Out to Lunch (With special guest stars-NekoNinja,my manager Kenny and co-worker Corey.)
(In hell, at the Chaos Sanctuary)
Baal:I am hungry...
Diablo:I am hungry as well...
Mephisto:Getting 'runned' twenty-four-seven worksss up an appetite.
Diablo:There are no good souls to consume, they are all being tortured.
(Off in the Background:AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH stop it tickles!)
Baal:What is wrong with tortured souls?
Diablo:There is something wrong with them when I am hungry!
Mephisto:What isss that over there?
(All three Prime Evils look at a camera crew filming some hamburgers flipping through hell fire.)
Baal:How dare they!
(The Prime Evils walk over to the camera crew, Mephisto taps the camera man's shoulder with a tentacle.)
Camera Man:Now look here you, *turns, sees the Prime Evils* AHHHHHHHHHH! *dies*
Prime Evils:*snicker evilly*
Director:Hey, what the hell! I'm-like trying to film a commercial here.
Diablo:*annoyed* For what?
Baal:Do you know where you are?
Director:Yeah, duh! How is Burger King gonna sell Whoppers if they're not shown flippin' through big roarin' flames!
Prime Evils:Burger King?
Director:Why don't you go there sometime? You'll love the Whopper's flame-broiled goodness.
Diablo:Flame-broiled goodness? Sounds disgusting.
Mephisto:Perssssonally, I do not think goodness is appetizing no matter HOW you cook it.
Director:No no, you can't go wrong with flame-broiled beef.
Diablo:Flame-broiled beef, now that sounds tasty.
Baal:Well then, let us go to Burger King.
Mephisto:Where isss it?
Director:*points up*
(the Prime Evils teleport. They land in a used car lot.)
Baal:WheRe iS tHe FlamE-bRoiLeD BeEf?!
Diablo:That liar! When I see him again (insert painful punishment involving paper ducks and toothpicks here).
Much later, after the Prime Evils get their bearings, at the Burger King drive-thru...
Meep! Meep! Meep! Meep! *Authors' note: this is the actual noise that tells the drive thru person that you want to order, I know from experience :/*
Drive-thru Attendant:*wakes up* damn...*in the drive-thru speaker* Hi, welcome to Burger King. Would you like to try a Value Meal today? *glances up at the tv moniter, theres an old pickup truck with a dog in the back at the board.*
Diablo:What is a Value Meal?
Baal:FlaMe-bRoIleD BeEf!
DA:It's a meal pack where you get a sandwich, fries or onion rings, and a drink.
Diablo:We want something with flame-broiled beef.
DA:I figured that. Do you want a Whopper, a double Whopper, a Whopper Jr.-
Baal:We want a LOT OF MEAT!
Mephisto:Ssshut-up fool.
DA:A double Whopper has two flame-broiled patties.
Mephisto:A paLLy?!
Diablo:She said patty, not pally. *Mephisto sighs in relief in the background*
Baal:What is a patty?
DA:....it's beef shaped like a disk.
Prime Evils:That is(sss) what we des(sss)ire.
DA:Would you like the Value Meals?
Diablo:Yeah!
Baal:I want mine to have lots of onions, nothing but onions.
Mephisto:Ooo, I want mine with a lot of blood on it.
DA:You mean ketchup? Right?
Mephisto:What ever you mortalsss call it.
Diablo:*whispers* Mephisto! *the truck rocks around a bit, the dog almost falls out*
Mephisto:*whispers*excussse me, I have forgotten we are in disguise.
Baal:*whispers*watch it you fools.
DA:O-k
Diablo:I want it all!
DA:Would you like cheese on those.
Baal:Did I say 'cheese'???
Mephisto:Ssssure, I alwayss wanted to try blood and cheesse.
Diablo:I want it ALL!
DA:All right, for the one with kethchup and cheese? Or do you want everything?
Mephisto:Jussst lotsss of blood and cheesse.
DA:And for the one that wanted everything. Did you want everything like mustard, bacon, tartar sauce-
Diablo:YES!!!! I WANT IT ALL!
DA:Would you like fries or onion rings with those meals?
Mephisto:Fliesss...mmm tasssty.
Baal:Onion rings.
Diablo:What are fries?
DA:.....fried potatoes with salt on them.
Diablo:I will take them.
DA:And what to drink?
Baal:Acid!
Mephisto:Blood!
Diablo:Chemical runoff!
DA:*thinking* O-k bunch of crackpots *punches buttons for a large Sprite, Fruit Punch and Coke* Will that be all?
Diablo:Yes, for now...
DA:O-k your total is 13.50 at the first window please.
Diablo:13.50 what?
