Hehe, I'm sry I didn't rite for SSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOO long. I was just really
really happy coz my other S+S fic ('if only I knew') got over 100 reviews
already!!! ^____^
Anyway, I'll rite it now ...
Unshed tears flowed out of my sealed eyelids, making a pool of salty water.
I will always love you. Syaoran Li. Even if you don't love me ... take care of yourself ...
Then I fell. I fell into the darkness. Will I ever return. Only god knows the answer.
Chapter 7
THE LAST GOODBYE
SYAORAN'S POV
I left the building with Tomoyo in my arms, who was crying her eyes out. But I also felt something else, something forbidden . I felt as if I left my heart in the building as well.
Tomoyo's hands dug into my already tear-stained shirt, words like 'tell me it's just a dream .' and 'Sakura, why .' kept on emerging from her lips.
I walked on almost unconsciously, not caring where I was going or what I was going to do. I looked at the dark haired beauty in my arms and for the first time ever, I asked myself a question I would never thought of asking.
Did I really make the right decision . ?
I looked away from Tomoyo, eyes staring forward. Pondering over the answer.
Of course I did! That was my first reply. Tomoyo was everything I could ask for. Her looks, personality, her gentleness, her . I stopped, and began to think about Sakura. But wasn't Sakura beautiful, warm-hearted, kind and friendly too?!
I was confusing myself. That was the only 100% certain statement I could come up with.
Suddenly, Tomoyo stopped sobbing. She stared behind me with a look I couldn't identify at that moment. I halted in my steps, and turned around to see what Tomoyo was staring at. But when I did, I felt my heart drop and my breathing stop.
Red, orange fire blazed on every part of the house. The house was turning into ashes by the second. I stared at it absent-mindedly, mouth gaping at it.
My mind froze at the horrifying scene before me and my body stood paralysed. Tomoyo broke out of her shocked trance first and immediately took off towards the fire. Screaming, 'SAKURA!!!'
I woke up hearing Tomoyo's frantic yelling, and grabbed her arms, 'NO! Tomoyo, you stay here, it's too dangerous.'
'But Sakura-'
'I'll go in and find Sakura. Jus - just call the ambulance, ok!?! Tomoyo, you have to do this. Listen, do this for Sakura, please?!' Tomoyo's eyes pleaded with me, but my own eyes were determined. Slowly, she nodded her head, but she still looked as if she wanted to go inside the house. 'Now GO!' I shouted!
Tomoyo, wiped her tears off with her sleeves and ran off towards . somewhere. I didn't look after her, I just dashed towards the house as fast as my legs can carry me. Silently begging god that Sakura was still alive.
With my heart throbbing rapidly at one thousand beats per seconds, I entered the battered door which was turning into ashes as the minutes goes by. It was a crazy thing to do, going into a burning house, not only I might not save Sakura, I might get myself killed as well in the process.
I didn't think about that though, I thought about where Sakura could be. I covered my mouth and nose with my hand because of the smoke and squinted my eyes to see through the burning fires.
And there, by the corner the great hall, a soot-covered human body laid there. It wasn't moving. Many 'what if's ran across my mind but I didn't think about them. I was so scared, I had never been more frightened in my life. What if she's already . dead!? I thought. No, I mustn't give up hope. So, with my breath held and flames tickling my sides, I rushed to the non- moving body.
Sakura laid there, her dark auburn locks shone magnificently, her head was leaned to one side, dried tear trials left on her cheeks reflected the blazing flames, her dark mascara was smudged, but that didn't made her look uglier, it only made her look more helpless and vulnerable.
I removed one of my hands which were covering mouth and pressed it gently against her bare throat. Good, her heart's still beating, I sighed, relieved. Even if it was beating very faintly, it was still beating nevertheless.
I took my other hand off my mouth and slotted it under her neck, my other arm wrapped firmly yet gently around her waist. She was so small, and so light. I remembered the last time I held her like this. It was then that I realised just how much I missed her company.
I lifted her up daintily, careful not to be too aggressive. Her body looked so fragile, as though it would snap in half any second.
