Monday AM, On Time!
After a depressing week spent licking their wounds, the partners were back in the Official's office for another Monday. And perhaps for the final level of Hell. Darien had indeed been punctual. He sat up in his chair with none of his old defiance. Today might be the first day of the rest of their lives in homeless shelters.
Claire had joined them for this meeting, to lend moral support and because what would be said at this meeting would also effect her life and career.
There were some far away sirens that began to get louder until their sources stopped right beneath the office's window. The Official motioned to Eberts who looked down onto the street.
"Um, sir? There's a diplomatic motorcade down there. I believe it's Ambassador Steele!"
"What? HERE?" spouted a stunned Official.
The whole group moved to the window and stared down at the brigade of black official vehicles that had descended upon them
Before any of them could make a move, several men in black suits burst into the office. They were giving the "All Clear" for the Ambassador to make his entrance.
"Charlie! Charlie Borden!" said the bald well-dressed man who flew into the room with a flourish. "How wonderful it is to finally meet you in person."
"Sir! I want to thank you for visiting our humble offices. This is quite a surprise. May I offer you. . ."started a dumbfounded Official.
"I just wanted to thank you in person! Are these Fawkes and Hobbes, the leaders of your crack team?"
"Why, yes, they are." he smiled, as if last week's meeting with the boys had never happened.
"Sheesh," thought Hobbes, "For whatever else I might think, Fat Man really knows how to play the game!"
"I'm so pleased to be able to thank you in person!" he shook Fawkes and Hobbes hands with great vigor.
"Charlie! You look confused! Why yes, I realize that things didn't go perfectly well during the mission, but when your team created the diversion, I was able to pick out friends and foes. Once they were routed out, my loyal team made short work of them. And I found out exactly what had been going on right under my nose! In other words, you smoked them out and we took them down! It was beautiful! How did you two do it?"
"Well," said Fawkes with false modesty, "I don't want to give away all our trade secrets."
"Sir" ventured Hobbes "I want to apologize for the damage."
"Nonsense! It's all been dealt with. I was looking to redecorate that part of the mansion. Now I can rebuild it. And, the chopper was last year's model. Out with the old, I always say! It was all insured, you know."
"Oh, and I want you all to meet my fiancée, Madison Ethans." A stunning, sophisticated woman entered the room behind the Ambassador. She was conferring with Steele's aides and making plans.
"I'm happier than I've ever been in my life, thanks to all of you." he told them.
"Hello, Official Borden." she greeted with a velvet tone. "Good day, Agent Fawkes and Agent Hobbes." she greeted them with practiced poise. "I also want to extend my warmest thanks. Stephen has been singing your praises all week long for your exceptional work."
"When Agent Fawkes knocked that silly hairpiece into the punch bowl," Steele continued "Madison decided she could then see the real me! That's when she finally said she'd marry me! She says bald men are the sexiest men on the planet and it's because we have so much testosterone."
He winked knowingly at Hobbes who smiled and nodded slightly, looking quite pleased.
"Sir, um, I just wanted to express my condolences for your daughter's pet ." started Fawkes, sincerely.
"Oh don't mention that damn pig! I loathed that thing!"
"Sir??" asked Fawkes in amazement.
"My daughter used to keep it in the mansion and it reeked! She has her ponies, so I told her I didn't want to hear another thing about that filthy thing.
"Now, let's get to the heart of my visit. My contacts have told me that your agency is under funded. I had to pull a lot of strings to find out about what's really going on here and I think it's frankly amazing. I can use a well oiled team like yours. I'm prepared to accept you under the auspices of my agency, Agency for Dental & Craniofacial Institute of Disease.
"What do you say, Charlie? And, make sure everyone gets bonuses and raises. Madison, make a note, please."
"Thank you, sir."
"We'll be hammering out all the details, but for this week, why don't you all rest up! We've got big things planned for you all!"
And just like that the entourage was gone, leaving the "crack team" in stunned silence. Except for Fawkes whose mind was working.
"ADCID. Hmm. Addict. Acid. I think I can work with that."
He was instantly showered with a barrage of paper wads from everyone in the room.
* * * * * * *
Author's notes:
This story was inspired in part by This American Life's presentation of Squirrel Cop. You can listen to this fantastic program at:
You will need RealAudio to listen to this presentation. The Squirrel Cop section is approximately 19 minutes into the show. Advance the slider until it reads 19 minutes.
