Velcome to ze chapter 4, I hope you are enjoying yourselves, if u are, tell
me, pleasssssseee review.
Luke, the droids and obi-wan are standing on a cliff edge looking onto Mos Eisly.
Obi-Wan: Mos Eisly, you will never find a more retched hive of scum and villainy.
Luke: What about over there? *Points to Canada*
Obi-Wan: Yeah, well… that goes without saying…but Mos Eisly is still pretty bad.
Luke: Okay… one more thing, how do we get down off this cliff?
Obi-Wan: Looks around, they are standing on a solid column of rock, with a very steep drop on all sides.
Obi-Wan: Hmm, I've got an idea. *Starts to tap his heels together* there's no place like Mos Eisly, there's no place like Mos Eisly, there's no place like Mos Eisly!
Luke: What about Canad-?
Obi-Wan: SHUT UP!!!
Luke: ok.
Obi-Wan: *Taps his heels together once more, a huge whirlwind suddenly develops, picks them up and carries them into Mos Eisly. Obi-wan is standing in the middle of a street* that went better then I thought.
Luke: Really? *He is slumped upside down against a wall, which he hit at around 80 km/hr.*
Obi-Wan: (Hehehe) *radiating innocence and concern (hahaha, good one)* oh dear Luke, are you hurt? I feel just terrible about that harm coming to you…*bursts out laughing* oh, I'm sorry…I just can't keep this up *pulls himself together* sorry, I was laughing at…em… a joke I heard earlier…yeah, the little dipshit should buy that…opps, did I say that out loud?
Luke: *Getting up* anyway, will we g - err, who are they? *Points to a group of Jawas hiding in the shadows*
Jawa: nuck chuck pangpang (look at the ass on that one)
C3PO: Thank you, I have been polishing it.
Obi-Wan: I think it would be wise to move on quickly.
They start to walk down the street, but they are stopped by a group of stormtroopers.
Stormtrooper1: how long have you owned these droids?
Luke: Bout three days.
Obi-Wan: you don't need to see his identification.
Stormtrooper1: I didn't ask to see his identification, but now that you bring it up, I'd better check.
Obi-Wan: *Waves his hand, as he does he reveals that he has a Blaster hidden up his sleeve, pointing at them* you don't need to see his identification.
Stormtrooper1: (oh shit) we don't need to see his identification
Obi-Wan: These aren't the droids you're looking for
Stormtrooper1: these aren't the droids we're looking for.
Stormtrooper2: what? How many pairs of smart-assed R2 units paired off with sissy- (C3PO: I'm just prissy, honest) golden protocol droids can there be?
Obi-Wan: *Moves slightly and waves his hand* you are about to die *shoots him*
Stormtrooper2: *dies*
Stormtrooper1: You can go about your business…please…just go about your business
They walk off leaving the Stormtrooper cowering. They walk up to a bar, over the door is a big luminous sign; The Blue Oyster. They walk in and look around. It is full of men, they are all wearing very, VERY tight black leather. As one they turn and look at Luke.
Voice (off screen): what a great ass…
Luke: Well now, this seems like a nice place.
C3PO: Err…maybe we should go somewhere else?
Obi-Wan: Oh no, the best star fighter pilots in the galaxy can be found in places like this.
R2D2: Beep (you mean they're all queer?)
Luke: yes, I've talked to a lot of fighter pilots, and a lot of them are queer, I mean there was this one who kept trying to drink through his nose, I thought that was very queer.
R2D2: beep (no, I meant queer as in ga-)
Obi-Wan: -ANYWAY, just try and blend in…*looks around, realising what sort of people he would have to blend in with*…oh…em… just go and get something to drink, but watch yourself, this place can be a little rough!
Luke: I'm ready for anythin- *jumps* HEY, WHO JUST PINCEHED MY ASS???
Voice (off screen): hehehe.
Bartender: hey! We don't want their kind in here!
Luke: What?
Bartender: your droids, they'll have to wait outside.
Luke: Why?
Bartender: their bright colours clash with the leather.
Luke: *To droids* I think you'd better wait outside.
C3PO: Fine, I know where I'm not wanted.
R2D2: Beep (no you don't, I don't want you. I've been dropping hints for years but you still follow me around!)
C3PO: What are you trying to say?
