ABOUT US 3: The Good And The Bad 2/13
Author: LeE
e-mail: lee_81881@yahoo.com
Classification: Romance H/M
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimers: If they belonged to me... no comment. :) JAG is property of DPB and CBS. I'm just having some fun while procrastinating on homework...
Author's Note: This story takes place two months after the events of About Us 2. The rest of the information related to LLNL and the different laboratories mentioned, as well as the current research on Nitrogen bond-dissociation is real, although not nearly as advanced as I make it in the story. Believe me, the world would be a whole lot different. Even though chemistry is a passion of mine, Nitrogen compounds is not my area of expertise; but if anyone is interested in further information about anything mentioned on this story, please don't hesitate to contact me.
Many thanks to my betas, who always do such a great job keeping me motivated... you're the best, guys!...
AN2: An NC-17 version of this part is also available. It's posted at shipperhm and jaghm. If you'd like to read it, and are of age, e-mail me and I'll be glad to send it your way...:) enjoy...
FROM PART 1
In companionable silence, they made their way down towards Harm's SUV, and as always, he politely opened the door for her, giving her a peck on the cheek before going around to the driver's side. Once they were on the road, his hand reached out to grasp hers. Immediately recognizing what had become a routine gesture, she gently cradled his hand between both her smaller ones, and set them down on her lap. With the tip of her fingers, she began tracing lazy patterns on his bigger hand.
"I love it when you do that, you know?" He said quietly, turning his head to give her a bright appreciative smile.
"I know" she answered and smiled back as she placed a soft kiss on his hand and then set it back down on her lap to continue her ministrations.
PART 2
RUPPERTS
WASHINGTON, DC
1905 EST
"Good evening" The hostess immediately addressed Harm as he made his way towards her. Mac was busy looking through her purse for her cell phone and Harm walked a little ahead of her as they entered.
"Rabb, reservation for two" Harm said and offered a polite smile to the blonde who couldn't take her eyes off him. Harm seemed unfazed by the attention, and once he made sure their reservation was in order, he turned and extended his arm towards Mac, smiling fully at her as she readily entwined her fingers with his. Mac had never thought of herself as possessive, but when it came to Harm and pretty blondes gawking at him, she couldn't help it. Other than spending time with her Flyboy, the look on women's faces when they realized he was taken was Mac's favorite part of their dates. Harm wasn't totally oblivious to her triumphant expressions whenever women flirted with him and he turned them down, but he didn't care. Actually, after so many years of hiding and denying, he loved it that they could finally express their true feelings towards each other.
If Mac was protective, Harm was twice as bad. Every time they were out in public he always found a way to touch her, to draw her close, even while in uniform though they were much more discreet in such instances. Mac was keenly aware of the way Harm treated her, but unlike her past relationships with men, this time she didn't mind his behavior. Often she found herself comparing her relationship with Harm to others she'd had in the past, but she always ended up at the same place. Harmon Rabb, Jr. had no comparison; their relationship was beyond comparison.
With a gentle arm on the small of her back, Harm guided Mac across the room towards their table. The looks directed at Mac were not lost on Harm, and he took a moment to gaze at the love of his life from behind. Her perfectly shaped shoulders, the enticing curve of her neck, the way her tender tanned skin glowed in contrast to the ivory off the shoulders dress she chose to wear. Suddenly feeling the need to feel her closer, he pressed the palm of his big hand flat against the part of her back that was left exposed, as if he could somehow shield her from the piercing stares of the males in the room as they neared their table. Once they were seated, they smiled at each other and went about looking over the menu.
"You look delicious tonight, Squid" Mac whispered in his direction and watched as Harm lifted his head and gave her a warning 'don't start' look. Mac laughed, enjoying the squirming Sailor in front of her as she reached with her foot under the table and rubbed gently against his leg.
"Maaaac. Behave"
"All right" she answered dejectedly and retrieved her foot, only to jump on her seat as he returned the favor under the table. "You sneaky little..."
His grin turned devilish. "I'm anything but little Mac. You should know that by..."
"Can I take your order, Sir, ma'am" the waitress interrupted their little game, and hiding the smug smile on his face, Harm concentrated on ordering their food. Minutes later, Harm spoke.
"Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. Don called this morning. He said Annika should be coming home tomorrow afternoon from wherever she was undercover" Harm related to Mac as they enjoyed their delicious meal at the fancy restaurant.
