If you want to flame me, feel free, but please at least use proper grammar and spelling, thank you kindly. ^_^
~!~!~!~
The sunshine finally showed its face behind the dark clouds after a short
afternoon shower. Ayaka extended her left hand from underneath the umbrella
to check for any remaining raindrops before she slowly closed her temporary
shelter.
Walking along the sidewalk, carefully to avoid the puddles of rainwater on the ground, she looked up to the sky and covered her eyes up with the back of her palm to avoid looking at the sun directly. She blinked.
Rainy days like these always brought back past memories
~!~!~!~
It was also a gloomy and wet day when Ayaka and Hiro broke up. They had
been dating for three years when their relationship had finally hit the
bottleneck. Their love and passion had slowly faded away, and they had
reached the point of either getting married or moving onto the next stage
of life without each other. It was one or the other.
Ayaka was debating to break up with Hiro. She had no real confidence in keeping a long distance relationship with the super star that was admired by millions; she would get upset every time she heard fans gushing about how amazing Hiro was on the street. She was glad that her boyfriend was doing so well, but how could she possibly compete with all those flashy and dashing girls in Tokyo? She knew that Hiro was faithful and would never betray her, but she always felt that she wasn't good enough for him.
Besides, the fact that her family wasn't supportive of her being with Hiro didn't exactly help the situation either. They were absolutely furious when her pictures with Hiro on a date made headlines in major Japanese newspapers.
The Kyoto-born beauty knew that Hiro was thinking about their relationship too, but since he was too nice about hurting her feelings, he would probably never bring it up himself. So Ayaka decided to break her ice one day, when they were having coffee together inside a small and private restaurant in Tokyo.
"Hiroshi-san, I think we need to talk." They had been really polite when addressing each other ever since they started dating, and the mutual respect didn't change over the years.
Hiroshi looked up in surprise. Rarely did he hear his girlfriend used such serious tone when they were spending precious time. "Sure, Ayaka-chan, what do you want to talk about?"
The longhaired girl bowed her head and started playing with the handkerchief on her lap. Stealing a peek at Hiro and seeing his reassuring smile, Ayaka finally had the courage to speak again. "I am wondering about our future "
"Actually it's been bothering me too, but I don't know how I should bring up the issue with you. Thanks for taking the initiative really."
Ayaka just nodded quietly and waited for Hiro to elaborate.
"Well you see, our manager K has suggested that we should explore the international market, since Bad Luck has finally become the big thing in Japan. He said we should plan our debut in America soon, but that'll require me to leave the country for a very long time. I don't want to leave you behind, you know."
"Are you interested in the plan yourself, Hiroshi-san?"
"Yeah, I'm pretty excited about it. I'm sure we'll do well in America too, since K has lots of experience with marketing Sakuma-san over there. But I don't know " Hiro started playing with his hair. Ayaka found out quite early on that it was a habit of his when he was worried or nervous.
"I think you should definitely go. You shouldn't miss a wonderful opportunity when you see it. Please don't let me tie you down."
"So you're saying I should go to America? Do you really think that's a good idea?"
"I think so."
Hiro gave a sigh of relief. He started grinning, "thanks for being such an understanding girlfriend, Ayaka-chan! You don't know how comforting it is to hear the encouraging words from you! Shuichi almost drove me crazy with all these talks about America for the past few days! Wow thank heavens for that!"
"So Shindo-san and " she stopped herself from saying the name at the last moment before continuing, " is going to America too?"
"Oh yes, Shuichi and Yuki-san are coming with us. I don't know how my friend managed to convince the man, but he did it, so both of them are coming." Hiro suddenly realized something and added quickly, "You're coming with me to America too, right?"
Ayaka was silent for a minute or two before answering again; she was grateful that Hiro asked her to come along, but she knew that deep inside his heart he wasn't exactly ready to settle down yet. If Ayaka were to go with Hiro, they had to either get engaged or married officially. It would be disastrous for an idol to be seen as "taken" so early on in his music career.
"I do not think it would be a really good idea. I cannot speak English, and you know my family would never let me leave Kyoto, Hiroshi-san."
Hiro frowned when he heard Ayaka's indirect refusal. "If you're not coming with me, then I don't think should go either. I can't leave you behind like this."
"Please don't concern yourself about me. Actually, I was thinking that maybe we should separate for a while, because my family was pressing me about our relationship again."
"Is that the only reason why you can't come with me?"
Ayaka hid her face inside her hands, and finally decided to speak the truth. "I do not think I can take all the pressure of being with you anymore. It was too much for a normal girl like me. Every time I saw you on stage or TV, I am reminded of the distance between us. You are gorgeous, famous and amazing. I am only an Nobody without any talent or skills. We should not be together, because one day you would finally leave me behind. I know you are kind-hearted, but there are things that you have no control over. I love you, but I really cannot do this any longer. I am sorry."
