Disclaimer: ZOOM! I am Evil Ducky! I do not own Johnny (though I wish I did) because
it is owned by the dude with the trench coat. Otherwise known as Jhonen Vasquez. Is his
name French? I dunno, it sound French. I also do not own Squee or Devi, because they
are ALSO owned by the dude with the trenchcoat. But I DO own Ed. Woot.
A/N: I dunno. I just felt like making this, because I can't draw JtHM that well, but I'm
working on it! Even if I did, I still wouldn't make comics and show them to people. You
see, Jhonen would know! He said his left earlobe vibrates when illegal-type stuff happens!
He knows! HE KNOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWSSSSSSS!!!!!! Well, it's stupid. Ed is
me. She go everywhere. She my ultimate fan character. Mwakka. Fthoom! Also, the
Brady force makes me do...INTERESTING chapters now and then, so bear with me, kay?
I have a creative mind! STOP LAUGHING AT ME!
Freak of Nature
by Evil Ducky
Johnny woke up in a bad mood. Mostly because he woke up, because that meant
he slept. He really needed to torture someone, but he didn't feel like going out to fetch
more wretched souls, so he just took a trip down to the room that was occupied by a
rather rude man that had called him a skinny Goth faggot with greasy hair. "Greasy hair
my ass." mumbled Johnny as he stalked down the stairs.
When he came upon the room that the man was in, he realized he heard to yelps
and screams that he usually heard when he came in the room. Come to find out, he wasn't
there. The locks were opened, and a trail of blood followed from the odd contraption to a
wall. It went into the wall. "What the hell happened...?" said Johnny to himself as he
surveyed the scene. He looked at the wall. He STARED at it. Something was different
about that part of the wall where the blood disappeared. He walked up to the wall and
pressed the palm of his hand up against it. It felt strangely warm. He began to feel the
wall, tracing every crack with his fingers and he felt a deep crack that went up and over
his head and down the other side, like a door. He dug his fingers into the crack and
pulled. Nothing happened. He kicked the bottom of the wall with his boot. Nothing.
Then, it hit him. There was something scratched into the wall. He tried to make out the
word. "Doom...well, what does that have anything to do with anything?" said Johnny as
he read the word. Then, the door began to move.
It slowly swung open and let in a warm breeze of air. The trail of blood continued
down the long hallway, which was lit with torches. "Hmm, so that's why it felt warm..."
he started down the hallway, eager for something different, and the door swung closed
behind him. He wasn't phazed at all. He continued to walk when he heard what sounded
like incoherent rambling. The hall made a sharp turn and led into a room. Stairs went
down into another room, where a door was left half open. Nny peeked into the room.
Inside the room was a person. A girl, about his age, wearing a black trench coat
and what looked like black boots, but he didn't know since she was facing away from him,
and the trench coat covered her from her neck to her ankles. She had long, waist-length
black hair with two pieces that stuck up at the top of her head. 'They look like
antennae...' thought Nny. She was facing a guy who was apparently trying to scream, but
had duct tape wrapped around his head to cover his mouth. It was the guy that had been
in his room before. "Yooooouuuuuuu!! You can't escape from me! I have to use you to
test my new experiment! I would have used that other guy, but I want to see him suffer
more! BWA HA HA HA!" said the girl, who was obviously talking to the guy. Nny
couldn't help but snicker. "Now..." said the girl as she put on a pair of lab goggles,
"prepare to be blown up into little pieces of meat to feed to my chickens!" She grabbed a
remote with a big red shiny button. Nny's eyes widened like an ignorant little child in a
candy store. He liked big red shiny buttons. 'Push it!' he thought. The girl traced the rim
of the button with her finger, and then placed her finger on the button. The guy screamed.