"Really? That's great. What else did he say? What about Clay?" Mac asked enthusiastically. Clay and Annika had become very good friends of her and Harm after the Afghanistan ordeal where Harm and Clay had been kidnapped by Clay's twin brother. Don, the DCI, had also stayed in touch with them. His duties prevented him from spending too much time away from the office. However, he'd attended several picnics and dinner parties at AJ's house and even had surprised them with his visit once to the park on a Saturday morning.
"Well, they were undercover, but not together. Annika was in California. Clay, well, Don preferred not to tell me over the phone. But I'm sure he's tying up loose ends half a world away. I don't know when the spook will be back. Sometime this week Don said." Harm finished and smiled as Mac rolled her eyes.
"Typical, typical. So, why did we get the good news of great joy? Is there a case there somewhere?" Mac asked, curious now as to where Harm was going with this. She really didn't want to go anywhere on assignment for the moment. Harriet and Bud still needed their support.
"Mac, I'm sorry. We try not to talk about work outside the office, and, we can talk about this later." Harm said, reaching forward to clasp her hand in his. Mac smiled. He was so considerate, and so gentle with her that sometimes she couldn't believe her luck.
"Well, if Annika's coming back tomorrow, and Don wants us there too, then it must mean there's something going on that will probably involve us as well. We both know Don never calls us at JAG just to say hello. I just wish it wasn't now. I mean, Bud and Harriet..." Mac trailed off as she realized if they didn't stop this conversation their evening would be spent reliving the last two weeks, instead of enjoying each other's company.
"Mac, we'll be there for them. No matter what happens, we'll find a way to help." Harm paused and took a deep breath. "Well, no use in getting worked up about something we aren't sure about yet. He did say he expected us for dinner tomorrow. I told him I'd ask you and get back to him" Mac nodded her approval and that was the end of the discussion. It wasn't easy leading their lives at JAG and maintaining a romantic relationship outside the office. But after wasting so much time, and risking losing each other, they'd both learned that making time for each other had to be a priority.
They finished their meal in companionable silence, stealing glances at each other and laughing like teenagers when the other caught them. Being together like they were now was so much more fun than they'd ever thought it could be. But through all the laughter and romance of their perfect date, there was still something on Harm's mind; Mac could see it in his eyes. Deciding not to ruin their wonderful evening with a serious conversation, she kept smiling and laughing at his ridiculous attempts at comedy.
HARM'S APARTMENT
THURSDAY JUNE 6, 2002
0613 EST
"Harm"
"Hmm...five... more...hon..." Harm slurred sleepily against Mac's neck. She laughed as he rolled to his back, and reached out his arms tugging at her lovingly until she was completely resting on top of him. It was something Harm did often, and she loved how even in his unconscious state of sleep, he needed her as close as physically possible. Her cheek was pressed up against his, and his big hands splayed across her naked back. Harm rubbed his face against her a few times and shifted her around a little until he was satisfied with their positions.
"Harm..." she whispered once again.
"Please, Mac... just a little longer."
"Harm, we're 13 minutes late if we want to make it to work in time after our run." She was trying so hard to be the voice of reason, but his idea was so tempting.
"Hmm... no run... you... me... here... all... day" he finished, his eyes still closed, and Mac smiled as he grinned in his sleep.
"Harm, we can't stay here all day. We have to work, remember? Navy? JAG? Jefferson Court-Martial? Stop me when it starts getting familiar..."
Finally, Harm opened his eyes partly and regarded her for a few seconds. A slow smile spread across his face and Mac sighed through a sexy smile as she felt the evidence of his morning arousal press up against her bottom. Oh, hell. Who needs to run anyway?
"You're incorrigible, Flyboy" she whispered softly as she bent down to capture his lips in a slow kiss. Harm's hands instinctively moved over her soft skin and a low groan escaped his throat as she moved her lower body a few inches, rubbing enticingly against him as she felt herself grow hot and wet under his masculine spell.
"And you're irresistible, ninja girl" Harm uttered tenderly as he pressed soft kisses across her face.
"Hmmm... maybe we could go for some other form of exercise," Mac whispered and sighed as she felt Harm's lips travel lower to the hollow of her throat, nibbling and kissing. Her hands journeyed down over his strong muscular arms and entwining her fingers with his, she began to move lower and lower, softly planting open mouth kisses to his nose, his chin, his chest, and down over his firm stomach. She smiled as she moved sideways and bit teasingly on the little extra skin she found on his side. He wasn't back in complete shape, but the tiny love handles could not possibly take away from the splendor of his naked form in her eyes.
"Maaaac..."
