The two droids pressed their backs up against the wall in desperation.
C3PO: This is all your fault!
R2D2: Beep (Oh shut up!)
C3PO: I can't believe you've got me into ANOTHER mess!
R2D2: Beep (Oh please shut up!)
C3PO: I mean, how could-
R2D2: Beep (Dear God he's still going!)
C3PO: -you be so stupid?
They started to edge their way towards the door, trying to stay away from the flames.
R2D2: Beep beep (Look, how was I to know that it was a real missile?)
C3PO: I thought it might have been obvious, seeing as it had A REAL MISSILE written on one side, and A PRESENT TO SADDAM FROM GEORGE on the other.
R2D2: Beep (It was an innocent mistake! Could have happened to anyone!)
C3PO: Lets just go, okay?
R2D2: Oh fine! (*They hurry out*)
Meanwhile, in another part of the ship.
Luke: At last, we found Starbucks! (*Walks over to a counter*) I'll have a cappuccino and a plate of chips please.
Man: Em, what?
Luke: I'll have a cappuccino and a plate of chips.
Man: Huh?
Luke: (*Getting annoyed*) I would like to order a cappuccino and a plate of chips from you, what's wrong with that?
Man: You can't order that here!
Luke: Oh yeah, Starbucks don't do chips, do they? Okay then, just the cappuccino.
Man: No, you don't get it, this isn't Starbucks, it's the detention block!
Luke: (*Looks around, noticing for the first time the guards surrounding him pointing threateningly with their guns. *) Oh.Right.Well, we'll just be going then. (*Turns to leave*)
Man: Not so fast, you are currently surrounded by the Empires best stormtroopers, there is no escape! (*To stormtroopers*) KILL THEM!
The storm troopers take aim and open fire. Every single one manages to miss Han and Luke, but does (after much bouncing off walls) hit the other stormtroopers, killing all.
Han: (*Looking around at the total devastation*) Yep, they're the Empires best all right.
Luke: Really? What are the normal ones like?
Han: Well, I'll put it like this, there was one guy who, armed only with a spoon, managed to destroy an entire ship, killing all on board, and crippling several nearby star destroyers.
Luke: Wow, that's pretty impressive. I've never heard of anyone taking out that many men like that.apart from Jar Jar Binks.
Han: It was his own ship, and he was just eating lunch! He didn't mean to! You've heard of the rebels recently won battles against the empire? They only won because the empire's ships keep on crashing into each other and blowing themselves up!
Luke: Incredible.(*Leans against the wall, accidentally opening one of the prison cells. *) Opps! (*Looks inside to see Leia lying on her bed*).
Leia: (*Looks up*) Aren't you a little short for a Stormtrooper?
Han: (*Looks in*) Aren't you a little ugly to be the heroine?
Chewie: AAARRRRRRR [Hey! Looky! She's got Danish pastries stuck to her head!]
Luke: (*Takes off his helmet*)
Leia: Outta my way hairball! (*Pushes past him and runs out, pausing as she sees Luke again*) Hey there little bro'! Didn't know it was you, long time no see.
Luke: Huh?
Leia: Oh never mind, we'll get to that eventually. Right now we'd better run as fast as our little legs can carry us. (*Looks at Luke*) Well, in your case beautifully toned and muscled legs, (*looks at Han*) and in your case waxed legs.
Han: HEY! How did you.I mean, how dare you! I'm as manly a man as they come!
Chewie: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHARHARHAR [Yep, you're a manly man alright! Just one that likes to dress up in women's clothes.]
Luke: What'd he say?
Han: NOTHING! He didn't say anything, did you Chewie? Coz you know if you'd said anything you wouldn't get any kibble for WEEKS! And there'd be that subject of that trip to the vet, which I've been leaving off, and could at ANY MOMENT REMEMBER! So yeah, you didn't say nothing Chewie!
Chewie: (*Has been sitting on the ground scratching his ear with his foot, but jumps up as Han says this*) ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR [You big dress wearing pansy!!! For shame on you! Blackmailing a poor little Wookie!]