Her sparkling outfit shimmered as I moved around. The front door collapsed already, I heard the loud crash as it hit the floor. So the only way out was the back door.
I walked as fast as I can with Sakura in my arms, her clothes felt slippery in my hands. My coughs were unheard as I finally made it to the door. My eyes watered as some soot flew into my eyes, but I knew there was no time to waste. So with all my strength, I kicked the door open.
Aaaaaaaaah, fresh air, I couldn't believe that I never appreciated fresh air before then. The smell of purity and nature invaded my nostrils, making me wanting to fall down and relax.
But of course I couldn't, so I ran as far as I could from the collapsing building, but my legs weren't strong enough. They gave out just as I walked ten strides or so. I lowered Sakura as gently as I could onto the ground. And carefully, I brushed strands of hair away from her face. Her skin was so pale, especially against the dark smudges of her mascara and smoke, she looked so . so . beautiful.
All I could think of right then was how I wished I could just see those emerald eyes open up once more. I want to see the light, the happiness and the love they always held.
I stared so hard at Sakura that I didn't realise that beads of glistening tears were rolling down my cheeks. They fell onto her spaghetti top, making the material look darker than it already was.
Suddenly, her eyes started to flutter slightly. I immediately woke up and lifted her head up, resting it on my lap.
Slowly and steadily, those mesmerising emeralds opened again. They seemed unfocused, but then they landed on me. I stared back, lost in her eyes. It was just like the first day we met. I remembered the way her eyes captured me, my soul, and my heart for the first time. Then, I remembered the way she and I both shared our first kiss. How her eyes shone with love and happiness . and the way her eyes looked at me when she saw Tomoyo and I locked in a passionate kiss.
Her eyes . those emerald orbs I had fallen in love. And now, I realised, I was falling in love with them all over again.
But the emotion they held broke my heart, saddened love made tears form. Hurt and betrayal killed me deep down inside.
I opened my mouth, feeling terribly guilty, and quietly whispered, 'Sakura.'
She gave me a sad smile, tears are now running down her face, with as much strength as she could master, she whispered. 'Don't, Syaoran. it's n-not your fault.'
The words came out, stumbled and she coughed gently.
I stared at her, suddenly realising that the old Sakura was back. The Sakura who cared for everyone, the Sakura who always put everyone in font of herself. I also found something else, something I didn't want to believe. I created the other Sakura. The mean, selfish and hatred-blinded girl. I created her!
Ignoring my sudden revelation, I returned the smile, and gently caressed her teary cheeks, wiping tears off them, 'you're going to be fine. Tomoyo, she's.'
I stopped, I saw her turning away. Her eyes closed, salty liquid flowed more through her closed eyelids. I realised my mistake.
She opened her eyes again with very much effort, still not looking at me, she whispered, 'tell her I-I . sorry. I n-never . meant . hur-hurt her, I wa-was jealous. She al-always . m-my best fr-friend.'
I heard the distant wails of the ambulance truck. Sakura turned towards the sound, and her eyes showed that she understood what was happening. 'She called . am-ambulance, didn't sh-she.' It wasn't a question, but I nodded my head nevertheless.
She turned her gaze back to me once more, 'she nee-needn't . bother, t-too late. My lun-lungs . infect . soot.'
I shook my head furiously, telling her, 'you'll be fine, I know you will, just hold on a little bit longer.' Her body was dropping in temperature, I could feel it. But I wouldn't let her think that.
She shook her head gently, 'I won-won't, y-you know th-that, Sya-Syaoran. Don't de-deny it..'
The scary thing was that she was right. I knew there wouldn't be much hope. But I wasn't going to give up so easily.
'Syaoran, you for-forgive . me .? Know. it wa-wasn't your fau-fault . love Tomoyo. An-and I-I . sorry for . a-action I too-took. Gue-guess I . want . hurt you, y-you to know . I felt. I-I'm so sorry, p-p-please forgive me.'
I felt another teardrop fall down my cheeks. And heard the soft splash as it crashed against the floor.