She laughed that low sexy laugh he adored. "Hmm... sorry..." she mumbled as she ran her lips lower toward the place she knew he needed her most. Harm smiled in anticipation as he tangled his fingers in her hair. Closing his eyes, images of the night before swam across his mind's eye, and his face broke into a smile. They'd made passionate love to each other after more than three weeks of holding back. They'd come really close in Afghanistan, under the star filled sky that night they'd been stranded, but the little detail of getting caught in an air strike had hampered their plans.
The night before had been amazing. The morning looked as promising.
Some time later, partly recovered from their wondrous morning lovemaking, Harm rolled onto his side taking her with him. "I love you, Marine" Harm's voice muffled by her hair filled her ears and she sighed wrapping her arms tighter around his middle.
"I love you too, Sailor" she replied placing soft kisses on his chest as his fingers played lazily over her curves. Once again, here eyes closed to the simple pleasure his hands on her skin evoked, but there were other things weighing heavily on her mind; Harm's nightmares being the most important one.
Mac remembered his nightmares from a few months ago. He'd been home for merely a week when he'd started having them. At first she thought they were just bad dreams rooted in the terrors he'd lived through with Clay in Afghanistan. Then, one day, he'd screamed her name and tears had run down his cheeks as he fought in his sleep. She'd run to his side, and he'd told her everything. The memory was burned in her soul.
***************
"Hmmm, Mac... I'm...coming back... I promise... wait..." The nightmare was back, the dream. The same one he'd had so many times while he'd been held at that awful place half a world away. This time he could see her face, he could hear her calling him, he could see her crying, accepting the flag... moving on with her life, just like his mother had done after his father didn't return.
Mac came running from the kitchen at his tortured screams. The image of the man she loved more than life-- twisting and turning, tears running down his handsome face- made the protective side of her come alive. Quickly leaning over him on the side of the bed, she attempted to wake him, holding him steady, whispering loving words to him as she watched him recognize her presence and physically calm down. His breath was still shallow, and drops of sweat trickled down the side of his face, merging with the tears he'd shed.
"Harm, wake up, please. I'm here, Harm. Honey, wake up... come on" she pleaded with him over and over until his eyes opened slowly. Immediately he reached for her, crushing her to him in a desperate embrace that startled her at first.
"I thought it was real" he whispered, anguish and pain noticeable on his tone.
"What, Harm? Tell me what you saw, please" Mac murmured as she placed dozens of soft kisses everywhere on his face she could reach.
Closing his eyes, Harm began relating his dream. "I... I was coming back. Just like I promised... but something wouldn't let me. I saw you, Sarah. You were... you were crying and I wanted to tell you I was okay, that I was alive, that I was coming back, but you couldn't hear me, you wouldn't... you wouldn't wait..." his voice broke and a sob escaped him as she held him tighter against her.
Thinking over his words, she understood. The revelation caught her off guard and she attempted unconsciously to pull away from him, but the grip he had on her was too strong. Finally leaning back into his embrace, she let the tears fall, mingling with his, as she finally realized why it'd taken them so long to get to where they were now. Why he'd said 'not yet', why he'd pushed her away, why he never tried to stop her engagement to Mic. And as these thoughts ran through her mind, the guilt she'd felt everyday since accepting Mic's ring surfaced once again. Things were too jumbled up for Harm to realize the implications of his dream at the moment. But Sarah Mackenzie knew she was responsible for some of it. And she knew some day they'd have to talk about it, but not now. Right now the man she loved needed comfort, reassurance, not a walk down memory lane.
********************
Was it time? Was it now the time to open up old wounds and settle the issue before it swallowed the love they'd just found?
He'd looked so broken that day, so unlike the hero that he was. She'd give anything to never see him that way again. But it was necessary. It wouldn't be right now. They were due at work in an hour, and what she had in mind would take a lot longer than the time they had, but she was convinced it was the next step for them.
Mac remembered what she'd promised him that day while she'd held him in her arms after his nightmare.
"Harm, it will take time. But I promise you, I'll make you believe" she'd said. And he'd been overcome with emotion and had only been able to utter a broken 'I love you'.
But believe in what? Believe that she'd never leave him? Believe that she could love him enough to wait for him should he someday meet his father's same fate? That she would fight wind and rain to find him, to be close to him no matter what happened? That she would never give up on him?
But she had, hadn't she? When he'd chosen to return to his dream of flying, she'd hated him for it. She'd hated him for leaving her because she didn't know if she could live without him. She hated herself for depending on him that way, but instead of telling him she'd lashed out at him. She'd cut him from her life, she'd kept her promotion from him, she'd rubbed her partnership with Brumby in his face when he'd returned to JAG. She had turned from him, and she had kept her friendship from him. Her friendship; she'd denied him the one thing he'd needed most. And who could forget Sydney Harbor? When he'd said 'not yet' she'd turned her back on him and run to another man.
