PART FOUR
So you walked with me for a while,
You shared your naked soul
And you told me of your plans,
How you would never let them know..Melissa Etheridge
"The band should arrive any minute, Xander, I need you to tell them where to set up. I have a present I have to wrap and my hair is a mess." Buffy ordered.
Xander sat passively on the couch and nodded. He seemed much more interested in the corn chips in his hand then in helping out.
Willow was in the kitchen working on a menu that would be suitable for demon and human alike. And Dawn was upstairs pampering herself and deciding what to wear.
After cashing her check Buffy had spent the money on the Bronzes house band and searching the mall for the perfect outfit for Dawn. For a moment she thought she might even be happy with her life, until she looked at all of her loved ones and saw the loss in their eyes. The once strong trio was nursing some pretty major wounds and each seemed wrapped up in their own recovery. She didn't share her own pain; the only one who'd ever understood her was gone. It wasn't going to be easy to make it party central when everybody was so glum but Dawn deserved some fun.
"So who is exactly showing up for this happy event?" Xander asked still staring at the television.
"Some of Dawn's school friends, you and me of course."
" What are you leaving out Buff?"
She frowned. "Derrick will be here, of course. And that's where I'm gonna leave it."
"Psycho Faith is coming, so what? I'll be sure to steer clear of her and we'll all be fine."
Buffy tried to get up the courage to mention that Spike would be coming but she was sure that Xander's violent response would send her over the edge. She didn't like the idea of the two of them in the same room and it seemed like there would be no way to avoid it.
The driver opened the trunk and put in both bags, he was careful to barely touch the large swords that were practically escaping from one. Spike and Faith stood near by, it was just after sundown and they could almost feel the heat of the sun. Spike had removed his leather jacket and was just looking around waiting for Derrick to join them.
"I'll stay at the party for five minutes and then we're out of there." Spike stated.
"Okay, I talked to Dawn today and she invited me. We can walk in together, if you want."
He shrugged. "Yeah, okay, is Derrick on his way or what?"
"Yes, he was on his fifth change of clothes the last time I saw him."
He laughed. "A Watcher who's more concerned with his appearance then a dusty pile of books, scary."
Faith smiled. "I didn't think he owned any clothes that weren't Armani or something."
"So how are we traveling tonight?"
"Derrick has a private plane, a loaner from the Council, to take us there, are you cool with that?"
"Yes, that's great. I don't really care if it's boxcar or boat as long as we get there."
Derrick arrived finally in a wave of stinky cologne and freshly hair sprayed boy band hair. The site of him made Spike want to hurl and on some strange level he reminded him of do-gooder Riley. That fact alone would make him want to hate him.
Dawn checked her appearance one more time in the mirror and smiled. It was her birthday and her special day and she prayed that there would be no big bad's coming to ruin it. She wondered if there was time to find a spell that would ensure that it would be a happy night. Or least something like a curse that would prevent Xander and Spike from drawing blood.
Buffy entered. "Gosh, I think I'll lock the door so that no girl crazy boy gets a look at you."
"No way, I have to show off this outfit you got me and the earrings that Janice got me. I know the other presents won't even compare."
"I'm not so sure, Xander said something about buying you that Barbie Dream House you talked about in the fourth grade. And of course Spike will turn up with something..very special, I'm sure. And I want you to know that I went to see him to assure him that he's welcome here, even if I'm here."
Dawn smiled and her hopes were raised to the sky. "You and Spike talked? Do I have something to look forward to there?"
"Dawn, it's not like that between Spike and I, it's just not. We ended up fighting anyway, but we both care about you. And that's what is important today."
"Spike loves you and it's not over for him. He's done bad crazy things but he's stayed. He hasn't run away like Angel or Riley, he's the one that sticks. And you know that, so why don't you just give him a chance?"
"It's not love Dawn, it's lots of things but not love. I can't love someone who can't even feel anything that isn't completely selfish."
