Day 2 -
By the time Draco and Hermione'd been able to convince Snape that they couldn't stay in the Potions classroom and do the show for the full 24 hours the first day, it had finally dawned on Hermione: because of the week of television broadcasting, there would be no classes all week. She stopped in her tracks, half-way down the hall to the Gryffindor dormitories, where Draco was walking her. "M-malfy-walfy?", she stuttered, her voice revealing extreme horror.
He turned, blinking a bit. "What is it, Granger Dearest?"
"I've suddenly realized something."
He nodded, allowing her to continue.
"We.. we're not going to have any other classes besides the news show this week, are we."
Draco paused for a moment, then nodded. "No, I suppose not.. Is something wrong with that, sweetheart?"
Hermione whirled dramatically towards him, her hazel orbs brimming with tears. "Draco, how can you be so heartless?! Don't you miss Flitwick, McGonagall, Sprout, Hooch, and the other teachers when you're not in their class?! Don't you care about your education?! We need to have our homework!"
Draco stopped. He'd never really thought about class that way before.. She made it sound almost .. sexual ..Wait! No, no she doesn't!!, he thought quickly, embarrassed. But.. , he thought, she does have a very .. sensual .. figure, doesn't she?.. He shook his head to clear the thoughts. "Oh, Hermione, honey, I'm sorry for being a cold-blooded, heartless little bastard.. How 'bout we talk about it a little more tomorrow, hm? I know we'll be able to work something out to make you feel better.." He pulled his beloved, studious little mudblood close, and gave her a tender Draco- brand hug.
Hermione sniffled, and let her beloved racist pig hold her for a moment before breaking away, and trying her best to smile. "Oh, Malfy-Walfy.. You always know the right thing to say. Yes, I'm sure we'll find some way to make me feel better tomorrow."
He nodded, and blinked, looking to his left. Somehow, it seemed that they'd resumed walking at some point, and were now standing directly in front of the fat lady's picture. "Well, goodnight.. Don't let the Potter bugs bite."
She smiled, nodding. "You too.. don't let the Pansy bugs bite." She smiled once more, waved, whispered a muffled 'caput draconis', and climbed into the common room.
When she was gone, Draco started down to the Slytherin dorms. He had a new mission: before the year was over, he had to seduce Hermione.
-
As Hermione climbed through the portrait hole, she glanced around the common room. To her relief, she saw no one. Not so much to her relief, when she walked past the large crimson armchair facing directly away from the door, she found Harry sitting there, leering evilly at her. "Hermione, girlfriend, we gotta talk."
She seized up in surprise, then relaxed and sighed, sinking into the armchair directly across from Harry's. "What do YOU want, Harry?"
"Like, OMIGOD, Hermione! Call me Harriot! I'm a girl now, right? So, like, tell me. Why didn't you ever take MY hints? Why do you only have eyes for that .. that sexy Malfoy chap?!" Harry (..er, iot?) was filled with passion: he was angry at Hermione, Draco, Ron, and, most of all, himself.
Hermione blinked, then shrugged, deciding that she probably ought to tell her ex-best friend the truth. "Well, Harry - iot. I'll be plain with you. You don't turn me on. That scar's icky, for one thing - I mean, is that really the only one of your heads Voldemort messed up? And then, you don't have a very good school record. I mean, DAMN Harry. You screw something up EVERY year. Another is .. Harry? Don't be offended, but .. " - a sigh - " .. you're not exactly the SMARTEST person in Hogwarts. Malfoy and I are the two best students in our year. So.. I just really want to breed an intelligent line of children."
Harry looked at the rug, pink hair reflecting the tongues of flame licking at the roof of the fireplace. "Omigod.. Like, Hermione.. Like, omigod! I just got, like, a totally *SUPER* idea! Like, how 'bout I go back to being a man? Then will you consider fucking me?"
Hermione stood up in disgust. "You just don't get it, do you! I DON'T WANT TO GET IN YOUR PANTS, HARRY POTTER!" And, with that, she whirled around and stomped off.
Harry sat in the armchair and stared blankly into the fireplace. He suddenly resolved something .. He'd become a man again. And, before this year was over, he'd seduce Hermione.
-
Severus was in the dining hall with Minerva, hiccupping a bit, for they were both drunk as skunks. "And soooo-hic!.. Minerv-hic! What do you th- hic! about the students' news show?"
