~ Sightseeing in Middle-Earth ~
~ Quote: ~
"What a marvelous collection of devices! How do they work? What do they do? May I flip some switches?" - The Beyonder: 'The Avengers', issue 261
~ Disclaimer: ~
See previous chapters.
~ Chapter IX~
~ Many Conversations ~
The next day I woke to an empty house once again. After getting changed and eating - I had to remember to ask Gandalf where the clean clothes were appearing from - I set off for the healing hall again, since I really didn't have anything else to do. I actually managed to find the healing hall without getting lost, much to my amazement, and so I entered in a happy mood. Merry, Eowyn and Faramir were fast asleep, but the house warden informed me that Boromir was up and in the gardens. Apparently he'd been making a startling recovery.
"Good morning, Boromir." I said cheerfully as I entered the garden and found Boromir.
"Good morning, Erin." Boromir replied as I sat down next to him, giving him a light kiss on the cheek.
"Feeling better?" I asked, and Boromir nodded as he casually slipped his arm around my waist.
"I seem to be healing exceptionally well." he said.
"I have a feeling Aragorn and some certain elf twins are responsible for that." I said with a smile.
"Aragorn? But I thought he was refusing to come into the City?" Boromir asked, arching an eyebrow.
"As a King, yes. As captain of the Dunedain of the North, come to heal his friends - well, that's another matter entirely." I replied with a grin.
"Ah." Boromir said. We sat in silence for a moment, and then Boromir struck up a conversation about the weather. That eventually turned to the battle of a few days before, and finally the topic I knew would come up, came up.
"Erin, are you sure you wish to go to Mordor with the captains?" Boromir asked, and I sighed.
"Yes, Boromir." I replied. "This is one thing nobody will be able to talk me out of. Besides, Gandalf has asked that I come."
"I am sure he would let you stay if you asked." Boromir commented.
"Yes, but I won't." I said firmly. "I've had a dream about this battle, Boromir. I know how it will end, and I want to be there to see it."
"Just because you've seen how the battle is going to end doesn't mean you shall survive to see it." Boromir said softly, looking at me pleadingly. "Please, Erin. Stay here in Minas Tirith. I could not bear to lose you." It was strange to see Boromir pleading with me to stay behind, even if it had happened before, and I wavered in my resolve for a moment. But in the end, my desire to see the fall of Sauron won out.
"I'm not very keen to lose myself, either." I quipped, looking away from Boromir to a lovely rose bush a few feet away. "I'm not stupid, I know it will be a battle. And I also know that I am going. I will not stay behind for ANY reason."
"Not even love?" Boromir asked, and I looked back at Boromir with surprise. I swallowed and turned back to the rose bush, but didn't reply. I really wanted to see the fall of Sauron. But Boromir wanted me to stay here in Minas Tirith...and my feelings for him ran so deep that suddenly I couldn't decide which I wanted more. To see the fall of Sauron, or to stay in Minas Tirith with Boromir? I realized I needed to think on this, and, troubled, I drew away from Boromir and stood.
"I'll be back later." I said quickly, and then quickly dashed out of the garden, leaving a probably very confused and hurt Boromir behind. As I left the healing hall, I paused, wondering where to go. I pondered going to the city's wall, but it was too busy up there. So instead, I turned back towards the Citadel. Arching an eyebrow, I wondered if I could find my way up to the room with the palantir and if anybody would mind if I went up there. I decided it couldn't hurt to try, and I headed off.
It seemed to be my day for getting places without getting lost - I got to the Citadel and up to the room with the palantir easily, and there were no guards that stopped me, strangely enough. But then, there were no guards TO stop me once I reached a certain point. I figured they were all either guarding other places or dead. Well, that was a depressing thought...
I wandered into the room with the palantir and found it, thankfully, empty. It looked as if no one had been in there since I had during the battle, and I realized nobody really had any reason to. Turning back to thinking about what I'd come here to think about, I went to the window and leaned on the sill, looking out over the city. It all seemed so...small from up here. Real descriptive, I know. But it did. The people looked as if they were little ants - or like those little people in those simulation computer games - y'know, the ones where you build cities and such. Wage wars, build cities, rule the world, that sorta thing. Except, in this simulation, some of my friends had been hurt. And someone who was more then a friend.
I moped as I looked out the window, staring at random parts of the City, and eventually my eyes traveled back to the healing hall. I sighed. To be honest, my deep feelings for Boromir scared me. I'd had a few boyfriends back home - but really, my family life was not conductive to attracting good boyfriends. Despite the fact that my father tended to make sneering and dirty comments to any boy I brought home, my mom also tended to hit on the poor boys. Invariably, the boys broke off the relationship with me a few days after meeting my family. One broke it off the same night. After making out with my mom. But I had known even before that that he was a loser, and was hoping to break it off with him soon.