Those long months before her wedding plagued her memories once more. Guilt had threatened to consume her whole every time she'd seen his eyes focused on her ring. No matter how much she denied it, she knew Harm loved her. She'd always known. It'd always been in his eyes, but her stubbornness had gotten in the way. The night of her engagement party, she'd seen the love in his eyes, she'd seen the hurt she'd caused him, she'd seen his desire to disregard the rules and make her his forever. And she'd stood there, waiting for him to break. Waiting for him to forget the reasons he'd respected the boundaries for 10 entire months. And she'd accused him of not being able to let go; but let go of what? Let go of everything that made him the man he was?
After her wedding was canceled, he'd attempted to set things straight. She'd gone to his apartment, only to find Renee there; and as much as she wanted to hate him, she knew she could only hate the situation. But what had she done? She'd run. Once again. And when he flew half a world to speak to her what had she done? She'd bombarded him with questions and had left him there with the words in his lips. And why? Because she'd always wanted things on her own terms. Because when she'd asked the question, she'd expected a quick answer. Because she lacked the self-esteem to realize that a relationship with her would not be something he'd take lightly.
The night he'd said 'I love you' she'd told him she loved him because of who he was. She'd told him how proud she was of him, how much she loved his integrity, and his honor, and his need to always do what's right. And he'd cried, because he'd thought she would never accept him the way he was. And it had broken her heart to hear him say he'd give up flying just for her. His words had gripped her heart and she'd finally realized that it wasn't his flying that she resented; it wasn't his honor, or his righteousness that she begrudged. It was the distance between them that she hated, and she'd finally admitted it'd been her fault as much as his.
Not that she believed Harm to be innocent in all this, but she'd had enough of occupying her time blaming him instead of fixing what there was for her to fix.
Now all she wanted was for him to be the man she'd always known. The man she'd fallen in love with. The man who chased missiles in combat because he understood that a lot more than his life was at stake; the man who devoted himself to a case until justice was served; the man who loved his friends and family enough to do anything for them; the man with the fragile heart behind the steel exterior.
And now his nightmares were back. The ones where he cried out her name and begged her to believe he would return. After Afghanistan she'd tried to convince herself the dream was simply a repercussion of the terrible days he'd survived. Weeks had gone by and she'd been thankful that the dream had not returned. It had now.
"Harm?"
"Yes, baby?"
"Harm, what's wrong?" Confronting Harm was never the best course of action.
"Huh?"
Mac sighed. "Harm, I know there's something bothering you. Feel like sharing?" she asked doing her best to sound casual. Careful not to raise her voice or in any way lead him to believe she was mad or disappointed. Mac knew her flyboy better than anyone.
"Mac, there are tons of things wrong. For starters, Bud. Then..." she silenced him with a soft finger to his lips. He didn't want to talk.
"Harm. You know that's not what I meant. It's okay if you don't want to talk about it now. I understand. Just remember that I'll be here whenever you're ready, okay?"
Harm shut his eyes and fought the tears that threatened to build. How could he explain to her something he didn't understand himself? For a couple of weeks he'd been trying to figure out what was wrong, and for the life of him, Harm couldn't come up with an answer. He knew that he needed to talk to Mac. But old habits die hard, and opening up to his Marine was not something that came easily yet.
"Thank you" was all he could say, and with a disappointed sigh she nodded against his skin.
"I'll always be here for you, Harm. And I'll wait" she whispered just as she reached up to place a soft kiss on his lips.
'I'll wait'. Her declaration brought him as much comfort as it did unease, but he pushed the latter aside. The words ran over and over in his mind and he could only hold on to her tighter, somehow wishing she could take him in her arms and make all his inner battles with himself go away.
Mac sensed his struggle. There was nothing she would've liked better than to have him open up to her right then. But years of knowing him had taught her that all she could do was offer her support. She'd failed him enough before. She'd been impatient before and she'd ended up almost married to a man she didn't love. No. It wouldn't happen again. She would give him what he needed, and at the moment, it was silent support; and maybe a little entertainment.
"Now what do you say we go and hit that shower, Sailor?" a smile accompanied her invitation and he smiled in return.
"We, counselor?" Harm was fully aware that he was skirting a sensitive issue, but for once, he knew Mac understood.
Mac gave him a sassy smile as she rose from the bed "Complaining, Squid?" Harm smiled.
"Not all, ninja girl. Not at all" he murmured as he pushed himself out of bed and followed her in, admiring the excellent view of her backside presented to him. Mac was simply, the most amazing woman he'd ever met. What was wrong with him?
