Chapter Seventeen: Thinking
*The engine of the plane rumbled beneath them as it slowed and finally shut down. Hiiro stood from his seat beside Relena and pulled his gun. Holding the familiar coolness of the metallic weapon, his fingers wrapped around it remembrance. Everything seemed so… he felt as if he had done this before. Of course, he had. Another repeat. Making his way down the aisle to the door, he called two of the other bodyguards he had brought with him to stand between himself and Relena. As he opened the plane door and stepped onto the stairs, he looked around.
"What do you see Hiiro?" Relena asked, keeping her voice straight, but the tension was clear.
"Demonstrators." He told her. Without taking his eyes off the crowd, he addressed the two bodyguards. "Stay in front of her in the doorway until I signal the clear. As she descends the stairs, keep behind her, and as she gets into the limo, keep to her sides."
"Yes sir." They chorused. Hiiro nodded. Good.
Near the left of the plane, the tail, there was a mob of people. Signs flashing, shouts being yelled, everything was so grandiose. So the people had really had enough this time. Poor Neo-North Switzerland. As far back in history as AC 105 they had been a peace, neutral country. But when their country had split into two and their economy crashed, plus the people found out that over two billion dollars had been funneled towards the government officials, unrest had taken root.
It was easy for him to understand why the people were so unhappy. He would be unhappy too if he lived as they did. But the protests against Relena when she was trying to help stabilize their economy? They could protest the government if they wanted, he supposed, it was within their right. But what he didn't understand was how they could do it without knowing or caring that the government was doing their best to help fix the situation.
Hiiro blinked and refocused. Searching the crowds and the buildings like a hawk stalking his prey, he hunted for signs of snipers, gunman, assassins, overly violent demonstrators, or bombs. Once he was sure that the area was secure, he motioned for the bodyguards protecting Relena to step aside and let her pass down the plane steps and into the limo waiting below.
They pulled up to the hotel, and immediately Hiiro noticed there were more people mobbing the door. There were a few Preventers keeping the crowds at bay, but Hiiro hurried Relena in as quickly as he could to try to keep her out of danger. Directly into the conference room she went, Hiiro following, her silent shadow.
"Vice Foreign Minister Dorlian!" The men and women in the room greeted her.
"Ladies and gentlemen." Relena greeted them politely. "Shall we begin?"
It was the fourth and final day of the conference, and by this time, it was obvious that hardly any progress had been made. Hiiro sat bored out of his mind, but at full alert, listening to some hard-faced delegate speak. Relena, he could see, was ready to drop she was so weary of the mess that this country presented her with.
"Excuse me for interrupting, but Neo-North Switzerland is no longer a country of it's own. It is tied to everything and everyone else in the Earth Sphere." Relena coldly pressed.
"Well maybe we want independence!" The room silenced. Independence, everyone knew, would lead to the breakage of peace and a new war.
"Are you really willing to sacrifice the hard earned peace of the people everywhere? I understand that the territory is having financial difficulties, but honestly! Unilateralism no longer exists in this world of ours. Neo North Switzerland's economy will pick u when the people realized that they are part of something bigger, part of the Earth Sphere Unified Nation, the ESUN."
"Miss Relena. You and I understand that, everyone here understands it. But try explaining that to the simple people, those who don't care for big words, who want things easy. They won't understand the trickle down effect of the larger economy on our own." And they were back to square one. For another hour the delegates argued on, until finally it was decided that they would break and reconvene in the morning before Relena left to try one more time to resolve issues.
As Relena walked down the hall, Hiiro watched her faced contort and squirrel up. But she didn't say anything. Not even when she finally reached the safety of her hotel suit did she say anything. Hiiro didn't mind the silence. In fact, he rather enjoyed not being required to talk. But he also knew that no talking with Relena was not a good thing. She was always one to talk about her problems, and when she refused, something was even worse than usual.
"We go back tomorrow Relena." He stated uncomfortably.
"Yes, back. Back to our normal lives while the people here still don't trust their top officials. They blame me for not being able to control the delegates, but I have to tell you, it is really them who controls me, not the other way around."
"Government." He shook his head.
"Hiiro?" Relena suddenly looked up. "You've been quiet since we got here. Something the matter?"
"No."
"You can always tell me."
"You're used to hearing Serena and I arguing." He saw her face go sour, and knew he shouldn't have mentioned Serena.
"That's it!" She burst out. "I love Serena, I do. But how can you care so much for her! You've barely even known her for three months, and on top of it, she hates you! What does she have that I don't Hiiro?"
"Relena…" He said, unsure of what she wanted him to say. "I can't explain it."
"So you can tell me why we should break up, but not why you should be together with her! Is she better than me? Prettier, smarter? Funnier? What is wrong with me? Why can't I fall in love?"
