~Spoilers up to Entropy, mainly because I couldn't let Tara die or Willow
go evil. This story picks up right before Tara and Willow get back
together and Spike in the bathroom never happened. This story is an answer
to the question I'd had, what if Faith had come back at the end of Season
Six? I also give her a watcher, and a way to save the world. This story
is all Spuffy with a little S/F in it for fun. Please enjoy!~
Sunlight
Part One
Sunlight, free and clear, was warming her face for the first time in years. She looked up at the blue sky and almost smiled. She'd seen so many nights in her life but not much sunshine. This was different, she'd made promises and come hell or high water, she was gonna make it. The bag on her shoulder felt light, almost empty. It was, except for a couple of books she'd been turned on to and some clothes. There was nothing else worth taking, no pictures or letters, nothing at all. She was starting fresh and even her old style was gonna have to go.
"So, your out, kid?" asked a guard holding open the door.
She nodded thinking of the many times she'd wanted to put a fist into his smug face.
"You must know somebody," he grunted.
"Yeah, I guess." she whispered passing thru the door.
The door slammed shut behind her, almost causing her to jump. She frowned at the vision before her. A sleek black limo pulled up to the curb and something told her it was just another prison. A tall man got out, his finely tailored suit made him look like a just another guard. Her hands were clenched into tight fists, ready for anything.
He was attractive for a Brit and his clothes hid a pretty well built body but none of it appealed to her. If she looked at him with one eye closed, he was a little like Giles. But only younger, hotter and wearing clothes that looked like they were made within the last twenty years.
"Come on, "he ordered," We have quite a drive ahead of us."
"Listen, I know what I promised.. But I'm not sure about all this." She muttered.
"Well, since your release is conditional you'd better be."he softened looking into her eyes, "Perhaps its best to go back to where it all started to go wrong, so that you can have real second chance."
"Have you ever gone back to what I've done.I tried to destroy everybody who was ever nice to me. I just think it would be a lot easier to go to a place where I've got no history and I can start with a clean slate." She stated trying to win over his made up mind.
"But we're needed there..we're both needed.," he said reassuring her.
Staring down the empty road, she sighed.
"You've been down that road." he said, "And it goes nowhere.. for you."
She knew he was right, and no matter what she was going to follow him and try for once.
He opened the car door gallantly and smiled.
"Come on, Faith, let's go home."
"Damn!," she muttered, as her tiny foot sunk into the squishy chest of an unidentified demon type.
The demon screamed as it fell to the ground and went limp. She looked down upon it hoping that she'd killed it by removing most of its inside stuff. Reaching into the demons collapsed chest she removed her shoe with one hand. The once delicate shoe was now covered in stinky yellow bile and she shook it out harshly.
"That's just great..note to self never wear cute new strapy heels when patrolling."
She walked away from the dissolving demon, brushing off her coat and avoiding her stinky shoe.
Patrolling had been slow, vampires and demons seemed to stay in on Thursday night lately. She wasn't sure if it was due to instinct or the need to stay home and watch Friends. The cemetery appeared empty of undead or demons but she knew at least one crypt in it where a vampire was watching stolen cable.
She could sense him, her body betraying her would come alive when he came near. It was a pure physical sensation that took over her mind and drew her to him. His body, it looked like a statue, cold beautiful and unyielding. She'd dug her nails into him so often to destroy its beauty, and feel him shutter or scream. Their bodies seemed so perfectly in tune and in his arms she'd lose all sense of the reality of life. Closing her eyes she could feel his touch on her neck, whispering to her and drawing her to him. But she had to push the image of him out of her mind and find some other peace. But he was always lurking somewhere in the back of her mind, tempting her to take the road of mindless pleasure.
He'd become so sullen lately, not even stopping to speak to her when he was near. At first, she'd thought it a blessing to be out of his path of stalking but to suddenly be nothing was worse. She'd tried to discover if he was hatching some evil plan or found yet another to take her place, but there was nothing. If he was truly moping then he would avoid everyone not just her but he wasn't avoiding anyone but her. She'd lost his constant annoying presence and when she needed someone just to talk to he wasn't available anymore. And she missed him, a little. But her friends saw him regularly; he made a point of stopping by to see Dawn and Willow whenever she was on patrol. Even Xander had mentioned seeing him around but the tension was always bad between them and they avoided each other for the most part. His anger toward Spike could barely be contained and he watched her every move to make sure that she kept her distance.
No one had addressed their sudden falling out, as if it were normal to stop speaking to someone who'd become such apart of your life. Or maybe it was just easier not to ask the questions of her; afraid they'd hear her true feelings. It was easier to be avoidy and just go on with each new battle not see him fighting by her side, she could feel the loss of him. She breathed in deeply and walked path away from his crypt and exited the cemetery.
"Goodnight, William," she whispered.
"So, what kind of demon was it?" Willow asked from behind her laptop.
"Not sure, do they have a listing for yellow bile filled demons who smells like cornuts?" Buffy asked.
"Hmm.not so far, I've checked all my sources, except for..well, never mind." She looked away.
"Who? Anya?. I don't think , she's really." Buffy frowned.
"No, no, no Anya..I was thinking about Spike, not about Spike and Anya..but, he's kind of helpful..sometimes." She swallowed hard trying to gauge her reaction.
"Yeah, sure, I guess..whatever," she replied not very skillfully.
"Listen, Buffy, about Spike, whatever is going on between you two-"
"Nothing is going on, I swear. He's evil, right? So, he does evil stuff and that's it."
"Oh, yeah, that's clear. All I know is that we're all going thru bad stuff right now and none of us is really talking about it. We use to talk about stuff and we'd help each other. Tara and I are trying again and I just want to be you know happy ..." She trailed off looking away.
"Wil, it's alright, I'm sorry, that's all I ever do is say I'm sorry to you and Dawn. Can we just not talk about.him and I'll try the happy, please."
Willow studied Buffy's face, not sure if she could continue saying the things they never talked about. It was easier to just not say anything. She began to gather up her laptop and get up.
"Your going?" Buffy asked.
"Well, yeah, your going to patrol, right?"
"I was just thinking of staying home catching up on some TV viewing and quality time with Dawny."
Willow frowned, "So, you'll be home doing that?"
"Sure, why?" She looked confused.
"Oh, it's just that.Dawn asked Spike to come over to watch video's, eat popcorn and gin."
"Drinking gin-whoa-she's only-"
"Playing gin," Willow explained. "And I was gonna pick his brain for some info on this demon. And of course we'll have some great discussion about this book I lent him. It's kind of neat to see things thru the eyes of a guy who's been not alive over a hundred years."
