Black Feather: Episode XXXVIII
"Parting"
Ascalon Citadel Abandoned Business Block AC-BB/-09
7:35 a.m., 03/21
_____________________________
[...]: Qastor's dialogue inside his mind.
...: Other person in Qastor's mind.
"...": Dialogue between Iris and Qastor (memories).
_____________________________
[...Where am I...? What happened to me...?]
...You're dead...
[...What...!? But, how...]
...Qastor... You were shot... right in your heart...
[...Then... why am I still here?]
...You are neither living, nor are you dead. This is your world... you are free to enter or leave... even if you are dead...
[...My... world...]
...That's right...
[...Then... who are you...? What are you doing in my... world?]
...I am... I... am...
[...Tell me...]
"Qastor? Is that your name?"
"Huh? Yeah... at least, I think it is..."
"How strange... you're a strange one..."
[...What the!? Why... Why am I here? Iris...?]
"What are you doing here?"
"I come here to think..."
[...That's right... Iris... She was standing there, thinking about something... in the cherry blossom garden. It was in full bloom, that April...]
"Really...? It's a pretty place..."
"You think so, too?"
[...Now I remember... This place... this was when I first met Iris... It was after I met Rey Vyn in the arena, during one of my training sessions. I didn't know what to do after he left, so I... went for a walk and wandered into the cherry blossom garden. Iris stood there... facing the cherry blossom tree... the falling petals rained in her eyes, I remember... We then sat at the base of the tree. It was so... serene...]
"What made you become a Raven, Iris?"
"I don't... know... I left my parents behind... they... don't know about me becoming a Raven..."
"That's awkward..."
"You think?"
"No, not your past... It's... how similar we are..."
"In what way?"
"I left my family behind, too. My father strongly disapproved of my becoming a Raven, but I left anyway. I found out, just recently, that my entire family died one year after I left..."
"...So... you're all alone?"
"Hahaha... yeah... I guess I am..."
"What's so funny?"
"I always felt alone... even with my family around. As a child, I always felt... 'unique'... in some way. I could always keep a straight face... never laugh... never cry. I was emotionless..."
"You still are?"
"Not so sure about that anymore..."
[...I looked at her, and found her gazing into my eyes... I felt something then... Was it fate? She smiled... and something caught my eye. Iris pointed it out for me... It was...]
"Look..."
"A monarch butterfly...?"
"That's right... I can't believe they're still here though..."
"Why's that, Iris?"
"You rarely see any monarch butterflies nowadays... They say if you hold out a finger and one perches on it, then that means you're in love..."
[...I remember... Iris held out her's... It landed perfectly... I was mesmerized by the grace of the moment... She glanced at me and smiled again...]
"That's weird..."
"What is?"
"I..."
[...Huh... I had some trouble telling her. I was afraid I might scare her off or something...]
"I... I don't want this moment to end..."
"...I feel the same..."
[...We were both surprised at the moment, although I was fully convinced she must've seen it coming... somehow... And then there was... the promise...]
"Promise me something...?"
"Huh? Uh yeah, whatever you want..."
"Promise me... that if we ever get separated somehow... that we'll meet here..."
"...I promise..."
[...What a lie... I never kept her promise... Our promise... I didn't know what she meant when she said it, but I decided I should keep our promise. Iris... As the year withered away, so did my memories... I'm sorry... so... sorry...]
...Do you know who I am now...?
[...No... I don't... and I may never...]
...Maybe this'll help...
[...This... This place... it's the same... the cherry blossom garden... only that it's been a year later... The cherry blossom tree where Iris and I first met was now ancient, but larger... It was April again... The shrine bells struck serenely in the background... I was... dying...]
...You remember...
[...Of course... It was during a terrorist attack at the Security Headquarters... I escaped as a hostage, but I was shot... And there... The 'sakura' were dancing to the ground... I found myself laying down against the grass... I inched my way to the tree... my blood smearing across the dirt... I made it there... and... I held out my palm, letting a cherry blossom twirl calmly onto it... And I still remember clearly... that cherry blossom changed into a... white and... black feather...]
...There was more...
[...That's right... I died there...]
...Shortly after you were shot, you managed to travel a mile with your wound to the shrine hill, crawl up the stairs, and to the tree... It was strange for Security to discover a path of blood smeared against the shrine stairs...
[...Iris knew about the terrorist attack and that I was one of the hostages... I wanted to meet her again, since she'd been completely busy ever since reaching B-3... I tried to keep my promise... but I failed...]
...So, you died twice... that proves it... a dead man could die again and still live... but... was this really the case...?
