Chapter 18 – Love's Labor's Lost
Zelda til Rednaxelos
Raven/Terra's P.O.V.
Hi. This is really sad, the saddest point so far. If you've gotten attached to Terra, be prepared to cry a bit. By the way, Terra's song is copyrighted by me – don't even think about using it!
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Raven's P.O.V.
Seifer, Irvine, Zell, Quistis, and Selphie had joined Squall and I on our mission to get Terra out of the dorm. They all had worried looks on their faces; as for me, I just wanted to get this over with.
We gathered outside the door, where we could hear her sobbing on the couch. Quistis was going to try first, gently knocking on the door. "Terra? Are you in there?"
"What the hell do you want?" she replied.
"I need to get into my dorm sometime, you know. Come on, open up – please?"
"I'm staying right where I am! If you're on some sort of rescue mission, then forget it! I'm not coming out!"
"Please, Terra, come out," Selphie tried. "Won't you get hungry or something?"
"I'm fine. Leave me alone!"
"But –"
"It's not going to do any good, Selphie!" she retorted. "None of you are going to get me out. My life is in shambles, and nothing will fix it now!"
"No, no one will fix it for you, Terra, not like you're accustomed to," I muttered under my breath. "It's no use –"
"Shut the fuck up, Raven!" Squall and Seifer hissed in unison at me. Finally, something they could agree on.
"I heard that, Raven!" Terra called.
It was Irvine's turn, though his smooth talking would do no good. "Terra, sweetie," he said, "you're really going to stay in there until you waste away? You can't stay in there forever."
"Yes, I can!"
"But you have to at least eat somethin'! Come on, darlin', if I never saw your face again, I don't know what I'd do –"
"Shut up, Irvine! You know exactly what you would do! You'd just move on to some other pretty face, like the goddess damned womanizer you are!"
Irvine was clearly stung by what she had just called him. His eyes were filled with hurt as he stammered, "T-Terra . . . please, I . . ."
He hung his head in shame as Squall came up and banged on the door. "Terra, we need you here! Don't you realize what you're doing to yourself? You'll die in there!"
"Good!"
Everyone was taken aback. They stopped for a moment, then said together, "What?"
"She knows she'll die," I said quietly. "That's what she wants."
"It's not like any of you care!" Terra cried. "I'm nothing but trouble. It's all my fault this all happened! It was my idea to come here in the first place. It's my fault Luna fell under that spell – I left her unattended for too long. It's my fault the sorceresses came here – they were attracted to me! It's my fault any of this happened, all my fault!"
"Please, stop it!" Irvine pleaded, coming close to tears. "It's not your fault, none of it is! You're making me cry now. Just stop blaming yourself, please!"
"That's it, I'm sick of this," Zell said, going up and punching the door, in an attempt to break it down.
"You won't be able to do anything," I told him. "It's sealed by magic; she isn't coming out."
"Just go away!" Terra shouted. "I'm staying in here, and nothing will get me out, nothing! You won't miss me anyway – especially not you, Raven, never you!" She was sobbing hard now, as she continued, "Just go away. Please . . . go away . . ."
Irvine just slowly walked off, murmuring, "Come on, guys. She'll never come out."
Seifer sighed. "Just forget it," he said, going off.
Soon the rest of us had no choice but to leave. Terra was determined to stay in there, never caring if she ended up drowning in her own blood.
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Passing by later on, I was surprised to find that Quistis's door was wide open. Terra had finally left?
I didn't see Quistis in there, so I walked in. "Terra?" I called.
No answer. "Terra, you here?"
A piece of paper on the table caught my eye. It was Terra's writing.
A song. Terra loved music. I read over the lyrics she had so carefully printed. No mistakes, beautiful handwriting. I love her songs. It was a lovely song, so lovingly yet despairingly written:
I've been waitingWaiting for someone . . .
Constantly waiting
Praying for someone . . .
Who will come save me?
Somebody save me from me
They say that a hero will save us
But why must I stand here and wait?
I'm praying in vain that they'll save us
Staying til I die away
I know I'm nothing
Nothing to live for
I've lived for nothing
What should I live for?
Sorrow becomes me
Fading until I am free
They say that a hero will save us
But why must I stand here and wait?
I'm praying in vain that they'll save us
Staying til I die away
My hero has failed me
He'll never come save me
I can't wait much longer
I must be free . . .