So it really scared me that my feelings were so deep I'd called them love. The fact that I actually wavered between going to see Sauron's end and staying behind in a City rebuilding itself from a large battle scared me. After all, it wasn't like if I left I wasn't coming back. Sure, there was the possibility that I'd be killed in battle. But after what Haldir told me about Gandalf not wanting me to die, so I could correct the quests path, I was pretty sure Gandalf wouldn't have asked me to come unless he had some way to ensure my survival. It occurred to me that he might actually have me stay behind at some point - there WERE several groups of men left behind or sent off before the small army reached Mordor, after all. But there was no point in that. Gandalf had to have a way for me to stay safe.
So I'd survive the battle, go to Ithilien, and then back to Minas Tirith...and Boromir. I nodded to myself, decided on my path. I turned from the window and headed out of the room. Halfway down the stairs, I ran into Gandalf, who was coming up the stairs.
"Hello Gandalf!" I said cheerily.
"Ah, Lady Erin, just who I was looking for." he said. "Though I do wonder what you're doing up here."
"Came up here to think." I replied. "The room at the top of the stairs has quite a nice view. Quite a nice room in general, except for the palantir."
"So Denethor did have one?" Gandalf asked, raising and eyebrow, and I nodded.
"Yep. But you were looking for me?" I asked.
"Yes, but let us find someplace more comfortable to talk then the middle of the stairs." Gandalf said, and I nodded, then followed him as he set off back down the stairs. He led me out of the Citadel and to the house where we were staying, and once more I found myself sitting in the main room with Gandalf for a talk.
"I wish to talk to you about going to Mordor." Gandalf said gravely.
"What about?" I asked.
"I fear perhaps I may have been too hasty in asking you to come along." Gandalf said. "I thought it would be best for you to come to ensure that you can fix any changes in the quest. However, I'm afraid I was perhaps too hasty and neglected to consider your safety."
"You've been talking to Boromir, yes?" I asked, arching an eyebrow at the wizard.
"No, I have not seen him since yesterday." Gandalf said, then looked at me curiously. "Why do you ask?"
"Oh, he's worried about me going to Mordor, too." I said, airily, waving it off. And so was I, now, I added silently. That Gandalf DIDN'T have a plan to keep me safe did worry me.
"Indeed, it seems to be a topic of discussion today. Prince Thaden and Imrahil have both wondered about the wisdom of bringing you." Gandalf said thoughtfully. A silence fell, as Gandalf got lost in his thoughts. I, myself, was reconsidering whether or not to ask Gandalf if I could stay behind. My main argument for going had just been dumped by the wizard, and therefore my whole decision was suddenly lacking a logical basis. I was still debating whether or not I still wanted to go when Gandalf turned to me, his face suddenly serious.
"I cannot, in good conscience, ask you to come to Mordor if you do not want to come, Lady Erin. I have no way to guarantee your safety - you will be as much at risk as any of us there." he paused to let his words sink in, then continued gravely. "Do you wish to go to Mordor with the captains and I tomorrow?" I took a shaky breath. I had walked away from Boromir rather then answer this same question, and now I realized I wanted to do the same again. But I also realized I had another option with Gandalf.
"I don't know." I said slowly. "Can I have some time to think about this?"
"As long as you have decided by tonight, yes." Gandalf replied, and I nodded.
"Thanks." I said. "Now where's some food? I'm getting hungry..." Gandalf laughed, and we got up and went to find some food.
---
After having lunch with Gandalf, I said goodbye to him and headed off. I didn't feel like going back to the Citadel, but I didn't want to go back to the healing hall, and it was still busy down by the cities walls, where everybody was cleaning up after the fire. So I started wandering, and hoped I wouldn't run into anyone who wanted to talk to me.
I ended up in a deserted section of the City, where large mansions that had once stood filled were now empty, their owners having been killed in the wars that Gondor had constantly fought against Mordor for the past several years. It was rather depressing, really, and was not doing me any good helping me decide whether or not to go to Mordor.
I turned and headed down the streets, and wandered down, going through various gates in the walls of the city, until I found myself in the second to outermost ring of the city. It had gotten steadily more busy as I got closer to the outer ring, and here there were at least 2 dozen people in view at any one time. There weren't many Elves, though, I noted with surprise. So I was able to spot Haldir from quite a ways off. I hesitated, wondering if I'd end out in another discussion about whether or not I should go to Mordor if I went over and talked to him. But the decision was taken out of my hands when he noticed me. I didn't even realize he was moving towards me until he was suddenly right beside me.
"Good day, Lady Erin." he said with a nod of his head.
"Same to you." I replied, with a nod of my own head.
"You seem troubled." Haldir observed.
"Oh, does it show?" I asked ruefully.
"To none but Elvish eyes, I am sure." Haldir replied. I eyed him.
"Y'know, I've already decided I hate Elvish hearing. I think I'm starting to hate Elvish sight, as well." I said, and Haldir chuckled. It was very odd. Haldir had always been really serious around me - and all of the sudden he chuckled.
"Most humans wish for Elvish hearing and sight." he said, still looking amused.
"Yeah, well, I'm not most humans." I said, rolling my eyes.
"So it has been noticed." Haldir said, and his eyes flicked to the people surrounding us. I was used to getting odd looks here in Middle-Earth, and ignoring them, but his comment made me notice the strange looks again for a moment, and I held back a giggle.
