Disclaimer: I only own Laurie and the other travel agents! I own nothing LotR! (Or Austin Powers, for that matter)
A/N: Just for the record, this is FANFICTION. If I completely mutilate Tolkien's characters suck it up and deal with it. I don't want to get flames complaining of "Legolas is almost 3000 years old! He would never…blahdy blahdy blah…" I DON'T CARE. It's my fanfic, and by George, I'll write it the way I want to write it! *gets off soapbox* Now, this was written when I had 4 free hours and had nothing better to do. The fic does brush into some Austin Powers-like plot, but that was just my brain on a half-pound of granola (I should really cut back on that stuff…). Sorry in advance--Ellie
Chapter One- The SS Middle Earth
"I'm, like, so totally spiffed out!" Legolas squealed as he and his comrade boarded the SS Middle Earth.
Gimli trudged along behind him with a disapproving look. "I don't see why you need me here."
"Giiiiiiiiiimliiiiiii!" Legolas turned and pouted down at him. "You're going to loooooove it! Lookie!" The elf tossed his blonde hair and whipped out a brochure given to him by his travel agent. "See? A Spa! And, and, cake! And, and…" He continued to giggle and obsess as his companion groaned.
Well, after the whole 'Ring-Thingie' (as he calls it), Legolas decided he needed a little break. He called Aragorn and got the name of his travel agent. Legolas Greenleaf was directed to Laurie Redmaple and she booked him a cabin for the maiden voyage of the SS M.E. Legolas had (literally) roped Gimli into joining him so he wouldn't be lonely. (Laurie was going as well, but she told him she'd be doing 'super-secret travel agent stuff' so he wouldn't see much of her.)
But Gimli felt that cruise ships were a waste of time. He could be off doing manly things, but instead he was stuck going to 'exotic places' and getting pedicures. 'Stupid elves. It's just a ship. And who's heard of Jamaica, anyway? And Puerto Rico? Where the hell is that?!'
Before he could continue his thought, Gimli was scooped up into Legolas' arms and was juggled as the energetic elf ran around looking for an elevator to get to the floor their cabin was on. As he jogged, delight was written all over his face as he saw pretty lights, shiny mirrors and hundreds of well-dressed elves milling about the huge space. When they finally reached a lift, the two friends packed into it. (With most of the occupants giving Gimli mean looks. Elves can be so racist! But the dwarf was seeing them upside-down, so from his point of view, they were smiling at him. Silly Gimli!) Getting off at floor nine, Legolas continued his former pace and started running down the hall to their left.
"987, 985, 983, 981!" The elf exclaimed. He dropped Gimli like a hot potato and searched his pockets for his key card. The dwarf grumbled and brushed himself off just as Legolas opened the door, but he snapped his head up when the blonde squealed. "Our luggage is here already! See, Gummy?" Gimli reddened at the use of his nickname. "We get to be…pampered!!!" The elf jumped onto the nearest bed sprawled himself out. Gimli strutted to the bed his roommate didn't occupy and sat down.
The covers on the bed were in bright striped colors and the walls were textured. On the far side of the room was a door that led to the balcony, and a long mirror sat along the wall facing their beds. "It's…interesting…" Gimli started.
"It's beautiful, Gummy!" Legolas sat back up, his long hair a mess. "Lets explore! Lets explooooooorrrrrre!" He whined and bounced on the bed.
Gimli muttered, "You act like you're 3, not 3,000…" Legolas took that as a 'please-take-me-with-you-Leggy-love!' so he hoisted Gimli onto his back (despite the little man's protests) and skipped merrily out of the room.