Written April 2002

Jesse's Songfic - "She Loves Me" by Black Lab

Characters belong to those who own Roswell. Song belongs, as said, to Black Lab. Lyrics were removed as per FanFictionSUCKnet's NEW policy. May they roast among the levels of hell they call home.

I lie awake some nights and watch you sleep and sometimes there's this small smile on your face. It's so soft and pure, and I can't help but smile because of it. I always wonder what is in your dreams that could bring that to your face. I'm afraid that I already know one thing though. It's not me.

I reach over to touch you, a gentle caress on your arm. It's feather light, but you feel it. The smile leaves your face and you shift away from my touch. When the contact is broken I hear your contented sigh and the smile returns. I wonder why I'm the one you married then. I wonder who it was who you'd rather be with, but I think I know that too.

I wonder if you love me more than you love his ghost. I never knew Alex, but I've heard your friends talk about him. They look at me like I'm trying to replace him. I wonder if that's what you were doing. If you just went on to love another because he's gone. How could he kill himself if they knew you loved him? How could he if he knew he had a chance?

There are other nights when I watch you sleep and there is no smile. Those nights are the ones that reaffirm most to me that while I know you love me, you don't love me as much as I do you. I watch you sleep and you shake, the fear is written across your sleeping face. These nights hurt the most. When I try to touch you, to comfort you and you twist away from my touch. What do you dream Isabel? Will you ever tell me?

I don't think you would have married me if you knew how you really felt. I'm slowly going mad with the knowledge that you love me but not as much as you loved him. Are you ever going to realize how your love for me compares to what you feel for him? When you do, will I lose you or will you fight for our love?

My fears creep upon me, and I wonder if I'm just a tool for your grief. An attempt to prove to everyone else you're past Alex, to try and prove it to yourself. You're slipping away from me and I don't know if I can get you back. Are you already gone? Or did I ever really have you?

I damn myself for staying though. I know all of this, but I can't leave you. Whether you really love me or not, I love you. If this is what you need, I won't abandon you. Maybe you'll grow to love me as you loved him. Maybe you'll grow to love me more. For now, I can survive on maybe.

I will stay for you Isabel, and one night I hope you won't twist away from me. I hope you'll let me comfort you. It's killing me not to be able to do it now. Slowly it's eating away at my heart, killing me as sure as anything. I'm letting it happen to, is dying of a broken heart suicide if you know it's happening? I think you may give up the ghost one day though. I have hope Isabel, I have hope you'll begin to love me back more.

I'll stay here for you. You may slip away, but I have hope you'll come back. You're the one I love. The one I married. I'll give you time, I'll give you forever. Love isn't always the happy things, it's the ability to wait for those you love.