They say that a hero will save us
But why must I stand here and wait?
I'm praying in vain that they'll save us
Staying til I die away . . .
Can't wait much longer . . . is she . . . no!
So that's why she wasn't here – Terra was going to die!
"No, Terra, no! You can't die, not now! Not like Luna did! I've already lost one partner, I can't lose another!"
I got up and rushed out of the dorm, looking frantically for her as I raced around the Garden. By now the students were abuzz, whispering to each other. I could only catch little bits of what they were saying, but it was enough.
"Did you hear? Terra finally came out . . ."
"Out of the building . . ."
"She looked really sad . . ."
"I saw her! She's heading towards the cliffs!"
Squall, Irvine, and Seifer soon saw me and ran with me outside the Garden. "She's at the cliffs by the bay!" Squall said. "I think she's planning to drown herself!"
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Terra's P.O.V.
Finally here.
Where I stood, I was a good twenty-five feet above the bay, where the waters lapped up against the cliff. I estimated the water to be about fifteen feet.
Perfect. What an easy way to die.
I was the modern-day Ophelia; no one loved her, so she drowned herself. The only difference was that no one would care I was dead.
Suddenly –
"Terra!"
I turned to see four figures racing my way – Squall, Seifer, and Irvine. And, good goddess, Raven.
They stopped about ten feet away from me, looks of horror on their faces.
"Terra . . . why?" Squall asked.
"Because I'm tired of this," I replied angrily. "I'm tired of my life, I'm tired of the people in it . . . and I'm especially tired of you, Raven."
"You can't do this!" Raven cried. "Please, we've already been through one tragedy –"
"And you didn't care much about that one, either," I snapped back at her. "It's just one partner after another for you. Don't worry; somebody will take my place, just as they have for years. And you'll have someone else to terrorize!"
"Please, I beg you, try to see reason –" Irvine pleaded as he walked over.
There was no way anyone would reach me. I sent a wave of energy to Irvine, knocking him all the way back to the group. He lay on the ground for a moment, stunned, before coming back up.
"I'm tired of the pain I've been put through!" I sobbed. "All my life, my soul has been battered and broken, until I was close to death. Raven constantly put me down, making sure that if she wasn't happy, I wasn't happy. For nearly thirteen years I had to put up with an abusive mother, and even when she died, her family would give me grief. Now the sorceresses are making everyone's lives a living hell, and I'm to blame!"
Raven walked slowly towards me, saying, "Look, Terra, I know I was terrible to you in the past, but I need you – we all do. We love you –"
"Love! You have no concept of love, Raven. You're arrogant and cruel, and you know it! In your mind, you were the only real sorceress capable of anything. Luna and I were just tagalongs!"
She stopped three feet away from me and said sadly, "I don't want to lose you. I care about you, Terra, I really do!"
"You hate me and everyone else – save maybe for your precious Seifer. Oh, I forgot, he fucked your brains out while you were stoned, didn't he? Yeah, so now everybody in the world is terrible except you. You're the only victim; everyone is out to get you. Let's have a little pity party for Raven now, shall we? Never mind anybody else's problems! Raven has her own to deal with. So many that she doesn't have the time to screw with anybody else. So that means everybody else always starts the fights, everybody else picks on you, never the other way around!"
Tears of blood were streaming down both of our ashen faces, the only shadows on our colorless cheeks. Raven could only stammer, "But –"
"I guess I do owe you an apology, though," I said despondently. "I was never good enough – for any of you. I wasn't worth anything. I wasn't much of a girlfriend, I suppose, and from what Raven said about me, I wasn't much of a sorceress, either. Always getting everyone into trouble, always going over and screwing everything up . . . it was just like Raven said."
"Terra, no!" Squall cried.
"Please, Terra!" Raven begged.
"And I was hurt," I continued, ignoring their pleas. "I guess I can't complain. I'm nothing, after all – just another partner, nothing more. But I did have feelings, you know. And they were hurt too many times for me to deal with."
By now I was backing up against the edge of the cliff. I could hear the bay now, washing against the cliff.
"Terra!" Squall shouted in desperation.
"You and Luna were my best friends in all the world, Raven," I told her. "It crushed me to find out that I wasn't yours."
Raven rushed towards me. "No!"
But just as she reached the edge, I fell, down to the bay and into darkness's cold embrace.
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Tell me what you think!