Title: Sleeper
Author:Lore
Summary: Spike finds himself dreaming

Three brown bears, papa bear, mama bear and little baby bear. All dressed up and nowhere left to go. He'd noticed them as they left the movie theatre, followed them, hearing the little one chatter on. His mama indulged him, laughing at the jokes, playing with his hair. Papa just held on to the both of them. Such a sweet tableau, nothing showing of the other truth that had to be there. The cruel remarks playing behind every family scene. The hard words, the dissapointments. Happy happy happy. He growled as they did exactly what he wanted them to, walking into the alley. A brief shortcut, a fast way to the car, and to their deaths.

Papa Bear stared at him, huge, massive. His beard would scratch, the vampire knew that from experience. They looked at him and didn't understand. Papa Bear stood before his cub and mate trying to protect them, but it'd never matter now would it?

He broke the female's neck before the man could even blink. The little boy started hitting him as he turned to the man, but he just pushed him out of the way and up against the wall. The little body fell down. Blood dripped from the wall. Such a waste of fine innocent blood.

The man stared at him, but he couldn't fight as he was pushed down. "Come on, Papa, fight like a man." Such a joke, the big man didn't even think about fighting, just whimpered, terrified. And as the game got boring he pushed him down and killed him.

The little boy's dead eyes stared at him.

******

Spike sat trembling on the kitchen chair, listening only half as the girls near-unconsciously avoided getting close to him. He wanted to leave, to get rid of the pressure, but if he did... He couldn't leave; who knows what he might do?

Dawn stared at him, unwilling to face him. He remembered another innocent little face like that and he'd used the horror of that death as a campfire tale to Dawn. Oh god, he wanted to throw up.

Willow was carrying a newspaper. He froze at seeing the picture on the front page. Backing off almost instantly. Nearly dropping over the next chair.

"Spike?" He kept staring at the picture. Blue eyes staring at him.

He forced himself up against the wall, hitting his head continuously. Trying to beat the evil out of himself. It was Xander who stopped him, holding his hand and getting head in his place. He stared with open jaw at the boy lying on the ground.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean--"

He jumped up and ran to the basement, forcing himself down the stairs, falling down the last few steps. They still came after him, the witch, the boy, and the Watcher. He huddled against the wall.

"I killed her." He started hitting his head against the wall, but found himself stopped by the witch. "Bad William. Bad bad bad bad..."

He hated the pity in their eyes, but worse was the knowing that whatever he tried, it would never be enough, never make him a better man.

*****

Sweet trickles of blood slipping down, sucking it in, swallowing it like a popsicle. Pulling him in for it all, the whole experience. Loving it all. Feeling his fangs sink into still living flesh, feeling the blood vessels break as the blood was sucked out.

******

He woke up again, tied to the cot. He turned his face, seeing Xander sitting on the stairway, pointing a crossbow his way. He rolled over as much as he could, not wanting to see the boy. The glee in her little helper's eyes as he was proven right.

He could hear the footsteps, could feel the touch on his arm. And he still refused to face him.

"Spike, it's okay."

And that was the clincher to get him to start laughing. So that was it, he was still in the First's stronghold, still a prisoner and a plaything to keep the big bad busy. The real Xander would never show that kind of concern to him, not ever. "You're not real."

"Damn it Spike, do you really think the First would show you me? I went through this with Giles already a few years ago, so don't make me say it again."

"Why don't you just stake me? You don't have to tell her what happened. Just..."

"As if; she'd kick my ass if I even considered it." The boy touched him again. Spike winced at the feel of the warm flesh touching him. "And don't even think about beating yourself up again. We just cleaned you up. Nurse nightingale for vampires: not a career choice I ever want to consider again. Got it?" He could barely nod. "Now get yourself together before Buffy gets home and finds you like this."

Buffy, all for her. Every last drop of life that he allowed himself to take was for her.

He couldn't get up, the ropes were too tight. Oh he could break free, if he put a bit of a push in it, but that... "Where's the chains?"

"Wh-... What?"

"The ropes aren't enough, you saw it with the little boy? You'll have to chain me up, Harris."

The boy looked at him in shock. "Oh come on, as if you haven't been wanting to chain me up for years?"

"Nah, you'd like it too much." Did he imagine that leer? Spike stared after him as he got up the stairs.

"Come back here you..." And then he was alone.

tbc