TBC
Author: LeE
e-mail: lee_81881@yahoo.com
Classification: Romance H/M
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimers: If they belonged to me... no comment. :) JAG is property of DPB and CBS. I'm just having some fun while procrastinating on homework...
Author's Note: This story takes place two months after the events of About Us 2. The rest of the information related to LLNL and the different laboratories mentioned, as well as the current research on Nitrogen bond-dissociation is real, although not nearly as advanced as I make it in the story. Believe me, the world would be a whole lot different. Even though chemistry is a passion of mine, Nitrogen compounds is not my area of expertise; but if anyone is interested in further information about anything mentioned on this story, please don't hesitate to contact me.
Many thanks to my betas, who always do such a great job keeping me motivated... you're the best, guys!...
AN2: An NC-17 version of this part is also available. It's posted at shipperhm and jaghm. If you'd like to read it, and are of age, e-mail me and I'll be glad to send it your way...:) enjoy...
FROM PART 1
In companionable silence, they made their way down towards Harm's SUV, and as always, he politely opened the door for her, giving her a peck on the cheek before going around to the driver's side. Once they were on the road, his hand reached out to grasp hers. Immediately recognizing what had become a routine gesture, she gently cradled his hand between both her smaller ones, and set them down on her lap. With the tip of her fingers, she began tracing lazy patterns on his bigger hand.
"I love it when you do that, you know?" He said quietly, turning his head to give her a bright appreciative smile.
"I know" she answered and smiled back as she placed a soft kiss on his hand and then set it back down on her lap to continue her ministrations.
PART 2
RUPPERTS
WASHINGTON, DC
1905 EST
"Good evening" The hostess immediately addressed Harm as he made his way towards her. Mac was busy looking through her purse for her cell phone and Harm walked a little ahead of her as they entered.
"Rabb, reservation for two" Harm said and offered a polite smile to the blonde who couldn't take her eyes off him. Harm seemed unfazed by the attention, and once he made sure their reservation was in order, he turned and extended his arm towards Mac, smiling fully at her as she readily entwined her fingers with his. Mac had never thought of herself as possessive, but when it came to Harm and pretty blondes gawking at him, she couldn't help it. Other than spending time with her Flyboy, the look on women's faces when they realized he was taken was Mac's favorite part of their dates. Harm wasn't totally oblivious to her triumphant expressions whenever women flirted with him and he turned them down, but he didn't care. Actually, after so many years of hiding and denying, he loved it that they could finally express their true feelings towards each other.
If Mac was protective, Harm was twice as bad. Every time they were out in public he always found a way to touch her, to draw her close, even while in uniform though they were much more discreet in such instances. Mac was keenly aware of the way Harm treated her, but unlike her past relationships with men, this time she didn't mind his behavior. Often she found herself comparing her relationship with Harm to others she'd had in the past, but she always ended up at the same place. Harmon Rabb, Jr. had no comparison; their relationship was beyond comparison.
With a gentle arm on the small of her back, Harm guided Mac across the room towards their table. The looks directed at Mac were not lost on Harm, and he took a moment to gaze at the love of his life from behind. Her perfectly shaped shoulders, the enticing curve of her neck, the way her tender tanned skin glowed in contrast to the ivory off the shoulders dress she chose to wear. Suddenly feeling the need to feel her closer, he pressed the palm of his big hand flat against the part of her back that was left exposed, as if he could somehow shield her from the piercing stares of the males in the room as they neared their table. Once they were seated, they smiled at each other and went about looking over the menu.
"You look delicious tonight, Squid" Mac whispered in his direction and watched as Harm lifted his head and gave her a warning 'don't start' look. Mac laughed, enjoying the squirming Sailor in front of her as she reached with her foot under the table and rubbed gently against his leg.
"Maaaac. Behave"
"All right" she answered dejectedly and retrieved her foot, only to jump on her seat as he returned the favor under the table. "You sneaky little..."
His grin turned devilish. "I'm anything but little Mac. You should know that by..."
"Can I take your order, Sir, ma'am" the waitress interrupted their little game, and hiding the smug smile on his face, Harm concentrated on ordering their food. Minutes later, Harm spoke.
"Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. Don called this morning. He said Annika should be coming home tomorrow afternoon from wherever she was undercover" Harm related to Mac as they enjoyed their delicious meal at the fancy restaurant.
"Really? That's great. What else did he say? What about Clay?" Mac asked enthusiastically. Clay and Annika had become very good friends of her and Harm after the Afghanistan ordeal where Harm and Clay had been kidnapped by Clay's twin brother. Don, the DCI, had also stayed in touch with them. His duties prevented him from spending too much time away from the office. However, he'd attended several picnics and dinner parties at AJ's house and even had surprised them with his visit once to the park on a Saturday morning.