Hiro was speechless for a very long time.
Suddenly, he got up from his seat, walked towards Ayaka and pulled her into a tight embrace.
"I'm sorry that I never realized anything. I'm really sorry that I was too wrapped up in my career and didn't notice your struggles with this relationship. I should have paid a lot more attention to you."
"It's ok I completely understand "
Hiro placed a soft kiss on Ayaka's cheek. "Please don't say anything bad about yourself. You're a considerate and caring girl, which was the reason why I felt in love with you in the first place." He sighed heavily, "however, if breaking up will make you happy in any way, I'm willing to put up with it."
Ayaka buried her head into the crook of Hiro's neck and started sobbing soundlessly. She hugged Hiro tighter and whispered in an almost inaudible tone.
"Thank you for letting me go "
~!~!~!~
Ayaka gently shook the water off the umbrella as she put it away in a
plastic bag. She still remembered how heartbroken she was when she saw
Hiro off at the airport a month later, but she reminded herself that it
was something that needed to be done.
Turning over a corner and slowly walking towards a park nearby, she realized how much Kyoto had changed over the years. She still remembered the days when she played with the Uesugi siblings at a playground near their temple, but that playground didn't exist anymore due to construction.
The Uesugi and Usami families, both prestigious and rich in their own ways, had known one another for several generations; it was one of the reasons why Ayaka was engaged to their eldest son Eiri at one point in time, before she realized that she would never have a chance with him.
She had been jealous of Shuichi before for his success in winning over Eiri's love and affection while she had failed miserably, but she harboured no hard feelings for him anymore. Through Hiro, she had gotten to know Shuichi better. How could anyone seriously hate a carefree and energetic (if not a bit crazy) person like him?
Sitting down on the wooden bench in the park, the Kyoto beauty with hair as soft as finely-spun silk, pouty lips and babysoft skin smiled at the fond memories of playing with her only childhood friends. Mika, the oldest and the only girl in the family, who would always mother her brothers, fussing over the tiniest thing they did, but was actually very compassionate underneath the tough look.
Eiri, the middle kid and the eldest son, was shy and quiet because of his different hair and eye colour. She could always find him reading thick books that were way beyond his age underneath the Sakura trees in the backyard. She supposed that her crush on him actually started back when she realized how lonely he looked when he was reading all by himself.
And finally there was Tatsuha, the youngest boy in the family and everyone's sweetheart, who liked playing tricks on her such as pulling on her long hair or putting frogs into her bags, making her cry and causing her to run to her mother for comfort. It was times like those that made her realize how lucky she was to have a mother; her friends' mother died when giving birth to her youngest son.
Ah yes, that little boy Tatsuha, who was a year younger than her. Who would have thought that he would become such an integral part of her life so many years later?
~!~!~!~
Ayaka was coping relatively well for the next month or so after Hiro left for good. Among other things, she occupied her time by learning to be a better performer at tea ceremonies. Until a visit with the doctor completely shattered the peaceful world she was living in.
She found out that she was three months pregnant with Hiro's child.
Not knowing what to do and having no one to confide in, she had thought of calling Hiro and asking him to come back. But she realized that it was a really bad idea, since it was her who broke up with him in the first place. She didn't want to put him into such a tricky position; it would be really unfair to ask him to abandon everything for her, but Ayaka knew that Hiro would be nice enough to do it for her.
She cooped herself in her room for the next several days considering her options. Finally after getting sick of seeing the four empty walls and unable to come up with anything, she decided to take a stroll in the park one night.
She slowly walked towards the park near her house. It was getting late, so the park was abandoned and quiet. She moved towards the manmade pond and watched the water flow gradually.
She was actually thinking how nice it would be to just stuff her head into the water and be done with all her problems, when a familiar voice startled her and brought her back to the reality.
"Hey, Ayaka-chan, having fun admiring the moon tonight? Can I join you?" Tatsuha stood several feet away from her and started looking at the pond too.
"Tatsuha-san, you scared me! What are you doing out there at such a late hour?"
"I think I should ask you the same question." Tatsuha laughed. "Well, I was here because the old man sent me to bring stuff over to your house, and your parents asked me to look for you because you had been away for a while. You shouldn't worry them like that, you know."
"I am sorry "
"Don't apologize to me!" Tatsuha took off his jacket and draped it over her shoulders. "Here, you must be cold, wearing such thin clothes. You should take care of yourself better! Now, let me escort you home, my lady."
Ayaka pulled the jacket closer to her body and mumbled, "I do not want to go home yet "
Tatsuha gave her an inquired look and shrugged, "Why? Wait, let us move to somewhere warmer before we start talking. Do you want to have something warm to drink? You can tell me at the café over there."
Ayaka just nodded and followed Tatsuha.
