Roger
I drop down to sitting on my bed, burying my face in my hands. I just lost my girlfriend and I don't know how to fix it this time. I wish I could. Figuring Mark turned the breaker back to play with his film; I plug my guitar back into the amp and begin loudly playing, not caring if it wakes Mark up right now.
"You're a model prisoner
The only time you'll miss her
Lying in the darkness wide awake.
You're a model prisoner
About the only risk, girl
You'll have to take is to escape."
I sing roughly, amazingly, finding my voice choked up with tears. I never cry, look at what this girl does to me.
Mark
Waking up suddenly as I hear Roger singing I wonder what
happened with Mimi, it can't have been good, I just hope she's not too upset as
she's not the asshole here. Roger is. Going into his room I smile
quietly and sit and listen, he's actually pretty talented and would do so much
better as a solo act. "Roger..."
Roger
I look up suddenly as I hear Mark's voice, hoping the tears shining in my eyes aren't too obvious. "Hey..." I say quietly, putting the guitar down. I hold out my arms, suddenly needing to be held. I wish Mimi were here, but she won't be. Mark comes over and I sigh, looking down. "Mimi found out about us. She... uh... broke up with me. It's serious this time too... She told me that she hated me more than her stepfather." I suddenly realize that Mark can't possibly know what I'm talking about. "God, Mark, you don't know what that man did to her. He... he..." My voice lowers until I'm whispering roughly. "He raped her." I stare up at him, not realizing the tears running down my face. "I don't want to have her think I'm at the same level as him. I wish I weren't... so confused..."
Mark
As I sit there and listen, I can't help but feel for Mimi,
it's not her fault this happened and she doesn't deserve to be hurt although
there's nothing that can be done now. After he tells me Mimi was raped I
look over on shock, this doesn't come as a surprise but it was something I never
expected to hear out loud and I can't believe Roger's crying. "I'm
sorry she's hurt...."
Roger
"Yeah," I mutter, running my hands through my hair. I feel awful crying about my ex-girlfriend in front of Mark. I feel awful crying. I'm Roger Davis, I don't cry. "I'm sorry, Mark," I mumble, staring at the ground between my legs. "I'm the biggest ass on this planet and you don't deserve to have to put up with me... Hell, I don't deserve you." I rub at my eyes, trying to figure out a way to make this all okay. "I didn't mean anything I said last night... I was just so desperate to make Mimi not upset... and that's not any excuse. Damnit!" I turn and just start pounding my pillow. Genius Roger, go and screw up your life so bad there's no going back.
Mark
Roger's crying... and beating his pillow like a punching bag
which is odd because although I've seen Roger angry hundreds of times he
usually picks something that will break to punch, like lamps or chairs, not
pillows. "Roger... what you said last night was... bad.... but I can
think of a few ways you can make it up to me..."
Roger
I feel Mark's hand on my back, which shocks the shit out of me, because I'm positive that Mark's been scared to go near me when I'm angry like this. Recently, at least. When I was going through withdrawal, I was always angry and he was always there. I almost forgot that part of his personality. I slowly turn around, running my hand through my hair and taking deep breathes to try to calm down. "Mark..." I say quietly, trying to figure out the exact words I want. I finally go for the simple, blunt route. "I don't want our relationship, if we have one, to be just about sex. I... don't know if you heard me before... but I do love you and..." At that point, the words decide to disappear and my mouth gets dry.
Mark
"I did hear you..." It was just that when you said
you loved me it didn't really register in my brain. "And you're
right, this doesn't have to be *just* about sex because I love you too and I
want to spend time with you and stuff, but not as just your best friend... I
want to spend time with you as your lover..."
Roger
"I know," I say quietly, so relieved that at least Mark doesn't hate me. But then again, Mark has never hated me. He's always been one of the more stable people in my life... and I can't believe I never realized exactly how great he is to me until now. "Well... I guess... as our first step as a couple..." Which sounds crazy to me, but I'll get used to it. I gingerly hold my arms out, just a little, and hope he'll move into them. The image of Mimi sobbing in her apartment briefly flickers through my head, but I force myself to push it out. We broke up, it was her word, and I'm not being unfaithful. Not anymore, anyway.
Mark
Seeing his arms and an invitation I crawl into his embrace
and smile, getting what I wanted was actually a lot easier than I thought it
would be, and I don't even have to share him with Mimi, I get him all to
myself, and I never would have predicted that. "This is good... I like
this step," I say grinning again, amused that Roger doesn't seem to be
able to differentiate between a grin and a smile.
Roger
"I do too..." I say quietly, happen to see him... happy. I don't screw up everyone in my life... not for good, at least. I still have no idea how Mimi found out, though. "Do you think she'll ever forgive us?" I ask, gently resting my chin on the top of his head.