"Oh, well, sure.I can patrol, I'm cool with that. I'll just go kill things while you guys spend some quality time with the evil undead."
"Great!" She said happily, "You have fun and I'll see you---"
"Wil, does he ever talk about me?" She asked almost ashamed.
"He does.not much, he just kind of talks about you, it's almost like you're the one thing that could get him.upset. He doesn't ask about you, but he always knows what's going on, I think he keeps an eye on you, sometimes." Willows words felt like small daggers to her.
"Oh, that's okay, have fun tonight. I think I'll just drop by the Magic Box and do some research." Her happy upbeat words were a lie to herself.
"Magic Box? Just.be careful, okay?" Willow cried exiting the Espresso Pump.
Buffy finished her iced mocha and stared at the setting sun. She thought of Spike and how he liked to nap just before the sunset. She'd watch his face when she was sure he wasn't looking and trace it lightly with her finger. She'd lay against him warming his cold skin and close her eyes. For a moment before she woke each morning she'd think she could feel him against her holding her while they slept.
He was her only comfort and now he was gone.
The doors of the Magic Box were locked when Buffy arrived. Somewhere at home she had the key that Giles gave her, just in case, but she'd forgotten it. With a swift move she forced the back door open. The shop had lost it's library appeal feel when Giles left but it was still a place to be alone and safe. She piled the books on the table, separating them into interesting forms and towers. It was somehow easier to deal with lots of books when they looked like a house of cards.
She opened each with a yearning to just find the demon and go home. But it was still early and her patrol had been non-kill-y, she didn't want to go and find that Spike had slipped out the back before she could reach the front door.
She laid her head down on the open book, it was cool and soft like his chest and she closed her eyes.
Dawn smiled at Spike as he announced that he'd won another hand of cards.
"Well, there goes my allowance." She said watching him count his winnings.
"Oh, come on bit, one more hand.." He offered.
"Yes, one more hand Spike and this time don't cheat," Willow threatened from the couch.
"Natural talent is not cheating, Red. Now come on, put my video pick in the machine." He asked.
Willow crossed the room to the VCR, "I think your gonna need to expand your knowledge of movies. I mean, is Sid and Nancy meant to be seen this many times?"
"I believe that was my compromise video, remember? I was happy with a Clockwork Orange."
"Oh yes, so when's the next game of kitten poker?" Willow asked.
"Tomorrow, I guess, Clem and the boys are trying to persuade me to use the crypt to hold the game. But I don't think it sets the proper mood."
"Yes, having a poker game in a crypt.how creepy." Dawn commented sitting down next to Willow on the couch.
"So when the boys are there, can you ask about Buffy's demon?"
"Sure, okay." He said lowly.
Dawn stared at him, "So, are we gonna talk about why Spikes only around when Buffy goes on patrol."
Willow frowned, "No, of course not, unless you want to Spike, of course."
"Let's see, no I don't think we will talk about it. I'm just respecting Big Sis's wishes cause we're on the outs-that's it."
"It's not because of what you did?" Dawn asked.
The words seem to strike him like a blow and his carefree attitude was gone. Perhaps there were some words he could have said to explain their rift. But somehow it didn't seem right.
He didn't answer, his face told the whole story. He picked up his jacket and tucked two books in the pocket, and headed for the door.
"I've got to go pet, be good. Red, I'll see you soon, thanks for the books." He walked out without another word.
"Sorry, Dawny." Willow said, "I guess they'll figure it out on their own."
"Or not."
Her eyes opened slowly, he smiled at her, his brilliant blue eyes so bright.
"Oh, William," she whispered.
"It's time to wake up, love." He said sitting next to her, stroking her hair.
"I'm so tired of fighting, of pretending.."
"There's no need, I know, it's alright. The future is coming and it's time to greet it."
"But I haven't told you.. I haven't said what's.."
He drew her into his arms, "But you have, and somewhere it's been heard."
She heard a loud knock behind her.
She stood up fully awake before her eyes opened. Something, an alarm inside of her sensed danger and urged her to be ready to fight. What she sensed was not a vampire or demon but something almost familiar but it still scary.
The knock on the door became persistent and she approached it carefully. She looked out the window and saw two figures outside the door. Behind them parked on the street was a limo, looking strangely out of place for Sunnydale.
"Hello?" Said a distinctly male British voice. "Miss Summers.. I'd like to have a word with you, if that's possible. Listen, I've traveled quite a ways today and I'd just like to talk. I'm from the Council, they've asked me to have a word."
She opened the door carefully, " I've heard that one before."
Her instincts told her that he was probably telling the truth. His appearance was a little fashionable for the stuffy Council but something about him reminded her of Giles. He was also a little too cute to be apart of the Council.
"Buffy, I can assure you that I am the real thing, I can provide you with references."
"Come in." She offered still unsure of the figure behind him.
He brushed past her, quickly, motioning to the figure still outside.
The figure looked up suddenly at Buffy and smiled at her.
"Hello, B, it's nice to be home." Faith said still waiting outside.
"What the hell?" Buffy stammered.
"Buffy, my name is Derrick Hunter, I'm a Watcher---" He explained.
"I don't care what you are, if you're here----"
"B.It's okay, I've been released from the big house. Derrick is my Watcher, we just came to talk."
Buffy looked at her closely and decided to let her in. She looked older, more tired and somehow more stable. The once crazy look was gone and she looked well, defeated.
"I've been released from the Big House into Derrick's custody, I'm sorry we just came here like nothing happened."
Buffy motioned her in. "You've got two minutes and I'm leaving the door open."
"Buffy, I was hoping that Mr. Giles might have mentioned me to you. I've always considered him my mentor." Derrick stated looking around the shop his eyes wide with the whole scene.
"No, I've never heard of you and your time is ticking."
"I've brought Faith home to train her and help her on her path." He said sitting down at the table.
"Sunnydale isn't Faith's home, she left it a long time ago. If your trying to help her, that's great, it's your own funeral. I can't tell you where to live. So, just stay out of my way. Don't ever come near me or anyone I care about and we'll be fine." She stated still holding the door open.
"B..Buffy, I'm on a conditional release and if I screw up just a little, it's back to the Big House. So, I have to make it work."
"Great, sorry if I'm not all hugs and kisses at you being back. I can really understand you wanting to get your life together but not here."
"She has no choice." Derrick offered. "The Council arranged to have her to released to me. I've bought a home here in Sunnydale. I think it's important to stay close to the Hellmouth. And I know Mr. Giles is in England and I could help---"
"Don't even suggest that I need a Watcher----"
"No, of course not, but ..I can see your doing research, can I offer my assistance?"