[...I died there... I clearly remember...]
...Did you really...? If you go back there, you'll find a memorial...
[...Of what...?]
...A memorial... of a Raven... who died with two feathers in his hands...
[...]
...That Raven's ashes were buried there... and...
[...?]
...Iris never knew about your death...
[...]
...Qastor...
[...?]
...These aren't just your memories...
[...Why's that?]
...These... are my memories also...
_____________________________
What's...
"Som...ne...all...e...ramedics!! ..."
Happening...?
"...stor? ... Qa...or!!"
Ah, such pain in my heart...
"...ld...on!!"
Am I dying...? Have I died already...?
Why am I feeling so much pain...?
Iris... I wonder where she is...?
Malirant... he's gone too...
And that little guy too... Aries? Yeah, hope he's okay...
Ah, my ears are clearing up... Voices?
"Stay put, Scout... I'll get him into the cockpit..."
Someone's forcing me somewhere... Ah, stop it... Let me rest... rest...
Warmth... Warmth...? Why am I sitting in my cockpit...? Whoever shoved me up here is gone... The pain is going away... I'll miss it... What's this...? Something's pushing a thought into my head...
Omnis?
"...st... oy... th... RK..."
What...?
"Destroy the ARK..."
What the hell are you talking about...?
The pain is gone... Whoever took that pain away, I'll thank you once I find you.
_____________________________
My entire strength returned. I felt like a new person, like a soldier returning home from a war. So much energy. I opened my eyes for the first time in many hours. There was a hole in my shirt; its edges were burned and dark. It somehow had a slight metallic stench to it, which offended my senses. I took it off immediately, and I noticed something. My bullet wound was gone. There was no scar, no evidence of my being shot. I remembered clearly the time when I was murdered, and when a sudden, painless impact killed me. I was dead... Now, resurrected. It was strange... To realize that I was once... Nevermind.
I opened a small compartment near the left pedal and pulled out an old, dusty combat shirt. I shoved the blood-stained one into the compartment. I made my way out of the core and out into a city block I never saw before. I patted my old combat shirt to release the dust and quickly put it on, since the cold evening snapped at my skin. I noticed a fire crackling in front of Xanthippius and followed it like a moth to a street lamp. There, I found an acquaintance, Markham, sitting on a cement boulder with a teenager lying on his lap. He turned around and flinched, almost knocking the young one away.
"Y-you! You're alive!!" I walked over and settled myself on the pavement, not making a big deal about my revival.
"How is she?" I noticed him slowly sweeping his hand through the girl's wavy hair.
"Scout? Yeah, she got burned. I'm a little afraid though."
"Of what?"
"When she wakes up. And when she does, I'd hate to see her suffer from the burn." An idea popped into my head.
"Hey, why not put her in my AC's cockpit?"
"What?" He looked at me with confoundedly.
"It healed my wound, somehow." I involuntarily rubbed my left chest. "It should be able to recover her burns, right?"
Markham turned to Scout. "It's worth a try." He started and placed Scout into Xanthippius' cockpit, just like he did for me, only with more care. When he got out, he left the shutters opened for air circulation, and settled himself on his rock.
We were in a wide intersection. I leaned back on my arms and looked up into the star-clad sky. Markham stared into the fire. We didn't speak for some time. Still gazing into the fire, Markham spoke.
"You were dead." He was terse.
"I was..." That ended the conversation. We didn't talk again for another while. I decided to speak.
"How long have you known Scout?" I felt like I needed to start a meaningful conversation.
"Ever since I was a little kid. She moved into town, right next to my house. At first, her parents came into town to have a check-up on her. Scout was frail, and they decided to live in town."
"What's her real name?"
"........." Markham looked as if he was trying hard to remember. "...Beryl... I've called her 'Scout' ever since the first time we met, when she insisted I call her that."
"Has she ever told you why?"
"No. You know what, I don't think I ever want to know. It's a mystery I could live with, I guess..."
"What time is it?" I noticed the sky was mellowing.
"It's..." Markham pulled down his right sleeve and glimpsed at his watch. "...4:43 p.m. Early evening I guess." He had a hesitant look on his face. "What's your story?"
"Not much. I was an orphan until I was about four years old. The orphanage I was at burned down to the ground... I was adopted soon after..."
"Where are your parents now?"
"Dead." I sounded flat and quick.
Markham's eyes widened. "How's that?"
"The Controller leveled the residential district and my entire family died; aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all. Not that I really knew any of them, but after finding out the news, I realized that I was all alone in this world, like the day I was born." Markham nodded melancholically. After glancing at the Global Cortex insignia on my sleeve, he inquired...
