Nightmares of Power

By Adalanta

Disclaimer: Everything is owned by whoever owns the rights to "Mutant X," except the plot.

Author's Notes: I didn't intend to make this story into a Jesse/Emma romance, but, well, it happened anyway. Their bond is too important in the next chapter to completely overlook without any sort of beginning, so that's mainly what this chapter is. It also takes a closer look at Jesse and Shalimar's relationship along the way. I've never written anything even remotely romantic, so I'm not sure how well this chapter is going to go over. I'll probably wrap the whole story up in the next chapter or maybe two depending on how long chapter five is.

Please, please, please (I'm begging down on my knees here, people), leave me a review or email me at adalanta14@yahoo.com. Let me know what you think. PLEASE!!!!!!

Special thanks to aimless for her wonderful review of Chapter Three. Your review meant the world to me! Thanks!

Chapter Four

She could feel them long before she caught sight of them, their preceding emotions so strong that they left her feeling physically sick - stomach churning queasily, hands sweating, head throbbing. And it only grew worse the closer they came. Wrapping her arms around her stomach, she doubled over, closing her eyes and resting her head on the left side of Jesse's bed. She mentally shoved the overwhelming emotions away, pushing them back farther and farther until they were out of her mind and then constructing a wall to hold them back. The effort left her briefly weak but relieved.

They don't understand what it's like - feeling other people's emotions every single day, she thought bitterly. Adam has no idea what it's like to be a mutant. Jesse and Brennan have to mentally turn on their powers. She paused to consider Shalimar's mutant powers. I guess Shal would be the closest to understanding…but it's still not the same. Not even close.

She slowly straightened up, automatically slipping into her professional demeanor, readying herself to face her friends' violent emotions. Only a few seconds later, the remaining members of Mutant X walked through the heavy door, heading her way, a grim expression on each of their faces. Well, perhaps 'walked' isn't the best description. Adam walks, Brennan strides, and Shalimar prowls. A small bubble of laughter formed in the middle of her stomach, helping to take her mind off of the increased tension in the air.

Shalimar was the first to reach Jesse, of course, and immediately reached down to take his right hand, her other hand tenderly brushed the blond hair from the young man's pale face. She frowned. "Why does he still feel so cold? I thought he was stable," she demanded, swinging her head up at Emma.

Emma had just opened her mouth to explain, when she heard Adam speak from behind her and only then realized that the older man was standing a few feet away at one of the stations, checking Jesse's vital signs.

"He is stable, Shalimar, but his temperature is still a few degrees below normal." Emma saw Shal's mouth open but Adam pressed on before she could utter a word. "It has, however, been steadily rising and should be normal in a few more hours. The medication will keep him asleep for at least four or five more hours - enough time for it to return to normal."

The feral nodded her understanding, but her worried expression did not fade, unassured by the diagnosis. Emma turned away, having to steel herself from the emotions emanating from her teammates. From Adam, she sensed concern and a vague helplessness, but mostly guilt; from Brennan, exhaustion, uneasiness, and, strangely enough, fear; from Shalimar, terror, anxiety, and…emptiness? She gasped at that last emotion, her head jerking up, her eyes wide.

Brennan heard her gasp and stepped forward, his dark face filled with alarm. "Emma? Are you all right? What is it?" he asked, lightly touching her shoulder.

She jumped, startled by his touch, and stepped away before she knew it. Raising her eyes to his, he latched onto their familiar dark depths, anything to drive the sense of emptiness out of her mind. It took a full minute for her to regain her voice - a full minute of Brennan standing there, concerned, looking completely lost. Finally, she whispered, "I - it's nothing…really. I'm okay."

The elemental stared at her, clearly not believing her unsteady words. "Was it Jesse? Is he in pain?" He nervously shoved his hands into the pockets of his black jeans.

She nearly winced as the heavy tide of fear threatened to drown her. Oh, great! She mumbled silently once she'd managed to block the tide. Now, I've made him feel even worse! "No. No, it's not Jesse. It's just…I can't…I…" she stopped stammering and shrugged. "There's nothing you or I can do about it. It just…is. Please, let it alone?"

After receiving his reluctant nod, she stepped around him and returned to the medical bed and the silent, pale figure resting upon it. Shalimar had her hand on Jesse's face, stroking it affectionately, whispering soothing words to him, and ignoring the fact that he could not hear her. It was a truly touching scene, quite possibly the most intimate that Emma had ever witnessed between Jesse and Shalimar.

And for one long moment, Emma's heart clenched painfully in her chest - and a tide of jealousy rose up so strongly within her that it blocked all of her senses - all but sight. The agony was so intense that it brought tears to her eyes, casting a wavy, watery glow upon the scene, making it appear as if it were underwater. The pain paralyzed her physically, but her mind still worked. And it was at this moment that she realized the truth that she had been denying and hiding from for so long.

She loved Jesse.

And not just the kind of love one feels for a brother, or teammate, or friend. No, it was a deep, overwhelming, passionate love that filled her completely, heart and soul. The love and pain intertwined with each other, wrapping closer and closer until they became one. She loved Jesse…and so did Shalimar. But how? As a brother, best friend, or lover? I have to know. The thought came from the depths of her soul. I have to know.