DA:Dollars, you have to pay ya know.
Baal:We shall TAKE your fLaMe-bROilEd bEeF!
DA:Sorry sir, but you have to pay for your food.
Diablo:We shall TAKE your Value Meals, infidel!
DA:I'm sorry man, but I've gotta get the manager.
(a few seconds later)
Manager:All right guy, what's the problem?
Diablo:I said we shall TAKE your Value Meals!
Manager:Are you trying to rob us through the Drive-thru buddy?
Baal:We want your Value Meals!
Manager:Listen guy, you have to pay for them.
Diablo:Fine then, we shall settle this...
Manager:O-k then drive around.
Mephisto:Cccertainly...
(the truck screeches off, the dog almost falls out again. They drive around to the front and smash in through the front doors.)
Manager:(he just ran up to the front)Listen guy, that wasn't cool!
(a man steps out of the passenger side of the car, with black pits for eyes.)
Man:We ssshall have our Value Mealssss!!! (morphs into Mephisto)
Mephisto:*laughs like an evil psycho*
Manager:Corey, are you making those Whopp-*faints*
Corey:Oh SHIT!
The dog:ummm, Mephisto...
Mephisto:*sharply* What!
(the heroes are sitting at a table looking very dumbfounded, they've all stopped eating. The Paladin with a burger halfway into his mouth, the Barbarian's straw hanging on his lip and the Sorceress drops a fry on the table. A few moments of silence follow, then the Barbarian takes a slurp of soda. The Amazon starts twitching with exictement.)
Mephisto:*eyes widen* !!!!!!!!
Amazon:MEMP RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!! *pulls out the ballista*
Paladin:Please!! We're in a public place!
Barbarian:WhO cAreS! HHOOOUUUUTTT!
Diablo:I am out of here.
Baal (the dog):Step on it!
(the truck pulls out and drives off like a bat outta hell).
Mephisto:*sigh* You're too LATE!!! *laughs evilly*
(Several rounds of ballista fire and whirlwinds later....)
Amazon:Awww he dropped shit.
Necromancer:No, fool! This is the famed Blackhand Key!
Druid:Whatever *the wolves polish off all of his fries* Hey, what the hell!
DA:This is too much, I'm puttin' in an application at Mickie-D's
The End....or is it?
Authors' Note-Wasn't that fun, and it's only the tip of the iceberg....More to come soon!
(In hell, at the Chaos Sanctuary)
Baal:I am hungry...
Diablo:I am hungry as well...
Mephisto:Getting 'runned' twenty-four-seven worksss up an appetite.
Diablo:There are no good souls to consume, they are all being tortured.
(Off in the Background:AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH stop it tickles!)
Baal:What is wrong with tortured souls?
Diablo:There is something wrong with them when I am hungry!
Mephisto:What isss that over there?
(All three Prime Evils look at a camera crew filming some hamburgers flipping through hell fire.)
Baal:How dare they!
(The Prime Evils walk over to the camera crew, Mephisto taps the camera man's shoulder with a tentacle.)
Camera Man:Now look here you, *turns, sees the Prime Evils* AHHHHHHHHHH! *dies*
Prime Evils:*snicker evilly*
Director:Hey, what the hell! I'm-like trying to film a commercial here.
Diablo:*annoyed* For what?
Baal:Do you know where you are?
Director:Yeah, duh! How is Burger King gonna sell Whoppers if they're not shown flippin' through big roarin' flames!
Prime Evils:Burger King?
Director:Why don't you go there sometime? You'll love the Whopper's flame-broiled goodness.
Diablo:Flame-broiled goodness? Sounds disgusting.
Mephisto:Perssssonally, I do not think goodness is appetizing no matter HOW you cook it.
Director:No no, you can't go wrong with flame-broiled beef.
Diablo:Flame-broiled beef, now that sounds tasty.
Baal:Well then, let us go to Burger King.
Mephisto:Where isss it?
Director:*points up*
(the Prime Evils teleport. They land in a used car lot.)
Baal:WheRe iS tHe FlamE-bRoiLeD BeEf?!
Diablo:That liar! When I see him again (insert painful punishment involving paper ducks and toothpicks here).
Much later, after the Prime Evils get their bearings, at the Burger King drive-thru...
Meep! Meep! Meep! Meep! *Authors' note: this is the actual noise that tells the drive thru person that you want to order, I know from experience :/*
Drive-thru Attendant:*wakes up* damn...*in the drive-thru speaker* Hi, welcome to Burger King. Would you like to try a Value Meal today? *glances up at the tv moniter, theres an old pickup truck with a dog in the back at the board.*
Diablo:What is a Value Meal?