Han: I do what I have to to survive.
Chewie: ARRRRRRRR [Does that include wearing sequins?]
Han: .On occasion.
Chewie: ARRRR [Yeah sure]
Han: IT'S TRUE! There was that time when I had to.er.because.of the.er.Empire.and their evil.er.Empire.so there!
Chewie: ARRRRRRRRRRRR [There are things living in my fur that could come up with better then that.]
Han: Oh yeah? Prove it!
A voice from inside Chewie's fur: Well, there was that time I had to wear sequins to infiltrate that base full of transvestite stormtroopers.
Han: Oh shut up!
A voice from inside Chewie's fur: Well you asked!
Leia: This is all very cute, but we're still about to be overpowered by hundreds of stormtroopers.once they can work out how to open the door.
Stormtrooper 1: (*From outside the door*) Well, personally I think it's this button. ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH (Scream of unimaginable pain).. Nope, it wasn't that one.Maybe this one . ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.Nope, not that one either.
Leia: On second thoughts, take your time, there's no rush.
Luke: Hey! Look! A grate! We can escape through that!
Han: Oh great, a grate! (*Waits to hear gales of laughter at his witty pun.but doesn't*)
Leia: Well done little bro'!
Han: Sorry, I think you might have missed that, but I said "Oh great, a grate!"
Chewie: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR [But there's a door just over there!] (*Points to large door, over which is hanging the sign- BACK DOOR. NOT GUARDED. AN EASY AND CONVENIENT ESCAPE ROUTE, LEADING STRAIGHT TO THE DOCKING BAY WHERE YOUR SHIP IS BEING HELD*)
Stormtrooper 1: ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH.no, not that one. Let's try this one again.
Han: You see, it was a pun, or a play on words. A type of joke if you will.
Luke: What's that Chewie boy? Timmy's trapped down the old well?
Chewie: ARRRRRRRRRRR [The name's Chewbacca, not Lassie!]
Han: You see I took the words "great" and "grate", which sound the same, but are actually different words, and I put them in a sentence together.
Leia: What'd he say flyboy?
Han: Eh, he says he'd prefer to be called Fluffy. Oh, and something about a door?
Luke: No time to get a proper translation! We'll just assume he's talking about an evil door of death, and ignore whatever he's trying to say!
Han: But I really think that you've all missed this joke.
Stormtrooper 1: ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH .No, that still wasn't it.
Stormtrooper 2: Sir! Maybe you should stop playing with the power sockets and try to open the door?
Stormtrooper 1: Power sockets? What power sockets? .Oh, THESE power sockets!
Luke: QUICK! No time to worry about where this leads, or what single eyed monsters may or may not be living at the bottom of it! (*Pulls out his gun and shots the grate*)
Han: You know you could have just pulled it off, it wasn't stuck down properly, and now were have to slide past the jagged, burning hot edges that are left.
Luke: Yeah, but this way was much more dramatic. (*Dives down the cute*)
Stormtrooper 1: ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Stormtrooper 2: That's still a power socket sir. The door is over here.
Stormtrooper 1: Oh yes. of course. ARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Stormtrooper 2: .Now, he actually got the right button that time.
The door slides open, to reveal a troop of stormtroopers, one of whom is charred and smoking (i.e. is emitting smoke, not having a cigarette).
Stormtrooper 2: THERE THEY ARE! SHOT THEM!.AND LEAVE THOSE BLOODY POWER SOCKETS ALONE!!!
Stormtrooper 1: (*Who was slowly edging his way back to the power sockets*) Awwwwwww, but it tingles!
Stormtrooper 2: I don't care! Get the hell away from them! .sir.
Leia: Screw this! (*Dives down the cute after Luke*)
Han: Chewie, get down there! I don't care what you smell!
Chewie: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRR [All I can smell is your cheap perfume!] (*Dives down the cute*)
Han: (*Shouts down after him*) I HEARD THAT! (*Mumbles*) bloody fleabag (*Jumps down after him*).
And so ends another chapzer! Vot vacky and vild adventures vill zhey be having? Vell, you've seen ze movie, so you already have a rough idea.