"Well now that your mood has lightened, may I ask what was troubling you earlier?" Haldir asked, and I eyed him.
"No, you may not." I said. Haldir blinked, and I grinned. "It's called precision of language, Master Elf." I'll give him credit, it took him only a few moments to realize what I meant.
"Would you be so kind as to inform me of what was troubling you earlier?" Haldir asked, with exaggerated formality, and I laughed. Haldir was proving to have a very good sense of humour.
"I would, but not here." I said, getting a little more serious. "Is there someplace nice for thinking and rather...um...unbusy around here?" Haldir arched an eyebrow at my made up word of 'unbusy', but then motioned for me to follow before setting off down a street. I followed, of course, and he led me up into the third circle of the city before turning into the part of the city that had apparently been claimed as the Elves temporary residence. At least, one would assume that why the Elves suddenly outnumbered the humans by the same amount that the humans had outnumbered the Elves down by the gate. Anyways, Haldir led me to a small house, then through it and out into the back, where there was a beautiful garden.
"Ooo, nice." I commented.
"I thought so, too." Haldir said with a shrug. "Now - what was troubling you?"
"What IS troubling me, you mean. Even if my mood has lightened, it's still troubling me." I said with a sigh, sitting down on a nearby bench.
"Well, what is it?" Haldir asked, joining me on the bench.
"Going to Mordor." I replied, and Haldir nodded as if he'd expected it.
"Boromir does not wish you to go?" he asked, and I nodded.
"And Gandalf, after asking me to go, has flat out told me that he doesn't have any way to guarantee my safety and asked whether or not I actually want to go." I elaborated. "I have to tell him whether or not I will by tonight."
"And you cannot decide whether or not you want to?" Haldir said.
"Exactly, Captain Obvious." I said, half-smiling. Haldir looked a little amused by my joke as well, and it occurred to me that it really DID fit, since he was officially one of the captains of the armies that were going to Mordor.
"Well, what are your reasons for going?" Haldir asked.
"I wanna see Frodo and Sam again. And go to Ithilien. And see the giant eagles." I replied. For some reason, I felt like I could tell Haldir what the entire rest of the quest would go like and it wouldn't matter. It was quite strange. Though something did hold me back from actually outright telling him that Sauron would fall.
"And what are your reasons for not going?" Haldir asked.
"Boromir." I replied simply. "And the slight fear that I might not survive the battle at the Black Gates."
"Do those two reasons outweigh the three you have to go?" Haldir asked, and I pondered.
"Well, wanting to go to Ithilien really isn't a reason. After all, I can go there later, right?" I said, thinking out loud. "And Frodo and Sam will come back here."
"Which leaves only the eagles." Haldir said. "And something else you have not told me?" I looked at the Elf in surprise, and he just smiled at me in response.
"Yes." I said, and looked down at my feet, frowning. "Which leaves me back where I started, not knowing whether I want to go or stay."
"Then let us approach it another way." Haldir said, and I looked up at him curiously. "What can you do if you stay here?"
"Uh..." I paused, blinked, and thought about it. "Spend time with Boromir."
"What can you do if you go to Mordor?" Haldir asked. I paused again to think about it. This time, I thought past the battle, and to Ithilien, and it suddenly occurred to me that if Boromir was alive and running the city, Aragorn could very well send for Faramir to come to Ithilien - which would mean no Eowyn-Faramir romance. Not to mention I had no idea how the Elves going to Mordor would effect the battle, or the stay in Ithilien afterwards.
"Help the quest go the way it should." I said slowly, and Haldir arched an eyebrow at me.
"Does that help in your decision?" he asked, and I grinned.
"Yes. Thank you." I said, and gave the Elf a hug. It caught him off guard, and it took him a moment to return it, and then it was only tentative. I shook my head and smiled in amusement when I drew back.
"You need to work on your hugging skills." I said, and the Elf gave me a blank look.
"The captain of the Lothlorien guard does not exactly have a need for such skills on a regular basis." he said, eyeing me.
"Hm, indeed. Hugging Orcs to death doesn't exactly work, I'd imagine." I said, a grin spreading over my face, and Haldir chuckled again.
"I don't think it's ever been tried, but I'm sure it wouldn't work." he said.
"It might send them running away scared, though." I mused.
"Or it could earn you a deadly wound." Haldir replied.
"You never know until you try." I said, arching an eyebrow, and Haldir eyed me again.
"Perhaps you should not come to Mordor." he said.
"Don't worry, I won't run around trying to hug Orcs. At least, not unless I find a clean one that doesn't stink." I said.
"Which is impossible." Haldir commented.
"Which means I won't try hugging any Orcs." I said, trying to keep a straight face, and Haldir looked at me seriously for a moment before bursting out laughing, and I joined him. We spent most of the afternoon chatting away in the garden - I was amazed by how easy it was for me to talk to the Elf. It felt like I was with a friend I'd known for years. Haldir, for his part, seemed to feel exactly the same way, and by the time the sun began to set, he was actually LOUNGING on the bench, the image of the oh-so-serious captain of the Lothlorien guard completely gone. He straightened up, however, and became that serious captain again when one of his men - err, elves - entered the garden.
