Chapter Three, or I'm Really Sick of Ramen but What Can I Do?
Lillian-Hannah stared at the bracelet angrily as she had done for the past two hours, as if her gaze alone could break the magnetic attraction. Jim was asleep -- as far away from her as he could manage with their wrists stuck together -- having finally been rendered unconscious by Lillian's ceaseless ramblings about her dramatic life. Occasionally he would stir and mutter something incoherant along the lines of "Evil Elms fangirls...NOOOOO!" Aside from this, all was peaceful. Lillian sighed, lost and useless without an audience. Noticing her book within reach, she picked it up and began to read. She was halfway through the L's when a loud crash shook the forest.
Jim screamed and sat up to find himself staring at Lillian. He screamed again. It didn't help, she was still there.
"Hi," she said brightly. "I'm new. My name is Lizzie!"
"You just told me your name was Hannah!" he retorted, extremely irritated at waking up to find this THING still attached to his wrist.
Lillian-Hannah-Lizzie ignored this information and threw her arms around his neck. "There was a crash, I'm scared, it reminds me of the time I died in a car wreck, will you be my friend?" She gazed up at him pitifully.
"NO," he said emphatically, prying her arms loose. "Now shut up so we can go see what the crash was and get on with the story." He stalked off in the direction of the crash. Lillian planned on staying and sulking right where she was, but she was suddenly dragged along, due to the attraction between the bracelets.
As she stumbled along behind him, Lillian managed to continue rambling. "Did I ever tell you about the time I was engaged to a Chinese emperor? My fiance broke up with me, don't you feel sorry for me now?"
"No," Jim said shortly.
"I was only nine, and he said he loved me, and we were going to be married," she elaborated.
"I thought you were engaged to your pastor at age nine," he muttered, not stopping to look at her.
"That was when I was EIGHT, and we were never engaged," she said indignantly. "I had his baby, that's all. There was nothing between us."
"Maybe that was the problem..."
"WHAT?"
"Nothing. This is getting too risque for the Kids forum. Look, a large spaceship has crashed. Imagine that. Why don't we go find out who it is." Lillian had no choice, she was cemented to his wrist. And so they went.
Jim peered into the door of the spaceship and called in his best imitation of Claire imitating Matt Seymour (which was pretty good, truth be told), "HEL-LO EVERY-BO-DY. ARE YOU IN THERE?"
"I'd rather be playing CRICKET," a haughty voice announced from the inside of the spacecraft. A moment passed in which the voice expected someone to inquire about the game of cricket, but much to his dismay, no one did.
"May I take that as a yes?" Jim called to him.
"Remind me to write about this crash IN MY BOOK BECAUSE I AM WRITING ONE!" the voice shouted at no one in particular, and it climbed out of the spaceship, bringing two people with it. One of them belonged to the voice, and the other was a girl dressed entirely in camoflauge.
"HI!" Lillian called, suddenly cheerier at seeing two new people who could pay attention to her. "My name's Beth, and I'm a poor orphan from a third world country!"
"YOU SAID YOU WERE A RICH RUSSIAN PRINCESS!" Jim exclaimed, still not catching on to the whole pathological-liar bit.
The girl in camoflauge glared at Jim, trying to look threatening. She opened her mouth and angrily mouthed something at him. No sound came out.
"What?"
More lip movements. Glaring. Angry eyes.
"WHAT?!"
Again, the same.
"FOR WHY DO NOT YOU SPEAK AUDIBLY?!" he exploded.
"Maybe because you're too STUPID to read her lips!" The second person, a boy to whom the first voice belonged, finally spoke up. "No one in my book is as stupid as you."
"Dude, what is up with you and this freaking book complex?!" Jim demanded, growing increasingly perturbed at being thrown into the increasingly disturbing story. "Why are all of you extremely neurotic? She has ten million different personalities, that weird girl trying to blend in with the background doesn't even speak so people can here her, and all you can talk about is some stupid book! SOMEONE - MAKE - SENSE!" He was hyperventilating, and this tirade had been delivered with a complete assortment of frustrated gestures, nearly pulling Lillian's arm out of socket.
"Would you STOP ranting like that?" she snapped. "You're going to reinjure the elbow I hurt while playing Quidditch when I starred in the Harry Potter movie!"
"Harry Potter is STUPID," the boy from the spaceship blurted. "It's stupid and evil and it was too childish for me when I was three months old. Now, when I write MY book--"
"NO!" Jim YELLED. "SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR BLOODY BOOK!"
The camoflauged girl invisibly made a face at him and shouted back some childish insult, which no one was able to hear. Jim ignored her, because he was unable to help it.
"You're right," Lillian said sadly, looking hopelessly repentant. "I lied about the movie. Harry Potter is stupid. I know you won't trust me, and you have no reason to. I just wanted you to like me." She sniffled.
"Why don't you tell us everything else you lie--" Jim Hawkins began, but was interrupted by the Spaceship Boy.
"There, there. It's okay that you lied about everything. He's just being a jerk to you because he's a stupid loser who needs to die a horrible, brutal death at my hands. He needs to learn to be forgiving and loving."