She frowned. "No, I've got it under control."
"I do have extensive knowledge of vampires, demons and dimensions. I can help."
"Sure, I bet you know every yellow bile filled demon that smells like cornuts."
"Actually," He picked up a book on the table. "I think it might be a Wilphreno demon. They have very quick tempers, fairly strong and they hunt and live alone. So I doubt you'll see another soon.Here's a picture."
She closed the door and walked over to him. "That's him, lucky guess."
"I've trained all my life to be a Watcher, it's not a fluke. Unlike Rupert or Wesley I was trained to deal with the modern age. I'm not afraid to fight or do what has to be done."
"So whatever, look I've done okay without any help. So, if you're here to just----"
"No, it's just a courtesy call."
"Well, that's very British of you. Thanks for the courtesy, you can go now."
"Yes, well alright. I'm here to help, if you need someone." He said rising up to leave.
Buffy looked at Faith, trying to study her to size up her threat. Faith looked back for a moment and then looked away.
"I am sorry, B, I did horrible things to about everyone you love or whatever, I'm learning and I'm really sorry."
"Look, I can understand what you mean and I hope you get better. We've all done things that we shouldn't have or that we regret, even me. So, just because I get you doesn't mean I trust you, so just don't do anything that will make me come after you. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to go home." Buffy crossed over to the door and opened it.
"Can we give you a lift?" He offered crossing over to the door.
Her first impulse said no, but something about him didn't seem bad and curiosity had been peaked by them both. She accepted. She got into the posh limo; it was almost cozy with three people in it. Faith came alive asking questions and relishing her freedom.
"So, tell me what's the 411 on everybody?" She asked.
Derrick was seated between them, perhaps not yet convinced that the slayers alright with each other.
"Like your Mom? Derrick, you'll love Buffy's mom she's the greatest, I just hope she'll still talk to me."
"My mom died Faith, last year. It was really sudden." She answered.
"Okay.I'm so sorry..I liked her a lot. Let's see if I can do better, how are Willow and Xander?"
"Well, alright I guess."
"The last time I saw Willow she was with a girl, looking all in love. Red's a nice girl, I hope it works out for her. And what about Xander, dating Anya still? They seemed pretty crazy about each other."
"A lot has happened to both of them, none of it was easy."
Faith studied the pain in Buffy's face and understood.
"Okay, I'm so not batting a thousand. Angel? Still brooding in L.A.?"
"I guess, we don't really talk much."
"Oh, well that's good cause let's face it a happy Angel is pretty scary for the rest of the world. No matter how sexy it would be." She sighed.
Buffy was wondering suddenly if being in the same zip code with new Faith was wise.
"Well, B," she continued. "Things still cool with Riley? He's a nice normal guy, I thought."
"Riley's married. He and his wife came by recently to hunt a demon, they're very happy living the army life."
"I guess I didn't help with that one." She sulked.
"I've heard Buffy that you've added another vampire to your group of intimates?" Derrick inquired trying to change the subject to one less painful, he thought.
"Huh?" She asked.
"Spike, I believe his name is, Giles wrote about him. I think he had great hopes for him to become sort of hero demon fighter. And of course I've read in the Watcher diaries about him, such a great history for such a young vampire. I would say that some of our younger female Watchers have become quite intrigued with him. He's quite the poster boy."
She laughed. "No, he's not exactly a hero, he's evil and worst of all he thinks he knows everything. And he's become a moody sullen vampire, lurking in his crypt probably doing nasty things. Trust me if any of those girls met him, they'd see he's just a selfish, lazy, pain in the butt. But I don't really care about him, cause we don't talk and he's evil. So just don't ask me anything more about him, alright?"
Derrick watched her carefully as she spoke, unsure of what to make of her awkward verbal display. He knew of course that there was something there between them.
Faith also noticed her display but instead it reminded her of Spike. She could still remember his tall hungry looks and their exchange the last time they met. He was the real thing, evil, tempting and hard. He reminded her of all the loser types she'd given herself to when she was younger. She always thought it must be such a thrill to fight evil one minute and then bed it in another. Her lips curled into a small smile.
The house appeared so normal on the outside as if nothing bad could happen there on such a quiet pretty street. She opened the door slowly not sure if a vampire was sneaking out the back. Dawn and Willow were asleep on the couch watching a movie that was now over and showing its credits.
Buffy touched Dawn's hair, she stirred and woke immediately.
"Your home, good." She said sleepily.
"You should go to bed, what were you guys watching?"
"Sid and Nancy, it was Spike's turn to choose the movie, I've got to turn him onto more movies and some comedies that aren't Monty Python."
Buffy nodded. Dawn studied her carefully; she'd seen that look before and on other people.
"Is that look about Spike? He got the same look when I mentioned your name and he walked out. So don't do that, okay? It's alright you can tell me."
"No, no, this has nothing to do with Spike, I swear."
"I know what he did was wrong but aren't you ever gonna talk to him again?"
"I so don't want to talk about this right now."
"I just don't get it. Your sad and Spike's sad. Xander's sad and Anya's sad."
"I get it we're all the sad society and I'm sorry Dawny."
"It's just that nobody wants to talk about it."
"We're all trying to deal with things in our own way and it just takes time. I hope."
"Dealing with it means you don't talk to Spike, Xander likes to drink until he passes out, and Anya's nowhere. Sorry but if this is what growing up is, I think I'll skip this part."
"Me, too. I wish I had a better answer to all of this but I don't. I have something to tell you and you'll be happy to know that you're the first one to know."
"Cool, and I want you to know that I'm growing into a mature woman, so I can be trusted to handle the big stuff."
Buffy smiled. "Faith is back in town, she's out of prison and she's with her Watcher, Derrick. I saw them at the Magic Box tonight."
"Talk about a nightmare walking in out of nowhere, are you alright?"
"I'm fine, but I want you to be careful, okay? That means you come straight home after school and you won't be left home alone ever. And if you see Faith, I want you to run the other way, I don't know about her yet."
"Is she crazy mad slayer still?" Dawn asked the fear creeping into her voice.
"I don't know and until I do just stay clear of her, alright?"
"I promise to avoid the possibly crazy slayer."
Dawn frowned thinking of Faith, she had plenty of memories of the slightly bent slayer. She also knew that the memories were all constructed for her benefit but they felt so real. For the most part she and Faith had gotten along because she was a slayer like Buffy and because she acted nothing like Buffy. But she could remember the fear in her mother's face each time Faith's name was mentioned.