"Mithrandir and the Lord Aragorn request both your and Lady Erin's presence, captain." the elf said, and Haldir nodded. Once the elf was gone, I couldn't help letting out a little giggle.
"Serious!Haldir." I mumbled under my breath when Haldir looked at me strangely, and then giggled again before sombering myself up as we rose from the bench and left the house. Once outside, I glanced around, realizing the elf had neglected to tell us WHERE Gandalf and Aragorn requested our presence to be. Haldir, however, seemed to know exactly where to go, and I shrugged and followed him. He ended out leading me down to the field, then into a tent, where, sure enough, Aragorn and Gandalf were waiting. Along with all the other captains who were to go to Mordor. Gandalf looked a little surprised when I entered with Haldir, but made no comment.
It turned out that all the captains where gathering to discuss their route and strategy when they reached the gates, as well as have supper. I, for the most part, found it boring, but I did take careful note of where they were going, and tried to match it up with how they'd gone in the book. I put in my few cents when they started a debate about when they should pull back the scouts, saying they should keep them out as long as possible. The captains had looked at me strangely for a few moments, it being the first time I'd spoken all evening, then Aragorn took up my suggestion and the decision was made. The meeting lasted quite awhile, and I started yawning during the discussion of how to array the troops in front of the black gate. Gandalf, noticing, excused both himself and I, and we left the tent.
"I assume you have made your decision?" Gandalf asked as we walked, and I nodded.
"I'm going. I'm needed more with the armies then here in Minas Tirith." I said.
"Boromir will argue with that." Gandalf said.
"Yeah, I still need to tell him, too." I said with a frown.
"Shall I take you to the healing hall, then?" Gandalf asked, arching an eyebrow at me.
"Eh, the warden will hate me, but Boromir will kill me if I don't tell him." I answered after a moment, and Gandalf nodded. We walked in silence the rest of the way to the healing hall, and then Gandalf nodded his head at me before heading back the way we'd come - back to the meeting, I had the feeling. Taking a deep breath, I entered the healing hall. There was one or two candles lit, and two Elven healers sat in the semi-darkness, watching the patients. They moved their heads slightly when they saw me enter, and one quietly got to his feet and came over to me.
"He's out in the garden. Please try and get him to come rest." the elf said quietly.
"I'll try." I replied, just as softly, and the elf nodded before going back to his seat. I headed out to the garden, and immediately saw a dark figure sitting off to one side, leaning against the wall. Careful heading over, I paused a short ways from the figure, and let my eyes adjust to the dim light of the stars. Boromir sat there, looking miserable, with his eyes closed, and I cringed with guilt. I'd left so suddenly - who knows what he'd been thinking?
"Boromir?" I called softly, and his eyes opened. I came closer as his head slowly turned to look at me. His face was unreadable in the starlight, and I'm pretty sure it would have been unreadable in sunlight, too. I sat down next to him, and there was an awkward silence.
"I'm going." I said softly after awhile, unable to stand the silence anymore. Boromir said nothing for awhile. Just as I was considering leaving, however, he spoke.
"If that is what you truly want, then I cannot stop you." he said, voice emotionless, and I looked at him, worried.
"It took me most of the day to decide, but yes, it's what I want." I said.
"Oh, is that what you were doing all afternoon alone in Lord Haldir's garden with him? Deciding?" There was bitterness in Boromir's voice, now. But I didn't notice it after his words sunk in. How the hell had he known I'd spent the entire afternoon with Haldir? And that had been HALDIR'S garden? Oh, I was gonna kick that elf for not telling me. I should have guessed, though.
"Yes, he helped me decide." I said.
"I'm sure," said Boromir, his voice turning mocking. "The captain of the Lothlorien guard spent the entire afternoon convincing you to go to Mordor with him." I stiffened. With the way that was worded, there was no mistaking what Boromir was implying.
"He was not convincing me of anything. He helped me straighten out the reasons for going and not going in my mind." I said icily.
"And was one of the reasons for going him?" Boromir spat, and my eyes narrowed.
"No." I replied through clenched teeth, not trusting myself to say more.
"I doubt it." Boromir's voice had gone back to bitter. "Have I not seen how he seems already, after less time with you then I, to have found his way into your confidence? I could not convince you to stay behind in Minas Tirith for the battle, but a few words from him and you stayed. And now, he is leaving the city, and after spending the afternoon with him, you have decided to leave with him. I am not blind, Lady Erin."
"First off, Haldir AND Gandalf were the ones who convinced me to stay in Minas Tirith during the battle. Second off, I am leaving with an entire ARMY, not just Haldir, for MORDOR." I said angrily. "Haldir and I are nothing more then friends, and if you can't accept that, then I regret ever saving you from the death you were supposed to have at Amon Hen." With that, I stood and left. Boromir did not call after me, which was good, since I would have ignored him anyways. I left the hall quickly, and headed up the streets. I eventually came to the house where Gandalf, Pippin and I were staying, and with a sigh, entered. I was dead tired, but I did not sleep the entire night.