"Say, how's it like to be a Raven?"
"I can't really say much. It's pretty different to all Ravens, but overall, it's pretty hard. You live day in and day out, wondering whether the next mission will make or break you. We get a lot of money, but those at the bottom barely have enough to fend for themselves. I guess it contrasts with normal life."
Markham nodded in agreement. I asked...
"What's being a rebel like?"
He looked up into the sky and thought for a moment. "It's... not strange to me at all. I've been a rebel for five years now, so I guess I've gotten used to it. I just have to keep quiet about myself and the group around public. It can get dangerous if I don't. Also, I've been okay since I always followed orders and not question any of my superiors. So, being passive helps towards being a rebel, but I never forget about what I'm fighting for. I'm fighting for a future. A future where we could someday sit in a park and not hear gunfire off in the distance. A future where parents can raise their children without being torn or interfered by war."
I never thought about it that way. I considered Markham a fortunate man. He had a cause to follow and a dream to fulfill. He had everything set in life. Me? I'm just wandering around, fighting other people's battles and not knowing what I'm truly fighting for. Drifting from battlefield to battlefield, searching for a place to belong. I considered myself blind compared to Markham. I never knew where my life would lead. Markham doesn't know either, but at least he has a clue as to where it might. But, whenever I thought about where my life was going, I thought about Iris...
"When are you gonna start going back?" He finally asked, but I wasn't so sure myself.
I was already halfway to Wyndon City, so... "I'll start leaving soon, I think. It shouldn't be too far with an AC. What about you?"
"I called up the base before you came out, so they should pick us up soon."
"Markham?" He turned around and immediately rushed to an awakened Scout, who had puzzled expression on her face. Her arm had completely healed, but her sleeve was still a little charred. Markham helped her to the fire, where he took off his coat and lent it to her. I smiled, glad that they were together again. I departed silently, but stopped as soon as Scout spoke to me.
"Are you gonna be alright? By yourself?" She and Markham both turned to me.
I looked at the ground and held my head up to the stars. I sighed. "Yeah... I'll be fine..." I glanced at Xanthippius, who patiently knelt on the littered pavement.
"Looks like it's just you and me again." I whispered to myself as I started up the computer. "Iris... I'm finally coming back..."
Markham and Scout waved farewell as I chased the eastern wind.
"Parting"
Ascalon Citadel Abandoned Business Block AC-BB/-09
7:35 a.m., 03/21
_____________________________
[...]: Qastor's dialogue inside his mind.
...: Other person in Qastor's mind.
"...": Dialogue between Iris and Qastor (memories).
_____________________________
[...Where am I...? What happened to me...?]
...You're dead...
[...What...!? But, how...]
...Qastor... You were shot... right in your heart...
[...Then... why am I still here?]
...You are neither living, nor are you dead. This is your world... you are free to enter or leave... even if you are dead...
[...My... world...]
...That's right...
[...Then... who are you...? What are you doing in my... world?]
...I am... I... am...
[...Tell me...]
"Qastor? Is that your name?"
"Huh? Yeah... at least, I think it is..."
"How strange... you're a strange one..."
[...What the!? Why... Why am I here? Iris...?]
"What are you doing here?"
"I come here to think..."
[...That's right... Iris... She was standing there, thinking about something... in the cherry blossom garden. It was in full bloom, that April...]
"Really...? It's a pretty place..."
"You think so, too?"
[...Now I remember... This place... this was when I first met Iris... It was after I met Rey Vyn in the arena, during one of my training sessions. I didn't know what to do after he left, so I... went for a walk and wandered into the cherry blossom garden. Iris stood there... facing the cherry blossom tree... the falling petals rained in her eyes, I remember... We then sat at the base of the tree. It was so... serene...]
"What made you become a Raven, Iris?"
"I don't... know... I left my parents behind... they... don't know about me becoming a Raven..."
"That's awkward..."
"You think?"
"No, not your past... It's... how similar we are..."
"In what way?"
"I left my family behind, too. My father strongly disapproved of my becoming a Raven, but I left anyway. I found out, just recently, that my entire family died one year after I left..."
"...So... you're all alone?"
"Hahaha... yeah... I guess I am..."
"What's so funny?"
"I always felt alone... even with my family around. As a child, I always felt... 'unique'... in some way. I could always keep a straight face... never laugh... never cry. I was emotionless..."
"You still are?"
"Not so sure about that anymore..."
[...I looked at her, and found her gazing into my eyes... I felt something then... Was it fate? She smiled... and something caught my eye. Iris pointed it out for me... It was...]
