Chapter 27 - Grief and Promises

As she sat watching Spike's dust fall to the earth around her, Buffy felt the world lurch, as time seemed to stop, and instantly re-start. As it did, she remembered. She remembered who she was. She no longer needed to breathe, she knew had been dead for years. With that knowledge came confirmation that Spike was gone. She tried to take a deep breath, but it hitched in her throat, and she started to sob.

Emily seemed less aware of the change, but then she had been more bewildered before. She looked at the other Slayer with dawning comprehension. She knew Spike. She remembered him, she remembered Liam, or more correctly, she remembered Angelus. He was looming over them both, the knife still in his hand, a look of triumph on his face.

All three were surprised to hear words from behind them.

"It is done. The sacrifice has been made."

They turned around to see a green, human-like creature and a bird of the most amazing colours approaching. Buffy recognised the green creature as Jared, the being who had welcomed her and Spike to this world. Before her eyes, the bird shimmered and changed, becoming Margot.

"What?" Buffy managed, her grief temporarily overtaken by amazement.

"The test is complete, and the sacrifice has been made," Margot said, gently, dropping to her knees to put an arm around Buffy's shoulders.

"But Spike ..?" she managed.

"He made his choice, and he gave his life in the hope of saving yours."

"It would've been better if he'd let me die," Buffy muttered, bitterly.

"Would it? Let me explain the nature of the test." Margot's voice was gentle and soothing but it was lost on Buffy.

"I don't care about the test! Spike's gone. How can I go on without him?"

"Buffy, this is important. The test was designed so that a choice would have to be made. There were two options. If the choice was made for selfish reasons, you would fail. Since that was not the case, since Spike chose to die so that you might live, you have passed the test. Your world will now have the benefit of the New. Emily can return and begin her work. The result of this will be of infinite benefit to the people of your world. Would you really change that? The alternative, is that Emily will die, and Angelus will be given dominion over your world. That was to be his reward for his efforts in the task."

Buffy shuddered at the prospect of a world run by Angelus. She shook her head. "I can't wish it changed then, but, I need him."

"I know. But, you must promise me something."

Buffy's thoughts immediately flew to indignation. She had just lost the only man she would ever love, and now this creature wanted her promise. Despite that, old habits die hard, and her duty as the Slayer came to the fore.

"What?"

"You must help Emily. She has much still to learn, and she needs your help. Promise?"

Miserably, Buffy just nodded. Her first reaction had been that, on return to her own world, she would simply go for a walk in the sunshine, the prospect of living without Spike too impossible for her to consider. Now, that would have to wait. She'd let Emily learn what she needed. It wouldn't take too long, and then she'd join him, wherever he was, be it heaven or hell. She could almost hear his voice, telling her to live for him, to carry on and be happy without him. But then, he had never fully understood how important he was to her. Despite everything they had experienced together, he still believed that a large part of what tied her to him was the Sire/childe bond. Buffy knew differently.

Having obtained her promise, Margot gestured to Jared who move aside to show a portal like the one they used to travel to this world.

"One more thing," she began. "As a reward for your efforts, henceforth, the New, and those made by her, will no longer have to avoid the sun on your world. That boon will remain with you for as long as you keep the good of the people of your world in your hearts. Know, too, that you can share this gift with other vampires by simply sharing your blood with them. Be careful with this gift, though. It gives power to those who have it, power you may later wish they not have."

Emily nodded her understanding of that, at the same time determining that Buffy should be the first to benefit from the gift.

During the whole exchange, Angelus/Liam had sat, frozen to the spot. Now, Jared turned towards him.

"You have failed the test. You were charged by your mistress with ensuring that a selfish choice would be made, and you failed. Therefore, you must return."

Angelus' face became a mask of terror, and he got up in an attempt to run. He was prevented from doing so by an unseen force, and instead pushed towards the portal.

As he got close, Buffy saw the unmistakable sight of Sinistra coming from the portal to reclaim her consort. She grabbed Angelus and pulled him towards her, muttering under her breath about punishment, while Angelus screamed in terror. The two entered the portal, where they seemed to instantly disappear.

"Now, it's your turn," Jared said softly. Emily helped Buffy to her feet, and took the sobbing Slayer to the portal. She had tears in her own eyes, and it was all she could do to see where she was going. She stumbled on, aware of nothing other than her own sorrow, and the trembling of the woman she supported.