C3PO: This is all your fault!
R2D2: Beep (Oh shut up!)
C3PO: I can't believe you've got me into ANOTHER mess!
R2D2: Beep (Oh please shut up!)
C3PO: I mean, how could-
R2D2: Beep (Dear God he's still going!)
C3PO: -you be so stupid?
They started to edge their way towards the door, trying to stay away from the flames.
R2D2: Beep beep (Look, how was I to know that it was a real missile?)
C3PO: I thought it might have been obvious, seeing as it had A REAL MISSILE written on one side, and A PRESENT TO SADDAM FROM GEORGE on the other.
R2D2: Beep (It was an innocent mistake! Could have happened to anyone!)
C3PO: Lets just go, okay?
R2D2: Oh fine! (*They hurry out*)
Meanwhile, in another part of the ship.
Luke: At last, we found Starbucks! (*Walks over to a counter*) I'll have a cappuccino and a plate of chips please.
Man: Em, what?
Luke: I'll have a cappuccino and a plate of chips.
Man: Huh?
Luke: (*Getting annoyed*) I would like to order a cappuccino and a plate of chips from you, what's wrong with that?
Man: You can't order that here!
Luke: Oh yeah, Starbucks don't do chips, do they? Okay then, just the cappuccino.
Man: No, you don't get it, this isn't Starbucks, it's the detention block!
Luke: (*Looks around, noticing for the first time the guards surrounding him pointing threateningly with their guns. *) Oh.Right.Well, we'll just be going then. (*Turns to leave*)
Man: Not so fast, you are currently surrounded by the Empires best stormtroopers, there is no escape! (*To stormtroopers*) KILL THEM!
The storm troopers take aim and open fire. Every single one manages to miss Han and Luke, but does (after much bouncing off walls) hit the other stormtroopers, killing all.
Han: (*Looking around at the total devastation*) Yep, they're the Empires best all right.
Luke: Really? What are the normal ones like?
Han: Well, I'll put it like this, there was one guy who, armed only with a spoon, managed to destroy an entire ship, killing all on board, and crippling several nearby star destroyers.
Luke: Wow, that's pretty impressive. I've never heard of anyone taking out that many men like that.apart from Jar Jar Binks.
Han: It was his own ship, and he was just eating lunch! He didn't mean to! You've heard of the rebels recently won battles against the empire? They only won because the empire's ships keep on crashing into each other and blowing themselves up!
Luke: Incredible.(*Leans against the wall, accidentally opening one of the prison cells. *) Opps! (*Looks inside to see Leia lying on her bed*).
Leia: (*Looks up*) Aren't you a little short for a Stormtrooper?
Han: (*Looks in*) Aren't you a little ugly to be the heroine?
Chewie: AAARRRRRRR [Hey! Looky! She's got Danish pastries stuck to her head!]
Luke: (*Takes off his helmet*)
Leia: Outta my way hairball! (*Pushes past him and runs out, pausing as she sees Luke again*) Hey there little bro'! Didn't know it was you, long time no see.
Luke: Huh?
Leia: Oh never mind, we'll get to that eventually. Right now we'd better run as fast as our little legs can carry us. (*Looks at Luke*) Well, in your case beautifully toned and muscled legs, (*looks at Han*) and in your case waxed legs.
Han: HEY! How did you.I mean, how dare you! I'm as manly a man as they come!
Chewie: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHARHARHAR [Yep, you're a manly man alright! Just one that likes to dress up in women's clothes.]
Luke: What'd he say?
Han: NOTHING! He didn't say anything, did you Chewie? Coz you know if you'd said anything you wouldn't get any kibble for WEEKS! And there'd be that subject of that trip to the vet, which I've been leaving off, and could at ANY MOMENT REMEMBER! So yeah, you didn't say nothing Chewie!
Chewie: (*Has been sitting on the ground scratching his ear with his foot, but jumps up as Han says this*) ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR [You big dress wearing pansy!!! For shame on you! Blackmailing a poor little Wookie!]
Han: I do what I have to to survive.