~ Quote: ~
"What a marvelous collection of devices! How do they work? What do they do? May I flip some switches?" - The Beyonder: 'The Avengers', issue 261
~ Disclaimer: ~
See previous chapters.
~ Chapter IX~
~ Many Conversations ~
The next day I woke to an empty house once again. After getting changed and eating - I had to remember to ask Gandalf where the clean clothes were appearing from - I set off for the healing hall again, since I really didn't have anything else to do. I actually managed to find the healing hall without getting lost, much to my amazement, and so I entered in a happy mood. Merry, Eowyn and Faramir were fast asleep, but the house warden informed me that Boromir was up and in the gardens. Apparently he'd been making a startling recovery.
"Good morning, Boromir." I said cheerfully as I entered the garden and found Boromir.
"Good morning, Erin." Boromir replied as I sat down next to him, giving him a light kiss on the cheek.
"Feeling better?" I asked, and Boromir nodded as he casually slipped his arm around my waist.
"I seem to be healing exceptionally well." he said.
"I have a feeling Aragorn and some certain elf twins are responsible for that." I said with a smile.
"Aragorn? But I thought he was refusing to come into the City?" Boromir asked, arching an eyebrow.
"As a King, yes. As captain of the Dunedain of the North, come to heal his friends - well, that's another matter entirely." I replied with a grin.
"Ah." Boromir said. We sat in silence for a moment, and then Boromir struck up a conversation about the weather. That eventually turned to the battle of a few days before, and finally the topic I knew would come up, came up.
"Erin, are you sure you wish to go to Mordor with the captains?" Boromir asked, and I sighed.
"Yes, Boromir." I replied. "This is one thing nobody will be able to talk me out of. Besides, Gandalf has asked that I come."
"I am sure he would let you stay if you asked." Boromir commented.
"Yes, but I won't." I said firmly. "I've had a dream about this battle, Boromir. I know how it will end, and I want to be there to see it."
"Just because you've seen how the battle is going to end doesn't mean you shall survive to see it." Boromir said softly, looking at me pleadingly. "Please, Erin. Stay here in Minas Tirith. I could not bear to lose you." It was strange to see Boromir pleading with me to stay behind, even if it had happened before, and I wavered in my resolve for a moment. But in the end, my desire to see the fall of Sauron won out.
"I'm not very keen to lose myself, either." I quipped, looking away from Boromir to a lovely rose bush a few feet away. "I'm not stupid, I know it will be a battle. And I also know that I am going. I will not stay behind for ANY reason."
"Not even love?" Boromir asked, and I looked back at Boromir with surprise. I swallowed and turned back to the rose bush, but didn't reply. I really wanted to see the fall of Sauron. But Boromir wanted me to stay here in Minas Tirith...and my feelings for him ran so deep that suddenly I couldn't decide which I wanted more. To see the fall of Sauron, or to stay in Minas Tirith with Boromir? I realized I needed to think on this, and, troubled, I drew away from Boromir and stood.
"I'll be back later." I said quickly, and then quickly dashed out of the garden, leaving a probably very confused and hurt Boromir behind. As I left the healing hall, I paused, wondering where to go. I pondered going to the city's wall, but it was too busy up there. So instead, I turned back towards the Citadel. Arching an eyebrow, I wondered if I could find my way up to the room with the palantir and if anybody would mind if I went up there. I decided it couldn't hurt to try, and I headed off.
It seemed to be my day for getting places without getting lost - I got to the Citadel and up to the room with the palantir easily, and there were no guards that stopped me, strangely enough. But then, there were no guards TO stop me once I reached a certain point. I figured they were all either guarding other places or dead. Well, that was a depressing thought...
I wandered into the room with the palantir and found it, thankfully, empty. It looked as if no one had been in there since I had during the battle, and I realized nobody really had any reason to. Turning back to thinking about what I'd come here to think about, I went to the window and leaned on the sill, looking out over the city. It all seemed so...small from up here. Real descriptive, I know. But it did. The people looked as if they were little ants - or like those little people in those simulation computer games - y'know, the ones where you build cities and such. Wage wars, build cities, rule the world, that sorta thing. Except, in this simulation, some of my friends had been hurt. And someone who was more then a friend.
I moped as I looked out the window, staring at random parts of the City, and eventually my eyes traveled back to the healing hall. I sighed. To be honest, my deep feelings for Boromir scared me. I'd had a few boyfriends back home - but really, my family life was not conductive to attracting good boyfriends. Despite the fact that my father tended to make sneering and dirty comments to any boy I brought home, my mom also tended to hit on the poor boys. Invariably, the boys broke off the relationship with me a few days after meeting my family. One broke it off the same night. After making out with my mom. But I had known even before that that he was a loser, and was hoping to break it off with him soon.