"Look..."
"A monarch butterfly...?"
"That's right... I can't believe they're still here though..."
"Why's that, Iris?"
"You rarely see any monarch butterflies nowadays... They say if you hold out a finger and one perches on it, then that means you're in love..."
[...I remember... Iris held out her's... It landed perfectly... I was mesmerized by the grace of the moment... She glanced at me and smiled again...]
"That's weird..."
"What is?"
"I..."
[...Huh... I had some trouble telling her. I was afraid I might scare her off or something...]
"I... I don't want this moment to end..."
"...I feel the same..."
[...We were both surprised at the moment, although I was fully convinced she must've seen it coming... somehow... And then there was... the promise...]
"Promise me something...?"
"Huh? Uh yeah, whatever you want..."
"Promise me... that if we ever get separated somehow... that we'll meet here..."
"...I promise..."
[...What a lie... I never kept her promise... Our promise... I didn't know what she meant when she said it, but I decided I should keep our promise. Iris... As the year withered away, so did my memories... I'm sorry... so... sorry...]
...Do you know who I am now...?
[...No... I don't... and I may never...]
...Maybe this'll help...
[...This... This place... it's the same... the cherry blossom garden... only that it's been a year later... The cherry blossom tree where Iris and I first met was now ancient, but larger... It was April again... The shrine bells struck serenely in the background... I was... dying...]
...You remember...
[...Of course... It was during a terrorist attack at the Security Headquarters... I escaped as a hostage, but I was shot... And there... The 'sakura' were dancing to the ground... I found myself laying down against the grass... I inched my way to the tree... my blood smearing across the dirt... I made it there... and... I held out my palm, letting a cherry blossom twirl calmly onto it... And I still remember clearly... that cherry blossom changed into a... white and... black feather...]
...There was more...
[...That's right... I died there...]
...Shortly after you were shot, you managed to travel a mile with your wound to the shrine hill, crawl up the stairs, and to the tree... It was strange for Security to discover a path of blood smeared against the shrine stairs...
[...Iris knew about the terrorist attack and that I was one of the hostages... I wanted to meet her again, since she'd been completely busy ever since reaching B-3... I tried to keep my promise... but I failed...]
...So, you died twice... that proves it... a dead man could die again and still live... but... was this really the case...?
[...I died there... I clearly remember...]
...Did you really...? If you go back there, you'll find a memorial...
[...Of what...?]
...A memorial... of a Raven... who died with two feathers in his hands...
[...]
...That Raven's ashes were buried there... and...
[...?]
...Iris never knew about your death...
[...]
...Qastor...
[...?]
...These aren't just your memories...
[...Why's that?]
...These... are my memories also...
_____________________________
What's...
"Som...ne...all...e...ramedics!! ..."
Happening...?
"...stor? ... Qa...or!!"
Ah, such pain in my heart...
"...ld...on!!"
Am I dying...? Have I died already...?
Why am I feeling so much pain...?
Iris... I wonder where she is...?
Malirant... he's gone too...
And that little guy too... Aries? Yeah, hope he's okay...
Ah, my ears are clearing up... Voices?
"Stay put, Scout... I'll get him into the cockpit..."
Someone's forcing me somewhere... Ah, stop it... Let me rest... rest...
Warmth... Warmth...? Why am I sitting in my cockpit...? Whoever shoved me up here is gone... The pain is going away... I'll miss it... What's this...? Something's pushing a thought into my head...
Omnis?
"...st... oy... th... RK..."
What...?
"Destroy the ARK..."
What the hell are you talking about...?
The pain is gone... Whoever took that pain away, I'll thank you once I find you.
_____________________________
My entire strength returned. I felt like a new person, like a soldier returning home from a war. So much energy. I opened my eyes for the first time in many hours. There was a hole in my shirt; its edges were burned and dark. It somehow had a slight metallic stench to it, which offended my senses. I took it off immediately, and I noticed something. My bullet wound was gone. There was no scar, no evidence of my being shot. I remembered clearly the time when I was murdered, and when a sudden, painless impact killed me. I was dead... Now, resurrected. It was strange... To realize that I was once... Nevermind.
I opened a small compartment near the left pedal and pulled out an old, dusty combat shirt. I shoved the blood-stained one into the compartment. I made my way out of the core and out into a city block I never saw before. I patted my old combat shirt to release the dust and quickly put it on, since the cold evening snapped at my skin. I noticed a fire crackling in front of Xanthippius and followed it like a moth to a street lamp. There, I found an acquaintance, Markham, sitting on a cement boulder with a teenager lying on his lap. He turned around and flinched, almost knocking the young one away.
