Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, they all belong to Tolkien. I respect him.
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Legolas was trotting merrily in the woods of the Shire when suddenly a light shone above him. He saw in the light the most beautiful half-elf. As he stepped closed, getting a better view of the fair maiden, another half-elf, just as beautiful and perfect, popped up. Legolas stared at them, half confused and half amazed. Then another girl popped up and then another and another and suddenly there were thousands of them. Legolas suddenly became frightened. He turned and started to run. He looked back and saw that the beautiful perfect girls were all chasing after him. He fastened his pace. He stopped to rest and saw Bag End.
"Gee, I hope Frodo or someone's in there." he ran to the door and knocked repeatedly on it. Frodo opened the door.
"Oh Legolas, Come to..."
"Move!!" Legolas pushed Frodo aside, ran in and slammed the door.
Frodo gave him a scared look and backed away. Legolas darted his eyes around the room and discovered the whole Fellowship was there, including Boromir back from the dead! Then he heard the toilet flush and saw Gimli walking in zipping up his pants.
"I sense something's wrong." Gandalf said.
"They-they-they're after me!!" he ran to a corner and crawled into a ball.
"Who's 'they'?" Gimli asked.
Legolas whimpered and rocked back and forth in his corner.
"Oh!" Pippin nodded. "Mary-Sues."
"Ohh!" The rest said in unison.
Then there was various knocks and pounds on the door.
"IT'S THEM!!!" Legolas grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around himself. Frodo looked out the window and saw thousands of perfect girls.
"There's Frodo!" one of them cried.
"Frodo and Legolas? This is my lucky day!" another said with a high-pitched voice.
"You better hide too Frodo." Merry said. "Curse your freakin' blue eyes."
Frodo ran to Legolas's corner and took his blanket. Legolas grabbed it back and Frodo tried to get it back. They fought over the blanket for a while, then Sam stood up.
"The Mary-Sues must be destroyed!" Legolas and Frodo stopped fighting and looked at Sam.
"Well, they should. They have no right to stalk Mr. Frodo..."
Legolas glared at Sam.
"And Mr. Legolas like that. They need to go."
Aragorn stood up and walked over to Sam.
"Sam is right. The Mary-Sues must be destroyed. But there is only one way to do it."
Gandalf went over to Aragorn's side.
"Aragorn is...also right. The Mary-Sues can only be destroyed by...falling into The Pit of Cheese."
Boromir got up. His chest began to spurt blood again so Merry handed him some cloth to stick on his wound.
"The Great Pit of Cheese! The Swiss Gates are swissy! Who knows what lies ahead after you get passed the gates!"
"A good thing is, that the Great Pit of Cheese is just right next to the Shire, so we won't have to travel far." Gandalf informed.
"Well, how are we going to have them fall in the pit?" Merry asked.
"Tell them we're cooking macaroni and that we need some cheese. Then when we get to the pit, we push 'em in!" Pippin cried.
"Perfect idea!" Merry gave Pippin a high five.
The others though for a while and then said in unison "Hmm, maybe."
Then Boromir got an idea. "We'll tell them that Legolas...and Frodo's favorite food is macaroni and cheese and that we have the macaroni but not the cheese. And if they lead us to some cheese, they shall get a free date with Legolas!"
"Yeah! That'll work!" Everyone said.
Boromir began to spurt blood again but this time it got in Merry's eye.
"Ow! It stings!" Merry grabbed his eye.
"Sorry! Sorry!" Boromir helped Merry wipe the blood off.
"What about Frodo?" Legolas pointed to his side. "Why can't he get a free date?"
"Stop complaining Mr. Legolas." Sam said. "You know girls can't resist your elvish charm."
"That's true." Legolas smiled and stroked his hair.
Gimli smacked him with the bottom of his axe.
"Well, who's going out there to tell them?" Frodo asked.
They all paused and then looked at Pippin.