R2D2: BLEEP (FUCK OFF)
C3PO: My female intuition is telling me something.
R2D2: beep bleep (bout time)
C3PO: you want a hug, don't you?
R2D2: BLEEP (##*&#@!!!!!)
C3PO: HUUUUGGGGG!!!!! *Throws his arms open and runs towards R2D2, chasing him out of the bar*
Luke: …Ok. *Turns, walks over to the bar, sits and calls to the bartender* excuse me?
Bartender: hey sweet cheeks.
Luke: Huh?
Bartender: what do you want?
Luke: *points* I'll have one of them.
Bartender: *reaches over and hands him an empty glass*
Luke: Thanks
Bartender: you want any drink with that?
Luke: No thanks, this is fine, *starts eating the glass*
As he is biting chunks off his glass Luke looks around, George Michael is playing over the radio, there is a small karaoke machine in the background and Greebo is making an attempt to sing "evergreen" by Will Green (and actually doing it better then that poof sings it), on the far side of the bar 'smoker on fire' (still a blazing inferno) is making pleasant conversation with the dragon that was chasing him in chapter3.
Smoker on fire: so, what's it like being a mythological figure?
Dragon: Not as much fun as you'd think. As a dragon I spend a lot of time being chased from town to town, challenged to duels and eating damsels in distress…God, I'd kill for a good damsel right now! The women you have down here are really bland and tasteless.
Smoker on fire: Don't I know it. I mean, my girlfriend just had her bedroom painted pink, PINK for God's sake, talk about tasteless!
Dragon: …er…yeah, that's what I meant… that and they taste like boiled celery.
Ponda Babba: bla bla bla (so, come here often? *wobbles butt cheeks/mouth {I was never really sure about that one})
A/N bit of a private joke there, just in case you don't get it and you were wondering.
Luke: Oh, hi!
Big ugly balding guy with a fecken weird nose: *taps Luke on the shoulder *, he doesn't like you.
Ponda Babba: bla bla bla (yes I do!)
Luke: sorry
Big ugly balding guy with a fecken weird nose: I don't like you! You'd better watch yourself, I have the death sentence in twelve systems!
Luke: I'll be carefull
Ponda Babba: bla bla bla (hey! I was flirting here!)
Big ugly balding guy with a fecken weird nose: you'll be dead!
Obi-Wan: (God I hope so) this young ones not worth the trouble, here let me buy you something.
Big ugly balding guy with a fecken weird nose: oh really? Coz I saw the cutest ikkle teddy bear in the shop next door, and I was going to buy it, but I only had 20 credits, and it was 45.
Obi-Wan: 45 CREDITS!!! I'm not buying you that!
Big ugly balding guy with a fecken weird nose: oh but you promised!
Obi-Wan: God damn it, alright!
Five minutes later Obi-Wan and Luke are seated around a table with Han and the big walking rug we all know and love as chewie. In the background Big ugly balding guy with a fecken weird nose is cuddling a huge pink bunny rabbit.
Han: chewie here tells me that your looking for passage to Alderann.
Luke: Yes please.
Obi-Wan: If it's a fast ship.
Han: fast ship? You've never heard of the millennium falcon?
Obi-Wan: should I have?
Han: no, not really, but I'm still very hurt…*sniffs* I mean, we did the Kessel run in 15 parsecs, and what do we get? Nothing but a little plaque hung up in the Kessel cantina *sob* and a…a… lifetimes supply of…dr. pepper. *breaks down and starts to cry uncontrollably*.
Obi-Wan and Luke both recoil in horror.
Obi-Wan: oh dear God…
Luke: *Leans away and vomits all over 'smoker on fire', extinguishing him*
smoker on fire: hey! You put me out, I'M SAVED!!!
Nuckpang: *runs in with a flame-thrower slung over his shoulder* no, no, no! there's no vay your getting put out * unhooks the flame-thrower, lights it up and then aims at 'smoker on fire' *.
Dragon: *steps in front of him* oh no you don't.
Nuckpang: Hey, vhat do you zhink you're doing? You're a mythical creation, you don't even exist in zhis vorld!