"Y-you! You're alive!!" I walked over and settled myself on the pavement, not making a big deal about my revival.
"How is she?" I noticed him slowly sweeping his hand through the girl's wavy hair.
"Scout? Yeah, she got burned. I'm a little afraid though."
"Of what?"
"When she wakes up. And when she does, I'd hate to see her suffer from the burn." An idea popped into my head.
"Hey, why not put her in my AC's cockpit?"
"What?" He looked at me with confoundedly.
"It healed my wound, somehow." I involuntarily rubbed my left chest. "It should be able to recover her burns, right?"
Markham turned to Scout. "It's worth a try." He started and placed Scout into Xanthippius' cockpit, just like he did for me, only with more care. When he got out, he left the shutters opened for air circulation, and settled himself on his rock.
We were in a wide intersection. I leaned back on my arms and looked up into the star-clad sky. Markham stared into the fire. We didn't speak for some time. Still gazing into the fire, Markham spoke.
"You were dead." He was terse.
"I was..." That ended the conversation. We didn't talk again for another while. I decided to speak.
"How long have you known Scout?" I felt like I needed to start a meaningful conversation.
"Ever since I was a little kid. She moved into town, right next to my house. At first, her parents came into town to have a check-up on her. Scout was frail, and they decided to live in town."
"What's her real name?"
"........." Markham looked as if he was trying hard to remember. "...Beryl... I've called her 'Scout' ever since the first time we met, when she insisted I call her that."
"Has she ever told you why?"
"No. You know what, I don't think I ever want to know. It's a mystery I could live with, I guess..."
"What time is it?" I noticed the sky was mellowing.
"It's..." Markham pulled down his right sleeve and glimpsed at his watch. "...4:43 p.m. Early evening I guess." He had a hesitant look on his face. "What's your story?"
"Not much. I was an orphan until I was about four years old. The orphanage I was at burned down to the ground... I was adopted soon after..."
"Where are your parents now?"
"Dead." I sounded flat and quick.
Markham's eyes widened. "How's that?"
"The Controller leveled the residential district and my entire family died; aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all. Not that I really knew any of them, but after finding out the news, I realized that I was all alone in this world, like the day I was born." Markham nodded melancholically. After glancing at the Global Cortex insignia on my sleeve, he inquired...
"Say, how's it like to be a Raven?"
"I can't really say much. It's pretty different to all Ravens, but overall, it's pretty hard. You live day in and day out, wondering whether the next mission will make or break you. We get a lot of money, but those at the bottom barely have enough to fend for themselves. I guess it contrasts with normal life."
Markham nodded in agreement. I asked...
"What's being a rebel like?"
He looked up into the sky and thought for a moment. "It's... not strange to me at all. I've been a rebel for five years now, so I guess I've gotten used to it. I just have to keep quiet about myself and the group around public. It can get dangerous if I don't. Also, I've been okay since I always followed orders and not question any of my superiors. So, being passive helps towards being a rebel, but I never forget about what I'm fighting for. I'm fighting for a future. A future where we could someday sit in a park and not hear gunfire off in the distance. A future where parents can raise their children without being torn or interfered by war."
I never thought about it that way. I considered Markham a fortunate man. He had a cause to follow and a dream to fulfill. He had everything set in life. Me? I'm just wandering around, fighting other people's battles and not knowing what I'm truly fighting for. Drifting from battlefield to battlefield, searching for a place to belong. I considered myself blind compared to Markham. I never knew where my life would lead. Markham doesn't know either, but at least he has a clue as to where it might. But, whenever I thought about where my life was going, I thought about Iris...
"When are you gonna start going back?" He finally asked, but I wasn't so sure myself.
I was already halfway to Wyndon City, so... "I'll start leaving soon, I think. It shouldn't be too far with an AC. What about you?"
"I called up the base before you came out, so they should pick us up soon."
"Markham?" He turned around and immediately rushed to an awakened Scout, who had puzzled expression on her face. Her arm had completely healed, but her sleeve was still a little charred. Markham helped her to the fire, where he took off his coat and lent it to her. I smiled, glad that they were together again. I departed silently, but stopped as soon as Scout spoke to me.
"Are you gonna be alright? By yourself?" She and Markham both turned to me.
I looked at the ground and held my head up to the stars. I sighed. "Yeah... I'll be fine..." I glanced at Xanthippius, who patiently knelt on the littered pavement.
"Looks like it's just you and me again." I whispered to myself as I started up the computer. "Iris... I'm finally coming back..."
Markham and Scout waved farewell as I chased the eastern wind.