*Creeps sheepishly back into the fic*

Gomen, gomen, gomen!!! Life has been bound and determined to kick my ass over the past few weeks and my free time has been completely monopolized by various pointless (yet unavoidable) things. So, I humbly post this chapter, in the hopes that someone out there is still interested in my fic and is willing to read and review!

OH, and several of you have asked if there will be any I/K action in this fic. I think that it is very, very likely. We'll see how the story goes (*cough* reviews! *cough*). If it doesn't really fit here, then I may just make a separate companion fic for this one, starring Inu and Kagome.

Disclaimer: Me no own; you no sue.

CHAPTER 5: Will The Real Hentai Please Stand Up?

Sango rolled over lazily, shielding her face from the morning sun. She opened her eyes gradually, slowly blinking away the remnants of sleep. Sitting up, she glanced over to Miroku's now vacant spot near the log. A slow smile stole across her lips as she recalled the previous night. Suddenly, her eyes went wide as she felt someone settle behind her, a hand curling around her waist and a low voice whispering in her ear.

"Did you sleep well, Sango?"

"HENTAI!"

Miroku dodged the expected blow, jumping up quickly with a laugh. Sango reached blindly for her boomerang, but he'd conveniently placed the Hiraikotsu out of arm's reach while she was still sleeping. Sango glared up at him from her spot on the ground, but he found the ferocity in her eyes exciting as a promise of something far different than a sound beating.

"Hentai? Hmm…" He watched her eyes flicker as he said the word with a noticeable touch of irony and a smirk. "Well, you must have slept well, as you're quite energetic this morning, Sango-sama..." With an amused look in his eyes and a certain boldness in his countenance, Miroku turned to walk away.

Sango narrowed her eyes at the monk's back. There is something distinctly…self-satisfied about houshi-sama this morning. Perhaps he had some good dreams last night? Sango allowed herself a small grin.

Her face fell as Miroku glanced at her over his shoulder

"You are fortunate. I must confess that I hardly slept a wink." His smile widened even more as he lifted an eyebrow suggestively before turning away to leave Sango gaping at him. She sat motionless, stunned.

Kuso.

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"Hey! Kagome! C'mere!" Inuyasha pulled Kagome aside as she walked past him

"What?"

"Is Sango OK? I mean she's been acting weird all morning and she looks all…red, or something. And Miroku's been smiling like a stupid half-wit since he got up." Inuyasha and Kagome both sneaked a glance back at the demon exterminator who was sitting by the dead fire, absently polishing her hiraikotsu for the umpteenth time that day, with a healthy blush staining her cheeks. She was chewing her lip and looked very much as though she'd like to sink into the ground and disappear from sight. Miroku was hovering near, nonchalantly busying himself with the supplies, seemingly unaware of the taijiya's apparent anxiety. Kagome and Inuyasha both noted the way Sango kept her eyes downcast and would almost cringe if Miroku got too close.

"Hmm…it must be about last night…" Kagome said to herself, forgetting for the moment that Inuyasha was standing right next to her.

"What about last night?" He turned with a questioning look in his eyes.

Kagome debated with herself, not wanting to tell a boldfaced lie but knowing she couldn't give Inuyasha the whole truth without him scoffing at her or calling her a stupid girl. "Uhhhmmm…well…"

"Well…what?" An impatient edge crept into the hanyou's voice.

Kagome bit her lip; there was no way around it.

"Well, uh…LastnightSangodruggedMirokusoshecouldfindhishotspotbecausehefoundhersbyaccident."

"WHAT?!" Inuyasha's voice rang out.

"SHHH!" Kagome glanced nervously over at Sango and Miroku who had both looked up at Inuyasha's outburst. She turned back to the hanyou. "I said—"

"I heard what you said the first time, wench." Inuyasha growled at her. "I'm just wondering two things right now."

"Yes?" Kagome tried to keep her voice innocent.

"One, just where the hell did a sensible girl like Sango get a stupid idea like that?" He looked at her pointedly. "And two," his countenance softened into a look of slight confusion, "Just what the hell is a hotspot?"

Kagome facefaulted. You have GOT to be kidding. There's no way I'm gonna explain that to Inuyasha! She smiled secretively to herself. Although…maybe I could *show* him…

"Oi! What're you smiling about now?" Inuyasha interrupted her thoughts. "I just asked you somethi—HEY! Where are you going?!"

Kagome was walking away in Sango's direction. She threw a knowing smile over her shoulder, the kind that makes men take a step back and wonder 'Now what the hell did I just miss?'

"Oi! Wench! Get back here and tell me what's going on! Hey! I'm still talking to you!" Inuyasha scowled at Kagome's retreating form. "Feh…women." He huffed his way over to the nearest tree and leaped up into the lower branches. As he settled down to sulk, his sensitive ears twitched, picking up a faint rustle above him.

"Shippo, what the hell do you want?"

With a soft thud, the baby kitsune landed beside the hanyou. He smiled a triumphant smile. Inuyasha rolled his eyes. Why the hell was everyone so damn smiley this morning?

"So do you really wanna know, Inuyasha?" Shippo was regarding him with a conspiratorial look. For the moment, he appeared to know far more than a demon of his years ought to know.

"Know what?"

"What Kagome was talking to herself about just now."

"Ha! Like a baka kitsune like you would even have half a clue."

Shippo smirked uncharacteristically."Well, OK, but don't say I didn't offer." He prepared to jump down out of the tree. Inuyasha grabbed hold of his small bushy tail and held him in place.