Dragon: damn, he's right. *Vanishes with a ping*
Nuckpang: and now back to y…hey! Vhere'd he go? *Looks around and spots him trying to sneak out the door* oh no you're not getting avay from me. *Chases him out of the bar, laughing maniacally and shooting jets of flame into the air*
Luke: ……………………ok.
Han: anyway, the trip'll cost you around 10,000 credits.
Luke: sure, no problem.
Obi-Wan: we'll even throw in an extra few thousand, just for the fun of it.
Han: em……..ok, if you say so. Meet me in hanger bay 12 in half an hour.
Luke: sure, bye now. *gets up and walks off*.
As he walks out a twi-leek taps him on the shoulder
Twi-leek: I'm sorry, I was just wondering, are you with anyone?
Luke: yeah, actually I'm here with that old guy over there *points to obi- wan*.
Twi-leek: *astonished* you're disgusting *walks off*
Luke: *shrugs and walks off*
Han: *walks over to Greedo* hey you. You planning on killing me?
Greedo: yep
Han: well you don't have to worry, tell Jabba I've got his money.
Greedo: oh well that's nice.
Han: so I'll just be off then?
Greedo: oh god no, I'll still be killing you, but now I'll be getting a lot of money, as well as the personal satisfaction!
Han: I haven't got it with me
Greedo: really? Oh well in that case you can run along scott free.
Han: really?
Greedo: NO!
Han: damnit, thought I had you there
Greedo: yes, but I'm too clever for you naughty people.
Han: yep, oh well. *shoots him*
Greedo: damn, didn't see that one coming *dies*
Han: well, I'm off *walks heroically out into the sunset, and then slips in Banta droppings*
Vhere vill zis strange and vacky adventure lead our heroes? Only time vill tell…
Time: well I think that they'll probably travel to Alderann, but then find out that it's been blown up, and then be captures and then….
Alright, ve get it. Shut up!!!
Time: well, u did ask.
A/N It has been pointed out to me zat there are a couple of zings vhich I should mention, to avoid confussion. 1)I am a guy, I am not gay, anyzing vhich I zay in the vay of Luke and his damn fine ass, I zay only to take ze piss…just in case you vere getting any funny ideas. And 2) REVIEW THIS NOW, even if you have already reviewed, review again!!! I mean zis…do it NOW…please. Zank you.
Luke, the droids and obi-wan are standing on a cliff edge looking onto Mos Eisly.
Obi-Wan: Mos Eisly, you will never find a more retched hive of scum and villainy.
Luke: What about over there? *Points to Canada*
Obi-Wan: Yeah, well… that goes without saying…but Mos Eisly is still pretty bad.
Luke: Okay… one more thing, how do we get down off this cliff?
Obi-Wan: Looks around, they are standing on a solid column of rock, with a very steep drop on all sides.
Obi-Wan: Hmm, I've got an idea. *Starts to tap his heels together* there's no place like Mos Eisly, there's no place like Mos Eisly, there's no place like Mos Eisly!
Luke: What about Canad-?
Obi-Wan: SHUT UP!!!
Luke: ok.
Obi-Wan: *Taps his heels together once more, a huge whirlwind suddenly develops, picks them up and carries them into Mos Eisly. Obi-wan is standing in the middle of a street* that went better then I thought.
Luke: Really? *He is slumped upside down against a wall, which he hit at around 80 km/hr.*
Obi-Wan: (Hehehe) *radiating innocence and concern (hahaha, good one)* oh dear Luke, are you hurt? I feel just terrible about that harm coming to you…*bursts out laughing* oh, I'm sorry…I just can't keep this up *pulls himself together* sorry, I was laughing at…em… a joke I heard earlier…yeah, the little dipshit should buy that…opps, did I say that out loud?
Luke: *Getting up* anyway, will we g - err, who are they? *Points to a group of Jawas hiding in the shadows*
Jawa: nuck chuck pangpang (look at the ass on that one)
C3PO: Thank you, I have been polishing it.
Obi-Wan: I think it would be wise to move on quickly.
They start to walk down the street, but they are stopped by a group of stormtroopers.
Stormtrooper1: how long have you owned these droids?
Luke: Bout three days.
Obi-Wan: you don't need to see his identification.
Stormtrooper1: I didn't ask to see his identification, but now that you bring it up, I'd better check.