"Well, they were undercover, but not together. Annika was in California. Clay, well, Don preferred not to tell me over the phone. But I'm sure he's tying up loose ends half a world away. I don't know when the spook will be back. Sometime this week Don said." Harm finished and smiled as Mac rolled her eyes.
"Typical, typical. So, why did we get the good news of great joy? Is there a case there somewhere?" Mac asked, curious now as to where Harm was going with this. She really didn't want to go anywhere on assignment for the moment. Harriet and Bud still needed their support.
"Mac, I'm sorry. We try not to talk about work outside the office, and, we can talk about this later." Harm said, reaching forward to clasp her hand in his. Mac smiled. He was so considerate, and so gentle with her that sometimes she couldn't believe her luck.
"Well, if Annika's coming back tomorrow, and Don wants us there too, then it must mean there's something going on that will probably involve us as well. We both know Don never calls us at JAG just to say hello. I just wish it wasn't now. I mean, Bud and Harriet..." Mac trailed off as she realized if they didn't stop this conversation their evening would be spent reliving the last two weeks, instead of enjoying each other's company.
"Mac, we'll be there for them. No matter what happens, we'll find a way to help." Harm paused and took a deep breath. "Well, no use in getting worked up about something we aren't sure about yet. He did say he expected us for dinner tomorrow. I told him I'd ask you and get back to him" Mac nodded her approval and that was the end of the discussion. It wasn't easy leading their lives at JAG and maintaining a romantic relationship outside the office. But after wasting so much time, and risking losing each other, they'd both learned that making time for each other had to be a priority.
They finished their meal in companionable silence, stealing glances at each other and laughing like teenagers when the other caught them. Being together like they were now was so much more fun than they'd ever thought it could be. But through all the laughter and romance of their perfect date, there was still something on Harm's mind; Mac could see it in his eyes. Deciding not to ruin their wonderful evening with a serious conversation, she kept smiling and laughing at his ridiculous attempts at comedy.
HARM'S APARTMENT
THURSDAY JUNE 6, 2002
0613 EST
"Harm"
"Hmm...five... more...hon..." Harm slurred sleepily against Mac's neck. She laughed as he rolled to his back, and reached out his arms tugging at her lovingly until she was completely resting on top of him. It was something Harm did often, and she loved how even in his unconscious state of sleep, he needed her as close as physically possible. Her cheek was pressed up against his, and his big hands splayed across her naked back. Harm rubbed his face against her a few times and shifted her around a little until he was satisfied with their positions.
"Harm..." she whispered once again.
"Please, Mac... just a little longer."
"Harm, we're 13 minutes late if we want to make it to work in time after our run." She was trying so hard to be the voice of reason, but his idea was so tempting.
"Hmm... no run... you... me... here... all... day" he finished, his eyes still closed, and Mac smiled as he grinned in his sleep.
"Harm, we can't stay here all day. We have to work, remember? Navy? JAG? Jefferson Court-Martial? Stop me when it starts getting familiar..."
Finally, Harm opened his eyes partly and regarded her for a few seconds. A slow smile spread across his face and Mac sighed through a sexy smile as she felt the evidence of his morning arousal press up against her bottom. Oh, hell. Who needs to run anyway?
"You're incorrigible, Flyboy" she whispered softly as she bent down to capture his lips in a slow kiss. Harm's hands instinctively moved over her soft skin and a low groan escaped his throat as she moved her lower body a few inches, rubbing enticingly against him as she felt herself grow hot and wet under his masculine spell.
"And you're irresistible, ninja girl" Harm uttered tenderly as he pressed soft kisses across her face.
"Hmmm... maybe we could go for some other form of exercise," Mac whispered and sighed as she felt Harm's lips travel lower to the hollow of her throat, nibbling and kissing. Her hands journeyed down over his strong muscular arms and entwining her fingers with his, she began to move lower and lower, softly planting open mouth kisses to his nose, his chin, his chest, and down over his firm stomach. She smiled as she moved sideways and bit teasingly on the little extra skin she found on his side. He wasn't back in complete shape, but the tiny love handles could not possibly take away from the splendor of his naked form in her eyes.
"Maaaac..."
She laughed that low sexy laugh he adored. "Hmm... sorry..." she mumbled as she ran her lips lower toward the place she knew he needed her most. Harm smiled in anticipation as he tangled his fingers in her hair. Closing his eyes, images of the night before swam across his mind's eye, and his face broke into a smile. They'd made passionate love to each other after more than three weeks of holding back. They'd come really close in Afghanistan, under the star filled sky that night they'd been stranded, but the little detail of getting caught in an air strike had hampered their plans.