I was guilty, never in my life have I ever felt so unworthy of someone. I felt like a criminal, a murderer. How could I have done this? How could I have done this to the only girl I've ever truly loved!?
Yes, I realised that now, I realised that I never loved Tomoyo in the way I loved Sakura. True, I did love Tomoyo, as a sister. But I loved Sakura with my heart and soul. It was so obvious, why the fuck hadn't I noticed before now!? How could I be so bloomin' blinded? The answer was staring at me in the face all this time, and it took me five fucking months to figure it out. And now, it was too late, it was all my shitting fault, I should be the one laying there, dying. Me! Not her!!!
I wanted to tell Sakura that I still loved her, I wanted to tell her how sorry I am, I wanted to hold her and never let her go. I wanted . I wanted.
I wanted too much.
Instead of doing any of them, I simply held her silently in my arms, not knowing what to say. And listened quietly as she whispered softly the words I will remember forever.
'I love you Syaoran..'
Her eyes shone one more time with sadness before they closed forever. Her body slumped back and her head dropped lifelessly onto my chest. Just like that.
She was dead..
I was still holding her, she looked like she was asleep, like Sleeping Beauty, except no one could ever wake her up again. I was unaware of my surroundings, my brain was ringing with 'I love you, Syaoran's. My heart felt as if it stopped thumping, and was trying hard to stop itself from breaking, but I didn't care, not anymore.
She couldn't be dead, she just couldn't. This was all just a really bad dream, and when I wake up, Sakura will be asking me to go to the mall with her and Tomoyo. And of course, I'll be the one stuck with all the shopping bags.
But I knew it wasn't, I knew it was reality, but I so badly wanted the fantasy to be true. At the end, I gave up. Knowing that pretending will not solve anything.
I knew from that moment I could never love anyone again the same way I loved her, Sakura. She was my angel, my goddess, my saviour.
But I let her go, I hurt her beyond imagination, just before she committed suicide, I used her! How stupid was I? How could I have let such a rare beauty off my hands? In my eyes, she had reached perfection. And she was the only one I will ever love.
I caressed her tearstained cheeks with my thumb. Her skin felt cold to the touch. I could hear men shouting behind me, the ambulance had arrived. But I didn't care.
I was a fucking asshole, how could Sakura ever love me? I didn't know.
I was stupid, I didn't even tell her I loved her when she died, I didn't tell her how much she meant to me, how much I regret doing what I've done. No, I just watched her die, watched noiselessly as god took her soul away.
She died with a broken heart, she killed herself because she just couldn't live with the pain anymore, the pain I had caused her.
I killed her.
The words deepened my guilt and strengthened my pain. I knew it was useless now, I knew no matter what I say or do will ever reverse the damage I created.
Nothing will ever dissolve the guilt and the pain away either.
I looked down at the lifeless beauty in front of me again, and made a decision. I knew this would be the only way I could pay her back, and let my soul feel peaceful at the very least.
I took out the knife Sakura had used to try and stab Tomoyo, I looked at the blood trial left on the silver blade. Back then, I was scared when this knife was first shown, but now I felt nothing.
I leaned in, and kissed Sakura's cold lips one more time. I gripped the knife tightly in my hand as I whispered the my last words to her.
'Wait for me, Sakura.'
Pain.
A word that describes what I go through each day.
Hurt.
Is the reason behind the tears and the sorrow.
Hole.
An empty pit in my heart will never be filled again.
Love.
Something I had long lost my believe in.
Mask.
Covers the true me.
And you.
The cause of all this.
A/N *cries hysterically* hehe, I'm quite proud of the ending I must say. And the poem is mine ^_~, I'm honoured if any of you cried, coz that's the main point of this fanfic. Anyway, thx 4 reading this, and don't forget 2 review.
PS did I tell u that this is the last chappie ov the hole fic?! *looks up* ummmm. guess I did. Hehehe ^-^!!!
PPS huge thx 2 the ppl that reviewed and pushed me along, I thnk all of u!!!
