Fic: Sleeper
Author: Lore


She was sitting in front of the window in Willow's room. Staring at the tree under the window. Spike had a cup of warm cocoa in his hands, but he couldn't get close enough to her without bursting in flames.

"Buffy."

She kept staring outside, he felt stupid, just standing here. Spike, the vampire waiter. And he couldn't even get to her because of the barrier of light in front of him.

"Just leave it on the dresser."

He did as she asked and waited for her to say more. "Leave me alone Spike." He didn't think so, being alone was the last thing in the world she needed right now. He just wasn't sure if he was the right guy for her to be alone with.

She sighed, got up and picked up the cup. He saw the colour in her cheeks return as she sipped from the cocoa. God she was incredible, a ray of light in a dark world. She touched his hand, allowing him to hold hers. He brushed his lips past her forehead in a quick kiss. He could feel the sun coming up behind the window. But Buffy fell in his arms. "It'll be ok Spike, just stay."

He shivered a mere second and held on to her as if to a lifewire, waiting for the by now familiar tingle of the sun's burn. The sun lingered, softening. His heart didn't beat, he couldn't choke in fear. Yet he was terrified, her life, her light, it was scary. She held on to him though, refusing to let go. Was she killing him?

Only... even as the sun warmed his skin, there still wasn't any burning. He lifted his hand to cover his eyes, she pushed it out of the way, kissing him. "God, Buffy. When I'm with you, all I want is to live."

He woke up wanting.

******

Spike made the trip back to the mansion as soon as he got up. He had to see the man one last time. Once more before he left. Again. Angel's soul had been restored, but no one had dared to undo the locks. They didn't even dare be sure that he did have his soul back, that Angelus wasn't just fooling them again. But that wasn't the only risk. Wes had told him, not all that sympathetic, that Angel hadn't stopped crying since the moment the soul had been restored. That he'd been eying the door and the sunlight behind it. Spike could understand that, reliving those first days with his soul restored over and over again.

He went up to the man, mouthing a half-formed poofter. The soul was there alright. Yet he still didn't find the need to release him.

"I saw your dream." Angel's first words broke the silence that had lasted for several minutes, as Spike had pulled up a chair to sit on and had lit a fag.

"Which one."

"The one this morning. You really love her."

Spike just nodded.

"I... I'm"

"Don't. Don't you dare."

He had no right for vengeance. No right to judge, yet found it impossible to forget Buffy's face as he'd seen her from Angelus eyes. And a big part of that was the way it mixed with his own memories, with hearing her beg for him to stop, telling him no, and he hadn't stopped. The both of them had made her their victim.

"I'll tell them your soul's back. Make sure you keep it that way." He turned his back on the man and left, feeling Angel's glare burning in his back with every step.

****

"Can you ever forgive him?"

"I don't know. I hate what he did. I hate the pain that Dawn's in. And I know it wasn't his fault, he didn't... He was soulless. It's just..." She didn't move as she said those words.

"So when do you think you could tell him that?"

"Is when hell freezes over ok?"

~~end~~