Summary: Child protective services looks down on single caregiver so Buffy
has to find a "pretend husband". Xander and Anya are honeymooning; Giles is
in England, so Spike is her only hope. Fic Challenge from Pamela J.
Anderson off of the BuffyspikeDiaries Mailing List.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, UPN, and whoever has rights to these people in court. Do not sue me, I'm poor anyway. The fic idea isn't mine either, it belongs to Pamela, and as of now, there are two other people working on this same challenge.
Author's Note: I know the beginning of Part 19 started out nice kinda fluffy, and then it quickly slipped into not so nice and angsty. I'm sorry for any confusion this may have caused you, or how not plausible it seemed in the fic. Real reason for this: I started the part in a good mood and ended it in a not so good one. But don't worry, I'll try to atone with this part. Let me know if it makes up for it. Also, after this part, the story may very well become NC-17. A PG-13 version will still be available here, and the NC-17 parts will be posted elsewhere. Choose to read whichever version is appropriate for you.
~Part 20~
Spike didn't get too far, what with it being the middle of the afternoon and all, but he sat sulking on the back porch, occasionally shying away from sun rays that managed to slip past the awning. Had a few more hours before the light cleared the house completely.
He didn't have any cigarettes; he was trying to give them up after Buffy had taken his pack away before their interview. The only spares he had left were in the glove compartment of his car. Which he had given away for her.
He kicked at a piece of lawn furniture and watched it tumble and turned to see if she'd noticed he'd only made it to just outside the door.
But she hadn't.
He watched her, still messing with the paper, and absently wiping at her cheeks, and he felt like such a jerk. She'd done the nicest thing anyone had bothered to in such a long time and he yelled at her; made her cry.
He wasn't mad at her, not really. She'd stood up for him, and not just to some stranger either, but to one of her best friends. She'd rather have him happy than Xander.
But he just wasn't sure he was deserving of that. The more she said, the more he tried to realize what this might mean to her, and if he was worthy of any of it.
The whole situation had unnerved him more than anything else, thrown him off guard. He'd expected that Bit might come in, pink lips forming a big o and then jumping up and down, getting all excited. Or that maybe Giles would call again, Buffy never had gotten around to returning his first, or the witches would drop by unexpectedly. But never the whelp and his no longer demon bride, he'd never entered that into the equation.
He gave the plastic chair another swipe, but then righted it, and went back into the house. "I'm sorry Buffy. I really am. What I did was hurtful and immature, and you were so good to me, and I'm sorry." He hung his head down, towards his feet, and watched as they scuffed at the welcome mat.
"Come here." He looked up at her, unsure if it was a request or a command, and focussed on her trembling lower lip. "Please."
He reached her in only two steps, cradling her face with her palms. "I do stupid things sometimes, and I don't mean to, at least I hope that I don't, but these horrible words will spill out of my mouth, and God I hate hurting you."
Her eyes were blinking very fast, as she tried to hold back her tears, but when he brushed at lashes they all tumbled out anyway. "This is going to be hard for me to say, so you just have to let me try, don't stop me until I'm finished. Can you do that?
He nodded at her and she continued. "This is a very horrible thing for me to say, and I know that, but it's just as horrible for me to have these thoughts running around in my head, so I might as well share them. I always kind of blamed my mother for how things worked out with my dad. She'd pick on these little things, and she couldn't let anything that he did go, and it's dumb, but maybe if she just kept quiet he would've stayed.
"Like this one time we were going to the beach and he didn't fill up the gas tank before we left. She was putting sunscreen all over Dawn, and asked if he could go and take care of that before we left, and he told her he would. He wouldn't forget on purpose, I know that. But he didn't do it for whatever reason and we ran out on the highway. She went on about it for days afterwards; his irresponsibility, and the lack of consideration he had for his family.
"He apologized the first time she said anything, on the shoulder, and then he walked over a mile to get enough gas so we could make it to the nearest station. He refused to offer an apology to her again, and I think she just wanted him to feel guilty.
"She did this with a lot of things, and she didn't mean to, but I don't think she could let him win, because that's what it was between them, who won. If she was right, she deserved the victory tally put up on her side of the board and she didn't want him to forget for an instance that she had bested him.