"I don't believe you, if you didn't at least like him, you'd have staked him a long time ago. He tries Buffy, I see it and I see your face when you hear his name. I don't think it's over for either of you."
Buffy embraced her little much taller sister. "Let's get off the Spike subject, so we can focus on you and having fun."
"Alright, changing the subject in mid-stream this time is okay. I'm ready, let's party."
"Good and no mentioning of unpleasant stuff like Spike."
Dawn frowned. She wanted to help her poor blind love challenged sister make a love connection with the only decent guy she couldn't admit loving. And when she was done with that she'd explain to Buffy why she invited Faith and duck before she could throw something.
"Welcome to my party! Presents go on the dining room table and the refreshments are in the living room. Enjoy!" Dawn enthused happily each time the door opened.
Xander looked over at the youngest Summers and smiled. Her excitement reminded him of Anya and how much she enjoyed any occasion. Her sweet voice would ring in his ears and it was all he could do to stop himself from screaming. Every memory they had was tainted now and that wasn't the worse part.
Buffy sat next to Xander seeing him go from smiling to frowning in less than five seconds. He was still fondling a bag of chips and wearing a mopey face. The house was have filled with friends and demons, some that they had met at the wedding that didn't happen.
There was a knock on the door and Dawn sprang to life again. She skipped the greeting when she saw who was on the other side of it.
She embraced him and squealed in delight. "Spike, you're here, I am so glad. Come in."
Xander began to rise up out of the couch until Buffy's strong hand and facial expression told him to sit tight.
"Hello, little bit, here's the present I owe you." He handed her the gift but made no attempt to come in.
"Hi, Faith, it's nice for you to come." Dawn said still happy.
Buffy rose out of her seat and went to the door.
"Buffy, it's okay, I invited her." Dawn volunteered.
Faith nodded. "We're not staying, B, we have somewhere to be. Dawn, here's your present, have a good one."
Faith took one good look at Buffy and knew she should head for the limo immediately. She did so without another word.
"We?" Buffy asked Spike.
"Yeah, we're headed out of town, Faith and I. Dawn, I wanted you to know that so that you wouldn't wonder. We've got this orb thing to go get and we'll be back soon. And I wanted to say.. Bye, little bit." He kissed Dawn's cheek looked at Buffy and then walked away.
She walked after him curious after the statement that Faith made to her.
"So, your just going?" Buffy asked.
"Yes, I'm going I'll make it up to Dawn when I get back." He said still walking away from her.
"Wait, you just pop in say bye and that's it?"
"I'm not big on goodbye's, remember?"
She stopped him with her hand on his wrist, "I don't understand, why are you going?"
He turned slowly, "I don't understand why your acting like you care, you don't, you know?"
She nodded. "I guess I deserve that, but please answer my question."
"He wanted to go, and I want Spike to watch my back. You see, B, I'm not afraid of doing a little evil or having a little evil in me." Faith chimed in.
Spike grimaced at her comment; he shot her a glance to let her know- she was not helping.
Buffy stopped and just stared at him she couldn't think of one thing that could express how she felt in that moment. Faith got in the limo and left the door open for Spike.
She couldn't say goodbye or wish him well but at the same time she couldn't turn away from him.
"Spike, I don't.Fine, do whatever you want, you always do anyway." Her words were bitter and cold.
"I'm just doing what you want me to do." He said getting into the limo.
The limo sped off into the night and she just stared after it.
"Good riddance," Xander said behind her.
"I bet that's what you say to Anya when she goes."
"If you like him so much why don't you just run after him?" He asked indignantly.
"I can't, I don't love him and that's why he's gone."
"Good, and if falls on a stake it would sure make me happy."
"Do you hate him because Anya slept with him or because I did?"
She didn't wait for an answer and went back inside of the house.
He stared up at the sky and the impact of her words continued to hit him. He loved Anya and knowing that she had been foolish enough to sleep with Spike hurt deeply and he wasn't ready to forgive it. But the anger toward Buffy having done the same thing was worse. She was his friend and she'd done this gross thing as a cry for help and nobody even noticed. All of their lives were in a tailspin and nothing seemed to help.