"Me??!!"
* * * * * * * * * * *
Legolas was trotting merrily in the woods of the Shire when suddenly a light shone above him. He saw in the light the most beautiful half-elf. As he stepped closed, getting a better view of the fair maiden, another half-elf, just as beautiful and perfect, popped up. Legolas stared at them, half confused and half amazed. Then another girl popped up and then another and another and suddenly there were thousands of them. Legolas suddenly became frightened. He turned and started to run. He looked back and saw that the beautiful perfect girls were all chasing after him. He fastened his pace. He stopped to rest and saw Bag End.
"Gee, I hope Frodo or someone's in there." he ran to the door and knocked repeatedly on it. Frodo opened the door.
"Oh Legolas, Come to..."
"Move!!" Legolas pushed Frodo aside, ran in and slammed the door.
Frodo gave him a scared look and backed away. Legolas darted his eyes around the room and discovered the whole Fellowship was there, including Boromir back from the dead! Then he heard the toilet flush and saw Gimli walking in zipping up his pants.
"I sense something's wrong." Gandalf said.
"They-they-they're after me!!" he ran to a corner and crawled into a ball.
"Who's 'they'?" Gimli asked.
Legolas whimpered and rocked back and forth in his corner.
"Oh!" Pippin nodded. "Mary-Sues."
"Ohh!" The rest said in unison.
Then there was various knocks and pounds on the door.
"IT'S THEM!!!" Legolas grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around himself. Frodo looked out the window and saw thousands of perfect girls.
"There's Frodo!" one of them cried.
"Frodo and Legolas? This is my lucky day!" another said with a high-pitched voice.
"You better hide too Frodo." Merry said. "Curse your freakin' blue eyes."
Frodo ran to Legolas's corner and took his blanket. Legolas grabbed it back and Frodo tried to get it back. They fought over the blanket for a while, then Sam stood up.
"The Mary-Sues must be destroyed!" Legolas and Frodo stopped fighting and looked at Sam.
"Well, they should. They have no right to stalk Mr. Frodo..."
Legolas glared at Sam.
"And Mr. Legolas like that. They need to go."
Aragorn stood up and walked over to Sam.
"Sam is right. The Mary-Sues must be destroyed. But there is only one way to do it."
Gandalf went over to Aragorn's side.
"Aragorn is...also right. The Mary-Sues can only be destroyed by...falling into The Pit of Cheese."
Boromir got up. His chest began to spurt blood again so Merry handed him some cloth to stick on his wound.
"The Great Pit of Cheese! The Swiss Gates are swissy! Who knows what lies ahead after you get passed the gates!"
"A good thing is, that the Great Pit of Cheese is just right next to the Shire, so we won't have to travel far." Gandalf informed.
"Well, how are we going to have them fall in the pit?" Merry asked.
"Tell them we're cooking macaroni and that we need some cheese. Then when we get to the pit, we push 'em in!" Pippin cried.
"Perfect idea!" Merry gave Pippin a high five.
The others though for a while and then said in unison "Hmm, maybe."
Then Boromir got an idea. "We'll tell them that Legolas...and Frodo's favorite food is macaroni and cheese and that we have the macaroni but not the cheese. And if they lead us to some cheese, they shall get a free date with Legolas!"
"Yeah! That'll work!" Everyone said.
Boromir began to spurt blood again but this time it got in Merry's eye.
"Ow! It stings!" Merry grabbed his eye.
"Sorry! Sorry!" Boromir helped Merry wipe the blood off.
"What about Frodo?" Legolas pointed to his side. "Why can't he get a free date?"
"Stop complaining Mr. Legolas." Sam said. "You know girls can't resist your elvish charm."
"That's true." Legolas smiled and stroked his hair.
Gimli smacked him with the bottom of his axe.
"Well, who's going out there to tell them?" Frodo asked.
They all paused and then looked at Pippin.
"Me??!!"