A/N: Thankyou to all who have reviewed so far. When I first started this fic I was expecting maybe 1, 2 reviews, and I was nervous as hell. I never show my writing to anyone; usually I'm too embaressed. It's great to get feedback. It builds up confidence, so thankyou.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of it. It's all J.K. Rowling's.
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Sacrifices
Part Fifteen - Anticipation
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1
Dumbledore's reaction was grave, as Severus had expected. They both felt rather helpless. Indeed, they were helpless. They could only stand back and watch as many of the children they had taught, nurtured - well, perhaps Severus didn't exactly nurture them, but he taught them - were recruited into the dark side. Although some of the children showed a taste for darkness early on, most of them were bright-eyed and enthusiastic when they came to Hogwarts. Under the careful guidence of their parents, however, many were coerced into bitterness and prejudice. Even so, Dumbledore suspected that if given the chance, they would in time return to the light. If they were kept away from negative influence. Away from their family. That was something that neither Snape nor Dumbledore could offer them.
The situation was infuriatingly frustrating. Snape had in his possession information that affected the lives of many, and there was nothing he could do with it. Ideally, they would like to talk to the children and find out if any of them were willing to turn away from their parents. Those that were would be kept in the protection of wizarding families, of whose identity would be kept confidential. But there were many problems with this scenario. The children who remained loyal to the dark side would inform their parents. They, in turn, would wonder who had told Dumbledore of the subject of their meeting. Then it would fall back to Severus. He would need to go into hiding. The school would be the target of the deatheater's malice, and they would no longer have a spy to help keep the other children safe.
It felt like a never ending cycle of despair. They thought of many ideas, but it all came back to one thing: The safety of a few against the safety of the school. In the end, there was nothing they could do but resign themselves to the children's fate.
Severus felt like a coward. He felt like he was running away from responsibility. He felt like he should at least try to help some of the children reject the darkness. He was not reputed for being a particularly compassionate man. In fact, most of the students and a few of the staff reguarded him as cold, aloof, and bitter. For the most part this was true. Yet Snape knew what the children would experience if they became a part of the deatheaters. It was something he had lived through himself. He'd have to be nothing short of a monster to wish that fate onto anyone else. Not even his worst enemy. Not even Potter... Cold, aloof and bitter he may be. But a monster he was not. If given the chance he would rescue the children from their fate within the blink of an eye. Besides, it was the least he could do. If he was killed in the process, it would be nothing short of long overdue justice. At least in his mind, where he would always be guilty, always a murderer.
There were the other children to think about. That was the only thing that stopped him from going ahead with the plans in spite of the danger to himself. At that moment he hated his position. It was a position of power, although it was frequently a position of helplessness. It made him feel responsible, inadequate. Dumbledore always sensed this and tried to make it up to him, but after a while he realised that it only made Severus feel guiltier. So Severus was left to his despair, his self-hate. Today it felt worse than usual.
He gave out a lot of detentions that day.
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2
Although many of the other students in Slytherin recieved owls from their parents that week, Draco Malfoy didn't. While the other students gave mixed reactions from excitement to anxiousness, to ill-disguised fear, Draco Malfoy simply wondered what the news was, and why he didn't recieve it. The others wouldn't tell him. Even Crabbe and Goyle refused. They were, of course, under strict instructions from their parents not to discuss the information with anyone under any circumstances. Even though Draco was rather curious, though, his real attention lay in thinking about the Quidditch match. It was originally going to be played the next week. Since then, it had been moved up to just two days away. Draco was excited, and determined to show that Potter boy who was the better seeker.
Lucius Malfoy had requested that the match be brought forward. He didn't want his son to miss it, even if it was for being recruited into the deatheaters. It also gave him the perfect opportunity to tell him. While the other parents had to rely on owls to deliver the good news, Lucius was pleased that he would have the pleasure of seeing his son's reaction. He would be able to see the anticipation. The excitement. He remembered the day his own father had told him he was to be a deatheater. It was simply the proudest moment of his life.
The following day seemed to drag on and on for Draco Malfoy. He couldn't wait to get out onto the field. That night he lay in bed thinking about the day ahead of him. He couldn't sleep, he was simply to anxious. Like a small child the night before christmas, he reminded himself that the sooner he went to sleep, the sooner he would wake. The sooner the game would start. But then he'd think about the game again, and get butterflies in his stomach with bittersweet anticipation.
Crabbe and Goyle noticed that he wasn't sleeping. They asked if he was ok. Draco told them to go fuck themselves. They seemed stunned and climbed quickly back into their beds. Draco stifled a laugh. Pissing people off was so much fun. Tomorrow he'd do plenty of that. He was sure of it. But tomorrow he'd do it on the Quidditch field instead of with his mouth... of course he could always do a combination of the two. With that in mind he finally, blessedly, found rest.
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Next chapter we'll finally get to the Quidditch match. I have yet to decide who's going to win. I'm hoping it'll be Draco. He deserves a break. But then again, I always sit down with a certain plan in mind, before being whisked away into something else. I'll cross my fingers for him.