"I also found out about the demon from last night, Derrick figured it out actually. I still don't know what to think about the new Watcher, he's different from Giles or Wesley. Except for the British part, of course but he doesn't wear tweed and he has a limo and driver."
Dawn smiled. "A Watcher with money? Is he as old as Giles?"
"No, he's younger, I think late twenties or very early thirties and not the ugliest guy I've ever seen. But who knows, I've only met a few Watchers and they're all pretty anal."
"It'll be nice to have another Giles around to take the pressure off."
"Oh, I don't think he's gonna be a Scoobie or anything. Anyway nobody is gonna replace Giles. So, did you have fun tonight?"
"Oh, yes, lots of fun for all. Spike cheated at gin, no surprise there and Willow and I got to watch the movie alone after we mentioned your name, all in all some progress. And speaking of progress, I've got a birthday coming up soon."
"So tell me my dear what does your little heart desire?"
"I want a birthday party with lots of presents, music and even more presents. I also want to invite all my friends and your friends. So that means I want Spike and Clem there, do you think you could handle that?"
She smiled. "I think that for you I could do it. I'll even promise to speak to Spike at least once in the course of the evening. But I don't know about Xander or Anya."
"See what I mean? I just wish---"
"Don't you dare, the last time you did that it was almost Buffy's birthday forever and ever."
"Don't worry, she is not on the guest list even if she is Anya's best friend. But if I did have that wish back, first I'd want all the feuding couples to talk and get back together. Second, I'd want them to be happy for a very long time. And for my last wish, I'd like to be sent to Paris for a year with no rules or chaperone."
"Keep dreaming, sister, you're more likely to get a new sweater from me then any of those wishes."
Dawn looked at the sleeping Willow and smiled. "I guess that Willow is the only one on the road to happy, she's working out things with Tara and working hard on the non-magic."
"Yeah, she's trying really hard. That's why I don't want to push her; she needs to just be for a while."
Willow woke up and they decided to go to bed. Buffy broke the news about Faith softly careful not to upset her. She would tell Xander the next time he came by and wondered if there was any point in telling Spike or Anya. Calling Giles was her first priority after a good night's sleep.
She drew back the clean white sheets of her bed but she couldn't get in yet. The bright light from the street filled her bedroom and she went to the window to close the blind.
She looked down at the tree in front of her home and saw a familiar shadow there. She couldn't help but smile. The thought of him didn't fill her with temptation or danger instead she felt relieved that there was someone out there who cared for her. And knowing that she hadn't even cared enough about him to stop using him hurt deepest of all. She turned back to her bed and sleep fell upon her almost immediately with dreams of his kisses.
"Structure, Faith, that is what is needed here. I'm not saying I plan on monitoring your every moment, but we will work on curbing your impulses that have caused pain in the past." Derrick commented.
She looked at him closely; he was a Watcher after all, even if he looked more like a pop star. But before she was released she was given a pretty good idea of what life was gonna be like post-prison. In exchange for her getting out, she'd have to see a shrink at least three times a week. She'd also be training every day not just to fight but also to learn how to channel her anger. She was would be taught to relax, relate and release.
"So, what do you think of your new home? Posh, I think." He said looking proudly at their surroundings.
For a mansion it wasn't bad, when they drove up last night she could barely believe it. From the outside you couldn't tell if was a mansion or a nuthouse. But once inside she saw the creature comforts of home mixed in with lots of ancient weapons and lots of guy stuff. Derrick had proudly told her that he'd brought some of his favorite stuff from his country home in England. She didn't understand the fascination with old stuff when the new stuff seemed pretty cool.
"It's nice for a palace, Derrick, so you got a lot of money or what?"
"I'm comfortable. And lets say that Sunnydale's housing market is pretty weak and I got this place for a song. When would you prefer to train, morning or night?"
"Mornings, I guess. Since I won't be sampling the nightlife any time soon, I guess, I'll be up early. This shrink I'm going to see, what's his deal?"
"Well, he is a she, to start. The Council has hired her and you can tell her anything. I believe her father was a Watcher so she's well aware of the demon world. She'll monitor your progress and report directly to the Council. She wants you to succeed like I do, Faith and with our combined efforts we can do it."
"So, I'll train, hug my inner child and what? Do nothing? Hang out here with you?"
"No, you will patrol so that I can determine your strengths and weaknesses. But if I feel that your patrolling to merely take out your anger or hatred on others, then we'll stop. If slaying is your true calling, it isn't about you, it's about helping others. You'll study demons and their dimensions----"
"Hey, I'm no bookworm, point me in the direction of a demon and I'll kill it."
"Well, I'm afraid that's been part of the problem, demons are complicated creatures and they must respected and understood. If I direct you to kill a creature simply because I tell you to you'll never recognize the difference between good and evil. Life isn't labeled and you have to be able to identify them for yourself. And I don't expect you to live in books; I think technology can help us. I also have a large library of videos of many demons and their habits, culture and fighting abilities. I think you'll find that not all demons are evil and can be useful to obtain information or help you when your goals are the same."
"But I still have to study right?" She asked knowing full well it wasn't going to be fun or easy.
"Yes, Faith, you'll have to study, only by studying history can we hope to avoid making it's mistakes. We do have a goal however."
She frowned. The goal was something she'd been told about before being released. And it was the only thing she was almost afraid of. But it was also the only ray of hope in her life.
"So, do I have some free time ever? I mean this place is pretty big but four walls still freak me out. I like to walk around maybe outside during the day." She asked.
"I think that would be a good idea. But as your Watcher I must warn you not to do anything that will jeopardize the goal in front of us. And it might be prudent to stay away from any area that Buffy and her friends might frequent. Will that be a problem?"
"No, I wasn't into the same stuff as Buffy any way. I don't think that her friends will be in the same dives. When do we patrol?"
"Is tonight soon enough? Good. It's not as if you or I have much of a choice in the matter. You have an appointment with Dr. Guest, the car will be waiting and that is not an option. But afterwards I'd like you to take a few hours to yourself, but dinner is at five. Do not be late." He asked.
She nodded. He was all right; when he told her to do something it was more like asking her. He was serious though; as much as he needed her if she screwed up he'd throw her to the wolves. And that was okay; at least with him she always knew where she stood.
She was looking forward to patrolling, to have a purpose beyond staring at four walls and wondering how your life got so messed up. But she was afraid of turning into a numb thing again. It didn't happen over night, at first the kill was a rush, the best high ever. But after a while, it was hard and it made her angry to have to kill. And then the numbness set in, even before she killed the Deputy Mayor, she couldn't feel anymore. Pain became the only thing left, to destroy and hurt everyone and everything. And that's when she started to lose it. She started to feel when she was in L.A. with Angel; he always seemed able to connect to her. In a way he saved her life and she would always be grateful to him for that.