A mountain of gifts on the dining room table, lots of food and the coolest band the Bronze had ever had greeted Dawn's guests. She looked at it all and thought she should have been really happy. But all of those she really cared about were miserable, except for Willow and Tara who seemed finally able to get back together. Bloated Xander sat on the couch nursing heartbreak and an even bigger chip on his shoulder. Buffy sat near by looking lost and trying to listen to Derrick who was trying desperately to get her attention. Dawn liked him but he should have known that Buffy didn't need another guy trying to make her life better.
"I'd never seen a vampire with such strength and power, he also possessed an incredible knowledge of magic. He just seemed able to enslave those without any self-esteem. I think he's the most evil scary demon I've ever come across, but he left town soon after." Derrick offered to a clearly uninterested Buffy.
She nodded, "Yeah, Dracula thought he was all that, so I killed him. He was really no big deal, I've killed worse."
He smiled. "Well, yes, of course but-"
"Derrick, I can really go on for a while talking about the Big Bad's I've killed but I think I'm more concerned with why Spike and Faith are together on a quest."
He frowned. "Well, I believe it was Spike's idea to accompany her on the quest, to cover her back as it were. I saw no harm in---"
"You saw no harm in letting an unstable woman and a blood thirsty vampire go after an object that could enslave people? You're a Watcher, why aren't you like ever watching them?"
Her sudden burst of anger shocked him, "Buffy, they're not alone, they are being watched by the Council but I was asked not to interfere with her final fate."
"Faith's fate isn't what I'm worried about. I think I'm more worried about what she's gonna do with the mystical orb when she's got it. What if she decides to go evil again and uses it with Spike to take over the world?"
"I don't think that she is----"
"I really don't care what you think she will do, I'm talking about the two of them and what they are capable of together. Spike is evil complete and pure, how long before decide that they like the evil in each other? And what if that leads to.."
The conflict of emotions in Buffy's face made Derrick almost embarrassed for her. She turned away from him and motioned that she needed to fill her not empty glass.
She entered the kitchen and placed her glass in the sink. She looked out of the window and knowing that what she felt was wrong even more than caring about Spike. Dismissing Spike sleeping with Anya wasn't easy, but it wasn't about anything but pain. Spike and Anya didn't have any real connection or bond.
But she could see the bond between Faith and Spike and it hurt, maybe more than camera sex. Faith could talk about Spike and see him without giving a damn what anyone else thought. She couldn't do that, be that open about him even to herself.
Willow entered the kitchen careful to make noise so that Buffy would notice her.
"Boy, that Clem really knows his boy bands, he's got Dawn beat on every trivia question Xander can come with. And did you see that cute demon guy from Xander's wedding giving Dawn the eye? Too bad that eye is his only one."
Buffy turned and smiled at her old friend, "I'm okay Will, I promise, I just lost my cool on the Faith thing."
"Are you sure?"
She swallowed and nodded. "Yeah, you know that Derrick is so dense, he thinks he can let her loose on the world and it's all okay."
"I meant are you sure that it's the Faith thing that's making you kind of intense?"
"What do you mean, Will? Are you asking me if I'm bugged about something else?"
"Yeah, like the whole you sleeping with Spike thing? Are you bothered at least that another guy you've been with is now with Faith?"
"No, because they're not together, and even if they were I wouldn't care. I don't care about him like that. And look at him, he's evil he slept with Anya."
"Yes, I get that part, the making bad choices thing and he's not the only one around here doing that. Buffy, we've been friends for like forever now, you didn't trust me with this before but now I want you to."
"I didn't want you to know, I didn't even want to admit it to myself. He seemed to understand me and not mind if I wasn't Buffy the Strong every minute. I just used him over and over again. I didn't care what he wanted or what he thought. He loved me, I knew that and I used that. I hated it. How could I just let him do those things to me? And mostly I enjoyed those things, and I craved those things. But it wasn't right."