"I don't want to end up like my mother, I don't want to drive a man away anymore than I already have a tendency to do. I will let things go, let them fester inside of me rather than between us because I never want to hear anyone accuse me of what I just said.
"I'm strong, I know I can work things out, move past them, but I can't stand the tension, the heaviness that everything takes on, how it makes breathing an effort. I know you like to talk, feel like you're working at something, solving it, making it better, but I can't do it Spike. I can't. It shuts me down inside.
"I will avoid a fight with people I care about more than anything else, because I just couldn't stand the idea of them being gone.
"Everything I said to Xander was true, every word of it, but there's something I left out," Spike's eyes got a little bigger, and one of his eyebrows twitched up when he tilted his head. His thinking pose. "I value you being here, and doing all of this for me. You have been more than a friend to me these past few days, you listen and you help me out and I can trust you. I've been thinking about it, how you took care of me, and the house and Dawn and I don't deserve any of this."
"I was thinking the exact same thing pet." They both laughed.
"You promised you'd let me finish."
"You're right, I did. I apologize. Go on."
"Well, as I was saying, I don't deserve any of this, I've screwed up with guys so much in the past, and I've hurt a lot of them. I don't want to do that to you, and I'm afraid that I might," he moved to open his mouth, but she placed her index finger on his lips. "Still my turn. I'm afraid I might hurt you, because of what I'm going to say right now. I know you love me, I do, and I think I love you back.
His hand fell her cheeks and hung limply at his sides. "This isn't a joke, I do care about you, and it took someone doubting that for me to notice how much I do. I would be so happy to wear your ring and I'm going to call Giles right now and tell him this whole story. I was worried before about how he'd react, but right now I don't really care."
"You're going to do all that for me?" He was completely shocked; this was another thing he never would have fit into the equation.
"For the man I love, of course. But first I'm going to need a kiss."
"That I can provide." He leaned in and kissed her, softly on the mouth, and she parted her lips so he could find her tongue.
When they broke away, his eyes wild and her blood noticeably pumping in his ears, she took a few breaths before she was able to say anything to him. "Thank you, very much."
"Happy to oblige." He moved towards her again, but she put her hand up on his chest.
"My phone call now, more fun later."
"And what am I supposed to do while you make your long distance transaction?"
She smiled coyly and turned away to dial the telephone. "Why don't you go move the cot back into the basement?"
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, UPN, and whoever has rights to these people in court. Do not sue me, I'm poor anyway. The fic idea isn't mine either, it belongs to Pamela, and as of now, there are two other people working on this same challenge.
Author's Note: I know the beginning of Part 19 started out nice kinda fluffy, and then it quickly slipped into not so nice and angsty. I'm sorry for any confusion this may have caused you, or how not plausible it seemed in the fic. Real reason for this: I started the part in a good mood and ended it in a not so good one. But don't worry, I'll try to atone with this part. Let me know if it makes up for it. Also, after this part, the story may very well become NC-17. A PG-13 version will still be available here, and the NC-17 parts will be posted elsewhere. Choose to read whichever version is appropriate for you.
~Part 20~
Spike didn't get too far, what with it being the middle of the afternoon and all, but he sat sulking on the back porch, occasionally shying away from sun rays that managed to slip past the awning. Had a few more hours before the light cleared the house completely.
He didn't have any cigarettes; he was trying to give them up after Buffy had taken his pack away before their interview. The only spares he had left were in the glove compartment of his car. Which he had given away for her.
He kicked at a piece of lawn furniture and watched it tumble and turned to see if she'd noticed he'd only made it to just outside the door.
But she hadn't.
He watched her, still messing with the paper, and absently wiping at her cheeks, and he felt like such a jerk. She'd done the nicest thing anyone had bothered to in such a long time and he yelled at her; made her cry.
He wasn't mad at her, not really. She'd stood up for him, and not just to some stranger either, but to one of her best friends. She'd rather have him happy than Xander.
But he just wasn't sure he was deserving of that. The more she said, the more he tried to realize what this might mean to her, and if he was worthy of any of it.
The whole situation had unnerved him more than anything else, thrown him off guard. He'd expected that Bit might come in, pink lips forming a big o and then jumping up and down, getting all excited. Or that maybe Giles would call again, Buffy never had gotten around to returning his first, or the witches would drop by unexpectedly. But never the whelp and his no longer demon bride, he'd never entered that into the equation.