"Relena. It isn't any one particular thing. She isn't better. Just different."
"But I'm not good enough."
"You're my friend."
"But I'm not good enough to be more!"
"I'm sorry Lena."
"No, I'm sorry. Sorry I ever met you! All you ever do is lead me on, only to disappoint me. You once told me you were going to kill me. Well, you let me down. You once asked me to wait for you, well, you let me down. Is there anything you won't fail for me?"
"I'm sorry Relena."
"Apology accepted. But it doesn't explain or make things any easier." She stared coldly. Then, before he could answer, she turned and fled to the bathroom, and he heard the lock click behind her.
"Hnn." He replied to the empty room. Women. They say they're all right, and they lie. Just then the vid-phone rang.
"Hello Hiiro!" Quatre greeted him with warmth in his voice. "I figured you would be with Relena and not in your room."
"Quatre." Hiiro acknowledged.
"Hiiro? Everything going alright?" Quatre asked worriedly. This wasn't the new Hiiro; this was a version of the old, Perfect Soldier.
"Yes."
"Well, we wanted to let you know. Serena dropped by today and met the others." Hiiro's eyes bugged out, if at all possible for a soldier's to do so.
"And?" He implored Quatre.
"She wasn't very comfortable for the first few minutes, but after we gave her the gifts… she softened somehow. Hiiro, she can be a very sweet girl, and I want you to know I'm glad you're marrying her. She'll be good for you."
"What gifts?"
"Oh, I thought Duo said he told you?" Quatre asked, suddenly becoming amused.
"No."
"Well, we decided to pitch in and get her a gift. It is customary in the case of a wedding to buy gifts for the bride and groom you know. Anyway, we got her an antique locket with a picture of you and her together. Doctoring that photo took me a good while too. Anyway, we also got her a pair of earrings. We figured we would do part of the old saying, "something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue."
"What'd you get her that was borrowed and blue?"
"Well, Trowa suggested you think of those things."
"I see."
"So how are the peace discussions going?"
"They mad it through the preliminaries alright, both sides agreed something needs to be done. But they don't know how to do it. The people aren't willing to trust the government. An empty threat was made for Neo- North Switzerland to even declare independence."
"But that would lead to a third war!" Quatre cried out startled.
"Empty threat. No one wants another repeat."
"Are you sure? Neo-North Switzerland has always been an unstable country. They could change at the last moment and pull out of the ESUN."
"Even if they did gain independence peacefully, there would be so many economic sanctions and such that they would be worse off than before. It is in their best interest to stay as they are."
"I hope they realize that."
"They do."
"Where's Relena?" Quatre suddenly asked.
"Locked herself in the bathroom. Not happy about the marriage." Hiiro spilled.
"Oh no. Poor Relena. I thought she had been taking it so well…"
"Don't tell Serena. The last thing she needs is to know Relena is mad at her."
"Doesn't she have the right to know?"
"No."
"Fine Hiiro, but I think you should tell her.
"My decision. No."
"Very well. What time do you come back tomorrow?"
"Three."
"Hey Hiiro? May I talk with Relena? In private?" Hiiro narrowed his eyes briefly at Quatre, then nodded. After all. Quatre had a way with making sense to everyone, even people that were emotionally attached, like Relena and Serena.
"Hold on." Hiiro got up and knocked on the bathroom door. "Relena? Quatre wants to speak with you." He waited for a moment, and when he was sure she wasn't coming out, he turned to leave. Just then, the door opened. She stepped past him without looking at him, and collapsed in the seat he had been sitting in speaking to Quatre.
"I'll be right outside the room. Any problems, yell." He told her.
"Quatre…" Was the last thing he heard her say. Then he left, unable to hear her lovely voice filling with tears.
Something borrowed and something blue huh? What could he loan to Serena? She already had everything. And something blue? What could he give her? Maybe he would need to go shopping. Oh, joy. He hated shopping. So many people, so loud and obnoxious. People really were annoying creatures.
"Relena? I know you're upset. Is there anything you'd like to talk about?"
"Quatre…" Relena moaned. It wasn't fair. Why her? "Why me Quatre? I love people, like my father, and they die. Or I fall in love with people, like Hiiro, and he leaves me. Is it me Quatre? Why can't I find love? What's wrong with me?"
"Oh Relena! It isn't you! Love isn't about just one person making mistakes. It takes two people. Don't think you'll never find a love that will last." Quatre looked at Relena so imploringly that she stopped sobbing. Drying her eyes, she held the gaze of the blonde boy over the vid-phone.
