The door flew open with great force, propelled by the naked power of Lance's mighty hand. Freddy and Todd jerked uneasily from the couch and the television snipped off with a scream of static. The author leaned back in her chair in gratification that she'd pulled off the alliteration and quietly flicked Tabitha back into her subconscious, feeling far too lazy to deal with actual goodbyes.

Dialogue resumed, after only one longish dramatic pause in which Lance stood framed in the doorway.

"Todd, Freddy, we got a guest."

"A female one?" Freddy asked with great weariness, retrieving the remote control from the back edge of the couch and clicking it futiley.

"Close enough."

"Hey!"

Todd yawned. "Yo. There, I've made my contribution."

Lance tapped a finger against the door impatiently, "Come on, guys, it's a recruit. This is important."

"Fine." Freddy stretched and stood up, scratching his mohawk. "Where is he?"

"Oh." Lance stopped taking up the doorway and called sweetly, "You can come in now, Rafael."

Rafael took his time, but finally shuffled in, the sulky hunch of his body making him look smaller than he actually was.

Todd finally looked from the dead television with a hint of interest, "Lance, I don't remember. Do we all torment him unmercifully until he runs crying to the X-Men or do we automatically take him in as an invaluable member of the team and where's Wanda?"

Sorry, I forgot, muttered a deep and ephemeral voice and Wanda strode imperiously in, knocking Rafael down, and breaking a window.

Lance scratched his head, glancing sidelong at Rafael, who was trying to get up and examine his rug burns at the same time. "Well, I'd say we torment him unmercifully, but the Great Sadistic Author demands that we take him in and razz him for a bit, but eventually, yeah, consider him an invaluable member of the team."

"Why can't I join the X-Men again?" Rafael groaned, finally giving up on the "getting up" part and merely leaning against the wall with his legs splayed out.

"Oh, oh! I remember this part!" cried Todd, "He can't join the X-Men for several reasons. One, they're not angsty and rebellious and cool enough . . . "

"What?"

"You're supposed to be angsty, rebellious, and cool, Rafael," Lance explained, "and if the Author chose to intially stick you in the X-Men, you'd be too cool for them and eventually, you'd come over to us. It's easier this way. Except, you're not angsty, rebellious, and cool."

"I know. So why am I here?"

"Uh . . . go on, Todd."

" . . . right, we were on two. Two, Xavier has too much money and a properly cool character has to be dirt poor and vindictive about it. Three, the Author has several evil things in store for you which wouldn't work if anyone gave you any sort of clear information and we're all supposed to be antagonistic punks, so we won't. Four, when the Author tried to stick you in the X-Men, it was only because Kitty beat you up instead and not only is there something kinda whacked about that, but once you were in the X-Men, you didn't have anything entertaining to do except get creamed in all the Danger Room sessions." Todd inhaled. "So that's why."

Rafael blinked. "I didn't catch a word of that."

Freddy shrugged and carefully got off the couch with an extended creak. "If you ever had a deviant idea that fanfiction was supposed to make sense and not work according to random and arbitrary rules . . . "

Todd tossed the remote idly to the ground and stretched, "Okay, now that's over, can we get in 'character'?"

"Can Wanda get into a character that doesn't involve destroying the house again?"

Wanda steadfastly and loudly ignored Lance's request as a light bulb unscrewed itself and smashed on the ground.

Rafael blinked. Lance rolled his eyes and, with an over-extended growl, reached down and pulled Rafael to his feet by the slack of his collar, "You gonna call my house a hovel again, stick boy?!"

"Uhhhhh . . . "

"Didn't think so, wimp." Lance dropped Rafael, who promptly collapsed on the carpet. Another long moment . . . then Lance sighed in exasperation and stuck his hand out. "Okay, okay -- just get on your feet and stay there. Take as long as you need, whatever."

Rafael rubbed his throat with a distinctly wounded look before finally using Lance's arm to drag himself upright.

"Man, can't you take any damage?"

"Look," Rafael rasped, "I'm five foot four, I weigh less than a hundred, I'm not built to take punishment."

Lance pulled out a sheaf of papers, slapping them against his palm, "Punishment is in the script, we have to follow the . . . okay, fine. We'll stop pretending you're the hulking tough The Author type cast for us and skip the initiation scene. Todd -- I think you're supposed to show him his room?"

Todd nodded with another, more pronounced, yawn and hopped leisurely next to Rafael, "Yo, you want a room, foo'? See if you can follow the Toad . . . foo'." The psuedo-threat sounded dull and half hearted and Todd's subsequent "race to the room" was so slow that Rafael had to take fairly small steps so as not to over-take the other mutant. Finally, Todd drew himself up and tapped a door with a ghastly pale hand. "This is yours. Used to be Pietro's, but he ain't with us no mo', so you get it. Careful," he said with a nasty green sneer, "there's one heck of a hole where th'outside wall used ta be."

"Hole?" Rafael said uneasily. "Don't you have . . . I dunno, a closet somewhere?"

"Sure, if you don't mind sleeping on a pile of discarded underwear and broken appliances."

"Actually, I don't. I used to be quite comfortable . . ."

"Raf," Todd hissed in an undertone, "be a little more indignant about this so we can close the scene already?"

"Oh, all right. Uh . . . how dare you . . . suggest . . . I sleep on underwear? How's that?"

"Do you have to keep asking? . . . Have you ever done this before?"

Rafael scratched the back of his neck, "Well . . . I've been an extra twice. Even a villain extra! Although . . I don't think I did anything more threatening than read a few lines of poetry and faint."

"Terrific. Okay, look. I'm a wimp, too, you know? I understand your pain -- but you've got to at least pretend to have an attitude if you're going to hang with us, right? Personally, I don't care, but The Author has a reputation or something to uphold and we're at her whim, right? So, maybe think of this as a third practice chapter, but next chapter, show the audience more crazy attitood-ness than they can stomach. If I can manage it, you can manage it." Todd cleared his throat and sneered again, "I can dare suggest you sleep on underwear, foo', 'cause you ain't worth nothin'. If we didn't need the numbers, foo', we wouldn't need you. So you shuffle on into your room and don't you say anythin' more, or I'll sic Wanda on you, got that?"

Todd shoved the door open and gave Rafael a mock bow, "So go on in, my leige . . ."

Rafael stared at Todd, then quickly slipped around him to peer past the door jamb. "Actually, this isn't too bad . . ."

Todd groaned loudly and slapped his forehead, "Here we go again . . . "