"Oh, I see, I guess. You told him it was over, right? So now it's really just an over thing now? I guess that's really good. But if it is such an over thing, why would you care if he goes somewhere with Faith?"
She looked down. "I don't not really, it's just that, she doesn't care what anybody thinks. She can just go, be with him and nobody will look down on her."
"That's because everybody does look down on her. I'm sure that dating Spike is pretty okay after going to prison for murder and trying to kill everybody who tried to be her friend. I think Spike is almost a step up for her, in a totally crazy way."
"So, I'm little bothered by the whole Faith/Spike thing. I guess sometimes being evil is just a lot easier then not being really evil."
"It's okay to feel something, I know you do, I saw your face when you saw Spike and Anya. And there's nothing wrong with being concerned about him being with Faith."
Xander entered the kitchen then, his face full of fear. He came toward them walking quickly.
"You'd better get out there.Clem and Dawn are trying to get together a game of Twister and some of those demons have extra well, I think limbs and things."
"I'll go," Willow volunteered.
Xander smiled at Willow as she left and then he cleared his voice.
"What I said outside, I'm sorry. I'm just nursing some hurt and I'm taking it out on well, everybody."
"Yeah, we're all kinda big on the taking it out on other people thing."
He nodded and then raised his hand as if a disturbing thought had just occurred to him.
"I was just thinking about something, when you went invisible you left me and Anya holding the bag at the Magic Box. I was just wondering if I walked in well, on some naked push ups between you and Spike?"
She laughed. "I plead insanity."
He was awake, and jumpy like an exposed nerve. She was asleep on his shoulder; most of her body was draped over his almost clinging to him. She smelled wonderful a combination of some lotion and the blood she carried in her veins. He could sense her fear and excitement similar but different to another slayer he knew. He wasn't afraid, even if death was at the end of this trip what he felt wasn't any form of fear.
The luxury plane carried them away to a part of the world that even he was not completely familiar with.
He was impressed that the Council could afford such a dishy mode of transportation.
"I'm sorry, I guess I was more tired than I thought." She apologized.
"It's alright, I don't mind. I'm just sitting here hoping that where we're off to isn't overly sunny."
"Well it's known for it's really short summers and very long no sun winters. So I think we'll be pretty safe."
"Yeah, safe until we get there and find this demon with the orbs."
"Yep, safe as kittens. So, are we gonna stay with the small talk or are we gonna talk about the look B gave you when we took off?"
"It doesn't matter, she runs hot and cold every minute of every day. She's just worried that we'll take that lovely orb and run off to destroy the world. I think she'd even expect it and wouldn't that just be the excuse she needed to put a stake in me finally."
"What a waste if she ever did." She said almost purring.
"Really? Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't just be kind to put me out of my misery."
"Come on, Spike being depressing guy doesn't seem like your bag. You've been more alive then most people and I bet you've never been sorry for any of it."
"Maybe if you regret then you can learn from your mistakes, before I had this chip being evil was so clear and clean to me. And maybe it was all just a joke because I have no soul, no hope and when I'm dust that's it, I cease to exist."
"That can happen to any of us." She touched his face.
For a creature with no soul, he seemed to feel a whole lot. He was obsessed with woman who could never love him and he was risking his life to see if he was worth redeeming. She knew of course, that he wanted to use the orbs to see if there was hope for him. Before when she'd been in prison she thought about her own redemption and now it was within her grasp. But now she thought about them both and what would happen when the orbs were with them. She wasn't even sure if she cared so much about herself anymore.
The plane suddenly lost altitude and they almost fell floor of the plane. The pilot's door opened suddenly and inside of it the pilots were struggling to save the plane. She looked desperately at Spike but he seemed to be lost in making a plan of escape.
He grabbed her arm and forced her toward the door. It was obvious from the pilots cries that they were not going to make it in one piece. The plane suddenly headed into a steep nosedive and Spike opened the door. Faith embraced him hoping that vampires made good cushions on the way down to the ground.
