And then we shared the dawn…//
Hai…I dreamt that Hiei was beside me last night. Right HERE. Just within arm's reach…no, even less than arm's reach. Still under the immaculately white blanket and curled up, I shifted to my left side and extended my arm to reach out for him.
But he wasn't there right now.
My hand landed onto the wrinkled linen sheet and as I grasped the cloth, I tucked my chin.
Hiei had been a disagreeable comrade, which I guess was one of the primary reasons why he and Kuwabara didn't get along well with each other at the start. I suppose it went the same for Yusuke and for the rest of our tomodachis, which was of course not so surprising since the koorime led a tragic past, a past that is now all but a memory.
But perhaps for Hiei, it doesn't really end there, because it is not an easy task to forget about the people who wanted you dead for the mere reason that you are different…that you are not one of their kind. And I've been thinking that that reason was how we got to know each other so quickly, and now we are more than friends…if I may say it.
Is it really that way? I suddenly asked myself, pausing to ponder on the thought.
Or am I the only one who thinks that way?
Does Hiei think of me as…more than a friend as well?
No, he doesn't, came the instantaneous reply from a voice deep, deep within me…that voice I've been trying to suppress for so long and yet no matter how hard I try, it always takes advantage of the times whenever I'm thinking of ways in order to reorganize my feelings.
I grabbed the nearest pillow that my hand could reach and buried my head under it as I forced myself to drown out the voice and perish the morbid thought…
And then I remembered something.
A hopeful smile formed in my lips.
I haven't finished reminiscing my dream. How could I forget? There was more to it…a lot more wonderful in fact.
I paused as I tried to refresh my memory…Now where was it that I stopped? Oh I remember…
I felt my smile widen a bit when I finally got a hold of myself and got on with replaying the dream in my mind…
[/Is something wrong, Hiei-kun?/ I asked into his ear, and this time I waited eagerly for a reply. I could sense that something is not right, that my dearest is having internal problems again which he doesn't want to let anyone know. Not even me. It hurts so much when he keeps his own troubles to himself. It's just not fair.
/Nothing's wrong/ he answered back quite apathetically.
/Oh?/ Then why are your hands so cold? You did something wrong, didn't you?/ I inquired, as usual. as lightly as I could, so as to extract what I wanted to extract from him. I seldom inquire directly. I let him lay his own cards, which most of the time is not effective anyway.
I released one of my hands from his grip and pulled the blanket over the two of us. It was a rather chilly night, and I don't want to exhaust the flame of this fire demon, not until he tells me what the heck is going on. Every minute felt like eternity as I waited ever so patiently for him to speak out.
/I-I can't tell/ he stammered as he pulled my hand back into, this time, a firm grip. He was now gripping my hand a lot more firmly and it really felt uncomfortable. Why can't he tell me? Why can't he understand that I'll always listen to each and every thing he will say? Why can't he spit it out and finish it once and for all? I can't wait forever.
But if I have to, I will.
I will wait even for eternity to pass if it's the only way I could break into his proud barriers and finally earn his trust.
For a while we held each other that way. I've never, ever imagined I could hold him this close. More so hold his hand this firmly.
…
…
But the longer I held him close to me, the more pain I felt in my chest. He still has not uttered a single word about his present condition. His silence scares me more than the thought of letting his hand go. There's no other appropriate time but now. I would have to force him to talk.
/So how was Makai? Did you do anything interesting before you came here?/
I only noticed the lameness of my query when his sharp reply came into my ears and nearly pierced me.
/Don't take me for a fool, fox. You never ask me those kind of questions before./
/But I am asking you now, Hiei-kun. I've been away from Makai for quite a long time now…I was just wondering if---/
/Kitsune…I'm not in the mood for games right now./
That was different reply.
/Gomenasai/ I replied back quietly.
/Look here…can't you say anything else aside from 'gomenasai Hiei-kun' or 'gomen ne' or…/ he snapped, but he stopped abruptly as if thinking of what to add to his statement.
/Gomen, I can't help it---/
/Kurama---!!/
He tugged at my hand to silence me.
This was the first time he blurted my name from the time he arrived until now. I bit my lip.
/Daijobu/ I answered.
I can't explain why I always end up infuriating him whenever I try to do what I think is the right thing. I am so afraid to hurt him in any way that the best thing I could think of was to apologize for each and every mistake I commit, even the slightest ones.
And then I heard him sigh again.
That's it. That second sigh meant something else.
/Hiei-kun, I don't care what you say to me, but you've got to tell me what's wrong. There is something wrong, I could sense it. Come on, you can tell it to me./
/I told you nothing is wrong, kitsune./
/Hiei-kun…/
This was one of Hiei's attitudes that I really find hard to cope with. His stubbornness.
/Well, maybe there is something wrong/ he finally, and I guess reluctantly, admitted.
Finally.
/Hai? What is it then?/
/Hn./
And I thought he was already going to say something.
…
/Kurama-san…
…
I…/
The gloomy chimes of the small grandfather clock that hung at the far end of the wall commenced its hourly duty.
It was already two in the morning.
A chill ran down my spine. Is Hiei finally going to declare his verdict?
…
…
He spun around slowly, his face only inches from mine. As my emerald irises came in contact with his reddish brown ones, he loosened his grip from my hand and ran the fingers of his free hand through my scarlet hair. He then raised his head and put his mouth into my ear.
…
…
…
/I've missed you so much/he announced very gently and while he continued to smoothen my hair, the corners of his mouth formed one of the sweetest smiles he has ever cast toward me…]
My dream ended there.
Oh yes…
Hiei-kun said he missed me.
He said he missed me so much.
He said he missed me…
I suddenly heard a sniff.
I swear I heard someone sniff.
When I lifted my head a bit to reposition myself, my vision began to blur and my eyes started to feel quite sore.
That someone who sniffed was just nearby.
That someone…
…
…
…
…
was me.
I choked a little as one fresh tear after another rolled down my pale cheeks. I used the back of my hand to wipe my tear-stained face, but the tears kept on coming.
I had been crying the whole time I was recalling this part of my dream.
-To be continued on chapter 3