"Quatre. You don't understand. All anyone sees when they look at me is the uptight diplomat, or the childish schoolgirl, or the extreme pacifist. No one sees me, Relena, a woman who wants to get out, who wants to have fun, who wants to be loved. I just want someone to take care of me for a change."
"You have someone. You have Hiiro-"
"Who is so busy going gaga over Serena he doesn't pay attention to me anymore. Besides. He is still the Perfect Soldier; no matter how much sarcasm he builds in his voice. Who else is left? Milliardo and Noin are back on Mars, Sally and Une are working, no one is left."
"Lena, I'm here. And I'll always be here. I don't have any intentions of leaving you. Believe me, I understand what you mean about people only seeing your business side. I mean, Winner Corps. is so large now that whenever I walk in the doors, all I hear is grumbling. I used to hear "good morning Quatre." No one wants to see us for who we are, just what we are. I know- I've been there."
"Don't you ever worry you'll never find love Quatre? That you'll be your public persona forever?" She watched Quatre shift uncomfortably.
"I do. I wonder it every night. I can't help it, it's always in the back of my mind, like a bad dream."
"Yeah." Silence befell the two diplomats for a few moments, neither knowing what to say to the other, but both savoring the fact that they had found a friend in the other.
"Relena?"
"Yes?"
"Would you like to go to Hiiro and Serena's wedding with me? As more than just a bridesmaid and an usher?" Quatre turned a slighter shade of red as he spoke, but his eyes were soft, and his mouth was upturned in a gentle, understanding and hopeful smile.
"Quatre, I… I would like that very much." Relena blushed as well and gave him an encouraging smile.
"Great! It sounds like fun. And we won't be diplomats."
"We'll be ourselves. I think it'll be a good break." A knock came on Relena's hotel door at that moment, breaking her eye contact with Quatre. "I have to go Quatre."
"Of course. I'll see you tomorrow Relena."
"Good night Quatre." And she ended the call. Standing, she opened the door to look at Hiiro.
"You're smiling." He stated quietly.
"Yes. Did you need something?"
"It was too quiet. Just checking."
"I'm fine."
"You're beaming."
"Well, Quatre put me in a good mood. Come to think of it, he usually does." She smiled a secretive side smile. Hiiro just stared a little while longer.
"Go to sleep Relena. You need to be up early."
"Don't order me what to do Hiiro." She slammed the door in his face. Women! He would never understand them!
)(
Hiiro walked into his apartment around six the next day. Slipping out of his tennis shoes, he dropped his gun on the coffee table and collapsed onto his sofa, ready to sleep. He was really getting out of shape. But for some reason, he didn't mind. He liked himself the way he was.
Finally, after three years, he had been able to put his past ghosts to rest and get on with the rest of his life. He had tried to not forget about all of the lives he had taken, instead to give back and live life to the fullest. That way he would make his own life worth living. The men would not have died in vain.
That was where his 'list' had come into idea. One night, after his first revelation of humanity, he had been sitting in the rain, still thinking. And he had been compelled to write. It was the strangest urge he had ever had, but one that he for once, did not try to fight. He had gone to a diner and asked for a pen and piece of paper. They had been happy to provide, as soon as he had ordered a cup of coffee as well. And then he had sat, in his wet clothes, in the middle of the night, in a diner, writing a list of everything he wanted to do to live life to the fullest.
Since then, he had tried to become optimistic. It probably wasn't too much of a good thing in his new line of work, but in the long run and in life; it was better and healthier for him. He liked himself. But lord was he tired! And, of course, a knock happened to drift to his ears just as he had closed his heavy eyelids.
"Go away!" He said, just loud enough for the person on the other side of the door to huff. Rolling off the couch and standing, Hiiro made his way to his door and opened it.
"I thought I was to go away?"
"Hello Serena."
"Aren't you going to invite me in?"
"I'm tired."
"I don't mind." And she barged her way into the apartment. Looking around, she sighed. "You need to work on your cleaning skills."
"Duo was here."
"I found him to have a wonderful sense of humor. But I didn't think he capable of being such a slob."
"You have no idea." He ran his hand through his hair. Then he looked at her. She was such a vision. After the horrible sights in Neo-North Switzerland, her beauty blinded him beyond belief.
Lovely, golden strands of hair were woven into two thick braids. They dripped to her waist, and the ends were adorned with pink ribbon. Her eyes were bluer than he remembered- now their color reminded him of the sky of the clearest days. Pink tainted lips were slightly parted as she breathed lightly through her mouth, and he had such an urge to touch those lips… sweet torture to look without being able to touch. Her expressive hands with shockingly pink nails were at her hips, and her stance commanded respect. The rest of her was robed in pink as well. A light pink shirt with a darker pink skirt… pink was his new favorite color. The innocence of the whole scene drove his senses to the brink, and he wanted nothing more than to hold her.