The night before had been amazing. The morning looked as promising.
Some time later, partly recovered from their wondrous morning lovemaking, Harm rolled onto his side taking her with him. "I love you, Marine" Harm's voice muffled by her hair filled her ears and she sighed wrapping her arms tighter around his middle.
"I love you too, Sailor" she replied placing soft kisses on his chest as his fingers played lazily over her curves. Once again, here eyes closed to the simple pleasure his hands on her skin evoked, but there were other things weighing heavily on her mind; Harm's nightmares being the most important one.
Mac remembered his nightmares from a few months ago. He'd been home for merely a week when he'd started having them. At first she thought they were just bad dreams rooted in the terrors he'd lived through with Clay in Afghanistan. Then, one day, he'd screamed her name and tears had run down his cheeks as he fought in his sleep. She'd run to his side, and he'd told her everything. The memory was burned in her soul.
***************
"Hmmm, Mac... I'm...coming back... I promise... wait..." The nightmare was back, the dream. The same one he'd had so many times while he'd been held at that awful place half a world away. This time he could see her face, he could hear her calling him, he could see her crying, accepting the flag... moving on with her life, just like his mother had done after his father didn't return.
Mac came running from the kitchen at his tortured screams. The image of the man she loved more than life-- twisting and turning, tears running down his handsome face- made the protective side of her come alive. Quickly leaning over him on the side of the bed, she attempted to wake him, holding him steady, whispering loving words to him as she watched him recognize her presence and physically calm down. His breath was still shallow, and drops of sweat trickled down the side of his face, merging with the tears he'd shed.
"Harm, wake up, please. I'm here, Harm. Honey, wake up... come on" she pleaded with him over and over until his eyes opened slowly. Immediately he reached for her, crushing her to him in a desperate embrace that startled her at first.
"I thought it was real" he whispered, anguish and pain noticeable on his tone.
"What, Harm? Tell me what you saw, please" Mac murmured as she placed dozens of soft kisses everywhere on his face she could reach.
Closing his eyes, Harm began relating his dream. "I... I was coming back. Just like I promised... but something wouldn't let me. I saw you, Sarah. You were... you were crying and I wanted to tell you I was okay, that I was alive, that I was coming back, but you couldn't hear me, you wouldn't... you wouldn't wait..." his voice broke and a sob escaped him as she held him tighter against her.
Thinking over his words, she understood. The revelation caught her off guard and she attempted unconsciously to pull away from him, but the grip he had on her was too strong. Finally leaning back into his embrace, she let the tears fall, mingling with his, as she finally realized why it'd taken them so long to get to where they were now. Why he'd said 'not yet', why he'd pushed her away, why he never tried to stop her engagement to Mic. And as these thoughts ran through her mind, the guilt she'd felt everyday since accepting Mic's ring surfaced once again. Things were too jumbled up for Harm to realize the implications of his dream at the moment. But Sarah Mackenzie knew she was responsible for some of it. And she knew some day they'd have to talk about it, but not now. Right now the man she loved needed comfort, reassurance, not a walk down memory lane.
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Was it time? Was it now the time to open up old wounds and settle the issue before it swallowed the love they'd just found?
He'd looked so broken that day, so unlike the hero that he was. She'd give anything to never see him that way again. But it was necessary. It wouldn't be right now. They were due at work in an hour, and what she had in mind would take a lot longer than the time they had, but she was convinced it was the next step for them.
Mac remembered what she'd promised him that day while she'd held him in her arms after his nightmare.
"Harm, it will take time. But I promise you, I'll make you believe" she'd said. And he'd been overcome with emotion and had only been able to utter a broken 'I love you'.
But believe in what? Believe that she'd never leave him? Believe that she could love him enough to wait for him should he someday meet his father's same fate? That she would fight wind and rain to find him, to be close to him no matter what happened? That she would never give up on him?
But she had, hadn't she? When he'd chosen to return to his dream of flying, she'd hated him for it. She'd hated him for leaving her because she didn't know if she could live without him. She hated herself for depending on him that way, but instead of telling him she'd lashed out at him. She'd cut him from her life, she'd kept her promotion from him, she'd rubbed her partnership with Brumby in his face when he'd returned to JAG. She had turned from him, and she had kept her friendship from him. Her friendship; she'd denied him the one thing he'd needed most. And who could forget Sydney Harbor? When he'd said 'not yet' she'd turned her back on him and run to another man.
