Broken
By Elanor PamWell, my first Violinist of Hameln fic. A songfic featuring "Planet Telex" by Radiohead. It's a very dark song and I thought it described very well in what kind of condition Hamel would be after the "Tragedy of Anthem". (Meaning, if you don't know what it's about, you shouldn't read!!) On the other side, I myself don't know much about Hamel's reaction apart from what Raiel described as "deepest pits of despair" and some info I got from the ML.… but, by the time I got the info that Raiel talks to Hamel in the middle of the destroyed village, the fic was practically finished. So, just make believe this is some sort of Parallel Universe, okay? After all, Raiel doesn't say a word in this fic, and only Oboe talks to Ha-chan.
On a side note, the song pieces were placed in random places or where a pause in narration seemed fitting. So the scene might not fit the verse, or the verse could fit another scene better. Can't really help it, or the verses would be placed too near each other here, too far apart there… (more than it's already…) sowwy!! ^___^
Also, I know that Hamel's instrument is a violin, but it looks like a cello. So bleh. 8P
Disclaimer: Oh, how, how I wish I could ask Michiaki Watanabe to draw a second version of the entire VoH story!! I would do my best to make a worthy plot, tie all the ends he left loose, and I can draw better than him!!
~*~*~*~*~*~The boy was sitting silently in the middle of the charred debris of a street.
The street sat silently in the middle of the charred debris of a village.
Here and there sat charred debris of mutilated corpses; their blood dampened the scorched earth under them, the remaining fire burning the remaining flesh.
A sickening smell rose from the parched blood and venison, the smoke rising red towards the cloudy night sky.
The boy held a bow and a cello against him with bloodied hands.
The boy was alone.
The boy was terrified.
You can force it but it will not come
You can taste it but it will not form
His wide eyes looked hazily at the desolation in front of him, empty of everything but denial. It was hard to know if he could see anything at all. The tears still stained his angelical face; soft, pink childish lips were parted in shock.
A gap in the clouds made the moonlight shine upon the place; it looked even more ruined, if that was even possible. In a small plaque, cracked and caked with blood, it was still written Anthem.
The moonlight shone upon the boy; his pale, soft skin seemed to shine too. Light blond hair reflected the beam back.
A white horn flashed under the moon, as it was covered by another dark cloud.
You can crush it but it's always here
You can crush it but it's always near
A raindrop fell on his bloodied hand, and he flinched; as if it had suddenly jolted him back to reality, he started shaking uncontrollably.
It was a nightmare… it was a nightmare…
The boy clutched the cello and bow against his chest, as new tears slid down his face; the rain started pouring down immediately, as if the heavens were crying together with him. He sobbed; he was alone, utterly alone.
And it was his fault.
As if he had been hit by the full meaning of those words, he let go of the musical instrument he held and looked at his hands with wide eyes. The rain was washing the stains away, but his skin still tickled where they had been.
He covered his eyes and cried more, staggering towards the cello and falling on his knees as he reached it; he bent down until his forehead touched it.
The horn dripped rainwater. It was the horn's fault.
Chasing you home
Saying
He had tried pulling it out once, long ago, but it had made his head hurt like hell… now he had faced a worse and more painful hell. Holding the horn with both hands, he tried breaking it again.
His skull answered back with a blinding, burning pain; he still kept on trying, until his eyes were full of black spots and he couldn't feel were his arms were. It didn't come out, and he fell on top of the cello once more.
"Mommy…"
After his sobs died down, he fell into the same stupor he was before; head on top of the cello, his eyes looked emptily to the side. He had been alternating times of denial and despair ever since he went back into control.
For some reason even the boy couldn't understand, he slowly got up, holding the cello's handle and the bow, and started dragging them, walking towards no destiny, following the dead, destroyed streets. The instrument was leaving a trail after him, but he didn't notice. He only looked at the ground, not really seeing it.
He tripped, and his eyes fell onto the decapitated body of a boy his age. The head was nowhere to be seen.
For a moment, not even the rain seemed to make a sound. The burnt remains of the houses stopped hissing under the water.
In his eyes, his soul seemed to shatter like glass against the floor.
A blood-curdling scream echoed through the downpour.
Everything is broken everyone is broken
His little body swung back and forth as he wept, covering his mouth with his now clean hands.