So it really scared me that my feelings were so deep I'd called them love. The fact that I actually wavered between going to see Sauron's end and staying behind in a City rebuilding itself from a large battle scared me. After all, it wasn't like if I left I wasn't coming back. Sure, there was the possibility that I'd be killed in battle. But after what Haldir told me about Gandalf not wanting me to die, so I could correct the quests path, I was pretty sure Gandalf wouldn't have asked me to come unless he had some way to ensure my survival. It occurred to me that he might actually have me stay behind at some point - there WERE several groups of men left behind or sent off before the small army reached Mordor, after all. But there was no point in that. Gandalf had to have a way for me to stay safe.
So I'd survive the battle, go to Ithilien, and then back to Minas Tirith...and Boromir. I nodded to myself, decided on my path. I turned from the window and headed out of the room. Halfway down the stairs, I ran into Gandalf, who was coming up the stairs.
"Hello Gandalf!" I said cheerily.
"Ah, Lady Erin, just who I was looking for." he said. "Though I do wonder what you're doing up here."
"Came up here to think." I replied. "The room at the top of the stairs has quite a nice view. Quite a nice room in general, except for the palantir."
"So Denethor did have one?" Gandalf asked, raising and eyebrow, and I nodded.
"Yep. But you were looking for me?" I asked.
"Yes, but let us find someplace more comfortable to talk then the middle of the stairs." Gandalf said, and I nodded, then followed him as he set off back down the stairs. He led me out of the Citadel and to the house where we were staying, and once more I found myself sitting in the main room with Gandalf for a talk.
"I wish to talk to you about going to Mordor." Gandalf said gravely.
"What about?" I asked.
"I fear perhaps I may have been too hasty in asking you to come along." Gandalf said. "I thought it would be best for you to come to ensure that you can fix any changes in the quest. However, I'm afraid I was perhaps too hasty and neglected to consider your safety."
"You've been talking to Boromir, yes?" I asked, arching an eyebrow at the wizard.
"No, I have not seen him since yesterday." Gandalf said, then looked at me curiously. "Why do you ask?"
"Oh, he's worried about me going to Mordor, too." I said, airily, waving it off. And so was I, now, I added silently. That Gandalf DIDN'T have a plan to keep me safe did worry me.
"Indeed, it seems to be a topic of discussion today. Prince Thaden and Imrahil have both wondered about the wisdom of bringing you." Gandalf said thoughtfully. A silence fell, as Gandalf got lost in his thoughts. I, myself, was reconsidering whether or not to ask Gandalf if I could stay behind. My main argument for going had just been dumped by the wizard, and therefore my whole decision was suddenly lacking a logical basis. I was still debating whether or not I still wanted to go when Gandalf turned to me, his face suddenly serious.
"I cannot, in good conscience, ask you to come to Mordor if you do not want to come, Lady Erin. I have no way to guarantee your safety - you will be as much at risk as any of us there." he paused to let his words sink in, then continued gravely. "Do you wish to go to Mordor with the captains and I tomorrow?" I took a shaky breath. I had walked away from Boromir rather then answer this same question, and now I realized I wanted to do the same again. But I also realized I had another option with Gandalf.
"I don't know." I said slowly. "Can I have some time to think about this?"
"As long as you have decided by tonight, yes." Gandalf replied, and I nodded.
"Thanks." I said. "Now where's some food? I'm getting hungry..." Gandalf laughed, and we got up and went to find some food.
---
After having lunch with Gandalf, I said goodbye to him and headed off. I didn't feel like going back to the Citadel, but I didn't want to go back to the healing hall, and it was still busy down by the cities walls, where everybody was cleaning up after the fire. So I started wandering, and hoped I wouldn't run into anyone who wanted to talk to me.
I ended up in a deserted section of the City, where large mansions that had once stood filled were now empty, their owners having been killed in the wars that Gondor had constantly fought against Mordor for the past several years. It was rather depressing, really, and was not doing me any good helping me decide whether or not to go to Mordor.
I turned and headed down the streets, and wandered down, going through various gates in the walls of the city, until I found myself in the second to outermost ring of the city. It had gotten steadily more busy as I got closer to the outer ring, and here there were at least 2 dozen people in view at any one time. There weren't many Elves, though, I noted with surprise. So I was able to spot Haldir from quite a ways off. I hesitated, wondering if I'd end out in another discussion about whether or not I should go to Mordor if I went over and talked to him. But the decision was taken out of my hands when he noticed me. I didn't even realize he was moving towards me until he was suddenly right beside me.
"Good day, Lady Erin." he said with a nod of his head.
"Same to you." I replied, with a nod of my own head.
"You seem troubled." Haldir observed.
"Oh, does it show?" I asked ruefully.
"To none but Elvish eyes, I am sure." Haldir replied. I eyed him.
"Y'know, I've already decided I hate Elvish hearing. I think I'm starting to hate Elvish sight, as well." I said, and Haldir chuckled. It was very odd. Haldir had always been really serious around me - and all of the sudden he chuckled.
"Most humans wish for Elvish hearing and sight." he said, still looking amused.
"Yeah, well, I'm not most humans." I said, rolling my eyes.
"So it has been noticed." Haldir said, and his eyes flicked to the people surrounding us. I was used to getting odd looks here in Middle-Earth, and ignoring them, but his comment made me notice the strange looks again for a moment, and I held back a giggle.