She raised her finger above the button ever so slightly, and then quick as a flash
tuned her hand into a fist and smacked the button with the side of her fist. A tiny
high-pitched beep sounded and then
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!! The guy blew up, and his parts
flew everywhere. A peice of thick clear plastic had shot up in front of the girl before the
exlosion, lucky for her. But unlucky for Nny, some blood and guts splattered all over his
shirt. He just cleaned that shirt!!! But despite the stuff on his shirt, an unexpected surge
of joy ran through Johnny that he just couldn't help but squee in delight and jump around
like a little boyscout. [A/N: damn popcorn sellin' boyscouts!!!] The girl jumped and spun
around. "Who goes there!?" she yelled. Johnny noticed that she in fact WAS wearing
boots, and they were mid-shin length with buckles and about a 1" platform. She was also
wearing long black cargo shorts that looked like they were bought from the boy's section,
and a long black shirt that said "If I ever gave a shit, you'd be the first one I'd give it to."
She also had on a dog collar and was wearing a pair of silver cross earrings. She had red
eyes and olive colored skin, and her nails were painted black.
The girl straightened up and lifted up her goggles. She liked what she saw. A tall,
skinny boy, not much older or younger than herself, wearing tattered black shorts and
black knee-high buckled boots with steel toes that that looked like cleaven toes. He also
had a black striped shirt that said "Gone the way of my sanity" and messy black spiky hair.
[A/N: I like spiky hair!] "How do you do, kind sir?" she said, bowing low. "I am Ed. Ed
G." Nny bowed back. "I am called Johnny C. But since you are so kind as to adress me
properly, you may call me Nny." Ed took off her goggles completely. "Did you enjoy my
display? You seemed rather... THRILLED to see that rude man blown into tiny bits."
"Oh, yes, yes I was!! That was so neat! How did you do that? Can you do it again?"
asked Nny, stepping into the room. "Why, yes I can." said Ed. "If you like, you may
choose who you would like to have executed." "Ohh, can I?" said Nny, obviously thrilled
beyond his wits. "Right this way, Nny!" said Ed, beckoning to another room that had
noises coming from it.
In the room there were about 50 people in different torture devices, quite the same
as Johnny's but a bit more high-tech. One of them screeched at Ed. "Hey, you stupid
whore!! Is that your pimp or something!?" Ed turned toward the guy and kicked him in
the head, as he was upside down. "I SWEAR, IF YOU EVER CALL ME A WHORE
AGAIN YOU WILL NEVER AGAIN SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY!!!!" she yelled. Ed
turned to Nny. "You see, Nny!? This guy was up next, but I wanted to se him suffer
more!!" Johnny nodded. "Do you have a knife?" he asked. "Yes I do." Ed pulled out a
side of her jacket to reveal several knives, some bloodstained, some rusted, some shiny
and new. Some kitches knives, some daggers, some broken swords. "Take your pick."
she said. Nny had set his eyes on a particularly jagged one, with many runted spots and a
handle that was wrapped with medical tape. "That one." he said, as he pointed to it.
"Good choice." she said, handing it to him. Johnny took the knife and walked up to the
guy. He knelt down in front of his face. "You." he said, coldly. "You EVER...call me a
PIMP again, I'll cut off your balls and pin them to the wall so you can see them and cry
your pathetic heart out over your 'manliness'! I hope the blood rushes to your head and
your brain oozes out of your ears!" he said as he lightly but firmly dragged the knife down
the guy's head, making a gash down the side of his head, and then stabbing the guy in the
stomach twice before handing Ed back the knife. "My job is done." said Nny, smiling
evilly. "I admire your skill!" said Ed. The guy was crying and yelling about how he'd
never say anything again as long as they'd let him go and not cut off his happy spot. [A/N:
That's what I call it. The 'happy spot'. It hasn't made me happy...and it probably never
will, cuz no one wants me. *laugh*]
"That was refreshing." said Johnny, cracking his knuckles. "How about this guy?
If you want to see why he's down here just read that peice of paper with the number on
it." Ed pointed to a guy with preppy clothes on. "Um, you number your people and write
down why they're here?" asked Nny. "Yeah. I need to have a good reason to put them
here. And even if I think it was a good reason then, I could forgive them...but I usually
don't. I hate unpleasant people. They've been spawning...breeding their own wretched
kind. They're like cockroaches. They don't go away." "I agree." said Nny. [A/N:
MAN!! It's 1:09 am, I'm usuing my laptop, and I have the most horrible headache. I
can't write anymore. Shit...be back later (7:35 am) ARRRGH!! I must have fallen
asleep!! At least the head monster is away. Grrrrr.]