Minerva giggled, hiccupping as well. "I t-hic! it's one of the most brilliant things I've ever seen, Sever-hic! And your pink clothes are, if I may say so myself, VERY s-hic-xy!"
Severus, flushed with alcohoul and pleasure at the approval of his beloved, poured himself another glass of wine. He was gonna have some fun tonight! Woo-hoo, the joys of physical maturity.. It was looking like tomorrow might be another day where the students would enter Potions to the frightening sounds of a 30-year-old and a 65-year-old making love.
-
The next morning, Draco and Hermione awoke to find themselves stone-drunk and tied up ... in the Hufflepuff tower. Of course, the first thing going through the minds of each and every one of you is "who has committed this heinous crime?! .. and a HUFFLEPUFF?! .. How can a HUFFLEPUFF be capable of that?!" Well, Draco and Hermione were, of course, thinking the same thing. And that would be when they looked up to see...
JUSTIN FINCH-FLETCHY HELD AT GUNPOINT BY WHO BUT PROFESSOR DUMBLEDORE!!!
"D-d-dumbledore! Why .. " Hermione just blinked, watching the swirls of purdy colors.. ".. just .. why?!"
Dumbledore stared at Hermione, his glare boring into her very soul. "I know it was you. I know you two did it!"
Draco blinked, as dumbfounded as Hermione.. Although he didn't like to admit it, Dumbledore was just as much a father to him as to all the other students. ".. What .. are you talking about .. Dumbledore .. ? .. "
The headmaster growled, and tightened his finger on the trigger to his gun. "Confess, or I'll shoot! I know you did it!!"
Hermione, whose eyes were filled with tears, managed to choke out a few words: "What did we do?!"
Dumbledore leered, his eyes tearing a bit, what he thought they'd done obviously causing him great pain. "I know you did it! Confess!! YOU took all the cookies from the cookie jar!!!"
Draco and Hermione gasped, their eyes wide with terror. "WHO, ME!?" They cried in unison.
Dumbledore nodded angrily. "YES, YOU!"
"COULDN'T BE!!"
Dumbledore blinked in confusion.. "Then who .. ? .. "
Hermione glared at Justin, her eyes seeming to have turned into searing arrows of Death. "JUSTIN FINCH-FLETCHY STOLE THE COOKIES FROM THE COOKIE JAR!"
Justin's eyes widened. "Who, ME?!"
Draco nodded angrily. "Yes, you!"
Justin sighed and burst into tears, nodding. "Yes, me!.. I did it! I stole the cookies from the cookie jar, Dumbledore! I'm sorry! I couldn't help myself! They were so damn SCRUMPTIOUS..!!!!.."
Dumbledore sighed, and shook his head, untying Draco and Hermione. "Well, then it looks like we've found the culprit.. I'm sorry, Miss Granger, Mister Malfoy. You have my apologies, and permission to go back to your houses."
Draco and Hermione nodded, and got up, sort of stumbling out of the Hufflepuff common room into the hallway. Draco stared at Hermione, blinking hard. "Well.. that was .. strange .."
"You took the words right out of my mouth.."
"You know, it's almost time to go back on the air. And then, we're going to have to be on for the rest of the week.. You should probably go do.. whatever girls do.." He blinked a bit.
"Oh.. well, I did all that before bed. All that's left is that we need to get dressed.. so.. I'll see you in Potions in ten, ok?"
Draco nodded, heading off towards the Slytherin dormitories. -
Draco and Hermione were sitting behind the news desk, Draco in a slick navy- blue business suit that brought out his hair, a LARGE mug of de-caffe coffee beside him, Hermione in a black business suit.. minus the mug of coffee.. Draco looked down at his notes and cleared his throat. "And now it's time for.!"
The audience shouted "GOOD MORNING HOGWARTS!"
Hermione and Draco groaned a bit at the stupidity of the opening.. Hermione sighed, looking at the notes, then smiling to the camera. "Today, we have a wonderful show for you. We have -"
But Hermione never got to say what they had. Because, who should stumble on stage in a drunken stupor but Severus.
And not only was Severus in a drunken stupor.
He was in a drunken stupor and singing Billy Jean by Michael Jackson.
Snape hiccupped, staggering across the stage.. "Oh - hic! - Billy Jean is not my love-hic!-er! She's just a -hic!- girl who thinks that -hic!!-I am the one! But the -hic!-kid is -hic!-not my son!!"
Draco got up, taking a step towards the head of his house. "Err. Snape..?.."