Obi-Wan: *Waves his hand, as he does he reveals that he has a Blaster hidden up his sleeve, pointing at them* you don't need to see his identification.
Stormtrooper1: (oh shit) we don't need to see his identification
Obi-Wan: These aren't the droids you're looking for
Stormtrooper1: these aren't the droids we're looking for.
Stormtrooper2: what? How many pairs of smart-assed R2 units paired off with sissy- (C3PO: I'm just prissy, honest) golden protocol droids can there be?
Obi-Wan: *Moves slightly and waves his hand* you are about to die *shoots him*
Stormtrooper2: *dies*
Stormtrooper1: You can go about your business…please…just go about your business
They walk off leaving the Stormtrooper cowering. They walk up to a bar, over the door is a big luminous sign; The Blue Oyster. They walk in and look around. It is full of men, they are all wearing very, VERY tight black leather. As one they turn and look at Luke.
Voice (off screen): what a great ass…
Luke: Well now, this seems like a nice place.
C3PO: Err…maybe we should go somewhere else?
Obi-Wan: Oh no, the best star fighter pilots in the galaxy can be found in places like this.
R2D2: Beep (you mean they're all queer?)
Luke: yes, I've talked to a lot of fighter pilots, and a lot of them are queer, I mean there was this one who kept trying to drink through his nose, I thought that was very queer.
R2D2: beep (no, I meant queer as in ga-)
Obi-Wan: -ANYWAY, just try and blend in…*looks around, realising what sort of people he would have to blend in with*…oh…em… just go and get something to drink, but watch yourself, this place can be a little rough!
Luke: I'm ready for anythin- *jumps* HEY, WHO JUST PINCEHED MY ASS???
Voice (off screen): hehehe.
Bartender: hey! We don't want their kind in here!
Luke: What?
Bartender: your droids, they'll have to wait outside.
Luke: Why?
Bartender: their bright colours clash with the leather.
Luke: *To droids* I think you'd better wait outside.
C3PO: Fine, I know where I'm not wanted.
R2D2: Beep (no you don't, I don't want you. I've been dropping hints for years but you still follow me around!)
C3PO: What are you trying to say?
R2D2: BLEEP (FUCK OFF)
C3PO: My female intuition is telling me something.
R2D2: beep bleep (bout time)
C3PO: you want a hug, don't you?
R2D2: BLEEP (##*&#@!!!!!)
C3PO: HUUUUGGGGG!!!!! *Throws his arms open and runs towards R2D2, chasing him out of the bar*
Luke: …Ok. *Turns, walks over to the bar, sits and calls to the bartender* excuse me?
Bartender: hey sweet cheeks.
Luke: Huh?
Bartender: what do you want?
Luke: *points* I'll have one of them.
Bartender: *reaches over and hands him an empty glass*
Luke: Thanks
Bartender: you want any drink with that?
Luke: No thanks, this is fine, *starts eating the glass*
As he is biting chunks off his glass Luke looks around, George Michael is playing over the radio, there is a small karaoke machine in the background and Greebo is making an attempt to sing "evergreen" by Will Green (and actually doing it better then that poof sings it), on the far side of the bar 'smoker on fire' (still a blazing inferno) is making pleasant conversation with the dragon that was chasing him in chapter3.
Smoker on fire: so, what's it like being a mythological figure?
Dragon: Not as much fun as you'd think. As a dragon I spend a lot of time being chased from town to town, challenged to duels and eating damsels in distress…God, I'd kill for a good damsel right now! The women you have down here are really bland and tasteless.
Smoker on fire: Don't I know it. I mean, my girlfriend just had her bedroom painted pink, PINK for God's sake, talk about tasteless!
Dragon: …er…yeah, that's what I meant… that and they taste like boiled celery.
Ponda Babba: bla bla bla (so, come here often? *wobbles butt cheeks/mouth {I was never really sure about that one})
A/N bit of a private joke there, just in case you don't get it and you were wondering.
Luke: Oh, hi!
Big ugly balding guy with a fecken weird nose: *taps Luke on the shoulder *, he doesn't like you.
Ponda Babba: bla bla bla (yes I do!)
Luke: sorry
Big ugly balding guy with a fecken weird nose: I don't like you! You'd better watch yourself, I have the death sentence in twelve systems!