~!~!~!~
After they were settled down in the café, Tatsuha gave Ayaka a
concerned look before asking again.
"Now tell me what's wrong. I'm your childhood friend, so feel free to tell me anything!" Tatsuha winked and passed the sugar jar over to his female companion.
Ayaka just sighed. She put two spoons of sugar into her coffee, and she took the liberty of adding a spoon to Tatsuha's coffee too. Like he said, although they weren't exactly close friends, they had known each other for a long time. For example, she knew the three siblings' preferences for food and drinks pretty well, just because she had eaten with them for many times over the years.
"I do not know what should I tell you, Tatsuha-san." Ayaka stirred the coffee with a teaspoon; the metal spoon kept hitting the inside wall of the thick cup, producing some dull clinking sounds that made the silence even more awkward.
"Ah, excuse me for my manners. How are you lately?"
"You're always so polite, Ayaka ojo-chan." Tatsuha smiled and began to make a paper aeroplane with one of the napkins provide by the café.
"My old man is always annoying and noisy, but I can usually stand it. But lately he had been extremely irritating to everyone, especially around me, and he was trying to force me into agreeing with things that I don't want to do. But I think I'm gonna give in really soon, just because I'm the only one who can do it. Blah. But whatever."
"I think it has something to do with Eiri leaving Japan with Shuichi without telling him." He continued. "My father likes to dream about Eiri inheriting the temple one day, since he's the eldest son and all. He was kind of expecting Eiri to dump the singer and move back to Kyoto."
Tatsuha started snickering. "Of course, my brother, being the heartless son that he is, just takes off without telling anyone about his plans. He so rocks!"
The black-haired man snapped his fingers. "Yeah, I got it now! Your boyfriend just left too, didn't he? What's his name again, Nakano Hiroshi? Is that why you were upset, Ayaka-chan? Long distance relationship is really hard to maintain, I know that. I have experience in that area ..." He nodded solemnly, suddenly seemed to be deep in thought for a moment.
Ayaka noticed his change of expression, but she wisely didn't say anything. "Yes, that was part of the reasons. But not all "
Taking a sip of the coffee, she suddenly felt the urge to puke. She covered up her mouth with both of her hands and ran towards the washroom.
After finishing with clearing the content of her stomach and cleaning herself up, she made it back to the table where Tatsuha was sitting at patiently.
Tatsuha looked at her and asked in a low voice, "are you okay?"
"Yes, I am all right now."
"No, you most definitely aren't okay." Tatsuha leaned closer and patted her hands on the table. "Tell me, are you pregnant?"
Ayaka gasped audibly and turned her head sideway. Feeling pressured under Tatsuha's intense gaze, she finally nodded her head.
"Oh my god," seeing the hurt that was written all over Ayaka's face, he started explaining right away, "no, I'm not judging you or anything. I think it's perfectly normal. But I know how your family is. They will probably kick you away once they learn the news! It's absolutely scandalous for the daughter of a head priest to give birth to an illegitimate child! Oh my god, I could just imagine the gossip already. Damn, this is no good."
Ayaka tried to blink back her tears, but it didn't help and so she began sobbing silently. She bowed her head and didn't say anything.
"Is it Nakano's kid?"
Another nod.
"Is he going to marry you soon?"
She hesitated for a long time before shaking her head.
"What? That bastard! How could he leave you helpless in such situations? I'm gonna call Eiri now and have him punch the guy for you, and drag him back to Japan by his balls!!" Tatsuha stood up, pulled out his cell phone and started dialing.
Ayaka put a hand onto Tatsuha's phone and started shaking her head frantically. "No, Tatsuha-san. Hiroshi-san did not abandon me. I broke up with him before I knew I was pregnant. He is not at fault and so please do not blame him."
"So that was how it went, huh? I hope you're not saying that just to cover up for that man." Tatsuha pocked his cell phone and sat down again. "But still! I think you should at least let him know. What are you gonna do, Ayaka-chan?"
"I do not know. Maybe I would just raise the child up all by myself many people have done it before."
"But the social stigma for being a single mom! Think about it carefully, and think about the kid too."
Ayaka sank back to the seat and started shaking violently. "Yes, I have thought about it for the past few days. But I do not want to pressure him into marrying me just because I have his child! It would not be fair to him, and it would not be good for us. One day he would grow to hate me for it."
Tatsuha listened quietly and was once again, deep in thought.
Suddenly his face brightened up and he started laughing. Ayaka looked at him in confusion.
"I know what you're gonna do now! It's perfect, like killing two birds with one stone!" Tatsuha patted his chin in content, "it's easy! You just have to marry me and I'll be the father of that kid!"
Taken completely by surprise, Ayaka knocked the mug over and spilled the coffee onto her lap. "No! Tatsuha-san, I cannot allow you to sacrifice yourself for me!"