Mark
"I think she might… I can go try and talk to her…" I think, grinning to myself. This could work out to be quite interesting, I wonder if she'd… because if Roger told me that they had broken up I didn't really do anything wrong… "When do you want me to talk to her?"
Roger
"Really?" I ask, my eyes opening eyes in excitement. "You'd talk to her for me?" Mimi might actually talk to Mark. She doesn't have the same blinding-love rage towards him that she does towards me. "Oh, I love you!" I turn and kiss the top of his head. He's always been so good to me. I'm such an idiot for not realizing it before. I gently rub his back with my one hand, still holding him close to me. It still worries me a little, how easily I settled into this.
Mark
"Of course I will, all you have to do it tell me
when..." I murmur enjoying the feeling of his hand on my back... I have to
know how to make Mimi not mad at *me* but Roger... perhaps I can tell her that
Roger.... mmmmm this will be enjoyable.
Roger
"Maybe you should wait..." I say quietly, dropping my chin back onto his head. "Give her a little bit of time to calm down." At the same time, I'm terrified that if we leave her alone, something bad will happen. She was so upset when I left... I feel like shit about that.
Mark
"Okay I can do that," because that means I have
more time to think about how this is going to work. "What do you
want to do now sexy? You said you wanted to talk so go ahead."
Roger
I jump a bit when Mark calls me "sexy"... this is still a little unnerving for me. "I don't know what I want to talk about," I admit, still talking softly, for fear of ripping apart this moment we're having. "I... I just wanna hold you..." I shift so I'm now leaning against the wall and hold my arms out for Mark again; forcing myself to forget all the times I've sat with Mimi in this same position.
Damn, I miss her.
Mark
"Alright then, I like being held," I smile
innocently as I move comfortably into his arms. "Roger... what did
you want to be when you were a really little kid? Like when you were two
or three and we all wanted to be heroes and the girls all wanted to be ballerinas
or guys...."
Roger
I smile down at him, gently rubbing my hands over one of his arms. "A rock star," I tell him, laughing. "Or a fireman." Can't believe we haven't had conversations like this before, you know, after living together for years. "What about you?"
Mark
"You wanted to be a fire man? That's
adorable! Why didn't you?" I ask before realizing he asked me a
question. "An astronaut," I smile sheepishly, yep, I was a
geeky child.
Roger
I grin, and then start to laugh, looking at the expression on Mark's face. I've never noticed how cute he is when he's embarrassed. "An astronaut? That's cool, I like space." *I* would never think of being an astronaut, but it's perfect for him. Very Mark-ish. "And as for the fireman... well, being a rock star is just so much more fun, don't you think? Besides, I think I'm more likely to start fires, than stop them."
Mark
Well at least he doesn't seem to think there's anything
wrong with wanting to be an astronaut... Smiling I finally start to
laugh, "You're right I can just see you in a fire fighter's uniform
throwing things into the fire after you make sure everyone's okay."
Roger
I laugh more, squeezing Mark a little. "Mmmm, I know. And all the other guys yelling at me and me just going 'Heat! There's finally heat! All me and Mark have to do is burn down the loft!'." This is good. This is very good and nice and... good.
Mark
I have to laugh at that. "I don't think we should burn
down the loft I think Benny would have us arrested although I could be wrong
about that," I mention just picturing the whole situation.
Roger
"No... I think you're right, baby." I drop my head down on his shoulder, suddenly realizing how tired I am. Today has been a long, hard day. And tomorrow probably won't be much better... except for Mark.
Mark
"Go to sleep," I smirk quietly, trying to figure
out exactly how tomorrow will work... I'm not sure what I'm going to want to do
with Mimi first...
Roger
I smile down at Mark, thinking back to when he used to "take care of me" during those months after April... This is like that. "Kay..." I say softly, getting up and stripping down to my boxers. Not that there's much "stripping" involved... I'm really only wearing pants and boxers. "You'll still be here in the morning?" I ask innocently as I lay down on my mattress, thinking about all the girls who've said that to me. I never was.
Mark
"I'll probably be here in the loft not necessarily
right here and you know showering and other stuff is nice to do in the
morning," I murmur amused. Where would I go? And even if I did
go somewhere I'd be back as I *do* live here.
Roger
"Good." I grin up at Mark, and then surprise myself to no ends, but leaning up and kissing him softly. Not something expected after... today. "I love you, Mark," I whisper, before laying back down and almost immediately falling asleep. Stress isn't good for me.
Mark
As he falls asleep I sit there in pure amusement, not quite
sure what to do...
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Author's Note: Um… yeah. A brief dip into cute-ness.
Disclaimer: Not ours.
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