Nny read the paper. "#765, made fun of my appearance every day for 2 months
before I lost it.". Nny turned his head toward Ed. "I know this guy. He made fun of me
for a couple weeks...as soon as I wanted to kill him, I couldn't find him. So THIS is
where he went..." Nny glanced back at the paper and nodded his head. "This guy. It's in
my benefit also." Ed pulled a key out of her inside pocket and unlocked the thingies. She
bent over slightly, leveling her eyes with the guy. "You're goin' for a ride, buddy." The
guy looked at Ed. "I thought whores were supposed to be pretty...and short.". Ed just
about blew up. "What IS IT with you people and calling me a WHORE!? And WHAT
does being tall have to do with ANYTHING!? Plenty of girls are tall!! And not all
whores are pretty!! Even so, I AM NOT A WHORE!!". Ed pulled out a sword form the
other side of her trench coat, and sliced the guy's throat, lightly. "Maybe you'll think
about what you said as all of your shit drains out from your neck before you get blown
up!" Ed said slowly, and Johnny snickered in the back. "I think I'll enjoy seeing this guy
blown up." he said. Nny walked up the stairs with Ed dragging the guy by the collar of his
sweater. She slammed the door behind her with her foot. (The scene is still in the room
with the people) Everyone looked around shiftily. They then heard screaming coming
from the room, and then a huge BOOOOOOMM!!!!!!!! Then the sounds of two
overjoyed homicidal maniacs whooping with joy, as what was most likely meat pieces
slapping the door and walls and sliding down to the floor.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wheeeeeeeeeee!!! End chapter one! Don't ask. I needed to make this to get it out of my
mind. Let's just say, if Jhonen were dead (Let's hope he lives forever), we'd all be making
him turn in his grave. WOOT! Until the next chapter, BE NICE TO THE MIDGETS!!!
it is owned by the dude with the trench coat. Otherwise known as Jhonen Vasquez. Is his
name French? I dunno, it sound French. I also do not own Squee or Devi, because they
are ALSO owned by the dude with the trenchcoat. But I DO own Ed. Woot.
A/N: I dunno. I just felt like making this, because I can't draw JtHM that well, but I'm
working on it! Even if I did, I still wouldn't make comics and show them to people. You
see, Jhonen would know! He said his left earlobe vibrates when illegal-type stuff happens!
He knows! HE KNOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWSSSSSSS!!!!!! Well, it's stupid. Ed is
me. She go everywhere. She my ultimate fan character. Mwakka. Fthoom! Also, the
Brady force makes me do...INTERESTING chapters now and then, so bear with me, kay?
I have a creative mind! STOP LAUGHING AT ME!
Freak of Nature
by Evil Ducky
Johnny woke up in a bad mood. Mostly because he woke up, because that meant
he slept. He really needed to torture someone, but he didn't feel like going out to fetch
more wretched souls, so he just took a trip down to the room that was occupied by a
rather rude man that had called him a skinny Goth faggot with greasy hair. "Greasy hair
my ass." mumbled Johnny as he stalked down the stairs.
When he came upon the room that the man was in, he realized he heard to yelps
and screams that he usually heard when he came in the room. Come to find out, he wasn't
there. The locks were opened, and a trail of blood followed from the odd contraption to a
wall. It went into the wall. "What the hell happened...?" said Johnny to himself as he
surveyed the scene. He looked at the wall. He STARED at it. Something was different
about that part of the wall where the blood disappeared. He walked up to the wall and
pressed the palm of his hand up against it. It felt strangely warm. He began to feel the
wall, tracing every crack with his fingers and he felt a deep crack that went up and over
his head and down the other side, like a door. He dug his fingers into the crack and
pulled. Nothing happened. He kicked the bottom of the wall with his boot. Nothing.