"Tha-at… t-that…" he shrieked. "I'm sor-ry!… I… I'm so-orry… p-please… forgi-ive me…"
Once again, he dropped on top of the cello, choking between sobs. "E… everyone… ple-ease… please!… fo-orgive me…"
Slowly, his tears diminished until they were just quiet sobs. "Mommy…" he sobbed. "After… after… everything… I can't be with them!! I can't be one of them!! I'm so sorry… I'm sorry!!… It was no use…"
A hat dropped on the back of his head, and he lifted his tear-stained face in confusion.
You can force it but it will stay stung
You can crush it as dry as a bone
"What on earth is this you're saying?!" a crow glared at him, its wings flapping furiously against the rain. "After all the sacrifice you mother went through, you're just going to hang your head and say "Oh well, it was no use"?! She believes in you. Even when she was being taken away, she believed in you."
The crow perched on the tip of the cello. "She taught you how to play this enormous thing, this "ultra-large violin" or whatever, because she believed in you. She believed her son was strong enough to defeat the enemy within himself."
"Just look around," the boy whispered, weakly. "I lost."
The crow drew itself up. "You lose a battle, and believe the war is over? If you just crawl into a hole and die it'll be the end for the human race!!"
It sighed, shaking its head at the surprise in the innocent boy's face.
"Even if you're a menace to humanity, you may very well be the last smidgen of hope it has," it said, softly, its eyes shining with eerie wisdom. "It only depends on what you plan on doing from now on: crying for something that can't be changed or getting up and using this as a lesson on what you should never become. What is your choice?"
You can walk it home straight from school
You can kiss it you can break all the rules
The boy sat straight, blinking at the crow; the hat fell behind him. A small, cute thing… no more than seven years old, probably… making a decision that would lead him to a path of loneliness and suffering…
…that would, eventually, pay out.
"…Hamel?" the crow asked, hesitantly, when the boy just kept on looking at him with a faraway expression.
"Oboe-san…" his voice trembled.
To its surprise, the crow found itself being crushed against a warm chest.
"Oboe-san!!" he cried, sobbing again. "I'm afraid… I'm very afraid! But I- I'm going!! I'll try!! Please help me… will you? Please don't ever leave me alone…"
The crow squeaked weakly for a moment, until the grip loosened. "Of… of course, boy! With which face would you expect me to look at your mother's face, should we meet again, if I just abandoned you in the first street corner we passed? You're no more than a child. A very strong child, I'll say," he looked meaningfully at the arms that still held him, but the boy didn't get it "and you also have your black magical music, but you're going to face the world. You have no real experience in taking care of yourself. And also… I've known you since you were a baby. It'd be almost like abandoning a son…" it smiled sheepishly.
To its (not so) unpleasant surprise, the crow found itself being once again crushed against a warm chest. Only this time the boy had lost his voice.
"Hamel, I can't breathe," it wheezed. The boy released him, a sad smile in his lips, and picked the hat, covering the horn with it.
"I'm going…" he whispered. "I'll take down the Mazoku with my mother's violin…"
But still everything is broken everyone is broken
He looked around, his eyes filling with even more tears as they took in the dark remains of houses he had known so well; his resolve strengthened. "Yes, I will!" his voice was strangled, but his determination was palpable in it. "With mommy's violin, I'll show them! I'll fight them!" he stood up. "I'll show that I can win this war even if it's against myself!"
He gabbed the so-called violin and waved it against the opening sky, as another moonbeam flashed upon him. Tears fell from his face once again as the ruined village became visible in its whole desolation, but he tried to be strong.
"This place… this will forever be my first lesson! This is what I can't be!!"
He grabbed the bow, and held both against his chest, as he had been not long ago. With the crow nested upon his hat, he walked down the streets, looking on each side at the horrible massacre left by a rampaging mazoku.
He shuddered, and tried in vain to bit back more tears.
Everyone is, everyone is broken
Everyone is, everything is broken
After long minutes, they finally saw themselves in front of the fallen plaque.
Anthem.
What a sad name.
Hamel stepped over it and, without being able to resist, read the name once more.
Anthem.
He turned hesitantly towards the darkness of the forest ahead. Before finally entering under the forbidding trees, though, he looked back once more.
Anthem.
Shedding not his last tear, he turned.
He didn't notice the pair of big, tear-covered eyes that followed his movements from the side.
They shed not their last tear.
Why can't you forget?
~*~*~*~*~*~Began this fic on January 29 and finally got tired of revising it by February 21, 2003. Didn't really like the outcome of it, but oh well… if people bug me enough I might try rewriting it, but it's a slim chance…