"Well now that your mood has lightened, may I ask what was troubling you earlier?" Haldir asked, and I eyed him.
"No, you may not." I said. Haldir blinked, and I grinned. "It's called precision of language, Master Elf." I'll give him credit, it took him only a few moments to realize what I meant.
"Would you be so kind as to inform me of what was troubling you earlier?" Haldir asked, with exaggerated formality, and I laughed. Haldir was proving to have a very good sense of humour.
"I would, but not here." I said, getting a little more serious. "Is there someplace nice for thinking and rather...um...unbusy around here?" Haldir arched an eyebrow at my made up word of 'unbusy', but then motioned for me to follow before setting off down a street. I followed, of course, and he led me up into the third circle of the city before turning into the part of the city that had apparently been claimed as the Elves temporary residence. At least, one would assume that why the Elves suddenly outnumbered the humans by the same amount that the humans had outnumbered the Elves down by the gate. Anyways, Haldir led me to a small house, then through it and out into the back, where there was a beautiful garden.
"Ooo, nice." I commented.
"I thought so, too." Haldir said with a shrug. "Now - what was troubling you?"
"What IS troubling me, you mean. Even if my mood has lightened, it's still troubling me." I said with a sigh, sitting down on a nearby bench.
"Well, what is it?" Haldir asked, joining me on the bench.
"Going to Mordor." I replied, and Haldir nodded as if he'd expected it.
"Boromir does not wish you to go?" he asked, and I nodded.
"And Gandalf, after asking me to go, has flat out told me that he doesn't have any way to guarantee my safety and asked whether or not I actually want to go." I elaborated. "I have to tell him whether or not I will by tonight."
"And you cannot decide whether or not you want to?" Haldir said.
"Exactly, Captain Obvious." I said, half-smiling. Haldir looked a little amused by my joke as well, and it occurred to me that it really DID fit, since he was officially one of the captains of the armies that were going to Mordor.
"Well, what are your reasons for going?" Haldir asked.
"I wanna see Frodo and Sam again. And go to Ithilien. And see the giant eagles." I replied. For some reason, I felt like I could tell Haldir what the entire rest of the quest would go like and it wouldn't matter. It was quite strange. Though something did hold me back from actually outright telling him that Sauron would fall.
"And what are your reasons for not going?" Haldir asked.
"Boromir." I replied simply. "And the slight fear that I might not survive the battle at the Black Gates."
"Do those two reasons outweigh the three you have to go?" Haldir asked, and I pondered.
"Well, wanting to go to Ithilien really isn't a reason. After all, I can go there later, right?" I said, thinking out loud. "And Frodo and Sam will come back here."
"Which leaves only the eagles." Haldir said. "And something else you have not told me?" I looked at the Elf in surprise, and he just smiled at me in response.
"Yes." I said, and looked down at my feet, frowning. "Which leaves me back where I started, not knowing whether I want to go or stay."
"Then let us approach it another way." Haldir said, and I looked up at him curiously. "What can you do if you stay here?"
"Uh..." I paused, blinked, and thought about it. "Spend time with Boromir."
"What can you do if you go to Mordor?" Haldir asked. I paused again to think about it. This time, I thought past the battle, and to Ithilien, and it suddenly occurred to me that if Boromir was alive and running the city, Aragorn could very well send for Faramir to come to Ithilien - which would mean no Eowyn-Faramir romance. Not to mention I had no idea how the Elves going to Mordor would effect the battle, or the stay in Ithilien afterwards.
"Help the quest go the way it should." I said slowly, and Haldir arched an eyebrow at me.
"Does that help in your decision?" he asked, and I grinned.
"Yes. Thank you." I said, and gave the Elf a hug. It caught him off guard, and it took him a moment to return it, and then it was only tentative. I shook my head and smiled in amusement when I drew back.
"You need to work on your hugging skills." I said, and the Elf gave me a blank look.
"The captain of the Lothlorien guard does not exactly have a need for such skills on a regular basis." he said, eyeing me.
"Hm, indeed. Hugging Orcs to death doesn't exactly work, I'd imagine." I said, a grin spreading over my face, and Haldir chuckled again.
"I don't think it's ever been tried, but I'm sure it wouldn't work." he said.
"It might send them running away scared, though." I mused.
"Or it could earn you a deadly wound." Haldir replied.
"You never know until you try." I said, arching an eyebrow, and Haldir eyed me again.
"Perhaps you should not come to Mordor." he said.
"Don't worry, I won't run around trying to hug Orcs. At least, not unless I find a clean one that doesn't stink." I said.
"Which is impossible." Haldir commented.
"Which means I won't try hugging any Orcs." I said, trying to keep a straight face, and Haldir looked at me seriously for a moment before bursting out laughing, and I joined him. We spent most of the afternoon chatting away in the garden - I was amazed by how easy it was for me to talk to the Elf. It felt like I was with a friend I'd known for years. Haldir, for his part, seemed to feel exactly the same way, and by the time the sun began to set, he was actually LOUNGING on the bench, the image of the oh-so-serious captain of the Lothlorien guard completely gone. He straightened up, however, and became that serious captain again when one of his men - err, elves - entered the garden.
