Wan didn't bother to take off any of his clothing. He only plopped down on the bed and faced the wall. He closed his eyes and attempted to sleep.
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Qui-Gon stood in the doorway of his padawan's room once more. He watched as he slept. He had noticed he hadn't got changed that night before. He didn't even bother to pull the covers over himself. He watched Obi-Wan's lips quiver slightly, then he had covered his face with his sleeves and arms. It was as if he were trying to keep the warmness present in the room... but there was none.
"Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon's voice came out stern, but he hadn't meant it to.
The boy opened his eyes quickly and sat up in bed. "Master! I-I'm sorry I slept in!"
Qui-Gon hadn't meant to startle the boy. And why did he have to apologize for everything he did? Qui-Gon let out a breath of air, which was a twist between frustration and sadness. He knew he was very cold to the boy, but he didn't want his feelings to interrupt with the training. 'After all,' he thought, 'at least this will make him stronger.' But will it, in the future, make this sweet boy as cold-hearted as he was acting? He didn't want that to happen... but...
"We are going to Coruscant today to run an ... errand for Mace."
"But I..." Obi-Wan had been invited to spend the day with his two friends down at a small café. He had not seen his friends for quite a while because of his training... He lowered his eyes and looked away from Qui-Gon, standing up. "Y-yes, Master."
"Get ready, we're leaving in a few minutes," Qui-Gon muttered as he made his way out of the room.
Obi-Wan looked up, smiling, hoping Qui-Gon would see. But he hadn't, for he had already left. 'Well,' he thought, 'at least the whole day won't go to a waste... I'll be with Qui-Gon, right?' He forced his smile on as he put on his hooded Jedi robe, slipping the hood over his head.
- - -
"What does Mace need here on this planet, Master?
"You will find out, Padawan."
As the two Jedi had shoved their way into the crowd, Obi-Wan couldn't help but look into the cafés and restaurants that had been piled on top of each other as buildings. He could have sworn, despite the stench of alien odor around him, he could smell the delicious food and drinks inside...
"Obi-Wan, don't dawdle," Qui-Gon had muttered as he pulled the boy by the sleeve and then let go as they kept walking. Apparently, Obi-Wan had stopped to look inside a nearby café.
"I'm sorry, Master." He tried to stick as close to his master as possible. But the crowds were closing in on him. Before he knew it, he and his master were down on the lower levels of Coruscant... a terrible place.
"I can sense... sense the dark side down here, Master," Obi-Wan had mumbled quietly as he began to walk a little closer to his Master. "Is that... true?"
Qui-Gon had not answered, but he had known there was evil down here. Instead of the walls dripping with clear rain, as the top levels had, they dripped with brownish green muck. The young apprentice didn't like this place one bit. He wanted to admit he was slightly frightened, but he bit his tongue to stay quiet. He did not know that Qui-Gon had taken a quicker pace than he had.
Suddenly, he felt something prick at the back of his neck. He whirled around to see... nothing? "Master, why do we need to be here?" he asked, but his question had only met the air. He turned back around to see his master gone.
His eyes widened. Qui-Gon could leave him so easily, couldn't he? He looked up to see nothing but... huge, putrid buildings towering over him. He saw small, spider-like creatures crawl on the walls of the buildings as if they were their spider-webs. When the creatures spotted the human Jedi below, they stopped moving completely, locking eyes with the boy. Just as a precaution, the boy lit up his light saber. He began walking, desperately trying to open the bond between him and his master.
Qui-Gon must have noticed his apprentice was gone by now, right? He didn't understand why he had to come to this planet, anyway. He wished he could be back home...
"Master, Qui-Gon, come back..."
What kind of creatures would live down here? He could hear the faint bass of a club nothing but a few blocks away. Should he stay where he was, in the middle of no where, or go to the club and hope Qui-Gon would find him there?
... Qui-Gon would never go there.
But would he ever come here?
Obi-Wan quickly sat down, feeling his knees begin to weaken. He leaned his back against the rail and looked downwards. He was still not at the very bottom of Coruscant. But it had felt terribly like it. The air was thick with decay and foul odor. He stared down the dimly lit black abyss. He began to feel dizzy. His stomach turned, lurched and growled. He turned around to look at his hands. He was so hungry. The boy's hands were terribly skinny. Had his master not noticed that either?
He felt his eyes getting heavy... No, he couldn't collapse now—not here, of all places! His head began to swim, his hands getting weak. Where was Qui-Gon? Why wasn't he... here?
"Master..."
He bent his head down onto his knees, covering his head with his hands and baggy sleeves.
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Qui-Gon had been searching around desperately for his apprentice. He had not known he could lose the boy so easily. He didn't deserve to have an apprentice! If this is what it had come to, losing your padawan on the lower levels of Coruscant only to be eaten alive by vicious blood-sucking, leeching aliens, then he definitely did not deserve to be able to train another young Jedi.