Now she'd have to do it alone.
Sunlight
Part One
Sunlight, free and clear, was warming her face for the first time in years. She looked up at the blue sky and almost smiled. She'd seen so many nights in her life but not much sunshine. This was different, she'd made promises and come hell or high water, she was gonna make it. The bag on her shoulder felt light, almost empty. It was, except for a couple of books she'd been turned on to and some clothes. There was nothing else worth taking, no pictures or letters, nothing at all. She was starting fresh and even her old style was gonna have to go.
"So, your out, kid?" asked a guard holding open the door.
She nodded thinking of the many times she'd wanted to put a fist into his smug face.
"You must know somebody," he grunted.
"Yeah, I guess." she whispered passing thru the door.
The door slammed shut behind her, almost causing her to jump. She frowned at the vision before her. A sleek black limo pulled up to the curb and something told her it was just another prison. A tall man got out, his finely tailored suit made him look like a just another guard. Her hands were clenched into tight fists, ready for anything.
He was attractive for a Brit and his clothes hid a pretty well built body but none of it appealed to her. If she looked at him with one eye closed, he was a little like Giles. But only younger, hotter and wearing clothes that looked like they were made within the last twenty years.
"Come on, "he ordered," We have quite a drive ahead of us."
"Listen, I know what I promised.. But I'm not sure about all this." She muttered.
"Well, since your release is conditional you'd better be."he softened looking into her eyes, "Perhaps its best to go back to where it all started to go wrong, so that you can have real second chance."
"Have you ever gone back to what I've done.I tried to destroy everybody who was ever nice to me. I just think it would be a lot easier to go to a place where I've got no history and I can start with a clean slate." She stated trying to win over his made up mind.
"But we're needed there..we're both needed.," he said reassuring her.
Staring down the empty road, she sighed.
"You've been down that road." he said, "And it goes nowhere.. for you."
She knew he was right, and no matter what she was going to follow him and try for once.
He opened the car door gallantly and smiled.
"Come on, Faith, let's go home."
"Damn!," she muttered, as her tiny foot sunk into the squishy chest of an unidentified demon type.
The demon screamed as it fell to the ground and went limp. She looked down upon it hoping that she'd killed it by removing most of its inside stuff. Reaching into the demons collapsed chest she removed her shoe with one hand. The once delicate shoe was now covered in stinky yellow bile and she shook it out harshly.
"That's just great..note to self never wear cute new strapy heels when patrolling."
She walked away from the dissolving demon, brushing off her coat and avoiding her stinky shoe.
Patrolling had been slow, vampires and demons seemed to stay in on Thursday night lately. She wasn't sure if it was due to instinct or the need to stay home and watch Friends. The cemetery appeared empty of undead or demons but she knew at least one crypt in it where a vampire was watching stolen cable.
She could sense him, her body betraying her would come alive when he came near. It was a pure physical sensation that took over her mind and drew her to him. His body, it looked like a statue, cold beautiful and unyielding. She'd dug her nails into him so often to destroy its beauty, and feel him shutter or scream. Their bodies seemed so perfectly in tune and in his arms she'd lose all sense of the reality of life. Closing her eyes she could feel his touch on her neck, whispering to her and drawing her to him. But she had to push the image of him out of her mind and find some other peace. But he was always lurking somewhere in the back of her mind, tempting her to take the road of mindless pleasure.
He'd become so sullen lately, not even stopping to speak to her when he was near. At first, she'd thought it a blessing to be out of his path of stalking but to suddenly be nothing was worse. She'd tried to discover if he was hatching some evil plan or found yet another to take her place, but there was nothing. If he was truly moping then he would avoid everyone not just her but he wasn't avoiding anyone but her. She'd lost his constant annoying presence and when she needed someone just to talk to he wasn't available anymore. And she missed him, a little. But her friends saw him regularly; he made a point of stopping by to see Dawn and Willow whenever she was on patrol. Even Xander had mentioned seeing him around but the tension was always bad between them and they avoided each other for the most part. His anger toward Spike could barely be contained and he watched her every move to make sure that she kept her distance.
No one had addressed their sudden falling out, as if it were normal to stop speaking to someone who'd become such apart of your life. Or maybe it was just easier not to ask the questions of her; afraid they'd hear her true feelings. It was easier to be avoidy and just go on with each new battle not see him fighting by her side, she could feel the loss of him. She breathed in deeply and walked path away from his crypt and exited the cemetery.
"Goodnight, William," she whispered.
"So, what kind of demon was it?" Willow asked from behind her laptop.
"Not sure, do they have a listing for yellow bile filled demons who smells like cornuts?" Buffy asked.
"Hmm.not so far, I've checked all my sources, except for..well, never mind." She looked away.
"Who? Anya?. I don't think , she's really." Buffy frowned.
"No, no, no Anya..I was thinking about Spike, not about Spike and Anya..but, he's kind of helpful..sometimes." She swallowed hard trying to gauge her reaction.
"Yeah, sure, I guess..whatever," she replied not very skillfully.
"Listen, Buffy, about Spike, whatever is going on between you two-"
"Nothing is going on, I swear. He's evil, right? So, he does evil stuff and that's it."
"Oh, yeah, that's clear. All I know is that we're all going thru bad stuff right now and none of us is really talking about it. We use to talk about stuff and we'd help each other. Tara and I are trying again and I just want to be you know happy ..." She trailed off looking away.
"Wil, it's alright, I'm sorry, that's all I ever do is say I'm sorry to you and Dawn. Can we just not talk about.him and I'll try the happy, please."
Willow studied Buffy's face, not sure if she could continue saying the things they never talked about. It was easier to just not say anything. She began to gather up her laptop and get up.
"Your going?" Buffy asked.
"Well, yeah, your going to patrol, right?"
"I was just thinking of staying home catching up on some TV viewing and quality time with Dawny."
Willow frowned, "So, you'll be home doing that?"
"Sure, why?" She looked confused.
"Oh, it's just that.Dawn asked Spike to come over to watch video's, eat popcorn and gin."
"Drinking gin-whoa-she's only-"
"Playing gin," Willow explained. "And I was gonna pick his brain for some info on this demon. And of course we'll have some great discussion about this book I lent him. It's kind of neat to see things thru the eyes of a guy who's been not alive over a hundred years."
"Oh, well, sure.I can patrol, I'm cool with that. I'll just go kill things while you guys spend some quality time with the evil undead."