PPS this has GOT 2 b the longest chappie ever!!!!!
Anyway, I'll rite it now ...
Unshed tears flowed out of my sealed eyelids, making a pool of salty water.
I will always love you. Syaoran Li. Even if you don't love me ... take care of yourself ...
Then I fell. I fell into the darkness. Will I ever return. Only god knows the answer.
Chapter 7
THE LAST GOODBYE
SYAORAN'S POV
I left the building with Tomoyo in my arms, who was crying her eyes out. But I also felt something else, something forbidden . I felt as if I left my heart in the building as well.
Tomoyo's hands dug into my already tear-stained shirt, words like 'tell me it's just a dream .' and 'Sakura, why .' kept on emerging from her lips.
I walked on almost unconsciously, not caring where I was going or what I was going to do. I looked at the dark haired beauty in my arms and for the first time ever, I asked myself a question I would never thought of asking.
Did I really make the right decision . ?
I looked away from Tomoyo, eyes staring forward. Pondering over the answer.
Of course I did! That was my first reply. Tomoyo was everything I could ask for. Her looks, personality, her gentleness, her . I stopped, and began to think about Sakura. But wasn't Sakura beautiful, warm-hearted, kind and friendly too?!
I was confusing myself. That was the only 100% certain statement I could come up with.
Suddenly, Tomoyo stopped sobbing. She stared behind me with a look I couldn't identify at that moment. I halted in my steps, and turned around to see what Tomoyo was staring at. But when I did, I felt my heart drop and my breathing stop.
Red, orange fire blazed on every part of the house. The house was turning into ashes by the second. I stared at it absent-mindedly, mouth gaping at it.
My mind froze at the horrifying scene before me and my body stood paralysed. Tomoyo broke out of her shocked trance first and immediately took off towards the fire. Screaming, 'SAKURA!!!'
I woke up hearing Tomoyo's frantic yelling, and grabbed her arms, 'NO! Tomoyo, you stay here, it's too dangerous.'
'But Sakura-'
'I'll go in and find Sakura. Jus - just call the ambulance, ok!?! Tomoyo, you have to do this. Listen, do this for Sakura, please?!' Tomoyo's eyes pleaded with me, but my own eyes were determined. Slowly, she nodded her head, but she still looked as if she wanted to go inside the house. 'Now GO!' I shouted!
Tomoyo, wiped her tears off with her sleeves and ran off towards . somewhere. I didn't look after her, I just dashed towards the house as fast as my legs can carry me. Silently begging god that Sakura was still alive.
With my heart throbbing rapidly at one thousand beats per seconds, I entered the battered door which was turning into ashes as the minutes goes by. It was a crazy thing to do, going into a burning house, not only I might not save Sakura, I might get myself killed as well in the process.
I didn't think about that though, I thought about where Sakura could be. I covered my mouth and nose with my hand because of the smoke and squinted my eyes to see through the burning fires.
And there, by the corner the great hall, a soot-covered human body laid there. It wasn't moving. Many 'what if's ran across my mind but I didn't think about them. I was so scared, I had never been more frightened in my life. What if she's already . dead!? I thought. No, I mustn't give up hope. So, with my breath held and flames tickling my sides, I rushed to the non- moving body.
Sakura laid there, her dark auburn locks shone magnificently, her head was leaned to one side, dried tear trials left on her cheeks reflected the blazing flames, her dark mascara was smudged, but that didn't made her look uglier, it only made her look more helpless and vulnerable.
I removed one of my hands which were covering mouth and pressed it gently against her bare throat. Good, her heart's still beating, I sighed, relieved. Even if it was beating very faintly, it was still beating nevertheless.
I took my other hand off my mouth and slotted it under her neck, my other arm wrapped firmly yet gently around her waist. She was so small, and so light. I remembered the last time I held her like this. It was then that I realised just how much I missed her company.
I lifted her up daintily, careful not to be too aggressive. Her body looked so fragile, as though it would snap in half any second.