She shut her eyes, blocking out the agonizing scene before her and opened her mind to Shalimar's, not enough for her friend to know she was there, but just enough to pull aside her mind's curtain and sense her emotions fully. She had done this before, try to read her friend and see what was wrong. In fact, she had done this many times, to many people. It should have been routine…but it wasn't - not this time. This time, it was personal. All her hopes rested on the answers she would find within. The reason for the terrifying emptiness she had sensed just minutes earlier and the depth of Shalimar's love for Jesse.

Feelings flowed through her mind like ice water, cold and refreshing. She carefully waded through them, seeking the answers to her questions, ones she both dreaded and craved. She searched methodically, but soon began to despair that she would ever uncover what she was looking for.

And then… it was right there in front of her.

The emptiness surrounded her, covering her mental eye with darkness - a black, inky void, chillingly cold and empty. She reached out mental tendrils, sending them out in all directions, seeking the cause of such a horrifying emotion. Finally, she found something. A memory?…No. Not so much a memory, just the feelings of a memory, she decided. A memory that has been buried so deep that it no longer exists, just the shattered fragments of her emotions remain. Pain. Fear. Abandonment. Loneliness. Lose. They swirled around her unchecked like a violent whirlwind. Suddenly a part of Shalimar's personality made sense. This is why Shal is so protective - why she would go through hell to save us. This emptiness - for lack of a better word - is settled so deeply into her mind that she probably never thought about it.

She paused for a second to consider what she had found. From what she had just seen, Shalimar always carried this particular feeling around inside her, but it was only now - when Jesse was in such a serious condition - that it came to the forefront. Emma had always known that Shalimar was closer to Jesse than anyone else. They both had been part of Mutant X before she and Brennan had joined; it was only natural for the two of them to be especially close, to form a special bond. But the question was, how close?

The question pushed her on, forcing her to shrug off the darkness, although she did make a note to discuss her find with Adam confidentially. She never revealed a person's inner feelings unless it was a danger to that person or someone else on the team. And this, she was sure, was a definite danger. Shalimar might not be able to mentally withstand the pain of losing one of them. It was a brutal thought, something she hated to consider, but it was the truth nonetheless. Something would have to be done.

She waded back out into the water, feeling the fast flow tugging on her legs, threatening to take her deeper than she wanted to go. This time, thankfully, she did not have far to go. The strong, deep emotion of love literally pulled her inside. This emotion was completely different - vibrant and alive with bright colors that swirled like ribbons around her, brushing her cheeks, nearly making her laugh with joy. And there, in the middle, surrounded by bright light, she found what she had been searching for.

Shalimar did love Jesse…but only as a brother and best friend…not as a potential lover.

She came out of her trance to find Shalimar still gazing sadly down at Jesse's still face, his hand held tightly in feral's own. With a start, Emma realized that her journey had not taken as long as it had seemed; instead of hours, it had been minutes, and probably only a few at that. No one had noticed her absence. With an audible sigh of relief, she sank down into her chair by Jesse's bed, reaching out to grasp the molecular's free hand.

The young blond woman lifted her head after hearing Emma's sigh, concern for her friend filling her brown eyes. "How are holding up?" she asked softly, running a hand absently through her hair. "You doing okay?"

"I'm fine, just tired."

"You don't look tired, you look exhausted, Emma. How much sleep did you get?"

Emma mentally ticked off the hours. "About five hours, I think." She glanced down at the young man on the bed, feeling her heart constrict at the sight. "I couldn't sleep…not after what happened, especially after the first time. It was so close…" She shuddered just thinking about it, the horrifying images and feelings flashing though her mind. She looked up as a hand pressed lightly on her arm and saw Shal stretching over the bed, trying to comfort her. Here she is, fighting to keep the terror of her own worst nightmare from overwhelming her, and she can still take the time to look after someone else.

"I'm so glad that you were there - that you could help him. Adam said - he said that without you, Jesse would have died." Shalimar blinked rapidly to keep the tears that threatened from falling. When she had regained control, she continued. "I'm glad that you're here…that you can help him."

Emma stared straight at Shalimar, outwardly calm, but shaking inside at how her friend would react to her words. "You do understand what I'll probably have to do, don't you? It's not going to be easy - especially not on him. I'm going to deliberately force my way inside his mind, find out what hurts him the most from yesterday, and then throw everything back in his face. It's going to hurt him, Shal. I'm going to hurt him." Her stomach knotting into a writhing ball, she waited for the inevitable onrush of anger and resentment that would explode any minute.

It never came.

"I know, Emma." Shalimar met her gaze, voice suddenly strong and even. "Adam explained what was wrong, and what he asked you to do. You can help him, Em. You're the only one who can. Your powers - "

"Were never meant to hurt him!" She said bitterly. "I've caused him pain all ready, and it hurt me then, but that's nothing compared to what I will do. I'd rather die than hurt him, Shal, but…if I do nothing, then he will die, and I couldn't - couldn't take that. So I'll do what Adam wants, break through his mind's defenses, and force him to face everything that's happened. And for that…he'll never forgive me. I - " She continued on only in her mind. I will lose the person I love most in the world after I save his life. But there's no other way.

"No." Brennan's commanding voice broke into her despairing thoughts, surprising her. She'd have jumped, but she was too drained. She had been so deep in thought that she had not noticed him move up beside her; he obviously had been there for a while because he knew exactly what she and Shal had been talking about. "Jesse will understand." The elemental put his arm around her shoulders, and she leaned gratefully into his broad chest. "Don't worry. He'll be all right. And so will you."