"OK, runt, if you know something, you'd better tell me right now, before I beat the crap outta you." Inuyasha's voice took on a warning tone. Shippo merely sniffed at him.

"Well, it's going to cost you."

"WHAT?! Forget it, brat! You should be grateful that I haven't pounded the information out of you already!"

"Hmph. All I have to do is start screaming for Kagome and you'll be eating dirt faster than you can say 'FEH!' Dog-Boy!"

Inuyasha gaped at the small fox-demon. Since when had Shippo been this wily?

Shippo crossed his short arms and smirked up at the thoroughly confused hanyou. "Well?" he said expectantly, "do you wanna know or don't you?"

Inuyasha narrowed his eyes. "What do you want?"

"Let's just say you'll owe me one."

Inuyasha growled at that, but did not refuse. Shippo's eyes gleamed as he tugged Inuyasha's ear closer and began whispering.

"It all started yesterday morning when Sango and Kagome were at the hot spring…"

************************************************************

Kagome settled on the ground next to Sango, taking out a math book and pretending to read it as Miroku shuffled about them. When he finally moved out of earshot, Kagome nudged Sango with a concerned look on her face.

"Hey, Sango-chan, are you OK? Did something happen last night?"

"He knows."

"Huh?"

Sango looked up from her polishing. "He was awake. The whole time." The taijiya looked miserable as she blushed an even deeper shade of crimson. Kagome's eyes widened with shock.

"That can't be! We slipped Kaede's potion into his drink remember? Are you absolutely certain he was awake? Did he say something to you about it?"

"I'm almost positive he was awake…this morning he said to me that he hardly slept a wink and he gave me this LOOK that was so..so…"

"Hentai?"

"YES!"

"But Sango-chan, doesn't he always look at you that way?"

"Well…no…I think." She looked confused for a moment as she tried to recall a time, aside from battle, when Miroku hadn't looked at her with some kind of seductive suggestion dancing in his eyes. She shook her head as she began losing her train of thought, "But still, Kagome, it doesn't matter how he was looking at me because he SAID he didn't sleep at all!"

"Sango…are you sure that maybe he wasn't being smug with you because he was only dreaming about you? And even if he WAS awake, how hard could it be to convince him that he dreamed it all up?"

"Dreamed what all up?" A smooth voice said.

Both girls jumped as Miroku stood over them with a self-satisfied grin still plastered on his face. He eyed Sango like a hungry owl and the demon exterminator could only blush and squirm under his scrutiny.

"Ah, um…nothing Miroku."

"Oh, indeed. Well I was about to say, I personally had some very interesting dreams last night. Mind-altering, in fact. I believe I may have ascended to a higher plain of awareness." He examined his rosary beads disinterestedly. "Sango, would you like me to tell you about them?"

Sango coughed violently.

OK, so maybe he *was* awake after all. Kagome thought with a grimace.

"Well you could always tell me. I'd be very interested in ascending to a higher plain of awareness." A gruff voice said with a hint of mocking. Sango, Kagome, and Miroku all looked up to see Inuyasha standing with his arms crossed and Shippo on his shoulder. He winked at Kagome and then grinned wide at Miroku.

Kagome bit back an 'eep!' of shock. What is he doing?! He's not THAT dumb! She stopped. And since when did he allow Shippo to sit on his shoulder for an extended period of time?

Miroku cleared his throat. "Well, Inuyasha, I'd be more than hap—"

"NO! Uh, uh, the monk doesn't have time right now, because, ah…" Sango jumped to her feet, looking panic-stricken. "Because we have to go gather herbs for Kaede-sama!" She grabbed hold of the back of Miroku's robes and nearly dragged him into the woods. Inuyasha looked as though he were choking. As soon as Miroku and Sango were out of sight, he nearly doubled over with laughter, dropping Shippo on the ground at his feet.

"Inuyasha! Just what did you think you were doing?!" Kagome looked enraged. "You may not be the brightest person I know, but even YOU aren't THAT dumb! Poor Sango-chan! She must be so embarrassed!"

"HEY! I am NOT dumb! Besides, Sango asked for it. Sneaking up on a guy while he's asleep!"

"So wait…you know what happened last night?" Kagome looked troubled.

"Like I said, I'm not dumb. I figured it out."

Shippo snorted. Inuyasha glared at him, but said nothing.

"Anyways, if Sango hadn't followed through with your stupid little plan, she wouldn't be out alone in the woods right now with that rabid monk who's been drooling over her since day one!" Inuyasha sat down on the ground beside Kagome and folded his arms again and looked up at her with an air of triumph. His moment was ruined however, when he saw Kagome's expression turn thoughtful.

"For once, Inuyasha," she said, reaching out to stroke his ears, "I think you're right. If it hadn't been for my little plan, they wouldn't be out there together right now. Hmm." Kagome smiled mischievously to herself. Suddenly, she reeled with shock as she felt a claw tip tracing a feather-light circle up the back of her knee.

"HENTAI!"

*WHAM!*

*THUD*

"Hmph!" Kagome stalked off angrily. Inuyasha held a secret council meeting with the dirt. Shippo looked on thoughtfully, wondering to himself if Kagome really needed Inuyasha to have the rosary after all.

A/N: And there we have it! Not the most exciting chapter, but please take note that Sango and Miroku are off in the woods alone…now you KNOW that I won't let that scene go unwritten. *lifts head to the wind* Do I smell something _lemony_ in the air? Hehehehe. ^_^ And don't forget to R&R!!!!