Her sparkling outfit shimmered as I moved around. The front door collapsed already, I heard the loud crash as it hit the floor. So the only way out was the back door.
I walked as fast as I can with Sakura in my arms, her clothes felt slippery in my hands. My coughs were unheard as I finally made it to the door. My eyes watered as some soot flew into my eyes, but I knew there was no time to waste. So with all my strength, I kicked the door open.
Aaaaaaaaah, fresh air, I couldn't believe that I never appreciated fresh air before then. The smell of purity and nature invaded my nostrils, making me wanting to fall down and relax.
But of course I couldn't, so I ran as far as I could from the collapsing building, but my legs weren't strong enough. They gave out just as I walked ten strides or so. I lowered Sakura as gently as I could onto the ground. And carefully, I brushed strands of hair away from her face. Her skin was so pale, especially against the dark smudges of her mascara and smoke, she looked so . so . beautiful.
All I could think of right then was how I wished I could just see those emerald eyes open up once more. I want to see the light, the happiness and the love they always held.
I stared so hard at Sakura that I didn't realise that beads of glistening tears were rolling down my cheeks. They fell onto her spaghetti top, making the material look darker than it already was.
Suddenly, her eyes started to flutter slightly. I immediately woke up and lifted her head up, resting it on my lap.
Slowly and steadily, those mesmerising emeralds opened again. They seemed unfocused, but then they landed on me. I stared back, lost in her eyes. It was just like the first day we met. I remembered the way her eyes captured me, my soul, and my heart for the first time. Then, I remembered the way she and I both shared our first kiss. How her eyes shone with love and happiness . and the way her eyes looked at me when she saw Tomoyo and I locked in a passionate kiss.
Her eyes . those emerald orbs I had fallen in love. And now, I realised, I was falling in love with them all over again.
But the emotion they held broke my heart, saddened love made tears form. Hurt and betrayal killed me deep down inside.
I opened my mouth, feeling terribly guilty, and quietly whispered, 'Sakura.'
She gave me a sad smile, tears are now running down her face, with as much strength as she could master, she whispered. 'Don't, Syaoran. it's n-not your fault.'
The words came out, stumbled and she coughed gently.
I stared at her, suddenly realising that the old Sakura was back. The Sakura who cared for everyone, the Sakura who always put everyone in font of herself. I also found something else, something I didn't want to believe. I created the other Sakura. The mean, selfish and hatred-blinded girl. I created her!
Ignoring my sudden revelation, I returned the smile, and gently caressed her teary cheeks, wiping tears off them, 'you're going to be fine. Tomoyo, she's.'
I stopped, I saw her turning away. Her eyes closed, salty liquid flowed more through her closed eyelids. I realised my mistake.
She opened her eyes again with very much effort, still not looking at me, she whispered, 'tell her I-I . sorry. I n-never . meant . hur-hurt her, I wa-was jealous. She al-always . m-my best fr-friend.'
I heard the distant wails of the ambulance truck. Sakura turned towards the sound, and her eyes showed that she understood what was happening. 'She called . am-ambulance, didn't sh-she.' It wasn't a question, but I nodded my head nevertheless.
She turned her gaze back to me once more, 'she nee-needn't . bother, t-too late. My lun-lungs . infect . soot.'
I shook my head furiously, telling her, 'you'll be fine, I know you will, just hold on a little bit longer.' Her body was dropping in temperature, I could feel it. But I wouldn't let her think that.
She shook her head gently, 'I won-won't, y-you know th-that, Sya-Syaoran. Don't de-deny it..'
The scary thing was that she was right. I knew there wouldn't be much hope. But I wasn't going to give up so easily.
'Syaoran, you for-forgive . me .? Know. it wa-wasn't your fau-fault . love Tomoyo. An-and I-I . sorry for . a-action I too-took. Gue-guess I . want . hurt you, y-you to know . I felt. I-I'm so sorry, p-p-please forgive me.'
I felt another teardrop fall down my cheeks. And heard the soft splash as it crashed against the floor.