**Reference to CairisRin's wonderful I-man antiverse story, "What If."
After a depressing week spent licking their wounds, the partners were back in the Official's office for another Monday. And perhaps for the final level of Hell. Darien had indeed been punctual. He sat up in his chair with none of his old defiance. Today might be the first day of the rest of their lives in homeless shelters.
Claire had joined them for this meeting, to lend moral support and because what would be said at this meeting would also effect her life and career.
There were some far away sirens that began to get louder until their sources stopped right beneath the office's window. The Official motioned to Eberts who looked down onto the street.
"Um, sir? There's a diplomatic motorcade down there. I believe it's Ambassador Steele!"
"What? HERE?" spouted a stunned Official.
The whole group moved to the window and stared down at the brigade of black official vehicles that had descended upon them
Before any of them could make a move, several men in black suits burst into the office. They were giving the "All Clear" for the Ambassador to make his entrance.
"Charlie! Charlie Borden!" said the bald well-dressed man who flew into the room with a flourish. "How wonderful it is to finally meet you in person."
"Sir! I want to thank you for visiting our humble offices. This is quite a surprise. May I offer you. . ."started a dumbfounded Official.
"I just wanted to thank you in person! Are these Fawkes and Hobbes, the leaders of your crack team?"
"Why, yes, they are." he smiled, as if last week's meeting with the boys had never happened.
"Sheesh," thought Hobbes, "For whatever else I might think, Fat Man really knows how to play the game!"
"I'm so pleased to be able to thank you in person!" he shook Fawkes and Hobbes hands with great vigor.
"Charlie! You look confused! Why yes, I realize that things didn't go perfectly well during the mission, but when your team created the diversion, I was able to pick out friends and foes. Once they were routed out, my loyal team made short work of them. And I found out exactly what had been going on right under my nose! In other words, you smoked them out and we took them down! It was beautiful! How did you two do it?"
"Well," said Fawkes with false modesty, "I don't want to give away all our trade secrets."
"Sir" ventured Hobbes "I want to apologize for the damage."
"Nonsense! It's all been dealt with. I was looking to redecorate that part of the mansion. Now I can rebuild it. And, the chopper was last year's model. Out with the old, I always say! It was all insured, you know."
"Oh, and I want you all to meet my fiancée, Madison Ethans." A stunning, sophisticated woman entered the room behind the Ambassador. She was conferring with Steele's aides and making plans.
"I'm happier than I've ever been in my life, thanks to all of you." he told them.
"Hello, Official Borden." she greeted with a velvet tone. "Good day, Agent Fawkes and Agent Hobbes." she greeted them with practiced poise. "I also want to extend my warmest thanks. Stephen has been singing your praises all week long for your exceptional work."
"When Agent Fawkes knocked that silly hairpiece into the punch bowl," Steele continued "Madison decided she could then see the real me! That's when she finally said she'd marry me! She says bald men are the sexiest men on the planet and it's because we have so much testosterone."
He winked knowingly at Hobbes who smiled and nodded slightly, looking quite pleased.
"Sir, um, I just wanted to express my condolences for your daughter's pet ." started Fawkes, sincerely.
"Oh don't mention that damn pig! I loathed that thing!"
"Sir??" asked Fawkes in amazement.
"My daughter used to keep it in the mansion and it reeked! She has her ponies, so I told her I didn't want to hear another thing about that filthy thing.
"Now, let's get to the heart of my visit. My contacts have told me that your agency is under funded. I had to pull a lot of strings to find out about what's really going on here and I think it's frankly amazing. I can use a well oiled team like yours. I'm prepared to accept you under the auspices of my agency, Agency for Dental & Craniofacial Institute of Disease.
"What do you say, Charlie? And, make sure everyone gets bonuses and raises. Madison, make a note, please."
"Thank you, sir."
"We'll be hammering out all the details, but for this week, why don't you all rest up! We've got big things planned for you all!"
And just like that the entourage was gone, leaving the "crack team" in stunned silence. Except for Fawkes whose mind was working.
"ADCID. Hmm. Addict. Acid. I think I can work with that."
He was instantly showered with a barrage of paper wads from everyone in the room.
* * * * * * *
Author's notes:
This story was inspired in part by This American Life's presentation of Squirrel Cop. You can listen to this fantastic program at:
You will need RealAudio to listen to this presentation. The Squirrel Cop section is approximately 19 minutes into the show. Advance the slider until it reads 19 minutes.
**Reference to CairisRin's wonderful I-man antiverse story, "What If."