Chapter 3
//But when I woke up
I'm a dream, it was gone…//
I then covered my eyes with the balls of my hands in the desperate attempt to cease the teardrops completely…but still they kept on coming.
I realized by now why I had been so restless tonight…
It was because…
…
…
it was all a dream.
Everything was an illusion…a vision…a dream.
…
…
And then I heard the shattering sound of my own heart, which was broken into a thousand fragments…AGAIN.
As each fragment separated and scattered in my innermost thoughts, I began to recall the instances Hiei had broken my heart, healed it, and broke it again…and even count the number of times he did it.
After a few minutes, I gave up. I already lost count.
…
But even if he did break my heart in so many occasions it didn't matter.
I know he never meant to hurt me.
Don't be a fool. Of course he didn't mean it for the mere reason that you amount nothing to him as much as you think he amounts to you, the deep, unconscientious voice that dictated nothing but negation cut in as sharply as if it was Hiei himself who spoke.
/Stop fooling yourself, kitsune…/
…
Please don't do this to me, Hiei…I spoke the words to myself in an effort to console my already injured heart. It didn't do much good, though…and I think nothing will.
Except for one thing, that is.
Hiei's embrace.
In your dreams, Kurama, in your dreams.
Well wasn't that what just happened? I dreamt of Hiei and we held each other so close…but that was before I discovered that everything was not real. Before my heart was torn apart.
Perhaps that's the reason why I never believed in dreams. They're always temporary and they leave an eerie, lingering feeling when you wake up. They can leave you hanging in the middle of the night speculating…contemplating…what they really are all about. Why you dreamt of them. Why it was a particular person or thing you dreamt of.
Why you dream of something that could never come true.
Why…of all things…I dreamt of…him. Of Hiei.
Not that I don't like to dream of Hiei…of course I do!! He is special to me. As a matter of fact, he is the most special person to me. I mean, the most special…koorime. He is so special that he means more than a friend to me. And I am not ashamed to admit that I am actually in love with him.
However, his feelings toward me are still not clear up to this point. He always wears a camouflage of apathy and indifference hence it is difficult to assess his true emotions. I am always having a hard time adjusting to his mood swings, not to mention his quick temper, his sarcastic remarks, his sardonic attitude, and most of all, his defensive nature. I'm not even sure if he has the capability to show any emotion at all.
I suddenly felt two hot, stinging tears, one from each of my painful, sore eyes, slide down my already overly tear-stained cheeks and drop onto the damp pillow underneath my head. Such thoughts about Hiei's coldness toward me could really cause me to almost break down completely.
Yet…despite all these qualities that the koorime of my life possesses, I still love him. And I will continue loving him forever.
Will you still love him…even if he doesn't love you back? entered the deep voice again, breaking into my thoughts.
I already have a ready answer.
Yes…
I will still love Hiei, even if he calls me stupid…even if he thinks I'm weak…even if he goes on being arrogant and insensitive…
even if he doesn't love me back.
…
…
…
RRRRRRIIIIIIIINNNNNGGGGGG!!!!!!!!
The shrill noise of the demented alarm clock that lay quietly on my bedside table hours ago signaled its wake up call.
I forgot that I set it to six in the morning.
I stretched my arm to reach for the buzzing alarm clock and turned it off. But even as I turned the thing off I could still hear the ringing sound in my ears. Also, I could feel a pulsating pain in my head, most probably due to a lack of sleep. Not…exactly…lack of sleep. The truth is, I wasn't able to sleep last night.
I hastily got up, fixed my bed, got my towel, went straight to the bathroom, brushed my teeth…the usual routinary procedure every morning. There was something different, though, as I looked at my face in the mirror. My eyes were quite swollen and red from crying. I just hope I don't have to explain to my mother what had happened to my eyes.
"Ohayo," I greeted as I sat at the dining table to have breakfast. Shi-chan was still cooking some bacon so she didn't notice right away how puffy my eyes looked.
I thought I was going to have a peaceful morning until Hatanaka came down and blurted his immediate finding.
"Oi, onii-san, what are those red blotches in your eyes?? Take a look, okasan!! Onii-san has sore eyes!!" the boy exclaimed, exaggerating a bit to be able to catch attention easily.
"Ne? Is that true, Minamino? Let me see," Shiori asked, and, putting down the skillet, then proceeded to inspect my condition.
But before my mother approached the dining table I arose and grabbed my schoolbag that sat on the couch, walking directly toward the door.
"No need to worry, okasan, it's nothing serious, I'm going now, sayonara," I called before stepping out of the house and out of the gate, and began my daily walk to school.
,,,
"Ohayo, Shuichi-kun," a schoolmate greeted as I stepped into the school campus. I waved in reply as another two acquaintances acknowledged me.
…
"There he is."
"Where?"
"He just passed in front of you, didn't you see him? He's just so gorgeous, don't you think?"
"Y'know, if he didn't wear a guy's fuku I would really think he's female."
"But who cares? He's every girl's dream guy…no matter what you say."
"I would do anything for him to notice me."
"That's what ALL girls who like him say."
I turned my head to a group of three girls just behind me and smiled at them.
"EEEEEEEEEE!!!! Did you see that? Did you see that? He just smiled at me!!!"
"How dare you say he smiled at you? He smiled at the three of us, silly!!"
"But one thing's for sure…he's simply the best!!!"
I then smiled to myself as I proceeded to my locker. My dashing smile still never fails. It has worked since time immemorial on…let me see…
every girl…
every ningen…
…
But not youkai.
Nor koorime.
My lips turned down as I moved on to my first class, which happened to be chemistry.
…
"Okay. This is the final question for your recitation. Answer on the board. Would you like to try, Shuichi?"
I stood up and solved the equation amidst the whispers of the entire class. After I went back to my seat, my algebra teacher placed a large check mark beside my correct answer. There was really nothing new about my being called in front to answer an equation and getting it correctly.
Fortunately, algebra was my last class for today, and as I trekked my way home, I sighed in relief. No one had asked much about why my eyes were almost the same color as my hair. At least I didn't have to invent some silly story such as 'I watched a sad movie and I cried so much that's why my eyes are red' or 'I peeled and sliced a sack of onions last night and until now I still have a bad hangover of the onion juice that irritated my eyes'. I simply said I had an allergy of some sort and that it will simply go away in one day.
Unless…
I paused in my tracks and found myself asking this strange question…
What if…
…
…
I dream of Hiei tonight…
for the second time in a row?
Is it possible?
This question was quickly forgotten when I arrived home and had dinner with my family.
…
…
…
At last I've finished the two-page report for chemistry. After shutting down my PC I slid the precious printout into my bag, shut off the lights as well, and switched on my bedside lamp.
I am already sleepy, and it's only a little past nine. I guess I do need to get some sleep as soon as I can to recuperate from my loss of sleep last night.
I lay myself comfortably on my bed, my head resting on a pillow, covered half my body with my blanket, and closed my lids…I didn't expect to be asleep in less than an hour and to be dreaming again of that 'special' koorime…tonight…
-to be continued in Chapter 4