"No, it isn't a sacrifice by any stretch." Tatsuha grinned, "you remember what I told you minutes earlier, that the old man was forcing me to do things that I don't want to do? Listen, my father wanted me to get married as soon as possible and produced him a grandson, since he now knows Eiri won't do it for him. He was arranging for me to meet all these ladies from all over Japan. I like seeing new ladies and all, but I don't want to play the marriage game with any of them! It's hell, I can tell you that."
"But but "
"You were actually his first choice, but since I thought you were with someone else, I told him that I wouldn't marry you. But now that you need a husband and I need a wife, it all works out perfectly!"
"But Tatsuha-san! We do not love each other "
"Yeah, I know that," Tatsuha's voice suddenly got considerably lower and deeper, his eyes darkened and troubled. "But sometimes you just have to settle with whatever you get in life. If I can't have him it doesn't really matter who I am with "
Ayaka had an idea who Tatsuha was talking about, because Tatsuha only talked about the man like every other time he saw her. But she didn't say anything.
"Anyway! I'd rather marry you than someone else whom I don't know from Osaka or whatever. Besides, don't you think it'll be a wonderful joke if my father finds out that the grandchild that he so desperately wants isn't his son's at all? I can just imagine the expression on his face now!"
Ayaka secretly thought that it would actually be hilarious and kind of ironic.
"So, will you marry me or not, Ayaka-chan? Or do you want me to get down on my knees and do the whole official proposal thing?"
"No!" Deciding that it wasn't time to be proper because she definitely needed to solve her problems, she nodded and said, "I will marry you, of course. You are a lifesaver to me, Tatsuha-san. I do not know how I can possibly thank you."
Tatsuha just smiled. "I never told you before, but actually I had a crush on you when I was younger, before I met someone else that I decided I liked better. You're my first crush, but he's my first love ... but let's talk about our wonderful wedding plan instead!"
Tatsuha's smile seemed to fade a little, as if he was remembering someone else in the past, but he started grinning hard again when he saw Ayaka's shocked expression.
He added, "Why do you think I always pulled on your hair and teased you? I was trying to get your attention! You were nothing like Mika. God, I love her and all, but I'm kind of afraid of bossy women because of her. You were so cute, always blushing when you saw Eiri and pinning after him like a little puppy. But you never noticed me, just because I was younger than you!"
Tatsuha jokingly attempted a fake crying face.
"I am sorry, Tatsuha-san. I was not paying attention "
"It's OK, it's OK! You know, I feel very lucky now. Not many people got to marry their first crush! Of course, almost no one gets to marry their first love "
Tatsuha's eyes started to lose focus on the girl in front of him, as he looked outside of the window and watched the incoming traffic passing by with their headlights dancing in and out of sight like a merry-go-around, whistling a soft melody for himself before he started talking again.
~!~!~!~
Ayaka checked her clock and realized it was about time to pick up her children. Gathering her belongings from the bench, she made her way quickly back to the bus stop and waited for the school bus to arrive.
Finally the bus pulled up, and the children on board were happy to see their fathers and mothers after such a long day at school.
Ayaka smiled at her two sons. The older one, a ten-year-old boy with long black hair and bright eyes, was really keen on talking about his activities in school.
"Mom, since I can play the piano, teacher let me become the official keyboardist in my school band! I'm so excited!"
"Good job, Hino! I am so proud of you, my dear. Now, what has Eiri done in school today?" She asked the tiny boy who, except for his unusual hair and eye colour, was the splitting image of his father.
Tatsuha and Ayaka decided to name their first son (of course, no one else knew the truth; everyone thought Hino was their first child) after his uncle Eiri because of his striking resemblance to the older writer, who was still living in America with Shuichi after all these years.
"I read a book today. Teacher was surprised that I can read so many kanji." Said the blond-haired boy shyly.
Ayaka petted both of their heads, "I am so proud of both of you. Let me make something good to eat tonight."
Holding Hino's hand in her left and Eiri's in her right, the mother and the two boys made it back to the Uesugi temple.
They met Tatsuha at the entrance.
"How did the exorcism go?" Ayaka asked.
"I didn't butcher it, so everything is good!" Tatsuha sat down on a wooden bench, picked up both boys and lifted the younger one up to ride on his shoulders and the older one on his lap.
"Wow! Hino, you're getting heavier!" Tatsuha smirked and gave each of the boys a box of Pocky. "Hey, here are presents!"
"Tatsuha, you should not give them snacks right before dinner!" Ayaka shook her head and declared. "Well, I guess it is okay once in a while."
"Mother of the Year strikes again!" Tatsuha quipped. "I know you are always understanding, Ayaka." He winked at her. "Oh, I forgot to say: Tadaima!"
"Okairinasai, anata!"
Ayaka thought that she was indeed very fortunate. She mussed each of her sons' hair, and the happy family walked inside their house together.
END