The cool of the night air was instantly replaced by the warmth of indoors, and Emily found herself in a corridor made from some strange materials. She started to walk along it towards what appeared to be a lift, when, to her surprise, the lift door opened, and Giles, Jenny and Grianne emerged. They rushed to the two Slayers, taking the bereft Buffy from Emily, desperate to understand what had happened. Somewhere in the back of Buffy's mind, the fact that they were back in the basement of the Council headquarters registered, but she had no words.

The two Slayers were taken upstairs to the Giles' flat, where tea was made in an effort to revive the two women. Buffy was silent throughout, unless one counted the sobbing that was heard on a regular basis.

It took some time before Emily was coherent, but at last, she could tell the story. She found she also knew a lot of what had passed between Buffy and Spike in her absence, so she told the tale in as much detail as she could.

"That's what it meant," Giles said, at the end of it. "It said there would be a sacrifice. It had to be either Spike or Buffy, and Spike made the choice."

There was silence then, and there were open tears from Jenny and Grianne, and even Giles found his eyes filling, although he did his best to keep that fact secret. Englishmen, after all, don't cry in public.

At last, Emily asked what she needed to know. "Where's Alasdair?"

Giles cleared his throat. "Well, now, don't worry. He'll be fine, it's just, he and Grianne were attacked after Buffy and Spike went through the portal. He's, well, he lost a lot of blood. He's in the basement."

Emily was confused by this. It made no sense. If Alasdair was going to be fine, why would he be in the basement, and why wasn't he part of the welcoming party? She headed straight for the lift, with Grianne and Giles in pursuit. Without discussion, Buffy stayed where she was, and Jenny remained with her. In truth, Buffy didn't understand anything much beyond the fact that Spike was gone. Nothing else had penetrated her consciousness.

One glance at Alasdair had Emily running towards him. Giles was patiently explaining the situation, along with the Phoenix's promise that he could be saved by Emily.

"You mean, I've got to kill him?"

"Well, yes. He's in some sort of stasis right now. But, if you change him, he'll be like you."

"But I love him as a human! I don't want him to be like me."

"Well, it's your choice, of course. Buffy could do it, but then he'd be soul-less, and, quite probably evil. "

"But, .."

"Emily, I think he'd want this. The one reservation he had about your relationship was the fact that he's already older than you, and that he's going to age, and you're not. Without that concern, he'll be happier."

"But, that didn't matter to me!"

"I know that, but, can you honestly say you were happy knowing that in maybe fifty or sixty years he'd die, leaving you with the rest of eternity?"

"I tried not to think about it," she admitted. "It seems like such a long time."

"Look, if you decide to do this, let me know. We can let you have somewhere .. private. You can even take him home, if you want, to his cottage, or to the house he rented in London. Whatever you want."

Emily nodded, and sat beside the bed on which Alasdair lay. She took his hands in hers, and felt the tears start again. This time, she was crying for herself and Alasdair rather than Buffy. When she realised that, she knew what she had to do. At least she had a choice. Buffy had none. She would take Alasdair in whatever form she could have him. She sat beside him for another half an hour before letting the others know her decision.

Next morning, Emily, Giles, Grianne, and Buffy left London with Alasdair. It was all arranged with the help of the Phoenix. It was late when they arrived at Alasdair's cottage, and, at Emily's request, the others left her and Alasdair alone with reminders that they were only a few miles away if she should need them.

The others went to Buffy's home, and unpacked what they had brought with them. Both Giles and Grianne were worried about Buffy. Apart from the sorrow they themselves felt at the prospect that they would never again see his blonde-topped head, or hear his ever-present comment on the world around them, they were distraught at the effect Spike's loss had had on the other vampire. She had said nothing beyond an occasional grunt, yes or no as occasion demanded. She had only fed because Giles and Emily had insisted on it. In fact, it was Emily's reminder of the promise Buffy had made that resulted in her feeding at all.

Buffy relived the moment when her Sire and her love turned to dust over and over. Although, in the instant when it happened, she hadn't remembered their true history, she had been devastated. Now, with all of her memory intact, it was as if she had lost the two most important people in her life. Both of her Spikes were gone. The one who sired her, making her love him almost instantly, and the one she had met and fallen in love with despite a false history which should have precluded such feelings. But, she had promised. She had promised to be around to help Emily until she was settled into her role. She considered her options. Two years. She would give Emily and Alasdair two years, then she would end her existence. The others, she knew, believed that once she was over the shock of Spike's death, she would find another reason to live, but she also knew they were wrong.