Baal:FlaMe-bRoIleD BeEf!
DA:It's a meal pack where you get a sandwich, fries or onion rings, and a drink.
Diablo:We want something with flame-broiled beef.
DA:I figured that. Do you want a Whopper, a double Whopper, a Whopper Jr.-
Baal:We want a LOT OF MEAT!
Mephisto:Ssshut-up fool.
DA:A double Whopper has two flame-broiled patties.
Mephisto:A paLLy?!
Diablo:She said patty, not pally. *Mephisto sighs in relief in the background*
Baal:What is a patty?
DA:....it's beef shaped like a disk.
Prime Evils:That is(sss) what we des(sss)ire.
DA:Would you like the Value Meals?
Diablo:Yeah!
Baal:I want mine to have lots of onions, nothing but onions.
Mephisto:Ooo, I want mine with a lot of blood on it.
DA:You mean ketchup? Right?
Mephisto:What ever you mortalsss call it.
Diablo:*whispers* Mephisto! *the truck rocks around a bit, the dog almost falls out*
Mephisto:*whispers*excussse me, I have forgotten we are in disguise.
Baal:*whispers*watch it you fools.
DA:O-k
Diablo:I want it all!
DA:Would you like cheese on those.
Baal:Did I say 'cheese'???
Mephisto:Ssssure, I alwayss wanted to try blood and cheesse.
Diablo:I want it ALL!
DA:All right, for the one with kethchup and cheese? Or do you want everything?
Mephisto:Jussst lotsss of blood and cheesse.
DA:And for the one that wanted everything. Did you want everything like mustard, bacon, tartar sauce-
Diablo:YES!!!! I WANT IT ALL!
DA:Would you like fries or onion rings with those meals?
Mephisto:Fliesss...mmm tasssty.
Baal:Onion rings.
Diablo:What are fries?
DA:.....fried potatoes with salt on them.
Diablo:I will take them.
DA:And what to drink?
Baal:Acid!
Mephisto:Blood!
Diablo:Chemical runoff!
DA:*thinking* O-k bunch of crackpots *punches buttons for a large Sprite, Fruit Punch and Coke* Will that be all?
Diablo:Yes, for now...
DA:O-k your total is 13.50 at the first window please.
Diablo:13.50 what?
DA:Dollars, you have to pay ya know.
Baal:We shall TAKE your fLaMe-bROilEd bEeF!
DA:Sorry sir, but you have to pay for your food.
Diablo:We shall TAKE your Value Meals, infidel!
DA:I'm sorry man, but I've gotta get the manager.
(a few seconds later)
Manager:All right guy, what's the problem?
Diablo:I said we shall TAKE your Value Meals!
Manager:Are you trying to rob us through the Drive-thru buddy?
Baal:We want your Value Meals!
Manager:Listen guy, you have to pay for them.
Diablo:Fine then, we shall settle this...
Manager:O-k then drive around.
Mephisto:Cccertainly...
(the truck screeches off, the dog almost falls out again. They drive around to the front and smash in through the front doors.)
Manager:(he just ran up to the front)Listen guy, that wasn't cool!
(a man steps out of the passenger side of the car, with black pits for eyes.)
Man:We ssshall have our Value Mealssss!!! (morphs into Mephisto)
Mephisto:*laughs like an evil psycho*
Manager:Corey, are you making those Whopp-*faints*
Corey:Oh SHIT!
The dog:ummm, Mephisto...
Mephisto:*sharply* What!
(the heroes are sitting at a table looking very dumbfounded, they've all stopped eating. The Paladin with a burger halfway into his mouth, the Barbarian's straw hanging on his lip and the Sorceress drops a fry on the table. A few moments of silence follow, then the Barbarian takes a slurp of soda. The Amazon starts twitching with exictement.)
Mephisto:*eyes widen* !!!!!!!!
Amazon:MEMP RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!! *pulls out the ballista*
Paladin:Please!! We're in a public place!
Barbarian:WhO cAreS! HHOOOUUUUTTT!
Diablo:I am out of here.
Baal (the dog):Step on it!
(the truck pulls out and drives off like a bat outta hell).
Mephisto:*sigh* You're too LATE!!! *laughs evilly*
(Several rounds of ballista fire and whirlwinds later....)
Amazon:Awww he dropped shit.
Necromancer:No, fool! This is the famed Blackhand Key!
Druid:Whatever *the wolves polish off all of his fries* Hey, what the hell!
DA:This is too much, I'm puttin' in an application at Mickie-D's
The End....or is it?
Authors' Note-Wasn't that fun, and it's only the tip of the iceberg....More to come soon!