So you walked with me for a while,
You shared your naked soul
And you told me of your plans,
How you would never let them know..Melissa Etheridge
"The band should arrive any minute, Xander, I need you to tell them where to set up. I have a present I have to wrap and my hair is a mess." Buffy ordered.
Xander sat passively on the couch and nodded. He seemed much more interested in the corn chips in his hand then in helping out.
Willow was in the kitchen working on a menu that would be suitable for demon and human alike. And Dawn was upstairs pampering herself and deciding what to wear.
After cashing her check Buffy had spent the money on the Bronzes house band and searching the mall for the perfect outfit for Dawn. For a moment she thought she might even be happy with her life, until she looked at all of her loved ones and saw the loss in their eyes. The once strong trio was nursing some pretty major wounds and each seemed wrapped up in their own recovery. She didn't share her own pain; the only one who'd ever understood her was gone. It wasn't going to be easy to make it party central when everybody was so glum but Dawn deserved some fun.
"So who is exactly showing up for this happy event?" Xander asked still staring at the television.
"Some of Dawn's school friends, you and me of course."
" What are you leaving out Buff?"
She frowned. "Derrick will be here, of course. And that's where I'm gonna leave it."
"Psycho Faith is coming, so what? I'll be sure to steer clear of her and we'll all be fine."
Buffy tried to get up the courage to mention that Spike would be coming but she was sure that Xander's violent response would send her over the edge. She didn't like the idea of the two of them in the same room and it seemed like there would be no way to avoid it.
The driver opened the trunk and put in both bags, he was careful to barely touch the large swords that were practically escaping from one. Spike and Faith stood near by, it was just after sundown and they could almost feel the heat of the sun. Spike had removed his leather jacket and was just looking around waiting for Derrick to join them.
"I'll stay at the party for five minutes and then we're out of there." Spike stated.
"Okay, I talked to Dawn today and she invited me. We can walk in together, if you want."
He shrugged. "Yeah, okay, is Derrick on his way or what?"
"Yes, he was on his fifth change of clothes the last time I saw him."
He laughed. "A Watcher who's more concerned with his appearance then a dusty pile of books, scary."
Faith smiled. "I didn't think he owned any clothes that weren't Armani or something."
"So how are we traveling tonight?"
"Derrick has a private plane, a loaner from the Council, to take us there, are you cool with that?"
"Yes, that's great. I don't really care if it's boxcar or boat as long as we get there."
Derrick arrived finally in a wave of stinky cologne and freshly hair sprayed boy band hair. The site of him made Spike want to hurl and on some strange level he reminded him of do-gooder Riley. That fact alone would make him want to hate him.
Dawn checked her appearance one more time in the mirror and smiled. It was her birthday and her special day and she prayed that there would be no big bad's coming to ruin it. She wondered if there was time to find a spell that would ensure that it would be a happy night. Or least something like a curse that would prevent Xander and Spike from drawing blood.
Buffy entered. "Gosh, I think I'll lock the door so that no girl crazy boy gets a look at you."
"No way, I have to show off this outfit you got me and the earrings that Janice got me. I know the other presents won't even compare."
"I'm not so sure, Xander said something about buying you that Barbie Dream House you talked about in the fourth grade. And of course Spike will turn up with something..very special, I'm sure. And I want you to know that I went to see him to assure him that he's welcome here, even if I'm here."
Dawn smiled and her hopes were raised to the sky. "You and Spike talked? Do I have something to look forward to there?"
"Dawn, it's not like that between Spike and I, it's just not. We ended up fighting anyway, but we both care about you. And that's what is important today."
"Spike loves you and it's not over for him. He's done bad crazy things but he's stayed. He hasn't run away like Angel or Riley, he's the one that sticks. And you know that, so why don't you just give him a chance?"
"It's not love Dawn, it's lots of things but not love. I can't love someone who can't even feel anything that isn't completely selfish."