He had been twisting around in every corridor he had been at, but he refused to open the bond between them to pinpoint the boy's location. He was not that desperate—but was Obi-Wan?
He suddenly reached the edge, realizing his search had been a terrible failure. But as he grabbed onto the rail, he noticed a small creature sprawled out near the edge of the walkway, its arm half-covering its face, its other arm sprawled out in front of it. Some leech-like creatures had been sucking on its wrist. Immediately, Qui-Gon knew that was a human. And it was Obi-Wan Kenobi.
He was at the boy's side in a moment, ready to scold him for being so foolish and not focusing to stay close so he would not have gotten lost. But as he lifted the boy's arm he noticed the boy's face was sickly pale. He also noticed the boy's wrists were very skinny, if not, bony... The leeches couldn't have done that. Qui-Gon took out his light saber and fried the leeches off of Obi-Wan's skin. He took the boy in his arms and clicked his saber back into his belt. He walked quickly, not wrapping the boy in his robe, even though that would be the most logical thing to do.
He had managed to run the 'errand' for Mace. He had to confiscate a disk (to what information was unknown to Qui-Gon) from a man named 'Nibb' who had owned a bounty hunter business on the twentieth floor of Coruscant, thirteenth block. He had managed to get the disk without much of a fight. He didn't have to take out his saber at all, revealing himself as a Jedi. That would not be a smart thing to do on the lower levels of Coruscant. The aliens—or mutated humans—hadn't a liking to the Jedi.
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"Thanks, Qui-Gon. You've done me a great favor. But I must ask—the boy... he does not look all right." Mace Windu had sat on the edge of Obi-Wan's bed. The boy had been unconscious for quite a while.
"I know that. I just... didn't think the leeches could do that to him."
"This isn't the work of leeches. Has the boy been eating all right?"
Qui-Gon paused for a moment before answering hesitantly. "Yes, he has." But he was unsure himself.
"I'm taking your word for it," Mace said suspiciously. "But if the poison from the leeches doesn't wear off, you better fix him up."
"I never asked for an apprentice," Qui-Gon stated, changing the subject.
Mace sighed. "I better get going."
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Obi-Wan sat up from his bed, staring at his wrists. He felt his stomach lurch again. But he was surprised to at least be in his own bed and not on the floor of 'the lower levels.' He stood up shakily and wobbled towards the living room. Their 'home,' or 'quarters,' was small and part of the Temple. But at least he had his own bed.
"Obi-Wan."
The boy turned around to see his Master standing behind him.
"Master," he began, getting a little self-conscious. If it weren't for the stern look on Qui-Gon's face, the boy would have wrapped his arms around him and thanked him for coming back and taking him away from that terrible place. "I... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall behind... I... It was dark down there and I..." He couldn't say it.
"Just get something to eat. We'll talk about this later, Padawan."
Obi-Wan forced a smile on his face and lowered his eyes.
He took a piece of bread off the counter and finished it quickly and thankfully. He felt as if he needed to talk to Qui-Gon. Maybe he would actually talk to him...! Maybe Qui-Gon would actually...
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"Why have you not been eating, Padawan?"
The question caught him off guard. Obi-Wan took his eyes off his Master and looked at the floor. He was standing in front of his Master, whom was sitting on the couch, scowling slightly.
"I wasn't hungry..." He lied.
He heard Qui-Gon sigh. "Listen, Obi-Wan. I'm here to teach you. I'm not here to baby sit you. I'm not your mother."
Obi-Wan's eyes widened as he looked at his Master, who was staring at him straight in the eye. "But I—"
"I didn't want to take on another apprentice. I can't do this anymore. If you can't even take care of your own eating habits... Well, I just don't know what else to do." Qui-Gon was pleading to the boy, but his eyes held nothing but frustration.
Obi-Wan swallowed, and it hurt.
"But, Master, I'm sorry... I didn't... mean to... I didn't mean to burden you. I was just... I... I don't know." His bottom jaw quivered as he spoke. He hoped his master hadn't noticed that.
"Just—go to bed. I have to think."
Obi-Wan looked up at his master and smiled, hoping the tears welling up in his eyes weren't obvious. "Yes, Master. I—I'm sorry." Cocking his head to the side, he nodded, closing his eyes, still trying to keep that synthetic smile on his face. He quickly turned away, biting his lower lip. He stumbled into his room and shut the door behind him quietly. Leaning against it, he bit back his tears.
What would Qui-Gon think if he saw him like this? His tears began to stream down his face. He never meant to be a burden to his master. He hadn't told him anything bad about his life, about himself, just so he wouldn't have to oppress worry to his master. He was truly, very sorry for what he had done. Wasn't that enough? He guessed not.
He let his back slide down the door, and he brought his dirty knees to his face. His clothes were still stained from the leeches' poison and the filth of the lower levels.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."
He sniffled quietly. He did not want his master to hear. He didn't want his master to know that he... made the young padawan feel... terrible.