Snape shuffled over to Draco, leaning on him. "Draco, I tell you, the - HIC!! - kid is not my son! Billy - hic!! - Jean is not my lover!!!"
"Er, that's nice, Snape.. but.. we're on the air.. You think you could.. get off the stage..?.." Draco struggled to support the weight of his Professor..
"-Hic-We're on the - hic ! - air? Oh, good! Then no-hic!-body will think that -hic!-Billy Jean is my -hic!- lover! I swear that - hic - she's just a girl who - hic!!!! - thinks that I am the one!!!!!!! The kid really - hic! - isn't my son!!" Thus spoke Severus. With a passion.
Hermione stood, biting her lip, motioning for the camera crew to come and get Snape.. Meanwhile, Severus was still going on about Billy Jean.
"I mean, --hic!-Billy Jean told me she thought I was the - hic - one, and I told her to beat - hic! - it! Beat it! No one wants to be de-hic!-feated! Hic!"
Draco was almost fainting with the sickening scent of the alcohoul on his professor's breath.
Finally, the camera crew got Crabbe and Goyle to come back and haul their teacher off stage, who had now begun telling them that even if you don't wanna be a boy, you wanna be a man, that they should beat it, 'cuz they'll kick you and beat you and tell you it's fair.
When Snape had finally been dealt with, Hermione and Draco sat down again, they sighed in relief.. Hopefully, that'd be the worst they got today.. "Anyway.. We've got a great show.. We're going to have -"
Again, Hermione was interrupted.
Dumbledore had run on stage, this time with Oliver Wood held at wandpoint (he'd given up on the gun). "THIS BOY .. THIS BOY!! .. HE KNOWS THE MUFFIN MAN!"
Draco banged his head on the table repeatedly.
Hermione started to cry.
This was going to be a long, long, LONG week.
-
A/N- Thanks to all who R&Rd!!
And, a special thanks to:
Phil D. (CrazyMan Phil) - thanks for your undying support and forcing me to work on the fic. Lmao.
Ginny-mun (Child of Weasley) - thanks SOOO much for the idea of drunken Snape walking on stage singing.. XD.. You cured my writer's block!
Courtney - Thanks for reviewing!
By the time Draco and Hermione'd been able to convince Snape that they couldn't stay in the Potions classroom and do the show for the full 24 hours the first day, it had finally dawned on Hermione: because of the week of television broadcasting, there would be no classes all week. She stopped in her tracks, half-way down the hall to the Gryffindor dormitories, where Draco was walking her. "M-malfy-walfy?", she stuttered, her voice revealing extreme horror.
He turned, blinking a bit. "What is it, Granger Dearest?"
"I've suddenly realized something."
He nodded, allowing her to continue.
"We.. we're not going to have any other classes besides the news show this week, are we."
Draco paused for a moment, then nodded. "No, I suppose not.. Is something wrong with that, sweetheart?"
Hermione whirled dramatically towards him, her hazel orbs brimming with tears. "Draco, how can you be so heartless?! Don't you miss Flitwick, McGonagall, Sprout, Hooch, and the other teachers when you're not in their class?! Don't you care about your education?! We need to have our homework!"
Draco stopped. He'd never really thought about class that way before.. She made it sound almost .. sexual ..Wait! No, no she doesn't!!, he thought quickly, embarrassed. But.. , he thought, she does have a very .. sensual .. figure, doesn't she?.. He shook his head to clear the thoughts. "Oh, Hermione, honey, I'm sorry for being a cold-blooded, heartless little bastard.. How 'bout we talk about it a little more tomorrow, hm? I know we'll be able to work something out to make you feel better.." He pulled his beloved, studious little mudblood close, and gave her a tender Draco- brand hug.
Hermione sniffled, and let her beloved racist pig hold her for a moment before breaking away, and trying her best to smile. "Oh, Malfy-Walfy.. You always know the right thing to say. Yes, I'm sure we'll find some way to make me feel better tomorrow."
He nodded, and blinked, looking to his left. Somehow, it seemed that they'd resumed walking at some point, and were now standing directly in front of the fat lady's picture. "Well, goodnight.. Don't let the Potter bugs bite."
She smiled, nodding. "You too.. don't let the Pansy bugs bite." She smiled once more, waved, whispered a muffled 'caput draconis', and climbed into the common room.