Then, it hit him. There was something scratched into the wall. He tried to make out the
word. "Doom...well, what does that have anything to do with anything?" said Johnny as
he read the word. Then, the door began to move.
It slowly swung open and let in a warm breeze of air. The trail of blood continued
down the long hallway, which was lit with torches. "Hmm, so that's why it felt warm..."
he started down the hallway, eager for something different, and the door swung closed
behind him. He wasn't phazed at all. He continued to walk when he heard what sounded
like incoherent rambling. The hall made a sharp turn and led into a room. Stairs went
down into another room, where a door was left half open. Nny peeked into the room.
Inside the room was a person. A girl, about his age, wearing a black trench coat
and what looked like black boots, but he didn't know since she was facing away from him,
and the trench coat covered her from her neck to her ankles. She had long, waist-length
black hair with two pieces that stuck up at the top of her head. 'They look like
antennae...' thought Nny. She was facing a guy who was apparently trying to scream, but
had duct tape wrapped around his head to cover his mouth. It was the guy that had been
in his room before. "Yooooouuuuuuu!! You can't escape from me! I have to use you to
test my new experiment! I would have used that other guy, but I want to see him suffer
more! BWA HA HA HA!" said the girl, who was obviously talking to the guy. Nny
couldn't help but snicker. "Now..." said the girl as she put on a pair of lab goggles,
"prepare to be blown up into little pieces of meat to feed to my chickens!" She grabbed a
remote with a big red shiny button. Nny's eyes widened like an ignorant little child in a
candy store. He liked big red shiny buttons. 'Push it!' he thought. The girl traced the rim
of the button with her finger, and then placed her finger on the button. The guy screamed.
She raised her finger above the button ever so slightly, and then quick as a flash
tuned her hand into a fist and smacked the button with the side of her fist. A tiny
high-pitched beep sounded and then
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!! The guy blew up, and his parts
flew everywhere. A peice of thick clear plastic had shot up in front of the girl before the
exlosion, lucky for her. But unlucky for Nny, some blood and guts splattered all over his
shirt. He just cleaned that shirt!!! But despite the stuff on his shirt, an unexpected surge
of joy ran through Johnny that he just couldn't help but squee in delight and jump around
like a little boyscout. [A/N: damn popcorn sellin' boyscouts!!!] The girl jumped and spun
around. "Who goes there!?" she yelled. Johnny noticed that she in fact WAS wearing
boots, and they were mid-shin length with buckles and about a 1" platform. She was also
wearing long black cargo shorts that looked like they were bought from the boy's section,
and a long black shirt that said "If I ever gave a shit, you'd be the first one I'd give it to."
She also had on a dog collar and was wearing a pair of silver cross earrings. She had red
eyes and olive colored skin, and her nails were painted black.
The girl straightened up and lifted up her goggles. She liked what she saw. A tall,
skinny boy, not much older or younger than herself, wearing tattered black shorts and
black knee-high buckled boots with steel toes that that looked like cleaven toes. He also
had a black striped shirt that said "Gone the way of my sanity" and messy black spiky hair.
[A/N: I like spiky hair!] "How do you do, kind sir?" she said, bowing low. "I am Ed. Ed
G." Nny bowed back. "I am called Johnny C. But since you are so kind as to adress me
properly, you may call me Nny." Ed took off her goggles completely. "Did you enjoy my
display? You seemed rather... THRILLED to see that rude man blown into tiny bits."
"Oh, yes, yes I was!! That was so neat! How did you do that? Can you do it again?"
asked Nny, stepping into the room. "Why, yes I can." said Ed. "If you like, you may
choose who you would like to have executed." "Ohh, can I?" said Nny, obviously thrilled
beyond his wits. "Right this way, Nny!" said Ed, beckoning to another room that had
noises coming from it.