"I don't believe you, if you didn't at least like him, you'd have staked him a long time ago. He tries Buffy, I see it and I see your face when you hear his name. I don't think it's over for either of you."
Buffy embraced her little much taller sister. "Let's get off the Spike subject, so we can focus on you and having fun."
"Alright, changing the subject in mid-stream this time is okay. I'm ready, let's party."
"Good and no mentioning of unpleasant stuff like Spike."
Dawn frowned. She wanted to help her poor blind love challenged sister make a love connection with the only decent guy she couldn't admit loving. And when she was done with that she'd explain to Buffy why she invited Faith and duck before she could throw something.
"Welcome to my party! Presents go on the dining room table and the refreshments are in the living room. Enjoy!" Dawn enthused happily each time the door opened.
Xander looked over at the youngest Summers and smiled. Her excitement reminded him of Anya and how much she enjoyed any occasion. Her sweet voice would ring in his ears and it was all he could do to stop himself from screaming. Every memory they had was tainted now and that wasn't the worse part.
Buffy sat next to Xander seeing him go from smiling to frowning in less than five seconds. He was still fondling a bag of chips and wearing a mopey face. The house was have filled with friends and demons, some that they had met at the wedding that didn't happen.
There was a knock on the door and Dawn sprang to life again. She skipped the greeting when she saw who was on the other side of it.
She embraced him and squealed in delight. "Spike, you're here, I am so glad. Come in."
Xander began to rise up out of the couch until Buffy's strong hand and facial expression told him to sit tight.
"Hello, little bit, here's the present I owe you." He handed her the gift but made no attempt to come in.
"Hi, Faith, it's nice for you to come." Dawn said still happy.
Buffy rose out of her seat and went to the door.
"Buffy, it's okay, I invited her." Dawn volunteered.
Faith nodded. "We're not staying, B, we have somewhere to be. Dawn, here's your present, have a good one."
Faith took one good look at Buffy and knew she should head for the limo immediately. She did so without another word.
"We?" Buffy asked Spike.
"Yeah, we're headed out of town, Faith and I. Dawn, I wanted you to know that so that you wouldn't wonder. We've got this orb thing to go get and we'll be back soon. And I wanted to say.. Bye, little bit." He kissed Dawn's cheek looked at Buffy and then walked away.
She walked after him curious after the statement that Faith made to her.
"So, your just going?" Buffy asked.
"Yes, I'm going I'll make it up to Dawn when I get back." He said still walking away from her.
"Wait, you just pop in say bye and that's it?"
"I'm not big on goodbye's, remember?"
She stopped him with her hand on his wrist, "I don't understand, why are you going?"
He turned slowly, "I don't understand why your acting like you care, you don't, you know?"
She nodded. "I guess I deserve that, but please answer my question."
"He wanted to go, and I want Spike to watch my back. You see, B, I'm not afraid of doing a little evil or having a little evil in me." Faith chimed in.
Spike grimaced at her comment; he shot her a glance to let her know- she was not helping.
Buffy stopped and just stared at him she couldn't think of one thing that could express how she felt in that moment. Faith got in the limo and left the door open for Spike.
She couldn't say goodbye or wish him well but at the same time she couldn't turn away from him.
"Spike, I don't.Fine, do whatever you want, you always do anyway." Her words were bitter and cold.
"I'm just doing what you want me to do." He said getting into the limo.
The limo sped off into the night and she just stared after it.
"Good riddance," Xander said behind her.
"I bet that's what you say to Anya when she goes."
"If you like him so much why don't you just run after him?" He asked indignantly.
"I can't, I don't love him and that's why he's gone."
"Good, and if falls on a stake it would sure make me happy."
"Do you hate him because Anya slept with him or because I did?"
She didn't wait for an answer and went back inside of the house.
He stared up at the sky and the impact of her words continued to hit him. He loved Anya and knowing that she had been foolish enough to sleep with Spike hurt deeply and he wasn't ready to forgive it. But the anger toward Buffy having done the same thing was worse. She was his friend and she'd done this gross thing as a cry for help and nobody even noticed. All of their lives were in a tailspin and nothing seemed to help.