Chewie: ARRRRRRRR [Does that include wearing sequins?]
Han: .On occasion.
Chewie: ARRRR [Yeah sure]
Han: IT'S TRUE! There was that time when I had to.er.because.of the.er.Empire.and their evil.er.Empire.so there!
Chewie: ARRRRRRRRRRRR [There are things living in my fur that could come up with better then that.]
Han: Oh yeah? Prove it!
A voice from inside Chewie's fur: Well, there was that time I had to wear sequins to infiltrate that base full of transvestite stormtroopers.
Han: Oh shut up!
A voice from inside Chewie's fur: Well you asked!
Leia: This is all very cute, but we're still about to be overpowered by hundreds of stormtroopers.once they can work out how to open the door.
Stormtrooper 1: (*From outside the door*) Well, personally I think it's this button. ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH (Scream of unimaginable pain).. Nope, it wasn't that one.Maybe this one . ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.Nope, not that one either.
Leia: On second thoughts, take your time, there's no rush.
Luke: Hey! Look! A grate! We can escape through that!
Han: Oh great, a grate! (*Waits to hear gales of laughter at his witty pun.but doesn't*)
Leia: Well done little bro'!
Han: Sorry, I think you might have missed that, but I said "Oh great, a grate!"
Chewie: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR [But there's a door just over there!] (*Points to large door, over which is hanging the sign- BACK DOOR. NOT GUARDED. AN EASY AND CONVENIENT ESCAPE ROUTE, LEADING STRAIGHT TO THE DOCKING BAY WHERE YOUR SHIP IS BEING HELD*)
Stormtrooper 1: ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH.no, not that one. Let's try this one again.
Han: You see, it was a pun, or a play on words. A type of joke if you will.
Luke: What's that Chewie boy? Timmy's trapped down the old well?
Chewie: ARRRRRRRRRRR [The name's Chewbacca, not Lassie!]
Han: You see I took the words "great" and "grate", which sound the same, but are actually different words, and I put them in a sentence together.
Leia: What'd he say flyboy?
Han: Eh, he says he'd prefer to be called Fluffy. Oh, and something about a door?
Luke: No time to get a proper translation! We'll just assume he's talking about an evil door of death, and ignore whatever he's trying to say!
Han: But I really think that you've all missed this joke.
Stormtrooper 1: ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH .No, that still wasn't it.
Stormtrooper 2: Sir! Maybe you should stop playing with the power sockets and try to open the door?
Stormtrooper 1: Power sockets? What power sockets? .Oh, THESE power sockets!
Luke: QUICK! No time to worry about where this leads, or what single eyed monsters may or may not be living at the bottom of it! (*Pulls out his gun and shots the grate*)
Han: You know you could have just pulled it off, it wasn't stuck down properly, and now were have to slide past the jagged, burning hot edges that are left.
Luke: Yeah, but this way was much more dramatic. (*Dives down the cute*)
Stormtrooper 1: ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Stormtrooper 2: That's still a power socket sir. The door is over here.
Stormtrooper 1: Oh yes. of course. ARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Stormtrooper 2: .Now, he actually got the right button that time.
The door slides open, to reveal a troop of stormtroopers, one of whom is charred and smoking (i.e. is emitting smoke, not having a cigarette).
Stormtrooper 2: THERE THEY ARE! SHOT THEM!.AND LEAVE THOSE BLOODY POWER SOCKETS ALONE!!!
Stormtrooper 1: (*Who was slowly edging his way back to the power sockets*) Awwwwwww, but it tingles!
Stormtrooper 2: I don't care! Get the hell away from them! .sir.
Leia: Screw this! (*Dives down the cute after Luke*)
Han: Chewie, get down there! I don't care what you smell!
Chewie: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRR [All I can smell is your cheap perfume!] (*Dives down the cute*)
Han: (*Shouts down after him*) I HEARD THAT! (*Mumbles*) bloody fleabag (*Jumps down after him*).
And so ends another chapzer! Vot vacky and vild adventures vill zhey be having? Vell, you've seen ze movie, so you already have a rough idea.