Luke: I'll be carefull
Ponda Babba: bla bla bla (hey! I was flirting here!)
Big ugly balding guy with a fecken weird nose: you'll be dead!
Obi-Wan: (God I hope so) this young ones not worth the trouble, here let me buy you something.
Big ugly balding guy with a fecken weird nose: oh really? Coz I saw the cutest ikkle teddy bear in the shop next door, and I was going to buy it, but I only had 20 credits, and it was 45.
Obi-Wan: 45 CREDITS!!! I'm not buying you that!
Big ugly balding guy with a fecken weird nose: oh but you promised!
Obi-Wan: God damn it, alright!
Five minutes later Obi-Wan and Luke are seated around a table with Han and the big walking rug we all know and love as chewie. In the background Big ugly balding guy with a fecken weird nose is cuddling a huge pink bunny rabbit.
Han: chewie here tells me that your looking for passage to Alderann.
Luke: Yes please.
Obi-Wan: If it's a fast ship.
Han: fast ship? You've never heard of the millennium falcon?
Obi-Wan: should I have?
Han: no, not really, but I'm still very hurt…*sniffs* I mean, we did the Kessel run in 15 parsecs, and what do we get? Nothing but a little plaque hung up in the Kessel cantina *sob* and a…a… lifetimes supply of…dr. pepper. *breaks down and starts to cry uncontrollably*.
Obi-Wan and Luke both recoil in horror.
Obi-Wan: oh dear God…
Luke: *Leans away and vomits all over 'smoker on fire', extinguishing him*
smoker on fire: hey! You put me out, I'M SAVED!!!
Nuckpang: *runs in with a flame-thrower slung over his shoulder* no, no, no! there's no vay your getting put out * unhooks the flame-thrower, lights it up and then aims at 'smoker on fire' *.
Dragon: *steps in front of him* oh no you don't.
Nuckpang: Hey, vhat do you zhink you're doing? You're a mythical creation, you don't even exist in zhis vorld!
Dragon: damn, he's right. *Vanishes with a ping*
Nuckpang: and now back to y…hey! Vhere'd he go? *Looks around and spots him trying to sneak out the door* oh no you're not getting avay from me. *Chases him out of the bar, laughing maniacally and shooting jets of flame into the air*
Luke: ……………………ok.
Han: anyway, the trip'll cost you around 10,000 credits.
Luke: sure, no problem.
Obi-Wan: we'll even throw in an extra few thousand, just for the fun of it.
Han: em……..ok, if you say so. Meet me in hanger bay 12 in half an hour.
Luke: sure, bye now. *gets up and walks off*.
As he walks out a twi-leek taps him on the shoulder
Twi-leek: I'm sorry, I was just wondering, are you with anyone?
Luke: yeah, actually I'm here with that old guy over there *points to obi- wan*.
Twi-leek: *astonished* you're disgusting *walks off*
Luke: *shrugs and walks off*
Han: *walks over to Greedo* hey you. You planning on killing me?
Greedo: yep
Han: well you don't have to worry, tell Jabba I've got his money.
Greedo: oh well that's nice.
Han: so I'll just be off then?
Greedo: oh god no, I'll still be killing you, but now I'll be getting a lot of money, as well as the personal satisfaction!
Han: I haven't got it with me
Greedo: really? Oh well in that case you can run along scott free.
Han: really?
Greedo: NO!
Han: damnit, thought I had you there
Greedo: yes, but I'm too clever for you naughty people.
Han: yep, oh well. *shoots him*
Greedo: damn, didn't see that one coming *dies*
Han: well, I'm off *walks heroically out into the sunset, and then slips in Banta droppings*
Vhere vill zis strange and vacky adventure lead our heroes? Only time vill tell…
Time: well I think that they'll probably travel to Alderann, but then find out that it's been blown up, and then be captures and then….
Alright, ve get it. Shut up!!!
Time: well, u did ask.
A/N It has been pointed out to me zat there are a couple of zings vhich I should mention, to avoid confussion. 1)I am a guy, I am not gay, anyzing vhich I zay in the vay of Luke and his damn fine ass, I zay only to take ze piss…just in case you vere getting any funny ideas. And 2) REVIEW THIS NOW, even if you have already reviewed, review again!!! I mean zis…do it NOW…please. Zank you.