A mountain of gifts on the dining room table, lots of food and the coolest band the Bronze had ever had greeted Dawn's guests. She looked at it all and thought she should have been really happy. But all of those she really cared about were miserable, except for Willow and Tara who seemed finally able to get back together. Bloated Xander sat on the couch nursing heartbreak and an even bigger chip on his shoulder. Buffy sat near by looking lost and trying to listen to Derrick who was trying desperately to get her attention. Dawn liked him but he should have known that Buffy didn't need another guy trying to make her life better.
"I'd never seen a vampire with such strength and power, he also possessed an incredible knowledge of magic. He just seemed able to enslave those without any self-esteem. I think he's the most evil scary demon I've ever come across, but he left town soon after." Derrick offered to a clearly uninterested Buffy.
She nodded, "Yeah, Dracula thought he was all that, so I killed him. He was really no big deal, I've killed worse."
He smiled. "Well, yes, of course but-"
"Derrick, I can really go on for a while talking about the Big Bad's I've killed but I think I'm more concerned with why Spike and Faith are together on a quest."
He frowned. "Well, I believe it was Spike's idea to accompany her on the quest, to cover her back as it were. I saw no harm in---"
"You saw no harm in letting an unstable woman and a blood thirsty vampire go after an object that could enslave people? You're a Watcher, why aren't you like ever watching them?"
Her sudden burst of anger shocked him, "Buffy, they're not alone, they are being watched by the Council but I was asked not to interfere with her final fate."
"Faith's fate isn't what I'm worried about. I think I'm more worried about what she's gonna do with the mystical orb when she's got it. What if she decides to go evil again and uses it with Spike to take over the world?"
"I don't think that she is----"
"I really don't care what you think she will do, I'm talking about the two of them and what they are capable of together. Spike is evil complete and pure, how long before decide that they like the evil in each other? And what if that leads to.."
The conflict of emotions in Buffy's face made Derrick almost embarrassed for her. She turned away from him and motioned that she needed to fill her not empty glass.
She entered the kitchen and placed her glass in the sink. She looked out of the window and knowing that what she felt was wrong even more than caring about Spike. Dismissing Spike sleeping with Anya wasn't easy, but it wasn't about anything but pain. Spike and Anya didn't have any real connection or bond.
But she could see the bond between Faith and Spike and it hurt, maybe more than camera sex. Faith could talk about Spike and see him without giving a damn what anyone else thought. She couldn't do that, be that open about him even to herself.
Willow entered the kitchen careful to make noise so that Buffy would notice her.
"Boy, that Clem really knows his boy bands, he's got Dawn beat on every trivia question Xander can come with. And did you see that cute demon guy from Xander's wedding giving Dawn the eye? Too bad that eye is his only one."
Buffy turned and smiled at her old friend, "I'm okay Will, I promise, I just lost my cool on the Faith thing."
"Are you sure?"
She swallowed and nodded. "Yeah, you know that Derrick is so dense, he thinks he can let her loose on the world and it's all okay."
"I meant are you sure that it's the Faith thing that's making you kind of intense?"
"What do you mean, Will? Are you asking me if I'm bugged about something else?"
"Yeah, like the whole you sleeping with Spike thing? Are you bothered at least that another guy you've been with is now with Faith?"
"No, because they're not together, and even if they were I wouldn't care. I don't care about him like that. And look at him, he's evil he slept with Anya."
"Yes, I get that part, the making bad choices thing and he's not the only one around here doing that. Buffy, we've been friends for like forever now, you didn't trust me with this before but now I want you to."
"I didn't want you to know, I didn't even want to admit it to myself. He seemed to understand me and not mind if I wasn't Buffy the Strong every minute. I just used him over and over again. I didn't care what he wanted or what he thought. He loved me, I knew that and I used that. I hated it. How could I just let him do those things to me? And mostly I enjoyed those things, and I craved those things. But it wasn't right."