Obi-Wan closed his eyes, shutting them tightly. He didn't want to open them again...
"Padawan," a voice called from behind the door.
Holding his breath, the young apprentice wiped his face furiously and pressed his back against the door.
"We—need to talk."
Slightly frightened his voice would crack. Obi-Wan answered quietly, "I... have to do my homework." But his voice did crack, and Qui-Gon noticed it. He released his hand off the doorknob to his padawan's room and didn't say anything more.
Obi-Wan let his head slam against the door, letting out a shaky breath of air. He lifted his hands towards his face and gasped, choked...
He didn't know he had been poisoned.
"Master..." he called weakly. "Help...?"
Qui-Gon's steps had halted automatically, his gaze darting to his padawan's door. Something was wrong.
"Come back, Qui-Gon," he called, his hands plopping down on the ground. The poison was numbing his fingertips already, his eyes drifted back and forth. He tried to focus on his bed...
Qui-Gon tried to open the door, but the collapsed frame of his padawan was blocking it from being opened any farther. He closed his eyes, took a step back and put his hand in front of him. He let out a breath. The door swung open. He kneeled down beside his apprentice and pushed his braid out of his face.
"Padawan."
"Master," the boy blurted, his eyes shut tight. "I'm sorry... I can't help it. I can't feel..."
'I should have never brought him to the lower levels,' Qui-Gon thought, his eyes softening. He noticed the boy had dry trails of tears down his face. "Shh, foolish padawan." He hushed the boy calmly and picked him up. "Open your eyes." He surprised even himself with his words. But his padawan did not open his eyes. Obi-Wan choked a sob as he buried his face in his master's robe. He didn't know where Qui-Gon was taking him... But he knew, most likely, he would probably contact a medical droid.
"I'm sorry," he sobbed quietly. "I didn't want to be trouble. I just wanted you to be happy with me, master. I wanted you to be... be..."
He stopped talking; realizing his master wasn't listening at all.
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The room was a shade of dark blue. Obi-Wan noticed that, and had never noticed it before. He was lying in his own bed, his arm dangled to the side with a few cords sticking out of his wrist. He stared down at the blue and white blankets that draped over him. They reminded him of the lakes on Naboo.
Naboo...
His mind started dawdling in every way possible. He had forgotten where he was, who he was, everything. He was just remembering old memories—especially memories of Qui-Gon.
He remembered when he first met his master. He seemed reluctant to take him to his quarters. He had cheerlessly showed the boy to his room. The next morning was strictly training. He had worked Obi-Wan so hard, he almost passed out at the end of the day. But that was what he had expected when he decided to become a Jedi. He knew there would be hardships...
But he never knew his master would be so distant. When he had dreamed about being a Jedi, he had thought of his master being a man whom he could take comfort in and not be afraid, shy and self-conscious around every moment.
The door made a swift airy sound that had snapped his attention to the doorway. Qui-Gon had entered the room. He watched his master stare at him. The boy smiled. His smile was not returned.
"Master, I do not wish to burden you. If you wish for me to leave... I shall, if that's what you would desire." He forced a smile on his face. His eyes shimmered slightly. He went on, his master listening, "I knew you did not want a padawan. I do not think it is... your fault." Obi-Wan looked away and out the window at Coruscant—but all he saw was gray.
The boy sounded so mature that it scared Qui-Gon. What has he done? Did he really want his apprentice to be so unfeeling and bewildered? Did he really want this to happen to such a gifted young boy? No, he did not... And he didn't know what else to do. He stepped out of the room, shutting the door behind him.
Obi-Wan heard the door shut. He knew his master left, but for some reason, he kept on talking as if Qui-Gon had been there. "I am not sure if you know this, but I did travel through two other Jedi's hearts—for I didn't belong there. My first master believed I couldn't do it—anything. The second had abandoned me—turning to the dark side... I didn't know where else to go. Yoda had told Mace... who told you..."
The boy paused and swallowed hard. Why would his master not listen? He must have been vexing his master terribly.
"Something's wrong with me, master. I do not know what. I was hoping that... maybe you'd tell me. But you haven't, master. I'm not sure if you ever will, either. Why won't you? There has to be something wrong with me. I am doing something wrong all the time... But no one tells me. No one, master! I could correct it, if you told me... and if it's me—if I'm the problem, I could correct that, too. I want to be a Jedi. I want to be the best Jedi ever. But it's not happening... and it doesn't seem like it'll happen for a while. If not a while, and I surely am certain, that it will not happen at all. What would happen to me then? Will I just be a waste of space? Oh, and, Master?"
He looked towards the door.
"I wish you were here to listen."
His throat hurt from talking.
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A/N: Yes, I'm sorry. I know this is a bad ending to this chapter. And I will talk about Qui-Gon in the next chapter. I know I'm being extremely mean—but, hey! I'm not one to write happy-go-lucky stories, all right? The next chapter will be slightly darker (hint hint)... Please review! It keeps my self-esteem going. :D