When she was gone, Draco started down to the Slytherin dorms. He had a new mission: before the year was over, he had to seduce Hermione.
-
As Hermione climbed through the portrait hole, she glanced around the common room. To her relief, she saw no one. Not so much to her relief, when she walked past the large crimson armchair facing directly away from the door, she found Harry sitting there, leering evilly at her. "Hermione, girlfriend, we gotta talk."
She seized up in surprise, then relaxed and sighed, sinking into the armchair directly across from Harry's. "What do YOU want, Harry?"
"Like, OMIGOD, Hermione! Call me Harriot! I'm a girl now, right? So, like, tell me. Why didn't you ever take MY hints? Why do you only have eyes for that .. that sexy Malfoy chap?!" Harry (..er, iot?) was filled with passion: he was angry at Hermione, Draco, Ron, and, most of all, himself.
Hermione blinked, then shrugged, deciding that she probably ought to tell her ex-best friend the truth. "Well, Harry - iot. I'll be plain with you. You don't turn me on. That scar's icky, for one thing - I mean, is that really the only one of your heads Voldemort messed up? And then, you don't have a very good school record. I mean, DAMN Harry. You screw something up EVERY year. Another is .. Harry? Don't be offended, but .. " - a sigh - " .. you're not exactly the SMARTEST person in Hogwarts. Malfoy and I are the two best students in our year. So.. I just really want to breed an intelligent line of children."
Harry looked at the rug, pink hair reflecting the tongues of flame licking at the roof of the fireplace. "Omigod.. Like, Hermione.. Like, omigod! I just got, like, a totally *SUPER* idea! Like, how 'bout I go back to being a man? Then will you consider fucking me?"
Hermione stood up in disgust. "You just don't get it, do you! I DON'T WANT TO GET IN YOUR PANTS, HARRY POTTER!" And, with that, she whirled around and stomped off.
Harry sat in the armchair and stared blankly into the fireplace. He suddenly resolved something .. He'd become a man again. And, before this year was over, he'd seduce Hermione.
-
Severus was in the dining hall with Minerva, hiccupping a bit, for they were both drunk as skunks. "And soooo-hic!.. Minerv-hic! What do you th- hic! about the students' news show?"
Minerva giggled, hiccupping as well. "I t-hic! it's one of the most brilliant things I've ever seen, Sever-hic! And your pink clothes are, if I may say so myself, VERY s-hic-xy!"
Severus, flushed with alcohoul and pleasure at the approval of his beloved, poured himself another glass of wine. He was gonna have some fun tonight! Woo-hoo, the joys of physical maturity.. It was looking like tomorrow might be another day where the students would enter Potions to the frightening sounds of a 30-year-old and a 65-year-old making love.
-
The next morning, Draco and Hermione awoke to find themselves stone-drunk and tied up ... in the Hufflepuff tower. Of course, the first thing going through the minds of each and every one of you is "who has committed this heinous crime?! .. and a HUFFLEPUFF?! .. How can a HUFFLEPUFF be capable of that?!" Well, Draco and Hermione were, of course, thinking the same thing. And that would be when they looked up to see...
JUSTIN FINCH-FLETCHY HELD AT GUNPOINT BY WHO BUT PROFESSOR DUMBLEDORE!!!
"D-d-dumbledore! Why .. " Hermione just blinked, watching the swirls of purdy colors.. ".. just .. why?!"
Dumbledore stared at Hermione, his glare boring into her very soul. "I know it was you. I know you two did it!"
Draco blinked, as dumbfounded as Hermione.. Although he didn't like to admit it, Dumbledore was just as much a father to him as to all the other students. ".. What .. are you talking about .. Dumbledore .. ? .. "
The headmaster growled, and tightened his finger on the trigger to his gun. "Confess, or I'll shoot! I know you did it!!"
Hermione, whose eyes were filled with tears, managed to choke out a few words: "What did we do?!"
Dumbledore leered, his eyes tearing a bit, what he thought they'd done obviously causing him great pain. "I know you did it! Confess!! YOU took all the cookies from the cookie jar!!!"
Draco and Hermione gasped, their eyes wide with terror. "WHO, ME!?" They cried in unison.
Dumbledore nodded angrily. "YES, YOU!"
"COULDN'T BE!!"
Dumbledore blinked in confusion.. "Then who .. ? .. "
Hermione glared at Justin, her eyes seeming to have turned into searing arrows of Death. "JUSTIN FINCH-FLETCHY STOLE THE COOKIES FROM THE COOKIE JAR!"