He gave the plastic chair another swipe, but then righted it, and went back into the house. "I'm sorry Buffy. I really am. What I did was hurtful and immature, and you were so good to me, and I'm sorry." He hung his head down, towards his feet, and watched as they scuffed at the welcome mat.
"Come here." He looked up at her, unsure if it was a request or a command, and focussed on her trembling lower lip. "Please."
He reached her in only two steps, cradling her face with her palms. "I do stupid things sometimes, and I don't mean to, at least I hope that I don't, but these horrible words will spill out of my mouth, and God I hate hurting you."
Her eyes were blinking very fast, as she tried to hold back her tears, but when he brushed at lashes they all tumbled out anyway. "This is going to be hard for me to say, so you just have to let me try, don't stop me until I'm finished. Can you do that?
He nodded at her and she continued. "This is a very horrible thing for me to say, and I know that, but it's just as horrible for me to have these thoughts running around in my head, so I might as well share them. I always kind of blamed my mother for how things worked out with my dad. She'd pick on these little things, and she couldn't let anything that he did go, and it's dumb, but maybe if she just kept quiet he would've stayed.
"Like this one time we were going to the beach and he didn't fill up the gas tank before we left. She was putting sunscreen all over Dawn, and asked if he could go and take care of that before we left, and he told her he would. He wouldn't forget on purpose, I know that. But he didn't do it for whatever reason and we ran out on the highway. She went on about it for days afterwards; his irresponsibility, and the lack of consideration he had for his family.
"He apologized the first time she said anything, on the shoulder, and then he walked over a mile to get enough gas so we could make it to the nearest station. He refused to offer an apology to her again, and I think she just wanted him to feel guilty.
"She did this with a lot of things, and she didn't mean to, but I don't think she could let him win, because that's what it was between them, who won. If she was right, she deserved the victory tally put up on her side of the board and she didn't want him to forget for an instance that she had bested him.
"I don't want to end up like my mother, I don't want to drive a man away anymore than I already have a tendency to do. I will let things go, let them fester inside of me rather than between us because I never want to hear anyone accuse me of what I just said.
"I'm strong, I know I can work things out, move past them, but I can't stand the tension, the heaviness that everything takes on, how it makes breathing an effort. I know you like to talk, feel like you're working at something, solving it, making it better, but I can't do it Spike. I can't. It shuts me down inside.
"I will avoid a fight with people I care about more than anything else, because I just couldn't stand the idea of them being gone.
"Everything I said to Xander was true, every word of it, but there's something I left out," Spike's eyes got a little bigger, and one of his eyebrows twitched up when he tilted his head. His thinking pose. "I value you being here, and doing all of this for me. You have been more than a friend to me these past few days, you listen and you help me out and I can trust you. I've been thinking about it, how you took care of me, and the house and Dawn and I don't deserve any of this."
"I was thinking the exact same thing pet." They both laughed.
"You promised you'd let me finish."
"You're right, I did. I apologize. Go on."
"Well, as I was saying, I don't deserve any of this, I've screwed up with guys so much in the past, and I've hurt a lot of them. I don't want to do that to you, and I'm afraid that I might," he moved to open his mouth, but she placed her index finger on his lips. "Still my turn. I'm afraid I might hurt you, because of what I'm going to say right now. I know you love me, I do, and I think I love you back.
His hand fell her cheeks and hung limply at his sides. "This isn't a joke, I do care about you, and it took someone doubting that for me to notice how much I do. I would be so happy to wear your ring and I'm going to call Giles right now and tell him this whole story. I was worried before about how he'd react, but right now I don't really care."
"You're going to do all that for me?" He was completely shocked; this was another thing he never would have fit into the equation.
"For the man I love, of course. But first I'm going to need a kiss."
"That I can provide." He leaned in and kissed her, softly on the mouth, and she parted her lips so he could find her tongue.
When they broke away, his eyes wild and her blood noticeably pumping in his ears, she took a few breaths before she was able to say anything to him. "Thank you, very much."
"Happy to oblige." He moved towards her again, but she put her hand up on his chest.
"My phone call now, more fun later."
"And what am I supposed to do while you make your long distance transaction?"
She smiled coyly and turned away to dial the telephone. "Why don't you go move the cot back into the basement?"