"Mithrandir and the Lord Aragorn request both your and Lady Erin's presence, captain." the elf said, and Haldir nodded. Once the elf was gone, I couldn't help letting out a little giggle.
"Serious!Haldir." I mumbled under my breath when Haldir looked at me strangely, and then giggled again before sombering myself up as we rose from the bench and left the house. Once outside, I glanced around, realizing the elf had neglected to tell us WHERE Gandalf and Aragorn requested our presence to be. Haldir, however, seemed to know exactly where to go, and I shrugged and followed him. He ended out leading me down to the field, then into a tent, where, sure enough, Aragorn and Gandalf were waiting. Along with all the other captains who were to go to Mordor. Gandalf looked a little surprised when I entered with Haldir, but made no comment.
It turned out that all the captains where gathering to discuss their route and strategy when they reached the gates, as well as have supper. I, for the most part, found it boring, but I did take careful note of where they were going, and tried to match it up with how they'd gone in the book. I put in my few cents when they started a debate about when they should pull back the scouts, saying they should keep them out as long as possible. The captains had looked at me strangely for a few moments, it being the first time I'd spoken all evening, then Aragorn took up my suggestion and the decision was made. The meeting lasted quite awhile, and I started yawning during the discussion of how to array the troops in front of the black gate. Gandalf, noticing, excused both himself and I, and we left the tent.
"I assume you have made your decision?" Gandalf asked as we walked, and I nodded.
"I'm going. I'm needed more with the armies then here in Minas Tirith." I said.
"Boromir will argue with that." Gandalf said.
"Yeah, I still need to tell him, too." I said with a frown.
"Shall I take you to the healing hall, then?" Gandalf asked, arching an eyebrow at me.
"Eh, the warden will hate me, but Boromir will kill me if I don't tell him." I answered after a moment, and Gandalf nodded. We walked in silence the rest of the way to the healing hall, and then Gandalf nodded his head at me before heading back the way we'd come - back to the meeting, I had the feeling. Taking a deep breath, I entered the healing hall. There was one or two candles lit, and two Elven healers sat in the semi-darkness, watching the patients. They moved their heads slightly when they saw me enter, and one quietly got to his feet and came over to me.
"He's out in the garden. Please try and get him to come rest." the elf said quietly.
"I'll try." I replied, just as softly, and the elf nodded before going back to his seat. I headed out to the garden, and immediately saw a dark figure sitting off to one side, leaning against the wall. Careful heading over, I paused a short ways from the figure, and let my eyes adjust to the dim light of the stars. Boromir sat there, looking miserable, with his eyes closed, and I cringed with guilt. I'd left so suddenly - who knows what he'd been thinking?
"Boromir?" I called softly, and his eyes opened. I came closer as his head slowly turned to look at me. His face was unreadable in the starlight, and I'm pretty sure it would have been unreadable in sunlight, too. I sat down next to him, and there was an awkward silence.
"I'm going." I said softly after awhile, unable to stand the silence anymore. Boromir said nothing for awhile. Just as I was considering leaving, however, he spoke.
"If that is what you truly want, then I cannot stop you." he said, voice emotionless, and I looked at him, worried.
"It took me most of the day to decide, but yes, it's what I want." I said.
"Oh, is that what you were doing all afternoon alone in Lord Haldir's garden with him? Deciding?" There was bitterness in Boromir's voice, now. But I didn't notice it after his words sunk in. How the hell had he known I'd spent the entire afternoon with Haldir? And that had been HALDIR'S garden? Oh, I was gonna kick that elf for not telling me. I should have guessed, though.
"Yes, he helped me decide." I said.
"I'm sure," said Boromir, his voice turning mocking. "The captain of the Lothlorien guard spent the entire afternoon convincing you to go to Mordor with him." I stiffened. With the way that was worded, there was no mistaking what Boromir was implying.
"He was not convincing me of anything. He helped me straighten out the reasons for going and not going in my mind." I said icily.
"And was one of the reasons for going him?" Boromir spat, and my eyes narrowed.
"No." I replied through clenched teeth, not trusting myself to say more.
"I doubt it." Boromir's voice had gone back to bitter. "Have I not seen how he seems already, after less time with you then I, to have found his way into your confidence? I could not convince you to stay behind in Minas Tirith for the battle, but a few words from him and you stayed. And now, he is leaving the city, and after spending the afternoon with him, you have decided to leave with him. I am not blind, Lady Erin."
"First off, Haldir AND Gandalf were the ones who convinced me to stay in Minas Tirith during the battle. Second off, I am leaving with an entire ARMY, not just Haldir, for MORDOR." I said angrily. "Haldir and I are nothing more then friends, and if you can't accept that, then I regret ever saving you from the death you were supposed to have at Amon Hen." With that, I stood and left. Boromir did not call after me, which was good, since I would have ignored him anyways. I left the hall quickly, and headed up the streets. I eventually came to the house where Gandalf, Pippin and I were staying, and with a sigh, entered. I was dead tired, but I did not sleep the entire night.