I was guilty, never in my life have I ever felt so unworthy of someone. I felt like a criminal, a murderer. How could I have done this? How could I have done this to the only girl I've ever truly loved!?
Yes, I realised that now, I realised that I never loved Tomoyo in the way I loved Sakura. True, I did love Tomoyo, as a sister. But I loved Sakura with my heart and soul. It was so obvious, why the fuck hadn't I noticed before now!? How could I be so bloomin' blinded? The answer was staring at me in the face all this time, and it took me five fucking months to figure it out. And now, it was too late, it was all my shitting fault, I should be the one laying there, dying. Me! Not her!!!
I wanted to tell Sakura that I still loved her, I wanted to tell her how sorry I am, I wanted to hold her and never let her go. I wanted . I wanted.
I wanted too much.
Instead of doing any of them, I simply held her silently in my arms, not knowing what to say. And listened quietly as she whispered softly the words I will remember forever.
'I love you Syaoran..'
Her eyes shone one more time with sadness before they closed forever. Her body slumped back and her head dropped lifelessly onto my chest. Just like that.
She was dead..
I was still holding her, she looked like she was asleep, like Sleeping Beauty, except no one could ever wake her up again. I was unaware of my surroundings, my brain was ringing with 'I love you, Syaoran's. My heart felt as if it stopped thumping, and was trying hard to stop itself from breaking, but I didn't care, not anymore.
She couldn't be dead, she just couldn't. This was all just a really bad dream, and when I wake up, Sakura will be asking me to go to the mall with her and Tomoyo. And of course, I'll be the one stuck with all the shopping bags.
But I knew it wasn't, I knew it was reality, but I so badly wanted the fantasy to be true. At the end, I gave up. Knowing that pretending will not solve anything.
I knew from that moment I could never love anyone again the same way I loved her, Sakura. She was my angel, my goddess, my saviour.
But I let her go, I hurt her beyond imagination, just before she committed suicide, I used her! How stupid was I? How could I have let such a rare beauty off my hands? In my eyes, she had reached perfection. And she was the only one I will ever love.
I caressed her tearstained cheeks with my thumb. Her skin felt cold to the touch. I could hear men shouting behind me, the ambulance had arrived. But I didn't care.
I was a fucking asshole, how could Sakura ever love me? I didn't know.
I was stupid, I didn't even tell her I loved her when she died, I didn't tell her how much she meant to me, how much I regret doing what I've done. No, I just watched her die, watched noiselessly as god took her soul away.
She died with a broken heart, she killed herself because she just couldn't live with the pain anymore, the pain I had caused her.
I killed her.
The words deepened my guilt and strengthened my pain. I knew it was useless now, I knew no matter what I say or do will ever reverse the damage I created.
Nothing will ever dissolve the guilt and the pain away either.
I looked down at the lifeless beauty in front of me again, and made a decision. I knew this would be the only way I could pay her back, and let my soul feel peaceful at the very least.
I took out the knife Sakura had used to try and stab Tomoyo, I looked at the blood trial left on the silver blade. Back then, I was scared when this knife was first shown, but now I felt nothing.
I leaned in, and kissed Sakura's cold lips one more time. I gripped the knife tightly in my hand as I whispered the my last words to her.
'Wait for me, Sakura.'
Pain.
A word that describes what I go through each day.
Hurt.
Is the reason behind the tears and the sorrow.
Hole.
An empty pit in my heart will never be filled again.
Love.
Something I had long lost my believe in.
Mask.
Covers the true me.
And you.
The cause of all this.
A/N *cries hysterically* hehe, I'm quite proud of the ending I must say. And the poem is mine ^_~, I'm honoured if any of you cried, coz that's the main point of this fanfic. Anyway, thx 4 reading this, and don't forget 2 review.
PS did I tell u that this is the last chappie ov the hole fic?! *looks up* ummmm. guess I did. Hehehe ^-^!!!
PPS huge thx 2 the ppl that reviewed and pushed me along, I thnk all of u!!!
PPS this has GOT 2 b the longest chappie ever!!!!!