But Serena was not his. She might be his by engagement, by marriage, but she was not his by heart. Yet. But he was the Perfect Soldier. He had never failed a mission. And his newest mission was to make Serena, the feisty woman he had fallen in love with, return the feelings he felt so deeply.
"How was your trip?" Serena pursed her lips, slightly annoyed, but more curious than anything else. He was acting odd. Usually by now he would have come up with a blatant remark on her clothing, or her close-mindedness, or her work ethic… something. But he hadn't. In fact, she could feel his eyes traveling around, searching her. What was he looking for? An invitation to begin hunting? It was quite unnerving, to say the least.
Her hands, which had been perched on her hips, moved to cross her chest protectively as she shivered involuntarily. How could he do this? Each and every time he looked at her like this, or for that matter, he even looked at her, she shivered. It didn't matter where they were or what was going on. He caused her stomach to flip and a funny ache in her breastbone she didn't quite understand. She would get hot and bothered simply by his eyes when they met hers, or when he lay his hand anywhere upon her skin.
How could this be? No, she wouldn't let her body react. She would stop it- somehow. It had to be the fact that his bloody past bothered her. That was what it was. He didn't deserve to have anyone like herself. No. No one deserved her. She hated it. Hated herself. No one deserved her. She laughed coldly on the inside as tears welled up behind her eyes. Still, she managed to refocus on him and think on his words.
"Fine."
"Any unrest?"
"Protests, talks were ineffective. No violence."
"Well. At least humanity is learning." She nodded to herself. "Still. Those talks should have helped. Relena is going to be so stressed tomorrow… I really should call her and see how she's doing…"
"She isn't home."
"Oh? How would you know that?"
"I'm her bodyguard. I need to know that."
"Very well then." Serena glared at his arrogance. "Where is she?"
"Quatre's. She said he had some suggestions on the situation she wanted to hear."
"Quatre? Quatre." Serena repeated. But she said nothing more. Hiiro wondered what she was thinking. What about Quatre? Why did she care? Did she like Quatre? Did she think Quatre was better than him? That the blonde was better off? Had better manners? What? Jealously stabbed at his heart like a knife cutting through air. It physically ached to have this new feeling within him. He had to know.
"What about Quatre?"
"What about him?" Serena asked, blinking. Hiiro blinked. She didn't look as if she had been daydreaming of the blonde man. She had no funny smile or far away look when he mentioned his name… perhaps he had been over-reacting?
"Why did you repeat Quatre's name?"
"I think he's nice. He did, after all, think to give me a wedding gift. He and the others did anyway. I thought it was sweet of them. None of them are like you. They have manners." So it was his manners!
" He's nicer than me?" His prussian blue eyes glowed an eerie color in the dim apartment. Serena gasped noticeably and felt the blood drain from her face. He looked so… jealous? He was jealous of Quatre? No, she had to be reading him wrong. Why would a killer like him want something like her?
"No… I just thought it was cute. Don't you?"
"Think what is cute?"
"Quatre and Relena." Serena informed him quietly. "They both always have that distant look in their eye- when they think about peace, and when they think about love. They deserve to find love, they are such good hearted people."
"And people like me, people like me who fought to free the colonies, and then fought to stop any sort of oppression anywhere, we don't deserve love?"
"You killed…"
"So did Quatre! And ask Relena. She knows how to use a gun- in fact; she's as good a shot as anyone. We all had parts in the war, whether we killed or not. Everyone did, because in wartime, you have to fight to stop the fighting! That's how life is. So we all fought. We all killed. It was mankind that slaughtered, not just man on man. Does it still make me worse than everyone else?"
"No…" Serena whispered.
"Then why do you hate me?"
"Good night Hiiro." Serena said, her voice barely higher than a hoarse whisper. Then, without giving him time to say much else, she turned and fled the apartment, leaving the door open as she went. Hiiro watched her back as she turned and fled.
"What?" He asked his empty apartment. Had he really upset her that much? Never before had she run out on him without having the last say in everything. She always had to be the last one to make the snide remark, or the last to be right, but she never ran from their verbal spars.
Sighing, he walked to the door and closed it. Too much for his overused brain to think on tonight. He needed a decent sleep, and some time to contemplate her actions. And her words… "Relena and Quatre"… was she right about the two? Rubbing his tired eyes, he padding gently to his bed, where he fell into it and was asleep not a moment later. *
~~~ANNOUNCEMENT: The next chapter I go back to Vixen. PEN NAME CHANGES! Look for me as plain Vixen, not RixiVixi aka Vixen! Yey! PLEASE REVIEW! Much love, Vixen