"Great!" She said happily, "You have fun and I'll see you---"
"Wil, does he ever talk about me?" She asked almost ashamed.
"He does.not much, he just kind of talks about you, it's almost like you're the one thing that could get him.upset. He doesn't ask about you, but he always knows what's going on, I think he keeps an eye on you, sometimes." Willows words felt like small daggers to her.
"Oh, that's okay, have fun tonight. I think I'll just drop by the Magic Box and do some research." Her happy upbeat words were a lie to herself.
"Magic Box? Just.be careful, okay?" Willow cried exiting the Espresso Pump.
Buffy finished her iced mocha and stared at the setting sun. She thought of Spike and how he liked to nap just before the sunset. She'd watch his face when she was sure he wasn't looking and trace it lightly with her finger. She'd lay against him warming his cold skin and close her eyes. For a moment before she woke each morning she'd think she could feel him against her holding her while they slept.
He was her only comfort and now he was gone.
The doors of the Magic Box were locked when Buffy arrived. Somewhere at home she had the key that Giles gave her, just in case, but she'd forgotten it. With a swift move she forced the back door open. The shop had lost it's library appeal feel when Giles left but it was still a place to be alone and safe. She piled the books on the table, separating them into interesting forms and towers. It was somehow easier to deal with lots of books when they looked like a house of cards.
She opened each with a yearning to just find the demon and go home. But it was still early and her patrol had been non-kill-y, she didn't want to go and find that Spike had slipped out the back before she could reach the front door.
She laid her head down on the open book, it was cool and soft like his chest and she closed her eyes.
Dawn smiled at Spike as he announced that he'd won another hand of cards.
"Well, there goes my allowance." She said watching him count his winnings.
"Oh, come on bit, one more hand.." He offered.
"Yes, one more hand Spike and this time don't cheat," Willow threatened from the couch.
"Natural talent is not cheating, Red. Now come on, put my video pick in the machine." He asked.
Willow crossed the room to the VCR, "I think your gonna need to expand your knowledge of movies. I mean, is Sid and Nancy meant to be seen this many times?"
"I believe that was my compromise video, remember? I was happy with a Clockwork Orange."
"Oh yes, so when's the next game of kitten poker?" Willow asked.
"Tomorrow, I guess, Clem and the boys are trying to persuade me to use the crypt to hold the game. But I don't think it sets the proper mood."
"Yes, having a poker game in a crypt.how creepy." Dawn commented sitting down next to Willow on the couch.
"So when the boys are there, can you ask about Buffy's demon?"
"Sure, okay." He said lowly.
Dawn stared at him, "So, are we gonna talk about why Spikes only around when Buffy goes on patrol."
Willow frowned, "No, of course not, unless you want to Spike, of course."
"Let's see, no I don't think we will talk about it. I'm just respecting Big Sis's wishes cause we're on the outs-that's it."
"It's not because of what you did?" Dawn asked.
The words seem to strike him like a blow and his carefree attitude was gone. Perhaps there were some words he could have said to explain their rift. But somehow it didn't seem right.
He didn't answer, his face told the whole story. He picked up his jacket and tucked two books in the pocket, and headed for the door.
"I've got to go pet, be good. Red, I'll see you soon, thanks for the books." He walked out without another word.
"Sorry, Dawny." Willow said, "I guess they'll figure it out on their own."
"Or not."
Her eyes opened slowly, he smiled at her, his brilliant blue eyes so bright.
"Oh, William," she whispered.
"It's time to wake up, love." He said sitting next to her, stroking her hair.
"I'm so tired of fighting, of pretending.."
"There's no need, I know, it's alright. The future is coming and it's time to greet it."
"But I haven't told you.. I haven't said what's.."
He drew her into his arms, "But you have, and somewhere it's been heard."
She heard a loud knock behind her.
She stood up fully awake before her eyes opened. Something, an alarm inside of her sensed danger and urged her to be ready to fight. What she sensed was not a vampire or demon but something almost familiar but it still scary.
The knock on the door became persistent and she approached it carefully. She looked out the window and saw two figures outside the door. Behind them parked on the street was a limo, looking strangely out of place for Sunnydale.
"Hello?" Said a distinctly male British voice. "Miss Summers.. I'd like to have a word with you, if that's possible. Listen, I've traveled quite a ways today and I'd just like to talk. I'm from the Council, they've asked me to have a word."
She opened the door carefully, " I've heard that one before."
Her instincts told her that he was probably telling the truth. His appearance was a little fashionable for the stuffy Council but something about him reminded her of Giles. He was also a little too cute to be apart of the Council.
"Buffy, I can assure you that I am the real thing, I can provide you with references."
"Come in." She offered still unsure of the figure behind him.
He brushed past her, quickly, motioning to the figure still outside.
The figure looked up suddenly at Buffy and smiled at her.
"Hello, B, it's nice to be home." Faith said still waiting outside.
"What the hell?" Buffy stammered.
"Buffy, my name is Derrick Hunter, I'm a Watcher---" He explained.
"I don't care what you are, if you're here----"
"B.It's okay, I've been released from the big house. Derrick is my Watcher, we just came to talk."
Buffy looked at her closely and decided to let her in. She looked older, more tired and somehow more stable. The once crazy look was gone and she looked well, defeated.
"I've been released from the Big House into Derrick's custody, I'm sorry we just came here like nothing happened."
Buffy motioned her in. "You've got two minutes and I'm leaving the door open."
"Buffy, I was hoping that Mr. Giles might have mentioned me to you. I've always considered him my mentor." Derrick stated looking around the shop his eyes wide with the whole scene.
"No, I've never heard of you and your time is ticking."
"I've brought Faith home to train her and help her on her path." He said sitting down at the table.
"Sunnydale isn't Faith's home, she left it a long time ago. If your trying to help her, that's great, it's your own funeral. I can't tell you where to live. So, just stay out of my way. Don't ever come near me or anyone I care about and we'll be fine." She stated still holding the door open.
"B..Buffy, I'm on a conditional release and if I screw up just a little, it's back to the Big House. So, I have to make it work."
"Great, sorry if I'm not all hugs and kisses at you being back. I can really understand you wanting to get your life together but not here."
"She has no choice." Derrick offered. "The Council arranged to have her to released to me. I've bought a home here in Sunnydale. I think it's important to stay close to the Hellmouth. And I know Mr. Giles is in England and I could help---"
"Don't even suggest that I need a Watcher----"
"No, of course not, but ..I can see your doing research, can I offer my assistance?"
She frowned. "No, I've got it under control."
"I do have extensive knowledge of vampires, demons and dimensions. I can help."