Those long months before her wedding plagued her memories once more. Guilt had threatened to consume her whole every time she'd seen his eyes focused on her ring. No matter how much she denied it, she knew Harm loved her. She'd always known. It'd always been in his eyes, but her stubbornness had gotten in the way. The night of her engagement party, she'd seen the love in his eyes, she'd seen the hurt she'd caused him, she'd seen his desire to disregard the rules and make her his forever. And she'd stood there, waiting for him to break. Waiting for him to forget the reasons he'd respected the boundaries for 10 entire months. And she'd accused him of not being able to let go; but let go of what? Let go of everything that made him the man he was?
After her wedding was canceled, he'd attempted to set things straight. She'd gone to his apartment, only to find Renee there; and as much as she wanted to hate him, she knew she could only hate the situation. But what had she done? She'd run. Once again. And when he flew half a world to speak to her what had she done? She'd bombarded him with questions and had left him there with the words in his lips. And why? Because she'd always wanted things on her own terms. Because when she'd asked the question, she'd expected a quick answer. Because she lacked the self-esteem to realize that a relationship with her would not be something he'd take lightly.
The night he'd said 'I love you' she'd told him she loved him because of who he was. She'd told him how proud she was of him, how much she loved his integrity, and his honor, and his need to always do what's right. And he'd cried, because he'd thought she would never accept him the way he was. And it had broken her heart to hear him say he'd give up flying just for her. His words had gripped her heart and she'd finally realized that it wasn't his flying that she resented; it wasn't his honor, or his righteousness that she begrudged. It was the distance between them that she hated, and she'd finally admitted it'd been her fault as much as his.
Not that she believed Harm to be innocent in all this, but she'd had enough of occupying her time blaming him instead of fixing what there was for her to fix.
Now all she wanted was for him to be the man she'd always known. The man she'd fallen in love with. The man who chased missiles in combat because he understood that a lot more than his life was at stake; the man who devoted himself to a case until justice was served; the man who loved his friends and family enough to do anything for them; the man with the fragile heart behind the steel exterior.
And now his nightmares were back. The ones where he cried out her name and begged her to believe he would return. After Afghanistan she'd tried to convince herself the dream was simply a repercussion of the terrible days he'd survived. Weeks had gone by and she'd been thankful that the dream had not returned. It had now.
"Harm?"
"Yes, baby?"
"Harm, what's wrong?" Confronting Harm was never the best course of action.
"Huh?"
Mac sighed. "Harm, I know there's something bothering you. Feel like sharing?" she asked doing her best to sound casual. Careful not to raise her voice or in any way lead him to believe she was mad or disappointed. Mac knew her flyboy better than anyone.
"Mac, there are tons of things wrong. For starters, Bud. Then..." she silenced him with a soft finger to his lips. He didn't want to talk.
"Harm. You know that's not what I meant. It's okay if you don't want to talk about it now. I understand. Just remember that I'll be here whenever you're ready, okay?"
Harm shut his eyes and fought the tears that threatened to build. How could he explain to her something he didn't understand himself? For a couple of weeks he'd been trying to figure out what was wrong, and for the life of him, Harm couldn't come up with an answer. He knew that he needed to talk to Mac. But old habits die hard, and opening up to his Marine was not something that came easily yet.
"Thank you" was all he could say, and with a disappointed sigh she nodded against his skin.
"I'll always be here for you, Harm. And I'll wait" she whispered just as she reached up to place a soft kiss on his lips.
'I'll wait'. Her declaration brought him as much comfort as it did unease, but he pushed the latter aside. The words ran over and over in his mind and he could only hold on to her tighter, somehow wishing she could take him in her arms and make all his inner battles with himself go away.
Mac sensed his struggle. There was nothing she would've liked better than to have him open up to her right then. But years of knowing him had taught her that all she could do was offer her support. She'd failed him enough before. She'd been impatient before and she'd ended up almost married to a man she didn't love. No. It wouldn't happen again. She would give him what he needed, and at the moment, it was silent support; and maybe a little entertainment.
"Now what do you say we go and hit that shower, Sailor?" a smile accompanied her invitation and he smiled in return.
"We, counselor?" Harm was fully aware that he was skirting a sensitive issue, but for once, he knew Mac understood.
Mac gave him a sassy smile as she rose from the bed "Complaining, Squid?" Harm smiled.
"Not all, ninja girl. Not at all" he murmured as he pushed himself out of bed and followed her in, admiring the excellent view of her backside presented to him. Mac was simply, the most amazing woman he'd ever met. What was wrong with him?
TBC