Jim pondered this, got lost in the hypocrisy, and gave up trying.
Lillian-Hannah stared at the bracelet angrily as she had done for the past two hours, as if her gaze alone could break the magnetic attraction. Jim was asleep -- as far away from her as he could manage with their wrists stuck together -- having finally been rendered unconscious by Lillian's ceaseless ramblings about her dramatic life. Occasionally he would stir and mutter something incoherant along the lines of "Evil Elms fangirls...NOOOOO!" Aside from this, all was peaceful. Lillian sighed, lost and useless without an audience. Noticing her book within reach, she picked it up and began to read. She was halfway through the L's when a loud crash shook the forest.
Jim screamed and sat up to find himself staring at Lillian. He screamed again. It didn't help, she was still there.
"Hi," she said brightly. "I'm new. My name is Lizzie!"
"You just told me your name was Hannah!" he retorted, extremely irritated at waking up to find this THING still attached to his wrist.
Lillian-Hannah-Lizzie ignored this information and threw her arms around his neck. "There was a crash, I'm scared, it reminds me of the time I died in a car wreck, will you be my friend?" She gazed up at him pitifully.
"NO," he said emphatically, prying her arms loose. "Now shut up so we can go see what the crash was and get on with the story." He stalked off in the direction of the crash. Lillian planned on staying and sulking right where she was, but she was suddenly dragged along, due to the attraction between the bracelets.
As she stumbled along behind him, Lillian managed to continue rambling. "Did I ever tell you about the time I was engaged to a Chinese emperor? My fiance broke up with me, don't you feel sorry for me now?"
"No," Jim said shortly.
"I was only nine, and he said he loved me, and we were going to be married," she elaborated.
"I thought you were engaged to your pastor at age nine," he muttered, not stopping to look at her.
"That was when I was EIGHT, and we were never engaged," she said indignantly. "I had his baby, that's all. There was nothing between us."
"Maybe that was the problem..."
"WHAT?"
"Nothing. This is getting too risque for the Kids forum. Look, a large spaceship has crashed. Imagine that. Why don't we go find out who it is." Lillian had no choice, she was cemented to his wrist. And so they went.
Jim peered into the door of the spaceship and called in his best imitation of Claire imitating Matt Seymour (which was pretty good, truth be told), "HEL-LO EVERY-BO-DY. ARE YOU IN THERE?"
"I'd rather be playing CRICKET," a haughty voice announced from the inside of the spacecraft. A moment passed in which the voice expected someone to inquire about the game of cricket, but much to his dismay, no one did.
"May I take that as a yes?" Jim called to him.
"Remind me to write about this crash IN MY BOOK BECAUSE I AM WRITING ONE!" the voice shouted at no one in particular, and it climbed out of the spaceship, bringing two people with it. One of them belonged to the voice, and the other was a girl dressed entirely in camoflauge.
"HI!" Lillian called, suddenly cheerier at seeing two new people who could pay attention to her. "My name's Beth, and I'm a poor orphan from a third world country!"
"YOU SAID YOU WERE A RICH RUSSIAN PRINCESS!" Jim exclaimed, still not catching on to the whole pathological-liar bit.
The girl in camoflauge glared at Jim, trying to look threatening. She opened her mouth and angrily mouthed something at him. No sound came out.
"What?"
More lip movements. Glaring. Angry eyes.
"WHAT?!"
Again, the same.
"FOR WHY DO NOT YOU SPEAK AUDIBLY?!" he exploded.
"Maybe because you're too STUPID to read her lips!" The second person, a boy to whom the first voice belonged, finally spoke up. "No one in my book is as stupid as you."
"Dude, what is up with you and this freaking book complex?!" Jim demanded, growing increasingly perturbed at being thrown into the increasingly disturbing story. "Why are all of you extremely neurotic? She has ten million different personalities, that weird girl trying to blend in with the background doesn't even speak so people can here her, and all you can talk about is some stupid book! SOMEONE - MAKE - SENSE!" He was hyperventilating, and this tirade had been delivered with a complete assortment of frustrated gestures, nearly pulling Lillian's arm out of socket.
"Would you STOP ranting like that?" she snapped. "You're going to reinjure the elbow I hurt while playing Quidditch when I starred in the Harry Potter movie!"
"Harry Potter is STUPID," the boy from the spaceship blurted. "It's stupid and evil and it was too childish for me when I was three months old. Now, when I write MY book--"
"NO!" Jim YELLED. "SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR BLOODY BOOK!"
The camoflauged girl invisibly made a face at him and shouted back some childish insult, which no one was able to hear. Jim ignored her, because he was unable to help it.
"You're right," Lillian said sadly, looking hopelessly repentant. "I lied about the movie. Harry Potter is stupid. I know you won't trust me, and you have no reason to. I just wanted you to like me." She sniffled.
"Why don't you tell us everything else you lie--" Jim Hawkins began, but was interrupted by the Spaceship Boy.
"There, there. It's okay that you lied about everything. He's just being a jerk to you because he's a stupid loser who needs to die a horrible, brutal death at my hands. He needs to learn to be forgiving and loving."
Jim pondered this, got lost in the hypocrisy, and gave up trying.