"Sure, I bet you know every yellow bile filled demon that smells like cornuts."
"Actually," He picked up a book on the table. "I think it might be a Wilphreno demon. They have very quick tempers, fairly strong and they hunt and live alone. So I doubt you'll see another soon.Here's a picture."
She closed the door and walked over to him. "That's him, lucky guess."
"I've trained all my life to be a Watcher, it's not a fluke. Unlike Rupert or Wesley I was trained to deal with the modern age. I'm not afraid to fight or do what has to be done."
"So whatever, look I've done okay without any help. So, if you're here to just----"
"No, it's just a courtesy call."
"Well, that's very British of you. Thanks for the courtesy, you can go now."
"Yes, well alright. I'm here to help, if you need someone." He said rising up to leave.
Buffy looked at Faith, trying to study her to size up her threat. Faith looked back for a moment and then looked away.
"I am sorry, B, I did horrible things to about everyone you love or whatever, I'm learning and I'm really sorry."
"Look, I can understand what you mean and I hope you get better. We've all done things that we shouldn't have or that we regret, even me. So, just because I get you doesn't mean I trust you, so just don't do anything that will make me come after you. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to go home." Buffy crossed over to the door and opened it.
"Can we give you a lift?" He offered crossing over to the door.
Her first impulse said no, but something about him didn't seem bad and curiosity had been peaked by them both. She accepted. She got into the posh limo; it was almost cozy with three people in it. Faith came alive asking questions and relishing her freedom.
"So, tell me what's the 411 on everybody?" She asked.
Derrick was seated between them, perhaps not yet convinced that the slayers alright with each other.
"Like your Mom? Derrick, you'll love Buffy's mom she's the greatest, I just hope she'll still talk to me."
"My mom died Faith, last year. It was really sudden." She answered.
"Okay.I'm so sorry..I liked her a lot. Let's see if I can do better, how are Willow and Xander?"
"Well, alright I guess."
"The last time I saw Willow she was with a girl, looking all in love. Red's a nice girl, I hope it works out for her. And what about Xander, dating Anya still? They seemed pretty crazy about each other."
"A lot has happened to both of them, none of it was easy."
Faith studied the pain in Buffy's face and understood.
"Okay, I'm so not batting a thousand. Angel? Still brooding in L.A.?"
"I guess, we don't really talk much."
"Oh, well that's good cause let's face it a happy Angel is pretty scary for the rest of the world. No matter how sexy it would be." She sighed.
Buffy was wondering suddenly if being in the same zip code with new Faith was wise.
"Well, B," she continued. "Things still cool with Riley? He's a nice normal guy, I thought."
"Riley's married. He and his wife came by recently to hunt a demon, they're very happy living the army life."
"I guess I didn't help with that one." She sulked.
"I've heard Buffy that you've added another vampire to your group of intimates?" Derrick inquired trying to change the subject to one less painful, he thought.
"Huh?" She asked.
"Spike, I believe his name is, Giles wrote about him. I think he had great hopes for him to become sort of hero demon fighter. And of course I've read in the Watcher diaries about him, such a great history for such a young vampire. I would say that some of our younger female Watchers have become quite intrigued with him. He's quite the poster boy."
She laughed. "No, he's not exactly a hero, he's evil and worst of all he thinks he knows everything. And he's become a moody sullen vampire, lurking in his crypt probably doing nasty things. Trust me if any of those girls met him, they'd see he's just a selfish, lazy, pain in the butt. But I don't really care about him, cause we don't talk and he's evil. So just don't ask me anything more about him, alright?"
Derrick watched her carefully as she spoke, unsure of what to make of her awkward verbal display. He knew of course that there was something there between them.
Faith also noticed her display but instead it reminded her of Spike. She could still remember his tall hungry looks and their exchange the last time they met. He was the real thing, evil, tempting and hard. He reminded her of all the loser types she'd given herself to when she was younger. She always thought it must be such a thrill to fight evil one minute and then bed it in another. Her lips curled into a small smile.
The house appeared so normal on the outside as if nothing bad could happen there on such a quiet pretty street. She opened the door slowly not sure if a vampire was sneaking out the back. Dawn and Willow were asleep on the couch watching a movie that was now over and showing its credits.
Buffy touched Dawn's hair, she stirred and woke immediately.
"Your home, good." She said sleepily.
"You should go to bed, what were you guys watching?"
"Sid and Nancy, it was Spike's turn to choose the movie, I've got to turn him onto more movies and some comedies that aren't Monty Python."
Buffy nodded. Dawn studied her carefully; she'd seen that look before and on other people.
"Is that look about Spike? He got the same look when I mentioned your name and he walked out. So don't do that, okay? It's alright you can tell me."
"No, no, this has nothing to do with Spike, I swear."
"I know what he did was wrong but aren't you ever gonna talk to him again?"
"I so don't want to talk about this right now."
"I just don't get it. Your sad and Spike's sad. Xander's sad and Anya's sad."
"I get it we're all the sad society and I'm sorry Dawny."
"It's just that nobody wants to talk about it."
"We're all trying to deal with things in our own way and it just takes time. I hope."
"Dealing with it means you don't talk to Spike, Xander likes to drink until he passes out, and Anya's nowhere. Sorry but if this is what growing up is, I think I'll skip this part."
"Me, too. I wish I had a better answer to all of this but I don't. I have something to tell you and you'll be happy to know that you're the first one to know."
"Cool, and I want you to know that I'm growing into a mature woman, so I can be trusted to handle the big stuff."
Buffy smiled. "Faith is back in town, she's out of prison and she's with her Watcher, Derrick. I saw them at the Magic Box tonight."
"Talk about a nightmare walking in out of nowhere, are you alright?"
"I'm fine, but I want you to be careful, okay? That means you come straight home after school and you won't be left home alone ever. And if you see Faith, I want you to run the other way, I don't know about her yet."
"Is she crazy mad slayer still?" Dawn asked the fear creeping into her voice.
"I don't know and until I do just stay clear of her, alright?"
"I promise to avoid the possibly crazy slayer."
Dawn frowned thinking of Faith, she had plenty of memories of the slightly bent slayer. She also knew that the memories were all constructed for her benefit but they felt so real. For the most part she and Faith had gotten along because she was a slayer like Buffy and because she acted nothing like Buffy. But she could remember the fear in her mother's face each time Faith's name was mentioned.
"I also found out about the demon from last night, Derrick figured it out actually. I still don't know what to think about the new Watcher, he's different from Giles or Wesley. Except for the British part, of course but he doesn't wear tweed and he has a limo and driver."