Justin's eyes widened. "Who, ME?!"
Draco nodded angrily. "Yes, you!"
Justin sighed and burst into tears, nodding. "Yes, me!.. I did it! I stole the cookies from the cookie jar, Dumbledore! I'm sorry! I couldn't help myself! They were so damn SCRUMPTIOUS..!!!!.."
Dumbledore sighed, and shook his head, untying Draco and Hermione. "Well, then it looks like we've found the culprit.. I'm sorry, Miss Granger, Mister Malfoy. You have my apologies, and permission to go back to your houses."
Draco and Hermione nodded, and got up, sort of stumbling out of the Hufflepuff common room into the hallway. Draco stared at Hermione, blinking hard. "Well.. that was .. strange .."
"You took the words right out of my mouth.."
"You know, it's almost time to go back on the air. And then, we're going to have to be on for the rest of the week.. You should probably go do.. whatever girls do.." He blinked a bit.
"Oh.. well, I did all that before bed. All that's left is that we need to get dressed.. so.. I'll see you in Potions in ten, ok?"
Draco nodded, heading off towards the Slytherin dormitories. -
Draco and Hermione were sitting behind the news desk, Draco in a slick navy- blue business suit that brought out his hair, a LARGE mug of de-caffe coffee beside him, Hermione in a black business suit.. minus the mug of coffee.. Draco looked down at his notes and cleared his throat. "And now it's time for.!"
The audience shouted "GOOD MORNING HOGWARTS!"
Hermione and Draco groaned a bit at the stupidity of the opening.. Hermione sighed, looking at the notes, then smiling to the camera. "Today, we have a wonderful show for you. We have -"
But Hermione never got to say what they had. Because, who should stumble on stage in a drunken stupor but Severus.
And not only was Severus in a drunken stupor.
He was in a drunken stupor and singing Billy Jean by Michael Jackson.
Snape hiccupped, staggering across the stage.. "Oh - hic! - Billy Jean is not my love-hic!-er! She's just a -hic!- girl who thinks that -hic!!-I am the one! But the -hic!-kid is -hic!-not my son!!"
Draco got up, taking a step towards the head of his house. "Err. Snape..?.."
Snape shuffled over to Draco, leaning on him. "Draco, I tell you, the - HIC!! - kid is not my son! Billy - hic!! - Jean is not my lover!!!"
"Er, that's nice, Snape.. but.. we're on the air.. You think you could.. get off the stage..?.." Draco struggled to support the weight of his Professor..
"-Hic-We're on the - hic ! - air? Oh, good! Then no-hic!-body will think that -hic!-Billy Jean is my -hic!- lover! I swear that - hic - she's just a girl who - hic!!!! - thinks that I am the one!!!!!!! The kid really - hic! - isn't my son!!" Thus spoke Severus. With a passion.
Hermione stood, biting her lip, motioning for the camera crew to come and get Snape.. Meanwhile, Severus was still going on about Billy Jean.
"I mean, --hic!-Billy Jean told me she thought I was the - hic - one, and I told her to beat - hic! - it! Beat it! No one wants to be de-hic!-feated! Hic!"
Draco was almost fainting with the sickening scent of the alcohoul on his professor's breath.
Finally, the camera crew got Crabbe and Goyle to come back and haul their teacher off stage, who had now begun telling them that even if you don't wanna be a boy, you wanna be a man, that they should beat it, 'cuz they'll kick you and beat you and tell you it's fair.
When Snape had finally been dealt with, Hermione and Draco sat down again, they sighed in relief.. Hopefully, that'd be the worst they got today.. "Anyway.. We've got a great show.. We're going to have -"
Again, Hermione was interrupted.
Dumbledore had run on stage, this time with Oliver Wood held at wandpoint (he'd given up on the gun). "THIS BOY .. THIS BOY!! .. HE KNOWS THE MUFFIN MAN!"
Draco banged his head on the table repeatedly.
Hermione started to cry.
This was going to be a long, long, LONG week.
-
A/N- Thanks to all who R&Rd!!
And, a special thanks to:
Phil D. (CrazyMan Phil) - thanks for your undying support and forcing me to work on the fic. Lmao.
Ginny-mun (Child of Weasley) - thanks SOOO much for the idea of drunken Snape walking on stage singing.. XD.. You cured my writer's block!
Courtney - Thanks for reviewing!