"Oh, I see, I guess. You told him it was over, right? So now it's really just an over thing now? I guess that's really good. But if it is such an over thing, why would you care if he goes somewhere with Faith?"
She looked down. "I don't not really, it's just that, she doesn't care what anybody thinks. She can just go, be with him and nobody will look down on her."
"That's because everybody does look down on her. I'm sure that dating Spike is pretty okay after going to prison for murder and trying to kill everybody who tried to be her friend. I think Spike is almost a step up for her, in a totally crazy way."
"So, I'm little bothered by the whole Faith/Spike thing. I guess sometimes being evil is just a lot easier then not being really evil."
"It's okay to feel something, I know you do, I saw your face when you saw Spike and Anya. And there's nothing wrong with being concerned about him being with Faith."
Xander entered the kitchen then, his face full of fear. He came toward them walking quickly.
"You'd better get out there.Clem and Dawn are trying to get together a game of Twister and some of those demons have extra well, I think limbs and things."
"I'll go," Willow volunteered.
Xander smiled at Willow as she left and then he cleared his voice.
"What I said outside, I'm sorry. I'm just nursing some hurt and I'm taking it out on well, everybody."
"Yeah, we're all kinda big on the taking it out on other people thing."
He nodded and then raised his hand as if a disturbing thought had just occurred to him.
"I was just thinking about something, when you went invisible you left me and Anya holding the bag at the Magic Box. I was just wondering if I walked in well, on some naked push ups between you and Spike?"
She laughed. "I plead insanity."
He was awake, and jumpy like an exposed nerve. She was asleep on his shoulder; most of her body was draped over his almost clinging to him. She smelled wonderful a combination of some lotion and the blood she carried in her veins. He could sense her fear and excitement similar but different to another slayer he knew. He wasn't afraid, even if death was at the end of this trip what he felt wasn't any form of fear.
The luxury plane carried them away to a part of the world that even he was not completely familiar with.
He was impressed that the Council could afford such a dishy mode of transportation.
"I'm sorry, I guess I was more tired than I thought." She apologized.
"It's alright, I don't mind. I'm just sitting here hoping that where we're off to isn't overly sunny."
"Well it's known for it's really short summers and very long no sun winters. So I think we'll be pretty safe."
"Yeah, safe until we get there and find this demon with the orbs."
"Yep, safe as kittens. So, are we gonna stay with the small talk or are we gonna talk about the look B gave you when we took off?"
"It doesn't matter, she runs hot and cold every minute of every day. She's just worried that we'll take that lovely orb and run off to destroy the world. I think she'd even expect it and wouldn't that just be the excuse she needed to put a stake in me finally."
"What a waste if she ever did." She said almost purring.
"Really? Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't just be kind to put me out of my misery."
"Come on, Spike being depressing guy doesn't seem like your bag. You've been more alive then most people and I bet you've never been sorry for any of it."
"Maybe if you regret then you can learn from your mistakes, before I had this chip being evil was so clear and clean to me. And maybe it was all just a joke because I have no soul, no hope and when I'm dust that's it, I cease to exist."
"That can happen to any of us." She touched his face.
For a creature with no soul, he seemed to feel a whole lot. He was obsessed with woman who could never love him and he was risking his life to see if he was worth redeeming. She knew of course, that he wanted to use the orbs to see if there was hope for him. Before when she'd been in prison she thought about her own redemption and now it was within her grasp. But now she thought about them both and what would happen when the orbs were with them. She wasn't even sure if she cared so much about herself anymore.
The plane suddenly lost altitude and they almost fell floor of the plane. The pilot's door opened suddenly and inside of it the pilots were struggling to save the plane. She looked desperately at Spike but he seemed to be lost in making a plan of escape.
He grabbed her arm and forced her toward the door. It was obvious from the pilots cries that they were not going to make it in one piece. The plane suddenly headed into a steep nosedive and Spike opened the door. Faith embraced him hoping that vampires made good cushions on the way down to the ground.