Dawn smiled. "A Watcher with money? Is he as old as Giles?"
"No, he's younger, I think late twenties or very early thirties and not the ugliest guy I've ever seen. But who knows, I've only met a few Watchers and they're all pretty anal."
"It'll be nice to have another Giles around to take the pressure off."
"Oh, I don't think he's gonna be a Scoobie or anything. Anyway nobody is gonna replace Giles. So, did you have fun tonight?"
"Oh, yes, lots of fun for all. Spike cheated at gin, no surprise there and Willow and I got to watch the movie alone after we mentioned your name, all in all some progress. And speaking of progress, I've got a birthday coming up soon."
"So tell me my dear what does your little heart desire?"
"I want a birthday party with lots of presents, music and even more presents. I also want to invite all my friends and your friends. So that means I want Spike and Clem there, do you think you could handle that?"
She smiled. "I think that for you I could do it. I'll even promise to speak to Spike at least once in the course of the evening. But I don't know about Xander or Anya."
"See what I mean? I just wish---"
"Don't you dare, the last time you did that it was almost Buffy's birthday forever and ever."
"Don't worry, she is not on the guest list even if she is Anya's best friend. But if I did have that wish back, first I'd want all the feuding couples to talk and get back together. Second, I'd want them to be happy for a very long time. And for my last wish, I'd like to be sent to Paris for a year with no rules or chaperone."
"Keep dreaming, sister, you're more likely to get a new sweater from me then any of those wishes."
Dawn looked at the sleeping Willow and smiled. "I guess that Willow is the only one on the road to happy, she's working out things with Tara and working hard on the non-magic."
"Yeah, she's trying really hard. That's why I don't want to push her; she needs to just be for a while."
Willow woke up and they decided to go to bed. Buffy broke the news about Faith softly careful not to upset her. She would tell Xander the next time he came by and wondered if there was any point in telling Spike or Anya. Calling Giles was her first priority after a good night's sleep.
She drew back the clean white sheets of her bed but she couldn't get in yet. The bright light from the street filled her bedroom and she went to the window to close the blind.
She looked down at the tree in front of her home and saw a familiar shadow there. She couldn't help but smile. The thought of him didn't fill her with temptation or danger instead she felt relieved that there was someone out there who cared for her. And knowing that she hadn't even cared enough about him to stop using him hurt deepest of all. She turned back to her bed and sleep fell upon her almost immediately with dreams of his kisses.
"Structure, Faith, that is what is needed here. I'm not saying I plan on monitoring your every moment, but we will work on curbing your impulses that have caused pain in the past." Derrick commented.
She looked at him closely; he was a Watcher after all, even if he looked more like a pop star. But before she was released she was given a pretty good idea of what life was gonna be like post-prison. In exchange for her getting out, she'd have to see a shrink at least three times a week. She'd also be training every day not just to fight but also to learn how to channel her anger. She was would be taught to relax, relate and release.
"So, what do you think of your new home? Posh, I think." He said looking proudly at their surroundings.
For a mansion it wasn't bad, when they drove up last night she could barely believe it. From the outside you couldn't tell if was a mansion or a nuthouse. But once inside she saw the creature comforts of home mixed in with lots of ancient weapons and lots of guy stuff. Derrick had proudly told her that he'd brought some of his favorite stuff from his country home in England. She didn't understand the fascination with old stuff when the new stuff seemed pretty cool.
"It's nice for a palace, Derrick, so you got a lot of money or what?"
"I'm comfortable. And lets say that Sunnydale's housing market is pretty weak and I got this place for a song. When would you prefer to train, morning or night?"
"Mornings, I guess. Since I won't be sampling the nightlife any time soon, I guess, I'll be up early. This shrink I'm going to see, what's his deal?"
"Well, he is a she, to start. The Council has hired her and you can tell her anything. I believe her father was a Watcher so she's well aware of the demon world. She'll monitor your progress and report directly to the Council. She wants you to succeed like I do, Faith and with our combined efforts we can do it."
"So, I'll train, hug my inner child and what? Do nothing? Hang out here with you?"
"No, you will patrol so that I can determine your strengths and weaknesses. But if I feel that your patrolling to merely take out your anger or hatred on others, then we'll stop. If slaying is your true calling, it isn't about you, it's about helping others. You'll study demons and their dimensions----"
"Hey, I'm no bookworm, point me in the direction of a demon and I'll kill it."
"Well, I'm afraid that's been part of the problem, demons are complicated creatures and they must respected and understood. If I direct you to kill a creature simply because I tell you to you'll never recognize the difference between good and evil. Life isn't labeled and you have to be able to identify them for yourself. And I don't expect you to live in books; I think technology can help us. I also have a large library of videos of many demons and their habits, culture and fighting abilities. I think you'll find that not all demons are evil and can be useful to obtain information or help you when your goals are the same."
"But I still have to study right?" She asked knowing full well it wasn't going to be fun or easy.
"Yes, Faith, you'll have to study, only by studying history can we hope to avoid making it's mistakes. We do have a goal however."
She frowned. The goal was something she'd been told about before being released. And it was the only thing she was almost afraid of. But it was also the only ray of hope in her life.
"So, do I have some free time ever? I mean this place is pretty big but four walls still freak me out. I like to walk around maybe outside during the day." She asked.
"I think that would be a good idea. But as your Watcher I must warn you not to do anything that will jeopardize the goal in front of us. And it might be prudent to stay away from any area that Buffy and her friends might frequent. Will that be a problem?"
"No, I wasn't into the same stuff as Buffy any way. I don't think that her friends will be in the same dives. When do we patrol?"
"Is tonight soon enough? Good. It's not as if you or I have much of a choice in the matter. You have an appointment with Dr. Guest, the car will be waiting and that is not an option. But afterwards I'd like you to take a few hours to yourself, but dinner is at five. Do not be late." He asked.
She nodded. He was all right; when he told her to do something it was more like asking her. He was serious though; as much as he needed her if she screwed up he'd throw her to the wolves. And that was okay; at least with him she always knew where she stood.
She was looking forward to patrolling, to have a purpose beyond staring at four walls and wondering how your life got so messed up. But she was afraid of turning into a numb thing again. It didn't happen over night, at first the kill was a rush, the best high ever. But after a while, it was hard and it made her angry to have to kill. And then the numbness set in, even before she killed the Deputy Mayor, she couldn't feel anymore. Pain became the only thing left, to destroy and hurt everyone and everything. And that's when she started to lose it. She started to feel when she was in L.A. with Angel; he always seemed able to connect to her. In a way he saved her life and she would always be grateful to him for that.
Now she'd have to do it alone.