In the room there were about 50 people in different torture devices, quite the same
as Johnny's but a bit more high-tech. One of them screeched at Ed. "Hey, you stupid
whore!! Is that your pimp or something!?" Ed turned toward the guy and kicked him in
the head, as he was upside down. "I SWEAR, IF YOU EVER CALL ME A WHORE
AGAIN YOU WILL NEVER AGAIN SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY!!!!" she yelled. Ed
turned to Nny. "You see, Nny!? This guy was up next, but I wanted to se him suffer
more!!" Johnny nodded. "Do you have a knife?" he asked. "Yes I do." Ed pulled out a
side of her jacket to reveal several knives, some bloodstained, some rusted, some shiny
and new. Some kitches knives, some daggers, some broken swords. "Take your pick."
she said. Nny had set his eyes on a particularly jagged one, with many runted spots and a
handle that was wrapped with medical tape. "That one." he said, as he pointed to it.
"Good choice." she said, handing it to him. Johnny took the knife and walked up to the
guy. He knelt down in front of his face. "You." he said, coldly. "You EVER...call me a
PIMP again, I'll cut off your balls and pin them to the wall so you can see them and cry
your pathetic heart out over your 'manliness'! I hope the blood rushes to your head and
your brain oozes out of your ears!" he said as he lightly but firmly dragged the knife down
the guy's head, making a gash down the side of his head, and then stabbing the guy in the
stomach twice before handing Ed back the knife. "My job is done." said Nny, smiling
evilly. "I admire your skill!" said Ed. The guy was crying and yelling about how he'd
never say anything again as long as they'd let him go and not cut off his happy spot. [A/N:
That's what I call it. The 'happy spot'. It hasn't made me happy...and it probably never
will, cuz no one wants me. *laugh*]
"That was refreshing." said Johnny, cracking his knuckles. "How about this guy?
If you want to see why he's down here just read that peice of paper with the number on
it." Ed pointed to a guy with preppy clothes on. "Um, you number your people and write
down why they're here?" asked Nny. "Yeah. I need to have a good reason to put them
here. And even if I think it was a good reason then, I could forgive them...but I usually
don't. I hate unpleasant people. They've been spawning...breeding their own wretched
kind. They're like cockroaches. They don't go away." "I agree." said Nny. [A/N:
MAN!! It's 1:09 am, I'm usuing my laptop, and I have the most horrible headache. I
can't write anymore. Shit...be back later (7:35 am) ARRRGH!! I must have fallen
asleep!! At least the head monster is away. Grrrrr.]
Nny read the paper. "#765, made fun of my appearance every day for 2 months
before I lost it.". Nny turned his head toward Ed. "I know this guy. He made fun of me
for a couple weeks...as soon as I wanted to kill him, I couldn't find him. So THIS is
where he went..." Nny glanced back at the paper and nodded his head. "This guy. It's in
my benefit also." Ed pulled a key out of her inside pocket and unlocked the thingies. She
bent over slightly, leveling her eyes with the guy. "You're goin' for a ride, buddy." The
guy looked at Ed. "I thought whores were supposed to be pretty...and short.". Ed just
about blew up. "What IS IT with you people and calling me a WHORE!? And WHAT
does being tall have to do with ANYTHING!? Plenty of girls are tall!! And not all
whores are pretty!! Even so, I AM NOT A WHORE!!". Ed pulled out a sword form the
other side of her trench coat, and sliced the guy's throat, lightly. "Maybe you'll think
about what you said as all of your shit drains out from your neck before you get blown
up!" Ed said slowly, and Johnny snickered in the back. "I think I'll enjoy seeing this guy
blown up." he said. Nny walked up the stairs with Ed dragging the guy by the collar of his
sweater. She slammed the door behind her with her foot. (The scene is still in the room
with the people) Everyone looked around shiftily. They then heard screaming coming
from the room, and then a huge BOOOOOOMM!!!!!!!! Then the sounds of two
overjoyed homicidal maniacs whooping with joy, as what was most likely meat pieces
slapping the door and walls and sliding down to the floor.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wheeeeeeeeeee!!! End chapter one! Don't ask. I needed to make this to get it out of my
mind. Let's just say, if Jhonen were dead (Let's hope he lives forever), we'd all be making
him turn in his grave. WOOT! Until the next chapter, BE NICE TO THE MIDGETS!!!